The 11^th of November, 2012

Lee Jae Mi

“It was for the best”, I told myself as I rested my head on my knees. The bus was empty. Jonghyun had obviously taken another one today.

The rain smashed against the windows on the bus. As the bus’ speed was too much for the small raindrops to follow, the air pressure tucked them longer and they eventually let go of the glass.

“Just like life”, I thought. Every human tried to follow life’s speed, twists and turns but eventually you needed to let go. Some were just meant to keep on dangling in the tail of life longer than others.

I sighed and a small tear rolled down my cheek. Even contacting Jonghyun in the first place was a mistake. I should’ve known it would end this way.

I was sick. There was no way I could let anybody love me. I thought lying to Jonghyun would be the hardest part to do. The way he closed his eyes and his hands shook were even worse.

Some part of me just wanted to tell Jonghyun that I had cancer. But then, I couldn’t pull Jonghyun into such misery. Jonghyun was an innocent person and he didn’t deserve to go through something like that.

It was my cancer and I was the one to fight it.

As I stepped in the doctor greeted me with a huge smile. His eyes were bright and he looked really happy to see me, which was weird. He once told me that young cancer patients were the worst to him. We drained his energy because it killed him to see a young person dying with no reason.

“I am so happy to see you, Jae Mi-ssi”, he said and happily shook my hand. I tried to figure out if he either had taken his own medicine or simply just had gone crazy.

He chuckled when he saw my expression. “I have really good news; news that will change your life.”

He found some papers in his drawer. “The tests we took last time you were here has shown great results.”

He leant a bit forward and smiled at me. “Jae Mi, it seems like your fighting is finally over. The tests told us that there are 92 % chances that you will survive. I need you to focus on those 92 percent and not the last eight.”

I couldn’t move. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t think. 

For the last 9 years the thought of death had constantly stopped me from doing me from what I wanted. I couldn’t make life-long friends, I couldn’t dream about my future and I couldn’t ket anybody love me.

Death was constantly luring in the back of my mind. It followed me like a haunting shadow. Whenever the dark crept in, so did the thoughts.

Now, Doctor Choi was telling me that all of that was over. No more breakdowns, no more excuses to live, no forbidden dreams.

I could dream. I could live. I could love.

Suddenly I rushed up from my seat. I hurriedly thanked the confused doctor and ran out the building.

I spent the entire bus trip jumping in my seat. The bus driver sent me weird looks in the little mirror hanging above him but I didn’t care.

I almost threw the bus coins at the driver and ran out the bus. I didn’t even have to wait for the next bus because he was already there, waiting for his bus.

“Jonghyun!” I shouted and ran to him. I couldn’t wipe the smile of my face as I fell into his arms.

But my life was not a fairytale. Jonghyun didn’t meet me with arms wide open as a prince would have done. His embrace was cold and he pushed my away from him. His eyes were dark and far from happy.

“What are you doing here?”

I tried to take a step closer to him but he backed away.

“Jonghyun, I came to apologize”, I said. Suddenly, everything had changed. I could actually be with Jonghyun.

Jonghyun shook his head. “No”, he said. “You said that last time too but you just broke my heart.”

My smile faded and I realized he was right. “This time is different”, I said.

Jonghyun smiled a sad, crooked smile. “They always say that”, his voice was plain and his emotions couldn’t be read. He finally met my eyes. “They just never mean it.”

I shook my head and forced Jonghyun’s hand in mine. “Look at me, Jonghyun”, I said. Jonghyun’s head slowly lifted upwards and I knew I had his attention for at least a second.

“You’re right. I was - am totally unfair. You’re constantly so nice and funny and romantic and all I do is let you down. I don’t even deserve your attention right now but please just try to understand me”, I said as I held our eye contact.

“Jonghyun, I don’t want to lose you. What I said earlier today and what I did that night, just please try to forget it. I really wish we could just turn a week back and I’ll make all my actions different.”

Jonghyun looked at me with a doubtful expression on his face. He bit his lips, probably debating whether he should forgive me or not.

I had decided not to tell Jonghyun about my cancer. There was only 8 % bad chances left now and that was practically nothing.

If I told him it would just create even more mess.

“Yesterday I didn’t have a proper reason because there really was no reason. I was just scared of being hurt and I didn’t even realize that while I was being scared of being hurt, I was just hurting you.”

Jonghyun’s eyes had softened a bit and his hard expression had slightly faded. I didn’t have to keep my grip around his hands as firm anymore.

“Jonghyun, I really don’t want to lose you like this. Please just give me a second try.”

“Do you even know how it feels? To be left behind after you just kissed the girl you’re so madly in love with. She just disappears and she can’t even say why. Are you even aware how many hours I’ve spent trying to figure out what I did wrong?” Jonghyun asked me.

A small drop of water slowly travelled down my cheek. “Jonghyun”, I whispered. “Please, just one chance.”

Jonghyun didn’t answer; his dark eyes just stared into mine. My mind was a whirl of thoughts. Was that even a yes or no?

To test, I took a step back from him. Would he stop me? Jonghyun remained still on the ground. I took another step back and still nothing happened.

My heart dropped. He couldn’t forgive me. I was too late.

I turned around and started to walk away but a pair of arms snuck around me and spun me around. Jonghyun pulled me so close to him that I almost stumbled into his chest.

Jonghyun caught me and made me stand still. He placed his fingers under my chin and turned my face to him. “How dare you walk away from me?” he asked me.

I blinked, confused of his mixed signals. “But I thought… I thought you couldn’t forgive me."

Jonghyun shook his head. “How am I supposed to resist you when you look like that? It would’ve been easier if you didn’t look so damn sincere.”

A smiled slowly grew on my lips as I realized what Jonghyun was saying. “Does this mean..?”

Jonghyun’s hand found its way to mine and slowly intertwined our fingers. His free hand gently brushed a strand of hair away from my face. His fingers rested on my face.

“Say you love me”, he whispered as his face got nearer mine. “Please.”

I looked into his eyes; his glossy syrup eyes that made even the shiniest star in the sky look worthless. A fresh minty breath softly escaped his mouth and tickled the top of my lips.

“I love you”, my words came out as small nervous whispers. His gaze did something to me I couldn’t explain. “So much.”

He smiled a satisfied smile. His supple fingers lifted up my chin, making our noses barely touch. He gently rubbed his nose against mine, making me let out a small giggle.

He stopped just before my lips. “You promise?”

As an answer, I pressed my lips against his. “I promise”, I said.

Jonghyun grabbed my back and tucked me nearer. His soft pink lips found their way to mine and his hands cupped my face.

Our lips slowly danced as the stars shone around us. I couldn’t help but to smile into the kiss. Jonghyun finally pulled away and smiled. He planted a soft peck on my forehead.

“I love you too”, he whispered as his hands intertwined with mine.

Urgh... So so so cliche, right? Anyways, this is not the end! (surprisingly since it's only the 6th of December xD)
Other than the massive loads of cliche-ness in this chapter, what do you think so far, keke? ^^