1^st December, 2013

No one’s point of view

“You were amazing!” Kibum excitedly squealed. Jonghyun smiled and pulled Kibum in for a swift hug. “Thank you, Key.”

Taemin and Minho afterwards ran to him. A big, wide smile was plastered across Taemin’s face and he jumped up and down. “Wow, you rocked it up there!”

A happy smile was covering Jonghyun’s face as Minho afterwards congratulated him. Someone cleared his throat behind them and Jonghyun stiffened.

“Hi dad”, Jonghyun said, nervously biting his lip. Jonghyun’s dad nodded in acknowledgement to the four other boys and then turned to his son.

The two men stared at each other for a moment until Jonghyun’s dad laid a hand on his shoulder. He sent his son a short nod and smiled. “You did great, Jonghyun. I’m proud of you.”

“I’m proud of you”, kept rummaging through Jonghyun’s mind. His dad was finally fond of him. He had finally done something that made his dad happy.

In the corner of his eye, Jonghyun spotted the falling Christmas snow outside the window. It was the first snow that year.

“Excuse me”, Jonghyun bowed to his dad and friends and hurried out of the auditorium. As soon as he got outside he started running through the snow. Luckily the place where he was going wasn’t too far away.

A relieved smile fell upon his lips as he reached the old bus-stop. It was all the same. The half-rotten three was still barely keeping together.

A mix of emotions hit him. In some way he was sad, but somehow it also felt like returning to a home. It felt safe.

He entered the bus-stop and smiled at the snow. His fingers found the pen and paper in his pocket, and despite the cold weather he started to write.

Dear Jae Mi

I’m crazy. I’m crazy for writing to you when I know you’re gone. I’m crazy for whispering goodnight to you every night. I’m crazy for loving you.

I enjoy being crazy. I enjoy the feeling of knowing you’re watching me from above. You are right? If not, please don’t tell me.

Today is the day where the first snow of Christmas fell. It’s still falling slowly. I’m sitting at our bus-stop. I know it’s crazy to call it ours. I know it isn’t. It’s here for public use, paid and build by the university we used to attend.

Yet, it still feels like ours. I had my heart broken here for the first time - maybe we both had. We had our first kiss here too. Every day after school I would find you waiting at this bus-stop.

Did you know that I always was done before you? If it wasn’t for you, I could have taken the bus earlier. But instead I hid in the library, waiting to see you walk past me outside. I would count to 50, and then pretend to casually walk out and sigh over you waiting there.

Luckily, I’m not a good liar. I think you figured me out pretty fast. At some point I just gave up my jack- attitude and let myself fall for you. That is probably the best decision I have ever made in my life.

Some of my best moments track back to that bus-stop. That’s why I got a feeling of sadness when I saw another couple kissing in it the other day. It’s still ours even if you’re not here anymore. Ours.

Today was also the day of the winter concert on Seoul Academy of Music. Thanks to you, I got to sing a solo performance in front of the entire university.

And I sang. I really sang the best I could. I thought of you while I did it. On the inside of my eyelids you were proudly smiling at me, and for a second I even saw your face in the audience.

Jae Mi, at some point you talked to my dad, right? Otherwise I don’t know how this could have happened. He was actually proud of me when I finished the performance. No things I could do better, no complains. He was just proud.

The first time after your dead was awful. I was awful. I shut everyone out just like you feared I would. I sat in my room day after day, hoping that you would take me with you.

Then your mother handed me the letter from you and it seemed that I was finally woken up. I was throwing my life away, and it was not want you wanted for me. So I pulled myself together. I entered my new university with a friendly smile on my lips, and believe it or not, I actually have a decent amount of friends now. It’s new for me.

There is this really cute girl in my guitar class. At first I felt really bad for liking her, like I was cheating on you. Then I remembered what you said to me that day in the snow, and I realized that I should yet again do as you say.

So I let myself slowly start to like her more. It’s not that I’m in love with her yet. But I think I might ask her out after Christmas.

She is really nice. She’s friendly to everybody and has brains too. Plus, she’s a genius on the guitar. She’s nothing like you though. I think it’s for the best. The other thing would be too hard.

But Jae Mi, even if it works out between me and her, I want you to know that she will never compare to you. You was - are my one and only. She can never replace you but I think she can at least take some of my loneliness away.

I miss you every day. Some days I miss you so much I can’t take it. Then I find a quiet place and let my tears come out.  But most days you’re like a shiny star guarding over me from above.

I can never thank you enough for how you changed me. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t even be here today. I would probably still attend our old university, surrounded my loneliness.

Thank you, Jae Mi. I love you, I always will.

I promise to never forget you. I will never let a day go by without smiling at the sky where you are. I will love you till my days run out. And when that day comes… Then I will hopefully see you soon up there.

Goodbye for now,

Jonghyun

The snow had now decked the earth with a soft, white layer of winter. Jonghyun smiled as he gently folded the paper. With his bare hands, he scooped some snow away and laid the paper on the ground.

He covered the letter with snow again so nobody could see it. When the snow would melt away again, the letters would be wiped out so they couldn’t be read. Though, it still felt like Jae Mi would read the letter to Jonghyun.

Jonghyun draw a small heart on top of where he buried the letter. Then he planted a small kiss and got up.

“See you”, he whispered to Jae Mi. This wasn’t a goodbye.

This story is now finito! I’m generally satisfied with the result apart from the ending though… Idk. Anyways, I would really love some feedback! What did you think of the story, what could I do better next time?

I don’t know whether it’s Christmas Eve by you guys now or it’s just the day like it is by me. Either way, have a merry Christmas! And a suuuuper crazy New Year! :P

Thank you guys so much for reading, and thank you for all your wonderful comments.

See you guys (hopefully) <3