Chapter 2

Taemin opens his door to his small apartment. 

“So embarrassing I cried in public I cried so much I caused myself to get a headache! I should have stayed, I need the money.  Stupid low income apartment!” He screams and kicks his wall. “Kibum, I thought of the key you gave me.” He said this sentence nicely but then his voice started to raise again… “I was getting better I was, but then that Jinki guy came in and ed up my day! I know he was trying to help. Why does this guy give a ?! He is a total stranger. I hate false niceness!” He spat out loudly to thin air.  He balled up his fists he hit the wall but then a thought of Kibum judging him for getting angry crept into his head. His voice relaxed again. “Don’t worry I will take a shower and put on my nice shirt and I will come see you and explain more.” He sighed.

Taemin stops at a flower shop on his way to see Kibum.

“How may I help you today sir?”

“Yes I would like a dozen pink roses please.”  As the sales woman was making his flower arrangement, he picked out a small card. He took the pen from the counter. “To my dearest Kibummie, I miss you and love you with all my heart.  I will try better this year, I promise.  Love, Lee Taemin.”

 The lady set the flowers on the counter in front of him. “Does this look good?”

“Yes” Taemin tried to give a smile and act like a “normal” person. Taemin stuck the little card in the top of the flowers and paid.

Taemin walks up the grass hill and finds his spot. He brought a blanket; he unfolded it nicely and sat down on it. He took a deep breath and placed the flowers at the foot of Kibum’s headstone.

“I bought this for you.” He sat there staring at Kibum’s name for what felt like eternity. He ran his fingers tips across his name. He couldn’t find the right words to say. A single tear rolled down his face. He didn’t bother to wipe it away. He was safe here with Kibum, he didn’t have to hide his tears. He felt lighter being close to him again. He lied down next to the head stone facing the blue sky.

“Did your parents come today?” He paused between questions as he stared at the sky. “I hope you like these flowers…. I made pumpkin pie yesterday...  I cried too much today, I’m sorry about that..… Do you miss me?..... Are you still watching over me?..... What is heaven like?..... I walked by your parents house last week.  Still looks the same.”   He lied there silent for a while. “Look at the cloud, it looks like a bunny.”

He started to smile. “I feel much better talking with you. But I guess you want me to tell you what happened today. So that Jinki guy came into that café I started working at…. No, I do not think he is cute…. Ok maybe just a little. He reminded me of you and it scared me. But don’t be mad at me. You’re probably not but I felt so guilty about it. You told me ‘find happiness’ but I don’t know how.  I don’t trust anyone. I thought he was cute because he had a nice smile.  I think I can trust him; he has a trust worthy smile I think. You told me go with my gut, well I think I will try this time and at least try and make a friend.”   He paused and watched the rabbit shape cloud drift slowly away. 

“You’re right, I do need a friend. I will try….. He liked the pie, he liked it the same way you do.” He giggled. “Like really Kibum who eats pie for breakfast and so much whip cream? Why do you eat it that way? Remember that one time I put a strawberry on top and you flicked it off and said. “Ewww don’t put that healthy stuff on my food”.”  He paused again.  “I am sorry I didn’t go back to school for dancing. It just isn’t the same. I haven’t been happy enough to dance even at home so I don’t need to go to school for it. I’m just not in the mood anymore.  But I do keep up with cooking your favorite foods though. I even ate some spaghetti the other day….  What’s that you don’t believe me? Well I did.” He laughed.  “I found a shiny key today. I saved it. You can have it; I will put it in our keepsake box for you….   Would you like me to sing to you?.... Ok I will.”

 He sang very quiet. He sang about 5 songs when he heard people talking. Taemin rolled over onto his stomach to see who was coming. “Oh god it’s your parents!” He whisper shouted, scared. “I have to go Kibum! I love you. Miss you.” He kissed his fingers and placed them over Kibum’s name. “Don’t let them take your flowers. I know you love the pink roses.” He kept talking as he hurriedly folded up his blanket. “Ok love you, bye Kibum.”

Taemin ran fast down the other side of the hill to escape Kibum’s parents.  Taemin ran behind a tree and peered around the edge. He saw Kibum’s parents kneeling in front of the headstone.  The father stood up and took the flowers. Took the card out and tore it in two and placed the flowers back down.

“!” Taemin gritted his teeth, his fists so tight his nails cut his palms. He turned away, and finished walking the rest of the way down the hill. He couldn’t even cry he was so livid.

He walked with his head down; he watched the pavement move under his feet as he walked back home. Thinking about nothing, his mind empty, trying not to get mad or cry in public.  He bumped into someone. “Sorry” he kept walking with his head down.

“Hey!”

Taemin turned around, startled at the familiar voice from a few hours ago. “Oh Jinki. Sorry. I didn’t see you. I didn’t mean to be rude.” He said as Jinki walked towards him.

“May I ask you something?”Jinki asked.

“What?”

“You kind of ran off after I reintroduced myself...”

Taemin cut him off. “Hello my name is Lee Taemin.” He bowed and then shook his hand. “Let’s start over in the morning.  I’m not good with making new friends since I haven’t done it in a long time. I would like to get to know you, but I think it’s better if we can start over in the morning. I will have orange juice and pie waiting for you at 8 o’clock sharp. Do not be late. I have to go.” And with that Taemin spun on the heel of his foot and continued down the street with his previous speed.

“See Kibum I told you I would make a friend.” He smiled to himself walking home. “That was easier than I thought.  But I am sure it’s just because I got to see you today. You always make me stronger.”

Taemin entered his house the lights. Sat on his bed with his legs hanging off and bent forward and reached under his bed. He pulled out a pink box and lay back on his bed with the box on his stomach, staring at his ceiling. He opened the box without looking inside. “Ok I can do this" He sat up and crossed his legs and rested his back against the headboard of his bed. He looked in his box. It was his keepsake box with things that reminded him of Kibum. There was the little flower Kibum made him. It said ‘to my kitten with lips as pink and soft as rose petals’.  He kissed the flower and placed it back. He searched for the key Kibum gave him long ago. He held it. “You’re the good luck key, well, give me good luck then.” He rubbed the key between his hands. He held it between his fingers and kissed it. “Let me and Jinki become friends, I don’t want to be lonely anymore.”  He placed it in the box. His phone rang and it’s scared him he jump a little knocking his box over. “damnit” he said to his phone and said “sorry” to his box and gave a little bow with his head to it.  “Hello?” He answered his phone.

“Taemin are you coming into work tomorrow?”

 “Yes I will be there. I’m better now.   I apologize for any weird behavior at work today.”

“It’s not a problem, you felt sick as long as you feel better now.”

“Yes I do. Thank you. See you tomorrow.”  He ended the call, and looked at his box. Stuff had tipped out of it. He started putting the things back in. He saw a picture of him and Kibum. They were hugging and smiling. It was right before Kibum got ill. “You once told me it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to get mad, but it’s ok to forgive too. I have been holding on to all my tears and anger for 2yrs. I know you do not want me to hold on anymore. Let’s face it, lots of it came out today.  Sorry it’s taking me so long. I think I am finally on the right track, like you wanted.”  He kissed the picture. “I wish you were with me though.” He put the photo back in the box and put the key he found that day in there as well. He put the box away under his bed.   Turned off the light and undressed and got back into bed. “I wish you were right here next to me. No one should be alone, remember you told me that?”  He drifted off to sleep, as his conversation with his boyfriend continued.

Author’s note: Please remember the bunny shaped cloud Taemin saw and the key he found. And the note on the back of the flower. (3 signs) If you do forget ,don't worry then you'll just "get it" when ontae do.    ;  )

Don’t worry I will tell you how Kibum died and I will tell you about TaeKey and his parents later as well. Right now I am focusing on Taemin’s issues.

Will Taemin remember the cloud????