case 03

chapter 26: none of my business

“–and that’s how we met!”

There was a moment of uncertain silence before everyone broke into polite, restrained laughter. Normally, Wendy would have been part of the tactful crowd, but not that night. Wendy was blissfully drunk, inebriated by a very strong mix of tequila and blue curacao, which was thoughtfully concocted by Jung Jaehyun, just for that night.

From her periphery, Seulgi watched Jaehyun down another glass of the bright blue liquid, looking oddly sober and tranquil. He had held his silence throughout the dinner, nodding quietly to Wendy’s animated rendition of how she and Yuta got to know each other in middle school – a story he would have usually shut down, since he’d heard it more times than he could count.

He tilted his head, his eyes meeting hers. She saw a muted, almost invisible tinge of hurt in his gaze, something that betrayed the insouciance he had tried to keep. In that moment, Seulgi felt a pang of guilt shoot through her.

“You know,” Yuta started, “I only let you tell this version of the story because I feel sorry for you.”

Wendy glared at him. “What do you mean?”

“Well, in actuality, you were the one who was scared less by the bullies, going on and on about how you were going to tell the principal,” Yuta pointed out, smirking. “I just didn’t want the truth to hurt your pride– Oh, oops.”

Even drunk, Wendy knew when someone was starting a fight, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to back down. She shakily reached towards Yuta, though he dodged her rather deftly.

“That’s– Not– True– You little !” Wendy garbled between attempts. Johnny tactfully held her back before she could fall out of her seat trying to throttle her best friend of eighteen years.

“It’s amazing that the both of you have been friends so long, though.” Yixing, ever the gentleman, naturally chose to focus on the positives. He exchanged polite smiles with Seulgi, but knowing that there was a whole troupe watching them, he left it at that.

“Nah,” Yuta dismissed. He had his hand on Wendy’s forehead, keeping her from charging at him.

“No, really,” Yixing smiled, “I don’t think I’ve kept in contact with anyone from middle school. It really is quite a feat.”

Somewhere in Wendy’s blurred mind, she decided that attempting to murder Yuta was futile. She settled back in her seat, reaching for another drink, which Jaehyun gladly supplied. It was Yuta’s turn to glare – mostly at Jaehyun, for enabling the already messy Wendy.

“Well,” Wendy slurred, eyeing both Yixing and Seulgi, “it’s not really about the amount of time. It’s about the depth of the feelings.”

Jungwoo choked on his drink. The usually collected Yixing seemed to freeze. Seulgi inhaled sharply. She couldn’t look at Jaehyun, not even from the corner of her eyes.

“Alright, that’s enough for you,” Yuta declared, snatching Wendy’s drink away from her.

Taeil promptly wheeled himself towards them, fussing over the garbling Wendy. “I’ll get her some water,” he said, turning to the kitchen.

“No, no,” Wendy said, grabbing Taeil by the arm and smiling stupidly, “I’ll get you a drink, Taeil-oppa!”

“No, Wendy, that’s not necessary–“

Despite Taeil’s better intentions, Wendy rose to her feet, promptly stumbling over herself and landing flat on her face. Yuta and Johnny dove towards her, cussing their way there. Even Yixing joined the mix, concernedly checking if Wendy was alright. Seulgi had gotten to her feet, intending to aid her friend. She passed Jaehyun, watched him take another drink, and chose to look away.

As the group dispersed themselves to their chosen corners of the room, Yuta caught the sight of a lone figure standing out on the balcony, apparently undeterred by the cold. Yuta chuckled, thoughtfully leaving his drink in the sink and stepping out.

“How are you enjoying the South Korean winter?” Yuta asked.

He had startled the man out of his reverie, but only slightly. Zhang Yixing had never been a man of grand reactions. “Oh, Yuta,” Yixing smiled. “It’s fine. Winter’s really the same everywhere. Sometimes colder in certain places, but still cold.”

Yuta nodded politely. The change of seasons probably meant little to a man who was always on the road, always subject to a wave of change. Even when he dated Seulgi, Yixing had always been skedaddling between cities, countries and continents, a global nomad who loved the travel and adventure. The relatively immobile Seulgi had most probably been drawn to that part of him.

Yuta had envied him, too. Not because he could travel the world, but because he could still travel the world and come back to a place he could call home. Yuta had never had a place like that. He was a boundless wanderer, between deserts, oceans, and concrete jungles, always lost and stuck.

“I’m sorry, by the way, about Wendy’s behavior,” Yuta said. “She gets a little overexcited when she’s drunk.”

Yixing smiled again. “It’s fine.”

The way he said it, Yuta could see how he could make even the troubled Seulgi feel at peace. From what Yuta had seen, nothing had ever shaken him. Yixing had always been calm, understanding and assured, despite their craziness of their lives.

“Though, it really is quite amazing how long you’ve been close friends,” Yixing continued, still emanating a sense of overwhelming positivity that had been quite lost in their friend group. “Moving around a lot means that it’s often slightly more difficult to maintain relationships with people you’re close to.”

“Yeah, but you’ve always been a crowd favorite, so nothing to worry!”

Yixing chuckled. “I try my best, but it’s sometimes an uphill battle.”

His tone took a slight turn, for perhaps the first time. Yuta nodded, holding his silence this time. He had the words, but he wondered if it were wise to ask. With someone as controlled as Yixing, it would probably be fine, but Yuta treaded carefully regardless.

He drew his breath. “Is that the reason you’re back?”

Yixing tilted his head to look at him. His smile had become tight and forced. They both turn their eyes to Seulgi, who had huddled herself with Jungwoo, clearing dishes and staying away from the center.

“That’s not what I meant,” Yuta clarified. “I know that that’s not what you’re trying to do.”

Yixing gazed wistfully at her. “You’re half-right, though,” he admitted. “I still think of her. A lot, actually.”

Yuta’s forehead creased. “But you’re not trying to get her back.”

Yixing still had his eyes on her, watching her as she ambled about the kitchen. Every now and then, she would steal a glance at the living room, where Johnny and Jaehyun were engaged in a heated game by the television. And just when she would look away, Jaehyun would raise his head and gaze at her, long enough for Johnny to summon his focus back to the game. They didn’t meet in the middle, as they hadn’t for the past decade.

Yuta exhaled. “So, are you here to let go?”

Yixing looked away. He stared into the night, like he saw his fate in the stars. “Have you ever wanted to go back in time, to return to a point in your life you know you couldn’t have changed? Not because you want to change things, but because you want to convince yourself that you really couldn’t have changed a thing?”

Yuta wanted to say he hadn’t. But when he thought of the letter, he couldn’t bring himself to lie.

“Yes,” he replied quietly.

Yuta gazed at him, and in his eyes, Yuta saw a semblance of a crack. “Then you’d understand.”

Oh. Yuta pressed his lips together.

Yixing downed the remnants of his drink and then stared back at the darkness. “It really has been a while.”

Yuta leaned back. The last decade seemed to flash through his mind.

“It has.”

Yixing had the tact and occasion to leave early – something about one of his clients going rogue and moving important court dates forward. Seulgi hoped he was telling the truth, else it meant that her friends had been really stepping out of line and Yixing had been too kind to say otherwise.

Wendy was roaring drunk, still chattering about the different shades of Yuta’s hair over the years. It took both Yuta and Johnny to pry her away from the drinks and out of the door. The walk from Seulgi’s door to the carpark was under five minutes, but Johnny had already found fifty different things to say about Wendy and her drunk .

“–and to make such a fool of herself in front of Yixing, of all people, for Christ’s sake,” Johnny grumbled, with one half of Wendy over his shoulder.

Yuta, who had the other half, grimaced. “Now you know how it feels.”

“Hey,” said Johnny, clearly affronted for something that he was clearly just as guilty of doing, “I would have drunk, too, if this–“ Yixing, Seulgi knew, “–wasn’t the context. I know my place.”

“Well, good for you.”

Seulgi trudged behind Jaehyun, who was in charge of hauling the remaining alcohol supplies back to the car. She had a mind to stay back in the apartment – Taeil was staying the night, and no good ever came out of leaving Taeil and Jungwoo together unsupervised. Jaehyun would have understood.

But Seulgi wasn’t in a position where she could make assumptions. She’d assumed having Yixing over to reconnect with part of her friend group would have been a small matter – she had already been dead wrong.

“Hey, Jaehyun,” she called, attempting to catch up with his quick strides. “Are you okay? Are you sure you can drive?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he said dismissively and all-too-unconvincingly, “I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure? You had quite a few drinks just now.”

“I’m sure. I’m sober.”

Seulgi followed Jaehyun to the back of the car, where he dunked his things into the boot and slammed it shut. She held her silence, knowing there was little she could say to change his mind. However, much to their surprise, the engine started, with a loud, unmistakable whirr.

Jaehyun stormed to the front, rapping furiously on the glass windows. “Yuta!” he barked. “What the hell are you doing?”

Yuta, who had somehow made his way to the driver’s seat undetected, rolled down the windows. “You two,” he said, knowingly jabbing fingers at both Jaehyun and Seulgi, “better sort out.”

“What the do you– Yuta! Hey! Nakamoto Yuta!”

Yuta stepped on the accelerator and swerved the vehicle out of the lot. Jaehyun probably managed to get a few punches in – at his car, his own car, before he was promptly carjacked by his housemate. By the time Jaehyun had chased his way to the exit, Yuta had disappeared into the night, leaving Jaehyun, Seulgi and their unsaid grievances in the dust.

A deep groan rose from his throat. He sighed, scratching the back of his head. He would smother Yuta later. The nerve of this motherer.

“I’m sorry.”

Seulgi’s soft voice shot a dart through his heart. It was that – Seulgi could cook up a whole mess, cause a volcanic eruption and rain hellfire on the whole damn country, and he’d never be able to blame her. She would always be the one to make his knees weak and his stomach queasy.  

“I should’ve told you,” she murmured. “I just–“

“–didn’t want to complicate things.” Jaehyun finished her sentence.

They stood a distance from each other, with his back still turned to hers. He couldn’t face her – no way in hell he could. Not after that great mess of a dinner that he’d conveniently gatecrashed, or she’d conveniently forgotten to invite him for. Either way, they were a mess.

He sighed. They were acting like children.

“Look, Seu