case 03

chapter 25: be still, my heart

Taeil stared. He had been staring for a while – at Seulgi and the colleague she had brought along, someone called Yi-shing or something. And with the way he was gawking, they should have noticed him, had their eyes not been so intently transfixed on each other.

For the first time, Seulgi had turned up on his doorstep accompanied by someone else. Something about her working with a difficult multinational client in Incheon, and her firm’s visiting international lawyer helping her out. Said visiting international lawyer who could tackle tough multinational conglomerates was now scuttling about Taeil’s kitchen, trying to figure out how to use his soap dispenser and clean up the dishes while Seulgi tried –futilely– to stop him.

The way they bantered, Taeil could have presumed she wanted him to do the dishes. Or she wanted to do the dishes with him. In all Taeil’s years of being Seulgi’s brother, Seulgi had never, ever even attempted to do the dishes. She probably didn’t even know how to work a dishwasher.

Their little Korean drama moment simmered to a natural close. Seulgi rejoined Taeil at the dining table, while Yixing politely bowed his way to the bathroom.

Seulgi was twiddling her thumbs. She purposefully avoided his eyes, like one look would have given her away. But Taeil didn’t need to look into her eyes to know what his sister was thinking.

“He seems like a nice guy,” Taeil started.

“He is,” Seulgi replied. She involuntarily smiled to herself. “Too nice, maybe.”

“I can tell. You have my permission – if that’s what you’re asking.”

Seulgi jerked up, stunned. “Taeil-oppa, that’s not what I–“

He chuckled. She was quite adorable, despite being as flustered as a cat on a hot tin roof. “It’s written all over your face, Seul. You like him, don’t you?”

Seulgi’s breath caught at . For a moment, her cheeks suffused with color. He thought he would’ve reacted differently, but it made him feel kind of warm. It had been a while since he’d seen Seulgi that happy – it had been a while since anyone could make Seulgi that happy.

But then her eyes darkened. Seulgi lowered her gaze, her eyes back on her thumbs. “I don’t,” she lied quietly. “We’re just friends.”

Taeil felt his heart knot itself. He knew why she was hesitating. He knew all-too-well.

“Seulgi,” Taeil said, reaching out and clasping her hand. His eyes caught hers, and this time, he stared her down. “Not all relationships fail.”

Tears sprang to her eyes. It wasn’t until his vision went blurry that he realized that they had sprung to his, too.

Taeil stared at the empty seat across him. It was usually Seulgi’s, when she would be wolfing down fried chicken on Friday nights, with Jaehyun sitting on her right and making no attempt to stop her.

He didn’t know where the wave of melancholy came from. He had been the one who told Seulgi he’d be back late from his medical conference – it wasn’t like she’d shirked her sisterly duties. He didn’t know why he was thinking about Yixing, either. That was a tale older than time, something Seulgi had kept sealed in the history books.

He was probably getting old. Old people tended to recount on all kinds of things – happy memories, sad memories, like recounting on a memory would help them relive it. Like recounting on a memory could help them turn back time and correct the past.

But it wouldn’t, Taeil knew. He’d already broken things, and Seulgi had spent her life trying to pick up the pieces.

“Taeil-oppa!” Wendy called. She poked her head out of the fridge. “Do you have roasted sesame seeds?”

Taeil was jolted back to the present. “Yeah. Top drawer.”

“Awesome!” She slammed the fridge shut and scuttled across the kitchen to procure said roasted sesame seeds for her bibim-guksu. “Honestly, oppa, thank god your kitchen is pretty much a mini-mart. I was concerned we wouldn’t be able to get any food at this time of night!”

Taeil snorted. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

“Because you didn’t tell me you wouldn’t be here!”

Taeil found himself doubling over in peals of laughter. Wendy had a playful little twinkle in her eyes, like she knew what he’d say but still went ahead with her plans anyway.

Wendy was the last one of Seulgi’s friend group to be introduced to Taeil. It was more like she introduced herself, really. They were at Seulgi and Taeil’s shared apartment preparing a surprise birthday party for Seulgi, and he was happy to find himself not too out-of-place. He’d known Jaehyun for a while, gotten to know Johnny through Seulgi and Yuta and Jungwoo through Jaehyun. When a girl a little over five feet started thwacking all of them on their heads –Taeil included– and yelling at them to “shut the up you idiots, Seulgi will be back soon”, Taeil could already guess that she was the one who brought them all together.

They were acquainted too briefly for them to keep in touch after Seulgi left school and Taeil moved up to Incheon. As she bounced about his kitchen, he was starting to think it was a pity they didn’t.

“How are the others?” Taeil asked.

Wendy’s lips curled into a frown. “Johnny’s seeing Irene again, Jungwoo’s either at work or some charity drive, and Yuta’s just been–” she groaned, “–really busy these days. I feel like I haven’t seen him in a week.”

Taeil chortled. “Is that supposed to be long?”

“Yeah! I usually see the guy like every day!” Wendy exclaimed, bobbing her head and widening her eyes. Taeil didn’t know how her slightest movement could make him laugh. “Didn’t I ever tell you? Yuta and I have been friends since middle school!”

“Oh, really?” Taeil leaned back, impressed. “That’s about… twenty years?”

“Eighteen,” Wendy corrected. She poured the noodles through a strainer and started squeezing the water out of them. “And he still doesn’t even give me a card for my birthday, by the way. ing .”

“At least you’ve known someone that long. I don’t think I remember anyone from middle school.”

“Well, at least you have Seulgi. You’ve known her for a lifetime.”

“You have Mark,” Taeil pointed out.

Wendy wrinkled her nose. “Yeah… But he’s kind of young. We’re mostly on different wavelengths. I’m always more of his mom than his sister. You and Seulgi are basically twins.”

Taeil smiled at the thought. He’d always been built rather small and Seulgi had always been rather lanky, so growing up they had always been mistaken as twins. Sans their genders, they were essentially the same people – they had similar personalities and big dreams, and at some point he too was a boy who romped around the college campus and got roaring drunk with their group of friends.

But he had become very different. From Seulgi, from the rest of the world. Sometimes, he barely even recognized himself. He often tried to chalk it up to age, but even Taeil couldn’t hide the truth from himself.

Wendy set a bowl of flaming red noodles in front of him. “Dinner is served!” she chirruped, handing him a pair of chopsticks.

He gratefully thanked her and started on the noodles. After his first bite, he looked up to see Wendy clasping her hands in anticipation.

“It’s good,” he affirmed, to her resounding cheers.

“I know you’re saying that to make me feel good, but I’ll take any compliment I can get.”

She started happily munching away at her noodles, enjoying the fruits of her labor. Taeil placed his chopsticks on the edge of his bowl. “Wendy.”

She looked up. “Hmmm?”

He inhaled slowly. He had a thought, but he couldn’t quite find the words.

Wendy’s eyes softened, and she averted them back to her noodles. “I’m not patronizing you, Taeil-oppa,” she said. “I do like spending time with you.”

Really? He wanted to exclaim. He looked at her with raised eyebrows.

“I really do,” she insisted, reading his words off his mind. “You do lack a sense of humor, but it’s nothing a good rom-com can’t fix!”

Taeil laughed. Wendy was truly one of a kind. It really was a pity they didn’t keep in touch.

“Alright then,” he chuckled. “Challenge accepted. Show me what you’ve got. Movie marathon?”

The wicked twinkle was back in Wendy’s eyes. “I thought you’d never ask.”

Wendy: I’m tired.

Yuta: And this is my business… why?

Wendy: Renjun told me you’re at the café. Buy me coffee.

Yuta: Hell no.

Wendy: Whyyyyyyyyy? We’ve been friends for twenty years T^T

Yuta: Eighteen. You get your lazy here if you want coffee.

Yuta was just about to block Wendy on every messenger platform he had before she could hit him with a barrage of insults when he caught the sight of a familiar man. A very, very familiar man.

Yuta: Text me your order.

Wendy: YESSSS! Mocha frappuccino with two extra shots of expresso, skim milk, I love you!

It was one of the times that Yuta appreciated Wendy for being such a dense brick. He didn’t know the type of drama that would unfold if she were to make her way to the café. Especially when the man standing at the counter, concernedly rifling through his wallet, sure as hell looked like Zhang Yixing.

Yuta thought of himself as a relatively undramatic man. He would make an exception when Wendy and Jaehyun would steal half of his cup ramen supplies, but beyond that, he often chose to steer clear of emotionally charged situations or what he would deem to be an impending emotionally charged situations. He’d be happy to laugh on the sidelines, but that was really about it. So, when he realized Seulgi’s ex-boyfriend was standing in line at the café in the building everyone worked at, he readied himself to dart right out and pretend he saw nothing.

Unfortunately, Yuta didn’t have Jaehyun and Seulgi’s level of discipline. Being around Wendy for too long had given him an appetite for gossip – the kind of itch that kept him watching when hit the fan.

Before his sense of responsibility could push his legs out of the door, Yixing involuntarily raised his head, eyes levelling on Yuta.

“Oh, Yuta, is that you?” Yixing called. The tone of amiability he adopted rendered Yuta a little stunned. “It’s been a while!”

Yuta cleared his throat and put on his usual, customer-ready smile. “Wow, fancy seeing you here, Yixing! It really has been a while!” he chirruped back. “I didn’t know you were back in Seoul!”

“I flew in two weeks ago. Sorry, I probably should’ve reached out,” Yixing continued.

“No worries – we would’ve run into each other anyway.” Yuta internally cringed at his excessive friendliness. Wendy would’ve slapped him – that was the man who broke Seulgi’s heart, after all. “Anyway, are you here on business?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he nodded. “In fact, I’m here to help Han-ge here with the legalities of his marriage.”

Yixing gestured towards a rather cherubic man who followed behind him. For a while, Yuta wasn’t sure if he needed to contact the cops and report a teen marriage. But Yuta’s limited range of Mandarin caught the way Yixing addressed the man – ‘ge’, a man older than Yixing, probably another one of the lucky Benjamin Button-ing motherers, a la Mark.

But his keen ears also caught another word – marriage. “Oh! Nice to meet you!” he said jovially, extending his hand. “I’m Nakamoto Yuta. I’m Yixing’s friend from a few years back.”

“I’m Lu Han – Yixing and I went to college together,” the man replied.

“That’s great! And I hear you’re getting married?”

Lu Han nodded politely. “Yes. Trying to settle things within two months, but it’s been difficult.”

“I can imagine,” Yuta said, pulling out his empathy card.

“Han-ge, Yuta’s actually in the wedding business – he’s a wedding dress designer. Didn’t you say that Yoona-jie hasn’t gotten her wedding dress yet?” Yuta thanked his lucky stars for Yixing, who seemed to be leading the man right in the direction he needed.

Lu Han’s eyes