Eunhyuk wipes away his tears, he had been through a lot of trauma when he was in high school and he can still somehow feel the pain that he had gone through before. But all those things were in the past now and he is also a part of that past.

He looks at his wristwatch, it’s already four in the morning, too late to take a good night sleep and too early to leave for work. But even if he wasn’t able to sleep, even if the previous night is a roller coaster ride, even if the past is hunting him again he feels like he has stored energy to confront the things that will come, it took him sixteen years to store that energy and now is the day that he will use it.

“Well I guess this will be the last time I am going to held this in my hand.”  He opens the top lid of the box and pick up the ring inside.

“This will be a goodbye now, I have to return you now to your owner.”

Hyuk went to the shop earlier, tried to focus on all the things he need to do and for most of the time keep reassuring in his self that whatever he will be do it’s for the better. He tried to act normal and lively to the entire costumer that came but he keeps his distance to his brother who’s trying to have a conversation with him.

Every person that enter their shop his heart leap thinking it might be Donghae, he usually arrive at 8 in the morning but it is already past 11 and he still haven’t see Donghae though part of him was glad that he don’t have to confront  him now there’s a bigger part of him that is concern on his whereabouts.

‘Why do you always make me wait for you?’ Eunhyuk was like punishing himself while he was painstakingly wiping the table.  He was so focus in what he’s doing that he didn’t notice someone standing next to him watching intently on he is doing.

“It you want to punish someone it better be me. You don’t have to punish yourself.”

Eunhyuk stares at him, he have the urged to slap him but seeing him now after knowing the truth about him makes it difficult to do so. He wanted to tell straight to his face that it’s done between them but he stunned.

“Can we talk?” Donghae ask gently.

“W-ere talking now.” Eunhyuk was stummering.

“I know let’s go somewhere else.” Donghae let out a chuckle reached for his hands.

Eunhyuk wanted to protest but he don’t understand why is it that he follow like he’s under his spell.

He was walking behind Donghae who is energetically talking while Hyuk remain silent. He just watch his every move, every step he made.

“What do you want? Why do you have to come back?” Eunhyuk asked out of the blue.

Donghae stop walking and look at him. “Let’s talk about that when we already reach that place.”

Eunhyuk was starting to get irritated. “No let’s talk in here and now.”

Donghae turn his head around to see where they are. They were on the street were there are busy people passing by. “If that’s what you want but it will best if we could talk in a more intimate place –“ Donghae was cut by Eunhyuk’s sudden outburst.

“No! Let’s talk now! I don’t want to go to any place!”

He surprise by how loud Eunhyuk was.

“I understand where you are coming from.” Donghae try to appease Eunhyuk with his words. “I know why you are like that.”

“No you don’t. You don’t understand anything.”

“I want to say sorry. I should have not left you for too long but can’t you see? I’m back. I’m here for you now.”

Eunhyuk laugh sarcastically. “I don’t understand where you get your confidence. Yes you are back but does anyone in here care? And I don’t need you anymore.”

His words were like knife that cuts Donghae’s heart into pieces. He bit his lower lip he know that it will be as difficult as this so he prepare himself for all but what he is not prepared for is the pain he will feel as Eunhyuk say those words in front of him.

“I want to start again. I will woo you again. You see I love you.” He grasp for his hands trying to show him his affection by kissing his hand.

Eunhyuk harshly pull his hand back. “Don’t you understand? I don’t want you back. I don’t love you anymore.”

Donghae stood still and he stares at Hyuk’s face. “You are just angry with me but I know it will subside. I will not give up.”

“Please don’t cause problem anymore.” He reached for his pocket and take out his ring. “Since you’re in here already I won’t have any trouble looking for you. I want to give this back” he stretches his hand to give him back the ring.

“That’s yours” Donghae can’t even hear his own voice.

Eunhyuk let out a sigh, he is getting impatient so he takes his hands and put the ring on his palm.

“I want to give this back. I can’t take you back anymore, you are already ten years late. Goodbye.”

Eunhyuk quickly turn his back, he doesn’t want to see his face. He walk fast and almost bump on the by passers. He didn’t notice that he was already crying. He doesn’t know why he’s crying but all he knows is that he is deeply hurt saying goodbye to him.

With his condition he doesn’t want to go back to work so he just texted Sungmin that he is not feeling well. He went to their house and makes a cup of coffee to relax himself.

For the third time he said goodbye to Donghae. He gaze over his cup of coffee and  tries to remember what it was like when he was trying to let go of his feelings for him before … it was like going through hell and back. Without his brother and friend he doesn’t know if he will be able to do that alone and without Siwon who showed him that he deserve to be love.

He received a letter from his bother Sungmin telling him to be at the school rooftop around 8 in the evening.

‘What the hell are you thinking asking me to go in there at this moment?’

While walking towards the meeting place Eunhyuk keep on murmuring about his brother’s new idea. But no matter how much he protest on how crazy this idea is he is still excited to find out what his brother have in store for him.

‘I think I should act angry and ask him about this .’ Hyuk smiled to himself thinking of an evil plan to make his brother feel guilty for wasting his time.

Eunhyuk stares at the door. He’s having cold sweat now. It’s dark and he doesn’t know if his brother is goofing him. He hears people talking.

‘Who is he with?’

 He breathes out and turned the knob, he sees his brother with their friend Shindong both sitting on the floor and fixing some papers. They turn their heads when they heard his footstep.

“Oh glad you’re here already. Help us get these things ready.” Sungmin handed him a piece of paper.

“What are these things? What are you two doing?” Eunhyuk was really losing his mind because f his brother.

“Were doing something for you.” Shindong was munching his fave potato chips while fixing the pieces of paper to make a lamp.

“For me?” Hyuk is becoming more bewilder by their words and action.

“We are helping you.” Sungmin looks at him and smile dryly.

“Helping me? For what?” he was trying to think of other sensible reason why they are doing this but at the back of his mind there is one thing in there that was screaming telling him IT’S ABOUT HIM.

“We know you gone through a lot these past few days so we are in here to help you.” Shindong said in a very concern tone.

Eunhyuk don’t understand but he feel so irritated with this two that he wanted to punch their faces.

“I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP! I AM OKAY! HE WILL BE COMING BACK AND FULFILL HIS PROMISE!”

They were not even surprise with his outburst, they just sigh and look at Eunhyuk who is bowing his head looking at the floor.

“I don’t need any help… I don’t need anything… only him” Hyuk is talking in a very low voice, his view is getting blurred already. ‘Oh I don’t want to cry. This two will only pity me more.’

Shindong shakes his head to tell Sungmin to go to Eunhyuk who haven’t move in his place. Sungmin exhale noisily before he followed. When he is inches away from him, Eunhyuk jerk away and tried to run but Sungmin got a grip of his arm.

“Eunhyuk listen please. I know you feel bad right now. But for the past years I have seen how you suffer and as your brother I can’t just turn a blind eye for that. In our simple way we hope that we can help.” Sungmin was trying his best not to choke on his words.

“Do you think I need your help?” Hyuk tap Sungmin’s hand to his arm go. “Did our parents ask you to do this?”

“No.” Sungmin shook his head. “They are concern about your behavior lately but they never ask me to do anything because they have no idea about what you are going through.”

“I am fine.” Hyuk turned his back and decided to leave.

“How long are you going to let yourself suffer? If he is going back then why does he have to wait for so long? It had been ten years since he left. Ten years. And yet you haven’t hear anything from him, he haven’t even contact you… he didn’t even know all the things you’ve been through this past years.”

Sungmin’s words struck Eunhyuk like a thunder. Yes all he just said were real but deep in his heart Eunhyuk know that he will comeback. But when?

“If he truly love you like what you said wouldn’t he be here with you? Protecting you from all those people who are hurting you? Shouldn’t he be in here making you happy instead of continuously hurting you because of his absence?” Sungmin didn’t notice that he was also crying.

Eunhyuk look at his brother, he had never seen him cry. He was always a cheerful and strong boy. ‘What have I done to my brother? Why didn’t i notice that I am also hurting the people I love?’

“Why are you doing this Sungmin?”

Sungmin sniff and let out a sigh. “You are really stupid. I am doing this because you are my brother and I love you.” Sungmin pull his brother to hug him and whisper to his ear. “I will never let anyone hurt you stupid monkey.”

Hyuk bury his face on Sungmin’s shoulder… he might be older than him but at that moment he felt like a little child who need someone to protect him and assure him about himself. He cried as if he is washing away all the sorrow he had felt for the past years.

“I don’t want to let go of my feelings for him. I don’t want to forget him.” Hyuk bit his lower lip.

Sungmin gently push Eunhyuk away from him to see him face.

“No one ask you to forget him what we want you to do for now is to love yourself first… you have to learn how to live in the present. For now live and love yourself.”

“Hey are you two done with your drama we have to finish this one… it’s getting late and the guards might caught us.” Shindong is back with his good nature self.

Sungmin wipe the tears in his eyes and on Hyuk’s eyes. “I almost forgot about this. Come, I want you to see this.”

Sungmin pick one of the paper they were constructing before Eunhyuk came and give it him.

“What are this?” he was totally puzzle with the paper that was handed to him. It wasn’t an ordinary paper at all, its very light and it has stick on side, it looks much of a lantern.

“This are sky lantern.” Shindong answered his question.

“Sky lantern? We don’t have any festivity around what are you planning to do with that?” Eunhyuk was half amuse and annoyed with the ideas of these two.

Sungmin stops himself from smacking his brother on his head. “You really need to study more. Sky lantern are not only for festivities. It was first use as a signal by soldiers. But enough of that we thought it will be best to use this to help you let go of the suffering you have.”

“When you say suffering you mean Donghae?” Eunhyuk felt that his heart beats faster by just saying his name and by anticipation.

“If you want to put it in that context then yes. You have to let go of the thing that causes you pain and suffering may it be memory or the person itself.” Sungmin waited to see what will be Eunhyuk’s reaction and just like the dimness of the rooftop his face remains dark and unfathomable.

“What makes you think that he was causing me pain? Or suffering?” Eunhyuk raise his voice. He knows what they want him to do, he understand perfectly and a part of his brain was telling him maybe this is right that maybe this is what he needed but a bigger part of his brain was telling him to hold on to that promise.

“You are the only one who can answer that. But let me ask you something.” Shindong decided to interrupt them.

Both of them were silent as they watch Shindong moving closer to them.

“ARE YOU HAPPY WITH WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW?”

Eunhyuk could not answer his question no because he doesn’t know the answer but because he can’t voice out and confirm to himself that he is indeed not happy. He just stares at the two of them as the tears slowly flow from his eyes.

As if it’s already a cue for them they handed the first lantern to Hyuk.

 “I’ve learn from someone that to be able to overcome the suffering people go through they have to deal with it and let go of it.”

“This lantern will signify as the suffering you have experience and as you release one lantern you must think that you are releasing the pain in your hear. We prepare ten lanterns, which signify ten years that had pass without him.” Sungmin was explaining to Hyuk.

Hyuk just listen to him. He may not be a hundred percent sure about this but as he listens to them he’s starting to think that he needed this.

“It is still up to you to do this, we may have tricked you in going here and force you to listen to us but the decision will still be yours.” Shindong light the first lantern. “It is in your hands now to let go or to still hang on.”

Eunhyuk stares at the lantern. For others it maybe just a simple lantern but for him all he sees is his face and the promise he made.

“How could you left without saying goodbye to me? Why didn’t you wait for me?” Hyuk voice were full of weary and as if talking to Donghae himself. His hands were shaking he don’t know if he can really release his feelings.

“You can do it” Sungmin back his brother up.

He nodded his head and releases the first lantern.

Every lantern they hand to Eunhyuk it takes him minutes to release it especially his feeling and it pains the two of them to see Eunhyuk recalls the past thing that happen to him but all they can do is to listen and watch as he weep.

“How could you let me feel alone for so long?”

“You told me you love me but I don’t understand why you are not beside me!”

“Why aren’t you in here to protect me? How can you just let me be hurt by them?”

“You promise to buy me that ring but how can you do that when that shop closed three years ago? I always walk pass that shop everyday hoping you would appear until the day they close down the shop”

“Why aren’t you here to guide me when I walk at dark alleys?”

“Why didn’t you contact me? Didn’t you love me anymore? Have you forgotten about me and love somebody else? I will understand if you did but don’t keep me hanging like this!”

“If you love me like you told me please comeback… I’m waiting for you… everyday that pass without you by my side is like a leaving hell. I don’t know what happiness means. All I want is to be by your side… but how is that possible? I don’t know where you are… I don’t know if I can still live another day without you by my side… I just want to see you… to feel you…”

Eunhyuk drop down on his knees and weep. Sungmin rush to his side and hug him, he don’t know any comporting words to say so he Hyuk’s back to at least lessen his pain.

Eunhyuk let go of the ninth lantern. He picked the last one.

“We can address this last one to the Higher being, since this one will go high they might hear you and listen to you, and then send your message to Donghae.” Shindong smiles at Eunhyuk, after all the suffering he goes through he still want to give him a hope about his love.

“If you can hear me please tell Lee Donghae that Eunhyuk is waiting for him! That I love him so much and even without that ring I will accept him! Please take care of him.” Eunhyuk paused for a long moment. “If he doesn’t love me anymore like he said before please give me strength to move on but please tell him that no matter what happen I will love him forever.”

Eunhyuk hug his last lantern.

“Even if you don’t comeback I will still love you but for now I will have to say goodbye to you. Goodbye Lee Donghae.”

His tears fall on the lantern before he raise it up in the air to release it. He watches as the lanterns soar higher and somehow his feeling were a lot lighter than before. He look at Sungmin and Shindong.

While he was crying he forces a smile for the two who tried to help him.

“Thank you.”

he look at the lantern in the sky again. "Goodbye Donghae."

'Saying goodbye to him was just like before it always cause me pain'

A/N sorry that it took me so long to update. i got really busy from work. sorry. Feel free to comment :)