Written in the Tiger's point of view

One moment, a second now written in time’s history and in my memory.

One word, no more than four letters, two syllables. It’s not even a phrase. It’s not even just me. Still, there was only you despite the others around.  I’m only looking -- seeing only you. I couldn’t even last a day without thinking of you. I was like a sick idiot who couldn’t control himself.

That moment, that word. The way it made me smile. How I bowed my head to hide a grin. I could describe that minute in a thousand words, sing a thousand songs. You don’t even know how many thousands of emotions that word had evoked from me as thousands of little memories flash by. You don’t know how much my heart raced, how warm I felt… how happy I was to have something I could store in my heart forever.

I could describe that moment infinitely. How my breath stopped for a while. I saw a multitude of brightly colored lights flashing. There was the sound of waves, a distant shout. I was more aware of everything, the smell, the sun on my skin, the others running… I realized I was running -- to you. No one noticed, no one saw.  

That one word, you don’t know how much I treasured it. How it was so special and how differently it sounded when it’s you saying it. I wished that word meant the other meaning for it. Oppa, I know it means I’m your big brother, but this pesky heart of mine wanted the other one. It wanted that word to mean your man –an oppa who sees you as a woman, my woman.

I’d probably fail to tell you why one smile of yours was worth more than a thousand bars of gold. I couldn’t dexplain well why I feel this way even if I had a thousand tongues.

I’d probably never get the courage to tell you anything at all and end up just losing sleep again like every day since I met you. Thinking about those little interactions and replaying everything repeatedly in my head until the sun rises.

I’d probably ignore you all day, push you to someone else. I might not even acknowledge that you did well, and continue walking ahead of you as if I never cared. I could fail in everything else but I’d be there when you need me.

I just don’t want you to see that little smile in my face or see my eyes, afraid you’d discover how much you matter to me. How your presence or the mention of your name affect me so much that I could almost admit to that four letter word I tried so hard to avoid.

I tried to avoid it. I tried to run away, afraid of my emotions. Yet I come running back, yet I continued sneaking glances, pushing my luck with little hugs. Putting everything in line so that even for just a little while I could stand beside you. And If I’m lucky, to hold your hand in mine while I try so hard to restrain myself from pulling you to me and claiming you as mine.

If I have a thousand words, I’d spent it in silence. If I could have a thousand moments with you, I’d be happy just having you around. Even if it's not us. Seeing your smiles, your tears, knowing what makes you scared or happy -- it’s enough.

If I had a thousand chances to confess, I’d never use them. Even if I had a thousand hope, or a thousand percent of success, I’d probably just drown in my own emotions. Suffocate in the things that had made life more colorful, although painful at times.

You’d never know of this, that those smiles, those oppas and those hugs that would never mean anything to you, were special to me. Remember that one second when you briefly looked at my direction, frowning, but when our eyes met you broke into a smile? It took my mind eons of seconds to realize you had just smiled -- because of me.

I was delusional and overjoyed. You were sad, you looked at me, then you smiled… I -- could I dare? Could I think you smiled because of me? That I made you happy even for a moment… could I live, wishing for more moments that I could make you smile? Could I have more chances to watch how you slowly curve your lips, how happiness slowly travels up to your eyes and how that lovely sound of laughter comes from you that you curl down on the floor laughing so hard?

You really don’t know how beautiful you looked and how much I loved seeing that.

I am not really a coward but I could never tell you how much I wanted so badly to be with you, or how bad it hurt when I couldn’t see you for days. You’d probably never know why I’m never late in set. It was just me hoping I could talk or just sit quietly with you before we go filming.

I'm contented on having this one sided thing for you. I choose to like you this way, silently… uncomplicated. Enjoying those little moments, living for the next one. I only wanted to be able to see you, satisfied on just being your oppa.

Even if I’m only your older brother. Even if they tease me or ask me, I’ll never break my silence. I would never come out and reveal my real feelings. Even if I’d probably regret then hurt more than a thousand ways.

I’m probably the biggest idiot out of thousands of millions. However, I like it this way because you’d never be hurt or saddened because of me. I never want you to be burdened because of me who loves you more than a thousand times I love myself.

“Oppa! Oppa!”

I smiled, but I didn’t look back.

Just a little drabble to relieve some stress ^^ It's called 1000 because literally the drabble is 1000 words long(?)