There was only silence as she lay on the cold hard floor, one glance and you’d thought she’s passed out, but she’s fully conscious. It was a Sunday, no need to prepare and get up as she does on a weekday, and so she stayed unmoving, staring at the ceiling. Her stomach growled, she had eaten her last meal 8 hours ago, but she had worst during filming.

All she knows is, it’s still early in the evening since her digital clock says so. She could hear a faint sound of someone shouting, or maybe it’s the sound of someone laughing, crying but she didn’t really care.

She was fully aware that she couldn’t just stay like that forever, just for a little bit more, just for a while… she reasoned. Who would understand? There were times when you just want to do nothing, think of nothing, block out everything… even those things that makes you happy. If she could, shut down, be nothing. She closed her eyes, and soon she drifted off into a deep slumber.

Finally, nothingness.

“Seung Im unnie… unnie, please?” Ji hyo stirred but did not open her eyes.

It’s a Monday, back to my real world, she grinned, thinking it was rather, back to the world of pretentions.

“Unnie, why are you lying down here on the floor, you –”

“–I think I fell asleep watching something.” Min Hee glanced at the television uncomfortably. Ji hyo chuckled, using her acting ability to appear fine. “Aigoo, I must’ve been so tired that I couldn’t remember well. Last week’s been hell.” She stood up, wincing as her body protested but she hid it well. Too well, still, Min Hee knows.

“Unnie let me fix you something to eat. Hit the showers first then.” The manager said, watching as Ji hyo walked steadily, as if nothing was wrong. She knows the woman well, seen her ups and downs, seen her cry and laugh. Differentiate the fake from the real. Min hee was sure something was wrong and that no matter how much she would ask, there would be no answers.

A woman, walking in brisk steps, entered the airport lobby. She put on a smile as the crew waved furiously at her. She noticed immediately that the others were already there, waiting for her, indicating that she was already late. She bowed and apologized for her tardiness, but only received a warm welcome from her family.

She was all smiles and sweet words, but he was not impressed. Jong kook wished they were alone and that he could ask her what was really wrong. He could tell at one glance that there was something off with the younger woman, in fact, it had been on his mind these past few days.

Ji hyo glanced at Jong kook, pleading, he was right. If there’s one thing no one knew of, it was the fact that he knew Ji hyo so well. He could tell if her smiles are real, if her words mean the truth, if she’s pretending – he knew it all.

“Ji hyo, I thought you got a day off from shooting?” he asked her, but that wasn’t his real question. He wanted to know why she’s so sad, why she’s pretending to be fine when she’s not. He could understand that she was being professional, but he had told her many times that she couldn’t pretend in front of him.

“Don’t…” her voice was low, if he wasn’t listening carefully, he wouldn’t have heard it. But he did, and so did he hear the sadness in her voice. It was almost heartbreaking to hear her real emotions, it must be so hard to hide them. He wanted to drag her away but he only nodded and promised himself that they’ll talk later.

“Don’t tire yourself out.” he said, clenching his fist in frustration, for not being able to do anything for her. The feeling of wanting to protect someone close to you, that instinct to shield them from things that could hurt, wanting to see them smile, laugh, be themselves – that’s what he feels for her. He didn’t question those feelings or what they could mean. He could never find the courage to do so. He only wanted to be someone she could trust. If she wanted to be just Seung Im, he wanted her to feel that it’s okay in front of him.

Ji hyo knows Jong kook was still looking at her, even as the Pd gave them the instructions, or when they were already moving out as a team. She was glad to be with Jae suk and Sang kyung, sitting at the back of the car, all the attention away from her. She only wanted to gaze outside and not worry about a thing, if she’s lucky, maybe she could even forget.

“Ji hyo-yah, are you okay?” Jae suk asked, to which she replied with an enthusiastic nod and a wide smile. “The view is nice.” She said, as if it explains everything and at the same time, it was a silent way to say 'leave me alone'.

Unknown to her Jae suk was eyeing her from the rearview mirror. Even Sang kyung was uneasy and couldn’t bring himself to talk to her.

“Ji hyo, want to go together?” offered Sang kyung, trying to be friendly with the actress. Before Ji hyo could reply, a horde of ajummas appeared, blasting them with water guns. For a while, Ji hyo forgot and like a child, ran screaming. This is why she does Running Man, that adrenaline rush, the laughter and acceptance. So for a while she could be free, be distracted and feel something else.

“Are you tired oppa?” Ji hyo asked and the VJ smiled at her, shaking his head. She had wandered far from the others. Actually, she was not even trying to do the mission. She just wanted to think. To gauge what her problem really is.

Ji hyo looked back to her VJ but found Jong kook instead. “Oppa? Where’s my VJ?” She tried to look past him but he blocked her view. “Ji hyo look at me,” he said rather strongly. For a fleeting moment, Jong kook saw terror and panic in her eyes that took him aback. “I’m sorry.” he whispered, he didn’t want to scare the younger woman.

“Why oppa?” she asked, looking down. She knows she was an open book in front of him and she didn’t want him to see.

“It’s you I should ask. Why are you like this Ji hyo-yah?”

“I don’t know too.”

“ I couldn’t stand seeing you like this. We’ve been so close, we had always worked together, enjoyed a lot of things together… you are drifting off from me.” he said, running his hands in his hair in agitation, he could only grit his teeth. Talking to her was like talking to a tree. “It really feels like I am losing you… that I did something wrong.”

“It’s not like that oppa. You are misunderstanding everything.” she replied meekly, cringing because she knows it was useless to lie.

“Damn it Ji hyo I told you –”

“–Myuk Pd is here.” The VJ interrupted and Ji hyo used the chance to escape. The Pd eyed her curiously and she only smiled.

Ji hyo walked away, acting as if she was the happiest in the world, but Jong kook knew better and for a reason it broke his heart.

 “Jong kook-ah, why did you let that criminal go?” Jung hwa asked, showing him how much she had suffered. “I’m sorry noona, wouldn’t it be more fun seeing them run in terror? We’ll catch them later.” he replied, hoping that the lie would be accepted. He watched Ji hyo enter the blue team’s car, feeling angry with her but more with himself.

What could he do but only watch her. There were no more small talks, no more of her cutely calling him oppa. She wouldn’t run to him anymore and ask for his help. She had become stronger, independent, she had always been those things, but now he felt as if she just don’t need him. That she doesn’t have any reason to be with him, it was all sorts of confusing and mixed up that he can’t explain. He knows Ji hyo doesn’t come to him because she needs him, then he realized he doesn’t really know. He couldn’t even think of since when did she started to fade away. He just woke up one day and felt as if something is missing.

“Jong kook-ah, aren’t you going to eat?” Jae suk asked, pointing to his untouched bowl of Jajangmyun.

“Oppa doesn’t eat those things.” Interjected Ji hyo. It took Jong kook a lot to ignore her even if he wanted nothing but to tell her to stop it. She was just trying to show them that she was there but he knows her mind is elsewhere, that if only she could, she would’ve run away from there. Ji hyo is not Ji hyo anymore or at least the one he knew.

I’m sorry. I’m just… I just thought I could but… it was impossible. Ji hyo thought, wishing that Jong kook would just stop analyzing her. She lowered her gaze and pretended to be busy eating but her heart was slowly breaking apart. She doesn’t know too, she wished she knew or maybe she just couldn’t admit it. Why she couldn’t drop running man, it was because of them, until…

The criminals caught their attention and the nonsense questions started. Ji hyo could’ve answered them, but she didn’t bother anymore seeing that her teammates were not doing well either.

Ji hyo might have thought she could hide everything, little did she knew that it’s not only Jong kook who was glancing worriedly at her direction.

“We need to do well here so we could get that montage.” said Sang Kyung, to Jae suk’s laughter.

“Look at him trying to make small talks again.” The national MC said.

“It’s because Ji hyo was very quiet, I thought she was upset that we are not doing well.” Sang Kyung joked, smiling warmly to Ji hyo. “You must be tired from all the shooting.” he added.

“Don’t worry about our Ji hyo… she’s the one who always does well.” Ji hyo caught Jae suk’s gaze and the real meaning of his words. She smiled bitterly, realizing that she was more obvious than she wished.

“I’m fine, thanks a lot Sang Kyung oppa, Jae suk oppa.” she said.

As soon as the last mission started, Ji hyo tried her best to appear excited. She chased around the tubes like a little child, enjoying the beach, wishing it was summer and that she could run around without any worries.

The music started and despite everything, Ji hyo found herself dancing to the rhythm and laughing at the betrayers.

Jae suk walked to her spot as she filled a ring with air. “I’m glad that you’re enjoying yourself Ji hyo-yah.” he whispered. For the first time that day she smiled, it was genuine and warm.

“Thanks oppa…” she couldn’t help but grin at him. No wonder he was dubbed the national MC, he had always been a comfort to Ji hyo ever since Family outing. The kind man had considered her a dongsaeng after her stint in the said show and she had often appeared in his other shows, thus they became closer.

When the Pd warned them that the next song was starting, Ji hyo went to the car of the betrayers, seeing a tube nearby. She was surprised when Jong kook appeared behind her. “Oppa, what are you doing here?”

“Why? Can’t I be here?” he replied coldly, he doesn’t really know why he followed her. He saw her with Jae suk and he wondered why he couldn’t make her smile any more when his hyung could. He missed that Ji hyo. Seeing that small glimpse of how she used to be before, made him realize how much she had changed.

He watched her as always. Watched her lose herself in a simple task, as if that simple thing could make her escape for a while. He knew he was selfish, maybe Running Man was the only right thing for her but he was ruining it too. Unlike that morning, she had become more relaxed. Although the shadows were still there, it wasn’t as bad anymore. Then she looked at him, and her expression became guarded.  Is it I? Why did you have to look at me like that Ji hyo? I am hurting seeing us like this when we had really good times before… if only you’d tell me. If only…

Jong kook texted Jae suk and wished the older one wouldn’t ask anymore and just do it. His phone vibrated and he was relieved with the reply. Okay.

“Ji hyo-yah, isn’t it hard to be the only girl here?” Sang kyung asked, breaking the silence between him and Ji hyo. “Not really, the oppas are all caring.”

“I see.” Both fell silent again, it had been that way ever since Jae suk went in. When they saw Jung hwa, the awkwardness was replaced by laughter. “That noona had always been like that.” Sang kyung said with a laugh.

A Pd knocked at their door and told Sang Kyung that he could go. Ji hyo wished him good luck and when he was gone, she asked the VJ to leave her alone for a while.

Ji hyo seemed to be sleeping with her eyes closed at the backseat when someone entered and sat beside her. She didn’t need to open her eyes to know who it was. “You really are persistent oppa.”

“I couldn’t watch you like this… especially knowing that I am the one making you –”

“–Who made you think that you are the reason I am like this?”

“See! You do have a problem and I know it’s because of me. I saw you with Jae suk hyung, you didn’t give him one of your practiced and fake smile. You are drifting away, you are there but it feels like you’re not, I missed us working together, being together.” he said, almost panting as he finished his tirade.

“Us… us oppa? What are we?” she shot back, Jong kook stared at her, unable to respond. What were they? He also wished he knew and it bothered him that he couldn’t just say oppa and dongsaeng right away.

“You shouldn’t have went here, 15 minutes is almost up. You could’ve talked to me later.”

“It’s because I know you’d try to escape me, I know you’d run away from me.”

Ji hyo didn’t want to admit it even to herself, the reason she couldn’t leave like Joong ki. It was because of her brothers, until the day it became because of him. That day when she realized she looked forward to Running Man because of him. She missed him too, missed working with him but she couldn’t ignore the little pats, the little hugs anymore and what they made her feel. She couldn’t ignore her heart, and the fact that it isn’t hers anymore.

For the second time that day, before Jong kook could say another word, the Pd interrupted them and told them to go inside.

“I missed that too, should we ally later?” Ji hyo offered as they walked to the grounds together.

“Are you trying to make up with me?”

“Why oppa, did we fight?”

“Song Ji hyo you really are something…” he said, unsure if he should be happy that she was trying not to actually run away from him, or be guilty for making her uneasy since the start of the day. “Okay, fine. We still need to talk Ji hyo-yah but today oppa won’t tear of your nametag.”
The strongest pair in running man entered the field, with a partner each, they have to eliminate the remaining criminals.

Jong kook watched her with Sang Kyung, hating the way she looked relaxed with him. That’s my place beside her… he thought, surprising even himself.

“You like her don’t you?” Jung hwa asked, almost whispering. He smiled but failed, “I… what did you say noona?”

“The reason you are out of focus and like the others said, you’re softening up… it’s because of her.”

“Noona!”

“Pfft, don’t worry. I think we look like a couple right now, if we talk this close it wouldn’t be heard in the recording. And I think that girl might like you too.” He only nodded, not wanting to talk about it. Maybe Jung Hwa was right about one thing, but he was sure Ji hyo doesn’t like him but in fact hated him.

“Let’s ally today. We just need to catch them.” Ji hyo proposed and the four of them agreed to it, Jong kook and Jung hwa search outside. Sang kyung wandered off away from Ji hyo but she did not look for him.

It was maybe fate. It was as if their paths were connected that no matter how they ran away… they would still end up in the same place. Still end up together.

“Are you following me Ji hyo-yah?” he said, mustering the biggest smile he could. He did not like the way things are but if she wanted to pretend, then he will help her.

“I’m not following anyone, I’m looking for the giraffe.” she said, but before she could turn away from him, he grabbed her hand. “Oppa, why? Let me go.”

“I don’t know too, but I hate it when you turn your back to me.” He wanted to stop, he could feel the VJs looking at them curiously, but they don’t matter, it doesn’t matter where they are anymore. “It feels like I won’t see you again.”

“What’s wrong with you oppa? You are saying really weird things.” Ji hyo pulled her hand back and then they heard that Jung Hwa was ousted already. They both ran to the source of the scream and found Jung Hwa and Sang Kyung fighting.

Reluctantly, Jong kook left Ji hyo’s side and confronted Sang Kyung. Jong kook acted pissed but the real reason he was mad was Ji hyo. All he wanted at that moment was to be with the girl who makes him worried, makes his heart pound when she smiles and the one who’s always there beside him. The one who frustrates him, the one who had occupied his heart without him knowing it. The missing piece.

“Oppa, don’t… Sang kyung oppa, we need to catch them. This is what they want us to do, we shouldn’t fight among ourselves.” she argued, reasoning with the men. Jong kook of course wanted to ally with her, even give her the win but he couldn’t trust Sang Kyung.

The allied team cautiously moved out but the two boys just can’t let their guards down. Ji hyo left them in annoyance and Jong kook wanted to follow her but he thought it was better to take out sang Kyung first.

“Let’s settle this first.” said Jong kook and readied himself, holding Sang Kyung’s hand. They battled it out but Jong kook saw Ji hyo in a corner giving him a disapproving look.

If I lose she wins, if I survive I have to betray her at the end…

His hand slips and the sound of the name tag being ripped echoed. Kim Jong Kook Out!

The blue team won the race and Ji hyo got a special episode.

“Ji hyo, I knew you’d run away again.” said Jong kook, straightening up. “Why did you take so long to arrive? I was freezing here.” Ji hyo only ignored him and went straight to her apartment. Jong kook blocked her path, he didn’t come all the way to Ilsan to be ignored.

“You drank.” he said, tilting her face to him. “Talk to me Ji hyo-yah.” Ji hyo slapped away his hand.

“Ji hyo!” She pushed him away, went inside and then slammed the door in his face. “Yah! Song Ji hyo! Open this damned door! Yah!” He balled his fists and banged on the door. He felt like he was going to burst, he couldn’t take it anymore.

“I think… I think you really matter to me, that’s why I hated seeing you like that! Ji hyo –” The door opened and he was pulled inside. Her face was red in anger and Jong kook felt sorry but not regretful.

“Oppa, what were you thinking!”

“It’ because you kept on running away.” She fell silent and Jong kook only wanted to comfort her, to ease away her hurts, to be able to make her smile. His thumb brushed across her cheek, “I really hated seeing you like this. Please tell me how I could make you feel better, please.” He lowered his head to hers until their foreheads were touching, his hands rested on her shoulders. That moment felt so right, it was as if he really should be there, with her.

“Why did you come here oppa?”

“Maybe I… I felt that I should be here. Ji hyo, I don’t want us to be strangers…”

“What do you want us to be then oppa?” she said, scared of the answer.

“Ji hyo, anything you could give me… anything you want us to be.” And he meant it, he could accept anything but lose her.

She sighed, until those turned into gentle sobs. “The reason I am hurting, what if it’s this?” She looked up to him. In the process, she found her lips ghosting his, she closed her eyes, wanting to feel him but not wanting to see his reaction.

Jong kook shivered as he felt Ji hyo’s soft lips against his, he didn’t move away but didn’t push forward either. “I think I want this too… maybe this is what I’ve been missing.” he murmured against her lips before pulling her closer.

It had been three days already since filming and Jong kook had just finished working out. He was about to go home when his phone rang. “Oh, Myuk Pd,” the Pd asked him to go to the office of Running Man in SBS building. “Neh I’ll come over.”

Jong kook went inside the conference room and found a person sitting quietly in a corner.

“Song Ji hyo…”

She looked at him her eyes brighter, a little smile is on her face, and her shoulders had lost its slump. Ji hyo looked good, too good that Jong kook realized he was staring awkwardly.

“You look, good… better. I guess having a boyfriend helped?” he asked teasingly. She rose from her seat and ran to him, kissing him gently, her arms encircling his neck.

“I asked the Pd to let me have you all by myself on my special episode. Should we make a part 2 of Spartace special?”

“I think I’d be happy as long as I am with you yojachingu.” he said, liking how Ji hyo felt against him, how she looked at him, as if it’s only him who matters. As if there’s only them in this world.

I wasn't able to read it at least twice so I'm sorry for my English. I hope spartace shippers would like this :)  I wasn't able to sleep much because I was afraid I wouldn't wake up in time hahaha so I couldn't think of a better title >.< Thanks for reading! XD