I wasn’t that proud of my childhood. I don’t really have any medals or a nice report card to show off. I’m not exactly the kind of son you could brag around the neighborhood.

I guess I was pretty normal. Okay, I lied a bit. Well I am just plain bad at school stuff. But my mom and dad never blamed me for that. It’s my hyung who always does great in school. He was the son you’d want to have.

I’m okay with that. I love my hyung, although I don’t say it and I always joke that it was me who’s in charge in the visuals department. Besides, hyung had never let me feel that I am inferior or that I am the black sheep in the family. I was the black sheep but they never did anything for me to think of that. I’m just really lucky to have them.

As I was growing up, I really tried hard to hide how much I yearn to be someone my family could be proud of. They didn’t really force me or anything, I just… I just wanted to be someone and I knew I could do it.

I hated my voice. But I also loved it at the same time. I love writing my emotions and sing them into whispers with only the wind to listen to them. I was scared people would laugh at me. As much as I liked my voice and singing, I wasn’t too keen to share them with everyone.

That was until I found that hyung.

---Jk-Js---

I finished high school and I knew that was the end for my academic career. Seeing how happy my mom on my graduation day made me ache because I knew I couldn’t be like my hyung, go to a good school, and finish college.

What course would I take? I am not good academically… and I didn’t want to waste any money for something so unsure. Besides, hyung is studying to be a doctor, I knew how hard and costly it was. But then my mother’s gaze told me she wanted me to at least try. I only smiled sadly.

I tried a nearby college near Seoul, applying for any college program I could fit in with my poor credentials. I knew it was hopeless with my grades alone, but I thought I’d try for my mom.

With my envelope stuck to my arms, I walked around the campus and I thought studying there wouldn’t be that bad. I didn’t even know what to apply for but then a curious building caught my attention. It looked weird, somewhat modern with glass everywhere and some huge protruding concrete and twisted metals.

I was drawn to it. I decided to check out the place. Entering it, I realized I was in the Performing Arts department – no wonder the design was like that.

It was quiet since it was vacation. There were some people walking about but they mostly ignored me.

“Yah, yah! Not like that… let’s do it again.”

I stopped and turned to my left. There, in a room was a group of students deep in practice. I wondered what kind of subject that was. They were yelling, hitting each other, bickering – I found myself watching and grinning like an idiot.

The one who lead the show turned and our eyes met. I gulped, it’s not because of umm, but that stranger – he has the most memorable kind of eyes I’ve ever seen.

What? Me likes him? That’s ridiculous. I mean, when I saw his eyes, that protruding thin lips, hair sticking out in the back. Let’s just say I have to kick myself not to laugh.

Yes, I found him funny, entertaining and curious. He looked at me and it could’ve been my imagination but he winked! I don’t know if it was showmanship or what.

So I told myself I need to enter college. I need to be there and know that man.

I was attracted to his confidence.

That thick skin of him that allows him to make himself look like a fool without effort.

I walked away hearing the echoes of applause in the cold empty corridor.

Arriving home, I hugged my mother tightly. “Omma,” I said and she chuckled. I seldom do that and most of the time it’s because of some hidden agenda. “Omma, I’m going to go to college.”

She turned around and I saw how happy and proud she was of me. I was so sorry, I couldn’t have chosen a more conventional course but I never thought I could want anything else that bad ever.

“That’s good… great! Where? What course?”

“Dankook omma… and,” I paused not wanting to give her panic attacks. “I failed the entrance exam but they said I could still have a chance on the audition exam.”

“Audition?” she asked, clearly confused.

“Ma, I want to be a singer.” I finally confessed. I finally had the courage to say what I had wanted all these years. Mom didn’t say a thing, but I silently thanked that funny stranger for inspiring me. “I really want it.”

“Of course, my son. I was just surprised because all these time you hated your voice too much and you never… I never heard you sing.” She sighed, as if embarrassed. She didn’t even know what his son liked to do. Jong kook was quick to give her a hug.

“Omma… will you,” he cleared his voice. “I need to practice so I could pass and … you know. Would you hear me sing?”

Her mother softened, her eyes grew moist. Jong kook swallowed unsure if his voice wouldn’t crack when his mother was looking at him as if he was the world’s best singer.

Jong kook sang, in that high-pitched voice he so hated, until that night. Until the time his mom looked at him with such tender love and affection, which made him believe that he really was the best.

“That was so beautiful my son…” she pulled him close and hugged him tight. “I had always believed in you. I knew my son is the best.”

I love you mom.

---Jk-Js---

College wasn’t easy. In fact, it was crazy. I was a fool I could waltz in there and succeed just because I believed. Well, I still believed, but sometimes what we believe in also has its requirements. Time, place, chance, there was so many. As for me, I took my chances and went out of the world to Seoul.

Mom that day still looked at me as if I would go home with a daesang with me. Hyung asked for my autograph and my father gave me a new suit, which I declined but I promised him I’d wear it on my first award on stage.

At that time idols were debuting left and right and that’s where I took my chances and succeeded, or at least I thought I did.

On my first stage, I wished I could’ve brought my family and wear that suit, but they said they’d wait at home.

I nervously paced back and forth until Jung nam scolded me so I went out.

There in that building I saw several more studios. And I thought I’d just walk around, I don’t know why but it relaxed me. A man coming out of the door almost bumped at me, I bowed low as I always do whenever I see someone.

He left looking annoyed and I glanced at the door that was closing in. Then I heard that voice. I stopped the door from closing and went in without thinking. After a minute inside, I was laughing madly at that guy’s antics.

I wanted to go to college for him, but who knew I’d meet him here? I thought he was a student bt he’s here and… or maybe he was a working student if that’s what’s it called?

I felt so happy knowing he was just around. I also told myself to stop ignoring TV and watch it a bit more. It was strange but I didn’t even know that guy’s name and here I am, considering him my hyung.

That day, I was almost late at my debut stage but I shut them up with my performance.

I worked hard, I wanted to be something and maybe… I was hoping our paths would cross again.

I still didn’t watch much TV, nor did I try to know who he is. I could just feel that we’d meet again. At that time, then I’d ask him his name and thank him for helping me find my direction.

---Jk-Js---

It was our first variety. For a non-watcher like me it was unnerving. Our agency only made us work that I don’t even have time to sleep or eat properly. I barely see my mom and I miss them all so much. But when I perform I'd imagine them cheering for me, I get stronger. When I imagine him watching, that he was somewhere in the many studios of the station, I get better.

That day we were ushered to our first variety show. I did interviews but variety? I only sat nervously on my chair and ignored Jung nam.

A guy sat beside me and I looked at him, wondering why he was there. Imagine my surprise to see him, that hyung.

“Anyeohaseyo,” he said and he was so friendly. Just like the first time he winked and I swallowed. I only stared at him tongue-tied. “Nervous aren’t we?” he chuckled and I blinked. I felt suddenly so comfortable. It was weird, so unexplainable.

“Hey,” he something to me and I looked down, finally realizing that he was giving me a CD, our CD. No, actually, he was asking me to sign it. I smiled embarrassedly. I must’ve looked so awful. He laughed and I found myself laughing along with him.

“I remember you. I know I’ve met you before.” He tapped my shoulder and I blushed. He listens to our songs and he remembers me.

“You’re my hyung!” I blurted. Not only him laughed but also Jung nam. I was standing and glaring, no not glaring… just looking at the hyung intensely.

I wasn’t able to explain. We were called and I was red-faced. The makeup coordi scolded me, but the blush wouldn’t go away.

I think I did well. I even built a shy-always-blushing image. It was embarrassing but I didn’t care because, just because hyung always laughed and caught on with my lame and boring attempts to speak.

That day I finally knew his name. But it was because the main MC kept on making fun of him, calling him over and over again. I didn’t get to ask him but at least he’s not hyung anymore, he was Jae suk hyung.

I knew then, we’d meet again.

---Jk-Js---

Who knew we’d be good friends? We don’t really meet each other much, nor do we always talk, but I had that feeling of… something. Just something whenever our eyes would meet or when our hands would touch. I did see him more around the place.

 He was like my angel hyung. He never forgot me and when he became big, he’d always mention me subtly in a joking manner.

But we were having problems with Turbo. I felt like I didn’t want it anymore. I couldn’t anymore… I wanted to be a singer, to be on stage and make people happy. But Turbo, it wasn’t fun anymore.

I didn’t know whether to leave or stay. I was afraid and I didn’t want my parents to know. I had disappointed them enough already… I couldn’t run to them like a wayward child now.

The phone rang and I was about to throw it away when I saw his name.

Yoo Jae suk hyung!

I answered without hesitation. I don’t know why but I even went to his place.

“Yah, you look really bad.” the worry in his voice made me look up. He was still the same. He could still affect me that much and make me calmer. Sure, I have my other friends but this hyung. He was always there when I am in a bind and I knew I’d be fine.

“I want out… hyung.” I said not caring if my voice was cracking so badly. “Hyung I can’t anymore but I have nowhere to go.” Then the tears fell and they wouldn’t stop.

He walked closer and I found him engulfing me awkwardly in his embrace. I slowly returned it, my tears falling helplessly. I held him tighter until I heard him groan. “Jong kook-ah…” he whispered and he looked at my eyes.

I was safe. Nothing bad would happen…. I wonder, I wished I knew why I was like that to hyung. Why only him besides my family, could make me feel at peace.

“I never forgot that day. We met at school, right?” he asked.

I only nodded as my throat was too painful to even manage a yes.

“I looked for you… always wondering if you were a student there…”

I only nodded. He knew me and he looked for me. Why am I so happy to know that?

“I had always watched you… always waited for us to meet again.”

“M-me too, hyung…” I managed to mutter, my eyes were closed. I was aware of our closeness, of the room’s dimness… I wonder if I had the courage to do it.

 He was warm, so comforting… I raised my hand and reached out to hold his hand, “hyung,” I said my voice low and confused.

And as always, he smiled and tapped me on the back. I didn’t have the courage to go on, but he had the courage to stop. I smiled in disappointment but I also knew it was better that way.

“Don’t be scared, Jong kook-ah.” he said with a chuckle. He walked away and handed me a drink. “It will get better. I know you could do it.”

“You believe in me too much hyung.”

“I had, always.”

“Do you think I am a coward?” I asked, drinking in one shot the bitter liquid, which burned my throat.

“No, I think you are brave.”

“Then hyung, is it okay to do what I want? Could I do it even if everyone’s stopping me? I want to quit hyung… I’m out – but here’s one thing I can’t quit you.”

It was too quiet and I regretted what I said. I dared a glance at hyung and he was so surprised, maybe even disgusted at me. I turned to leave.

“Yah, dongsaeng-ah…”

Maybe we could pretend it didn’t happen right? He was just a hyung I really l--- a hyung I really admire.

---Jk-Js---

“Kook Jong-ah!” Jae suk called the muscled guy who was quietly humming on the backstage. I responded right away, looking up at him. He walked to me and like always, he tapped my back. “Are you ready?” he asked.

I only nodded. I was nervous as hell but he was there so I know it’d be fine.

“I told you it would be all right.”

There was no more Turbo, but I was still a singer – a true one.

There was no more Turbo but I found a new place – beside hyung in the variety world.

There were no more flashy performances, but there was still one person besides my mom who claps and shouts crazily even if I was just singing a slow ballad.

I am happy and I knew he’d be forever my special hyung.

---Jk-Js---

“Yah hyung!”

“Waeyo?!” Jae suk laughed teasing me. He knew me so well and he uses it fully to annoy me on-screen. “But it’s really true! You were sulking in the dressing room and crying for your omma!” Jae suk accused him. “You even have her picture while crying!” Jae suk added nailing me on the spot.

“Yah, this hyung, sincha…” but what could I say? I knew it was all good fun. That was what drew me to him before. “Yah, hyung, are you the X-man?”

He grinned. I knew I did well, I smiled too.

He was right again… it was all right.

This is requested by --expresseo, I know you said an AU but this came out *dies* I hope you'd still like it though... but if not I'll try next time >~<

Thanks for reading and forgive me if I can't do much of the requests :( I'm just int he mood for some bromance stuff