It had been hard to pretend to be someone he is not. Doing it for years made him not think too much of it anymore, or so he thought. Sometimes people even forget who he really is – a singer, an ex-idol.

Jae suk once told him that singers, actors, gagmen – it doesn’t matter, it’s all about entertainment. Whether you make people sad or happy, laugh or cry, angry or frustrated, it’s all about making them forget reality. That’s why it’s entertainment and that’s why reality doesn’t matter. Slowly he adapted, learned how to separate the private him with public he. His goals and dreams changed, he just wanted to do well in anything he can get and so he was willing to play by the rules. He was willing to abide by his image and comply with whatever it entails.

Moon Geun Young walked in with a kind of grace you wouldn’t expect from a young woman. The years had gone so fast. Before him, she was all grown up, beautiful and full of potential. He would be insane not to admit that she was attractive. The others had gone gaga over her while he only hoped to admire her silently. Then he was pulled into the fray and without missing a beat, did as he used to. He jumped into the jokes, saying what they expect to hear from him.

“She’s my ideal type…” He blushed, not because he liked her that much but because he was so embarrassed of how he’s acting. It’s not as if she couldn’t make his heart flutter because she did. It’s just that the fluttering was because she was one of those actresses who had moved him.

Jong kook knows people enjoyed this kind of things. The biggest audience magnet – love lines – viewers dig it and so they provide it. It just so happened that he has the image and the pull to do it. He only has to keep it in the job, no hearts involved.

The concept for that day made him remember that he had been careless once, letting his heart forget where he is or what his role was. It was enough heartache for a lifetime but even until now, the mention of her name affected him. He confused reality and variety once but it’s all in the past. He now knows well how to play along. He glanced at her again and was struck by the familiarity. He smiled despite the nagging thoughts and told himself it’s just a test.

 He observed her through shy glances as he blurted more embarrassing lines that he knows would never fail to impress the viewers. She seemed to understand the situation and was fearless to counter the compliments and the flirting. She was a perfect fit for variety love line.

He was very nervous as they went to the car assigned to their team. The concept was mocking him, bringing up his past. Even Geun Young’s very presence was taunting him, she reminded him of her. He shook his head and sighed.

His two dongsaengs started to , forcing him to her. He almost regretted pretending to have a crush on her as he gripped the steering wheel tight.

“Oppa why do you drive like that?” She sounded so eager and curious but he can see it her eyes. She knows the situation well and knows how to play. He smiled and admired her more – she was indeed a good actress.

The two at the back were gloating. It was a perfect variety moment. He can already imagine Haha itching to take advantage of the golden opportunity for punch lines.

“Hyung so do you want to date her?” said Haha and Gwang soo also joined in the fun, framing him and her with baseless statements.

 Without thinking, he said aloud what he had thought of her when she walked in during the opening. “I’m a fan. The age difference…” he paused. He should not be a killjoy. He should play along as always. “But really you’re all grown up now, a woman already.”  It had become his downfall. He can already imagine the viewers satisfied at his coyness, the Pd would already anticipate rating increase.

The others mentioned trading him off and he wished they would. He only hoped to get away from the woman whose gaze he can’t meet.

 His wish came true after suffering jokes that weren’t supposed to bother him but did.

He draped his arm over Ji hyo as they walked and he can sense her questions bubbling in the surface. He just smiled sadly.

The good thing with Ji hyo was that she maybe always spacing out but she’s one woman whose gaze he can meet and at the same time, it’s comforting. She nodded in understanding and raised her thumbs to cheer him up. He knows she was relieved too, they were both running away from people they have to like in a different way than they would have preferred to for the sake of the show. For her he pulled off a sincere smile of gratitude.

He was glad when finally filming was over but not excited to know there’s a part two.

He tossed and his sleep the whole night just wondering about things. About his past, Xman, Geun Young and that person tying all those together – Eun hye.

“Jong kook-ah, until now do you still –”

“I know already hyung, I'm an entertainer. I haven’t forgotten.” He turned to face away Jae suk who can only shake his head. Jong kook finally fell into a deep but troubled slumber.  

He woke up early to the sound of a catchy tune. The mission started right away after the morning wake up performance by his hoobaes Yunho and Changmin.

He held Ji hyo’s hands for a while and she humored him by standing between him and Geun Young. He can already feel the inevitable and he pleaded Ji hyo with his eyes but she instead sold him out. She gave him like a bride to Geun Young.

He knew why, Ji hyo only wanted him to face it. It was what was expected from him. It was the way of life for celebrities. Do what people want you to do and in his case, it’s about the love line – one of the main selling point of any show, variety, movie or what – romance.

He wanted to just hide and disappear but he can’t. He can’t even understand why he is thinking too much about it when he was countering it okay yesterday. He groaned as he focused his eyes on the road. He can feel her looking at him intently, observing his every move.

“Umm, how’s your work and school Geun Young-ah?” he asked, hoping to ease the awkwardness.

“I am considering some projects and school is fine and all.”

“I’m sorry for you have to go through all of that.”

“I’m good. It was fun actually oppa.”

He let out an awkward laugh before mumbling something about her trading him for Gary.

“Oppa, were you jealous?”

“What are you saying? Do you really want to cause a scandal with me?” he stuttered, his face a shade darker, his eyes focused on the road. He disliked the fact that he was unable to help but grin. It was all sorts of awkward but there’s something else that he can’t put into words.

A snort from the back made him realize they weren’t alone. He meet Jae suk’s worried gaze despite the older one saying something in contrary.

“It really felt like we were watching a dating show or something.” The oldest said, he knows that his dongsaeng is going through a lot but the only way out is in. He only hoped the years had already hardened Jong kook enough to let it not affect him too much.

“Yah! Hyung stop it already!”

“You two look good together and you complement each other well.”

Stop, it feels too familiar. Don’t, it reminds me of the past... too much… no more…

He focused on the game. It helped a bit that Geun Young was very competitive herself. She would always look at him with those eyes of hers that makes him suddenly interested in other things. She would touch him and it takes all self-control not to flinch. He was getting bothered when yesterday he had thought a lot about being a pro on those things.

Keep your head on the game and your heart out Jong kook-ah.

He looked behind him and can’t help a smile when Geun Young paraded her wet suit and boots. She looked so young and carefree, so not for him. She looked awkwardly cute as she stomped around. He found himself offering his hand to hers. She shrugged and placed her hand in his. Through the gloves, he still felt her warm touch and it traveled all the way to his face making him genuinely blush for the first time because of her.

“Geun Young-ah, I’m sorry...” then he placed an arm around her waist and pulled her close. He almost groaned at the contact despite wearing several clothes. He knows everything looked normal from the outside but he can’t do it anymore. He was shaken without a doubt.

He tripped Ji hyo causing her to fall in the chicken fight. He regretted not letting Geun Young have a chance to show more of her strength but he only wanted to end his suffering. He was being suffocated by his thoughts.

Ji hyo pretended to hit him but there were no strength in her punches and he knows she can hurt someone when she’s truly pissed. Ji hyo’s gaze comforted him silently. She understands and he was thankful.

“Oppa, nametag ripping is a lot of fun.”

“It is but stay close to me.” he said in a low tone as he averted his gaze. He can’t even talk to her properly now. Her voice, her youth, her enthusiasm… it is too familiar and it’s starting to hurt.

Someone dashed in front of him, pushing Geun Young against him. For a while, they stood on that corridor, their bodies pressed together. Jong kook stiffened and his heart pounded hard on his chest. He wasn’t able to move and the three seconds felt like three hours. He was grateful when she didn’t notice anything as she was so focused on the game.

“Oppa! Let’s run after him.” He blindly followed her. He was shaken. Everything was too familiar. It was starting to fall apart. He was a mess.

Jong kook excused himself and went to the bathroom where he met Jae suk.

Jae suk told the VJ not to film and to leave them.

“Jong kook-ah, it’s not her. You know it’s a pun… Xman and you – people would think of love lines and her.”

“I know…”

“Your body remembers how it used to be, it’s all in your mind. Control yourself.”

“It’s hard hyung. She reminds me of everything I tried to forget. I thought I can handle it.”

“They are not the same person Jong kook-ah, it’s not Xman anymore. We sacrificed many things when we chose this path. It may be against our will, makes us uncomfortable but as long as we do it for the greater good with dignity and we don’t hurt anyone, all is forgiven and excused.” With those words, Jae suk left Jong kook to ponder.

The last activity didn’t last. Jong kook and Geun young ousted the Monday couple and took the win home. After all the VJs closed their cameras, everyone prepared to leave. DBSK were the first to excuse themselves while Geun Young lingered and chatted with everyone.

As customary after filming, they all ate dinner together. During diner, everyone was trying to steer away from teasing Geun Young and Jong kook. In fact, they tried not to talk too much to them. Geun Young excused herself for a bit and went off to answer her phone. After a while when Jong kook thought that the others were not paying attention to him, he slipped off and followed Geun Young.

“Oppa, what are you doing here?” she said as she pocketed her phone, sounding curious. He realized it’s her nature. He smiled and for the first time in two days, he looked at her directly in the eyes. He endured her gaze and she was the first to look away. It was just like the past. Like her, Geun Young was also a shy woman who wouldn’t just look at a man’s eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry oppa? You did what you had to.”

“I know, but it felt off. Weird.” He sighed and decided to be honest, thinking it’ll be better. “Okay, don’t find it weird but I was shaken.”

She looked at him with a guarded expression. He didn’t have to burden her with this but there he was baring himself to her.

“I’m an actress. I need to look good with my partner. We needed chemistry to sell. Variety is no different. We had to do that.” Jong kook nodded. It was silly of him to think that way or to have those thoughts. He was confusing her with another person that’s why he felt sorry. He should’ve enjoyed her company but all he did during the past two days were to self-pity and push her away while acting close to her. He was older but he acted like that and he was lucky she was able to handle it.

“You did really good Geun Young-ah…. You even had to carry me around. Just forget it, after this…” He turned around leaving the words unspoken. He knows they wouldn’t really have a reason to meet again unless they do something. He was a coward letting those words linger, it was the same as asking to meet again.

“Oppa, I know everything,” she called out but he didn’t look back. “Did Geun young bothered you or was it unnie?”

That was the very question he wanted to answer. Was it Geun Young or she? He hesitated but finally gave in. “Do you really want to find out? Because I don’t really know.”

“Then let me help you.”

“How –” Jong kook felt his heart lurch as a pair of arms circled his waist. Her body was terrifyingly warm and soft, clouding his senses.

“Geun Young-ah, I…”

She tightened her grip and Jong kook understood. He placed his hand on top of hers and gently he pushed them away and he faced her.

“Thank you.” I understand now… thank you.

She nodded and smiled to him before both of them went in together to the waiting group of running man. The others teased them as usual but unlike yesterday, Jong kook handled it without hesitation and doubts.

This oneshot was requested by Kpop_Sis. It's based on episodes 114-115 with Moon Geun Young. I hope you like it and since you told me to do what I want I came up with this, feel free to message me if you want to edit anything ^_^

It almost became a rant fic sorry, and there are so many interpretations for this and let me rant a bit about it.

Geun young knows that Jong kook is troubled because of the setting (Xman concept ep114) since it reminds him of the painful past. Before, he fell for something that is not real that's why he kept on saying that he already knows how to play along referring to his willingness to participate in fake love lines without involving personal feelings. Geun Young figured out his distress and wanted to help him out. Jong kook felt like she was stepping in for Eun hye’s place and it feels like the past all over again. He was confused if he likes her or if he still likes Eun hye. It was actually Geun Young’s way of helping him, because she thinks he have to face it to get over it. At the end, Geun Young prods him. She urges him to admit things but her intention was not for him to say that he has feelings for her like in dramas but for him not to run away anymore. The hug woke up Jong kook. He realized that he hasn’t really moved on even if he says he did. When Jong kook thanked her he was solemn, it was because he realized that Geun Young was only helping him out. As for other feelings involved, be the judge  :)