세나: The fact that a skateboard had bumped on my foot was already startling, but when I turn my head to where the shout comes from, I instantly want to run as I see a giant running towards me.

“Naekkoya! Skateboard naekkoya!” a tall (and I mean really tall) blonde guy comes fast approaching, waving an arm to make his presence known. There’s an alarming expression on his face, as if he’s worried that I might not give back to him his skateboard or something. “Naekkoya, naekkoya! Naekko—”

When he’s just a foot away from me I give it back to him, “Oh, here-here-here, that’s yours! All yours!” I push the item towards him with an annoyed face. “Geez, it’s not like I’m gonna take it away or anything,” he receives it with a somewhat blank face, and that is when I notice who he is. His identity easily registers into my brain; we have met before, for more than once.

“Uh, thanks.” He mumbles, a little ashamed of his possessive act a while ago. When he looks at me a crease between his brows easily develops when he starts to observe me, because maybe, I’m not the only one who’s familiarized with one of us.

“Excuse me?” I say, when he’s taking too long.

The giant looks away. “Um, I’m sorry. I just thought that maybe I know you from somewhere,”

“Don’t worry; you look quite familiar too, yourself,” I reply, because indeed I know him. Back when I was still a PD for my best friend’s band I’ve met him at the backstage of music shows for I think thrice. I’ve done a pretty good amount of research about their group, and that’s enough to make me not forget of his name.

He scratches his head, a little shyly, “Why, thank you.”

I remember that back then, I looked different. My hair still wasn’t red, so now there’s no way he could recognize me again. Not knowing what else to say, I respond with the thing closest in mind: “Zelo.”

“Yes, that is me!” he chirps. “And…you are?” he politely squints his eyes and tilts his head to the left.

“Oh,” I laugh breathlessly. “You probably don’t remember. We once had a close encounter at the backstage of Inkigayo. I was a Coordi of BtoB?”

With his index finger, he lightly scratches his cheek. “Ah…hehehe. As much as I’m trying to remember, I…can’t really…”

“I understand.” I smirk. “Here, let me help you out.” I take his skateboard from him and make a gesture that wait, I’ll do something. I take a few steps back from him. Taking a long breath, I walk towards Zelo, carrying the skateboard with two hands acting out as if it’s greatly heavy and it’s a pile, and tell him, “Excuse me, can you please handle this for a sec?”

Zelo blinks. He has no idea what’s happening but he takes his skateboard. When I’ve handed it to him I mime tying the nonexistent laces of my shoes. I let a few good seconds pass, and I look at him again for a reaction.

“Remember now?”

The kid is still as clueless as heck.

Sighing, I give up. I look down on the ground for a while and I realize that’s there’s something on my nosebridge—oh right. I’m wearing glasses. Removing it, I face Zelo. “Alright, do you remember now? Because if you don’t--”

“—oh!” he gasps. “It was you! You’re the noona who looked like she has a story to tell!” he concludes, finally, with a pointing hand.

What? “Excuse me?”

“I remember now!” he gaily grins. “It was you! The one who asked me to help you out with those clothes!”

“Um, yes, but, story? What story?” although I am very much flattered to be considered like that, it’s a little too absurd for an absolute stranger to describe someone (namely me) weirdly qualitatively.

“Well,” he tosses this thought in mind. “I don’t know, noona, that’s just how you really looked,”

“But why?”

“Long explanation!”

“Okay…?” I find myself scratching my head. “Anyway, hey, I’m not your noona.” My researches have told me that this kid and I were born on the same year, albeit I still can’t get over the fact that he’s really tall. He’s even taller than Sungjae.

“Why, noona, you seem older than me.”

I don’t know if he means that literally or figuratively but I want to yell at him, somehow, I have Werner’s Syndrome, you tactless kid but I keep my self-possession in tact so I laconically answer, “We’re both born in the same year, silly,”

“Uh, really? We’re both 96-liners?”

“Yes. I’m December 18. You?”

“October 15.” Then he gasps. “Wow! That must mean I’m your oppa!”

The thought of addressing this kid with ‘oppa’ somehow doesn’t make me want to do it that much. I don’t even address my best friend (who’s a year and several months older than me) and my crush (who’s three years older) with ‘oppa’, how much more this kid, who’s just a couple of months away from me? “Uh, I won’t call you that though,” I say.

“Why noooot?” he whines. “I’ve long been waiting for this! All I ever encounter are noona fans! I hardly get anyone that’s the same age as me!”

“But I’m not your fan.” I blurt mechanically. Then I mentally slap my mouth for such a rude remark.

On the spot his face falls. “Um, I’m sorry, that was a little shameless—”

“I mean,” I hastily make a move with my hand. “That’s not what I meant. I don’t really…well, I don’t really address some people with oppa. Sungjae, for one. And besides, we’re age-mates so...we could be friends…I hope? I only get to hang out with people older than me, actually,”

The brightening of his mien returns. “Wow, I totally know the feeling!”

I smile. “Yeah, yeah.” Proffering a hand, I properly introduce myself, “The name’s Pyo Se Na, by the way,”

Gladly he takes it and affably replies, “B.A.P’s Zelo. You might have heard of us?”

“Of course,” I grin. “I’ve heard a great deal of you. Your group and Sungjae’s group promotions’ were once at the same time,”

 “Oh, BtoB!”

“Yep, that one,”

He nods thrice, somewhat eagerly, and then asks, “You’re their Coordi?”

“Um, not anymore. I’m a trainee under their company now,”

“Ah…but, weren’t you a little too young to be a Coordi?”

“Why, yes,” I chuckle. “Yes I was.”

“Why aren’t you a Coordi now?”

“It’s a long story,” I state.

“Sounds interesting.” He smiles. “But I’m afraid that might have to wait for next time? Because I think I’ve got to get home now,”

I look at the time on my watch. Why, it’s already an hour past midnight! A while ago it was just 11! “Yeah, you should. We should.”

“Yup. Anyway Se Na-noona—I mean, aish, Se Na-ssi, did the skateboard hurt you or what? I mean, were you hit or anything?”

I look down on my right foot, or my big toe there, because, though tolerable, that did hurt. “On my right foot. Here.”

“Oh my!” he stoops down abruptly and takes my foot (and I feel like freaking Cinderella or something when he does that only it’s a giant that examining my foot) to observe. “Let me give you a treatment for it!”

I’m taken aback. As much as I want to conclude that he’s overreacting, I know he just wants to take responsibility for what he’s done. “Um, it’s okay, really, Zelo. Get up now,”

“I insist!”

“It’s alright! Stand up; ya, Zelo—ya, Zelo! Get up!”

He does so, but a little slower than when he squatted, though his eyes are still on my foot. “You sure you’re alright?”

Oh, I’m enduring far worse ailments, alright. “It’s okay, seriously,” I smile.

“Eh…but at least you’ll let me make up for it?”

I resist the urge to say, okay, there’s a stall that sells dumplings over there. But I’m not really hungry. “Maybe next time, Zelo. I hope we’ll meet again?”

As if the same hope really is inside him he grins. “Yes, I’m hoping for that too! We’re just a little busy now, though…”

“Not to worry, I’m sure we’ll see each other again. And no need for formalities during that,” I laugh.

“Alright then,” he nods and laughs boyishly. “Se Na-ya!”

“You learn fast,” I respond, with the same happiness. “Do you come here often?”

“Only when I’m free. My free times aren’t definite, though,”

“Aww, that’s okay. We’ll still meet at this same place; I’m pretty confident of that.”

This is quite enough to make him believe my statement. “Do you live near here?”

“Yeah. Three blocks. You?”

“Certainly farther than you.” He laughs. “Let me take you home,”

“Oh, I’d like that,” and then I wink, “Comrade,”

Maybe it’s because that we both belong in the same line that it’s easy for us to talk like we’re old acquaintances. “I like that. Comrade.”

So cut the long story short, Zelo takes me home. Safely, if I may have to add. Weirdly, though, he lets me ride his skateboard and teaches me how to ride it. My arm is stretched out to one side to balance myself out, and the hand of my other hand is being held by him for guidance (nothing romantic. I repeat: nothing romantic). By some miracle the skateboard and I become friends easily. When we reach the building of where my apartment should be, I thank the giant.

“You know I still can’t get over the fact that I’ve gained a new friend,” I say, with a giggle.

“Me too. More than that I’ve gained a comrade, haha.”

“Thank you, Zelo.” I smile at him.

He offers a hand before I go. “We’ll see each other soon again, Pyo Se Na.”

“Oh, definitely.” And we shake hands. “Good night. Take care on your way home.”

“You’re really kind, you know that?”

“Why thank you,” I snicker, flattered.

“Well now you know. Okay. Good night, too. Sleep well,” and when the biddings are over I go in into the building, as he skates away rapidly.

When I come home, that’s when I realize that I’m really tired. When I look at the clock, I yawn, because my day was long—really long, and now I’m already at the start of a new one. I slip into my pyjamas and consider hitting the hay.

Just when I’m about to dive on the bed, though, I smile when I see this huge elephant stuffed doll that was the remembrance of my date with Jung Ilhoon. In fairness to its gargantuan size (it occupies more than one-fourth of the bed) it’s really fluffy. I wouldn’t get tired running my hands through its furs (excusing the fact that elephants don’t have furs; this is a toy after all) and that I’ve been sleeping with it ever since it was given to me. To be honest, I never regarded Ilhoon-oppa with any sort of romantic fondness (my goodness, my feelings are only for Penpennie!) but when we had our date, I had a really, really great time with him, even thinking to the point that the girl whom that guy will like is really lucky. He isn’t perfect, but he’s trying.

And here is a little history on our date:

It was evening when our date had started, and the first thing we did was, surprise, surprise—eat. Oppa told me that Sungjae told him (okay so what he said that he’s a supportive dongsaeng is true then) that I don’t like formal dinners very much but he said that if I don’t mind, he’d like to bring me to one because it would be a little odd to see two casually-dressed guy and girl eating jjampong in a commoners’ noodle-house, to which I agreed, because somehow, I had the resolution to just go on with wherever the date was going to lead me.

The dinner wasn’t sumptuous, but enough to fill us both. Of course, the spicy food wasn’t absent from what we ate. After dinner, I thought that was where everything was going to end, much to my mistake. Oppa took me to some toy shop saying “he wanted me to have a remembrance” from him.

To which I only reacted with, “Wow, you’re really taking this to new heights, you know that?”

Jung just laughed, though.

“If you could have anything in the world, what would it be?” he said, while eyeing a huge array of cute fluffy toys.

The question was out of the blue. I wanted to answer it, though. “That’s a really deep question. Although, I couldn’t think of anything to answer with.”

“Why not? Come on, it’s not that hard,” he picked a panda from the rack. “You like this?”

“Um, anything. I’m not particularly fond of this kind of things,” so he put it back. I took this as a cue to answer his other question. “Why, oppa, I’m some sort of depressive-realist. I don’t believe in wishing,”

“No one really does,” he laughed. “Wishing is something that fools people into believing something,”

So wishing that I’d get healed of this Werner’s thing shouldn’t be done, then? “That sounds harsh.”

“It does? Maybe. But I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wishing. You don’t lose anything. You just wish,”

“But you will lose something if you put too much faith into it,” I said. Unconsciously, my hand picked an elephant stufftoy. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t notice he was quiet.

When I looked back at him, he was looking at me with a soft smile, with his hand rested on the rack.

“What?”

“You like that one?”

I looked at it. It was really soft and fluffy. “Yep. But I warrant this isn’t really the reason why you’re looking at me like that,”

“You’re right.” He chuckled. “It just dawned on me that we’re philosophizing about something so banal. It sounds weird,”

“Well you started it.” I laughed.

“Yeah, haha. But, really, Se Na, if there’s anything you could wish for, what would it be?”

It was tempting that I tell him that I’d get well, that I won’t die, but of course I can’t give that away. I myself even refuse to remember  that fact. “Just for everyone I love to be well,”

“Namely Sungjae.”

“Yeah. But that also includes you guys. And Father Hong. And Manager Jongwon. And Manager Yonghyun,”

“We’ve really made an impression on you, haven’t we? I thought otherwise.”

“Oh you did, absolutely.” he wedged the elephant doll out of the rack, with some difficulty. “I don’t forget people who help me, you know. And those who think I’m much better than I actually am. People like that really make an impression in me, not because they’re, well, impressive, but because I could easily remember their kindness. Them, or you, being nice to me…that’s more than enough to make me feel less lonely,” I said, not really knowing what I was saying, because my attention was only focused on the question.

 A moment of silence fell between us, and he replied, “Se Na, why are you so lonely?”

When I considered the way his eyes glinted with that, he seemed genuinely intrigued, at the same time concerned, and if I may add, sad. “Well, oppa…the Pyo Se Na you know isn’t really that…human than you think.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s something someone with a family wouldn’t understand.”

He looked down. “Um. I’m sorry,”

“No need.” I laughed, to ease him. It’s not his fault that calamities rained down on Earth the day I was born. “I don’t mind telling you my story, though,”

“If that’s about your parents, well…I’ll try not to step on that. I’m fine with the story about you and Sungjae, thank you very much,”

“As you wish, then,” I nodded. I picked up a random platypus toy from the shelf and handed it to him. “You. Buy this for yourself. As a remembrance for our date,” I grinned.

He assented, and while we were walking to pay for the stuffs, and while walking to the park, I told him my biography that had Sungjae written all over it. It pretty much amazed him.

“So since then, Sungjae and Sungjae alone was your friend?” he asked, mystified.

I smiled. “Yeah. So it wouldn’t really be a surprise that he and I would end up together, right? That isn’t really far from happening. I don’t think anyone will ever understand me as he does. He could practically read my mind with just the way my finger flicks,”

We were sitting on a swing set beside each other, slaking our thirst with slushies. The night was incredibly still; the skies were dark and only a few stars were present. An occasional gust of wind would blow, and I was slightly shivering from it. “I think he’s inlove with you.”

“You do? I think so too.” I laughed, considering this as a mere joke.

“Seriously,” he sipped once from his cup. “Maybe he hasn’t just realized it yet.”

“Maybe. Although you forgot to mention, that could also be applicable to me.”

Then a pause came. For that minute he looked at me in examination, as if looking for something that was invisibly written on my forehead. “Are you?”

“Nope. I love Sungjae, but not that kind of love,” because, I like his hyung. Bwahahaha.

“What do you think about Sungjae, though? What if he really is in-love with you secretly?”

Before, when we were still at the early stages of our adolescence I thought that maybe that was high time for romance to bloom between us, but then I thought, no; our friendship wouldn’t get demoted to that level. I thought of romance as something lowly. We were still too young to understand. Romance was worldly and foolish. Sungjae…ever since he met me, he’s focused his life on being my family. On protecting me. On supporting me, when no one else would. On believing in me even I myself lost my faith. On scolding me whenever I lied, both to him and myself. On disciplining me on matters that I couldn’t bring myself to learn. On tirelessly telling me to just hold on because he was still there to love me, because my aunt never did. That maybe, if I didn’t mind, I could have his mother too, so we’d be siblings, that he’d be my big brother, and I’ll be his little Se Na whom he’s going to have endless pajama parties with. The glasses and glasses of milk, his weekly visits to Busan, its hiatus for two years, our reunion, but even after that, still, almost nothing changed. If ever I’d paint a picture of our friendship, it’d be a collage made of words. Probably it would be abstract—too abstract for anyone to ever understand, because, just like our private jokes, our secrets, only he and I would ever understand.

Those thoughts swirled in my mind for that thinking time I was given. I almost cried when I remembered—when the gravity of how much my best friend has been raising me up all these years, hit me in the face. But I didn’t want oppa to see that. I hated the idea of crying in front of anyone else. “Oh, Ilhoon-oppa,” I laughed. Sungjae and I, we’re soulmates. But I don’t think… “I am ninety-nine point nine percent sure, no. I would know. Don’t worry. I’ll get back to you on that when it comes true,” I smirked at him.

“Oh, you are so naïve, Se Na,” he cooed.

Sniggering, I countered, “You could call that naivety, or you could call that mastery,”

His shoulders slumped. “Fine. You win.”

I laughed.

“Although, your mind’s open to matters such as having Sungjae as just a witness in your wedding, right?”

I nodded. “Yes. Why?”

“Because there are some people that are all ready to sweep you off your feet anytime,”

Cocking a brow, I replied, “Namely?”

“Oh, those who like you.”

“Who?”

“Well, us. All of us. We like you.”

“Yeah. But as far as I’m concerned most of you like me platonically so quit generalizing. Who do you mean?”

“Oh, Minhyuk-hyung…and some more…” he looked down on the ground and scuffed his shoe lightly in circular motions.

“Minhyuk-eomma just likes me as his ‘sweetie’. Besides, he doesn’t…well, I wouldn’t like him that way.”

After a five-second pause, he finally said, “Me. I like you.”

“Aw, sweet. I like you too.” I giggled.

“No, I mean—I like you.”

Snapping my head to his direction, I saw that a blush was forming on his face, despite of the inadequately-lit outdoors. “As in, like-like?”

He was silent.

This was my first time receiving a confession. I’ve never prepared for something like this. More than that, his confession was something I never saw coming, so it was even harder. I’ve made stories about many heroines whom were confessed to, and they took it pretty coolly, but I couldn’t seem to apply that same coolness to my situation as of now. I realized that, after all, I’m different from them. “Uh…” I stammered. “But you do know I…well…how do I put this.” My face warmed up, contrary to how much I’ve told it not to. “Oppa, I…” then I tried another tactic. I laughed, digging up the deepest part of my funny bone to take some laughter out of me, because, viewing it in another perspective, maybe this was a joke. Then the more I laughed, the more I fooled myself into believing, but then as his silence continued, I had to stop. “Oh my gosh. You weren’t joking?”

Silence.

“Sorry. That was mean. I shouldn’t have laughed. Eh…I was just trying to uh…maybe…you were kidding, but apparently…you’re not…”

Alas, after what seemed like a long vista of years, Ilhoon-oppa finally spoke again. “I know, Se Na. Not to worry, I just wanted you to know.”

It was my turn to stay quiet. What was I supposed to say next?

He stood up and picked up the bags where the stuff-toys were put. He walked near to where I sat and held out his hand. “Hey, come on. I just hope my confession didn’t ruin this date,”

Slowly, slowly, I looked up at him. “Why did you… like me?”

He smiled. “Well, first off, you’re really pretty. Second, you’re witty and honest. Third but not the least, is because you’re Pyo Se Na.”

The flattery was killing me. “But I…”

“It’s alright. We’re still friends. You don’t have to like me back, really. And I’m not heartbroken. Well, a little, but this is enough,” he gave me a reassuring smile.

I took his hand and rose from my seat. Bewilderment still rode the other half of me, but something whispered to me that now, though he’s regarding me with romantic feelings, we’re closer. Honestly, the first time I met them Ilhoon-oppa was the one I least expected to be this close with. Now where are we? He even knows my secret about The Lunch Box. On top of that he’s given me the confidence that it’s alright with him even if I can’t reciprocate his feelings. He’s already letting go even if he has nothing he holds onto.

We go home. He walks me to my home first. When we reach my front door I ask him, “Would you like to come in, oppa?”

He shook his head. “Ani. We’ve talked too much for today we should save some more for next time.”

“You’re right.”

“Ah, before you go in, Se Na,”

“Hm?”

“There’s really a reason why I asked you out on this date.” He said, some seriousness present in his eyes. “Apart from me confessing to you, that is. I just want you to know something.”

“What is it?”

He mutely took a deep breath before saying, “Your secret’s safe with me.” with a sweet, confident smile.

At first I wondered what secret he was talking about, and then I realized what it was. I wanted to cry, right then and there, because I was somehow guilty of the fact that maybe he would tell the other guys. I could really trust this guy, after all. Not knowing how to respond with anything else I just threw my arms around him. “Thank you so much, oppa. Thank you, thank you!”

“It’s my pleasure,” I felt his smile when he tapped my back, when he overcame the shock of my abrupt move. Soon enough we both let go and had our exchange of good nights. I even gave him a good night kiss on the cheek.

“See you,” he waved, and walked away, and I closed my door.

And I knew then, that my world wasn’t just limited to Sungjae anymore. He will still be my best friend, but some measures have to be taken.

Yawning, I embrace the stufftoy oppa gave me. It’s a good night. Peacefully, I sink into sleep.