성재:  “Don’t fret. This is nothing,” I said with a smile to her, while I was enclosing her in a hug because she was seriously agonizing herself too much. I didn’t know what the best thing to say was, but I had felt the need to say something, for one last time before she came to film. “Think of spicy rice cakes while you’re at it.” I had told Se Na, when she pulled out her torso from mine. The worried look on her face was still there, but somehow I knew she was going to take that suggestion.

Those were the last things I said to Se Na before she walked to film her kiss-scene with my hyung. In truth I was kind of worried, myself—whoa, I wasn’t the one who’s gonna have her first kiss; can you believe it? But the one thing that overshadows all my thoughts as I stand here right now, watching them is how hyung is going to take it.

All my other hyungs stand beside me right now, and somehow we’re all having one same pose as we look at the thrilling moment taking place before us. We’re craning our necks forward in anticipation. There, there—my hyung’s face is really close to my best friend’s, and for a moment, I kind of wait for Se Na to melt on the spot. But of course, it doesn’t happen. What does happen the moment next, though, is far more shocking than what we had originally expected. No—Donggeun-hyung doesn’t kiss her. He doesn’t. He doesn’t! Instead he kisses Bo Mi’s forehead and walks away in slow steps. Us, the audience, freeze in our post, still working on believing what we’re beholding. From Peniel-hyung’s receding figure in the distance I look at Se Na, who’s standing there with agape, apparently overcoming the same shock as we are. No, they didn’t plan this out. Hyung acted according to his own free will. He violated the director’s orders—moreover, he violated the story.

So I hope pna502 doesn’t mind?

“CUT!” the director thunders, with that horn before his mouth. His voice echoes all over the set. “Peniel, come back here!” he orders. “You too, Se Na. Come here! Come here, both of you! Quick!”

The red shade on Se Na’s face is even more emphasized under the bright lights. As she walks to the director her fists are clenched, and she’s biting her lower lip. Se Na, you’re okay, right?

And so does Peniel-hyung. Together they inch their way to the head in the set. Out of curiosity, my other hyungs and I unconsciously flock around to where the crowd is forming.

“Haven’t I told you to do the kissing scene?” director-nim says in reprimand. “Peniel. What do you think you were doing?”

My hyung looks startled, but there’s this strong sense of grace in him under this pressure. Like a sense of firm resolve, like that? “We did, director.”

Director is silent for a long while. “Did you read the script?” he says in a lower voice, but his seriousness is far scarier than his shout.

Se Na and my hyung nod.

“And what did they do?”

It takes a long while for them to answer. They know, of course, but they know that once they answer, they will be left with no choice; they’ll really have to do it. It’s in Se Na’s nature to say something when she wants to speak up, moreover, she’ll argue with anyone as long as she knows she’s in reason. But now, I could see her reason all stuck in . The suffocating tension in the air makes this panicky feeling inside me start; I really want to save Se Na from this trouble. I want to save them. Both of them.

For a long minute everyone holds their breath. It’s brighter than sunshine that director has won the argument; waiting for rebuttal is in vain.

But then, anything can happen.

“Melodies.” Peniel-hyung answers with that single word. I detect the micro-movement (as I myself do it) that everyone has slightly tilted away in surprise. Hyung is so smart!

Se Na takes a very small step forward and opens to say something, but hyung grasps her hand to hold her tongue. Hyung mumbles something to Se Na which I don't hear, but it’s predictable—what he’s said. I got this. My best friend looks away as quickly as she looked at him, an embarrassed expression on her face.

“Melodies?” director scoffs. “You’re concerned about Melodies? That was still the fourteenth take and the chapter has a long way to go!”

“Director-nim,” Minhyuk-hyung, out of the blue, steps forward. “The fanbase is growing. We can’t risk losing a chunk of it with this,”

“So?” the other counters. “You yourself have had your part in a kissing scene in your own music video! What difference would another one make?”

“Huge.” Minhyuk-hyung is obviously protecting his dongsaengs. Not only his dongsaengs, but also our fans. “With all due respect, director, but despite we’re following a script here, the fans are very sensitive. Really sensitive. We don’t know them one by one, but we know them—by heart. We’re being considerate. We don’t want them getting injured—even when we say it’s just acting.” He briefly pauses to look at Donggeun-hyung and Se Na who’re gaping at him. They look like two kids being protected by an adult from some trouble, really. Finally, to ease up the stress, Minhyuk-hyung smirks, “And we don’t want anyone hating either our Se Na or our Donggeunnie.”

Our. Oh, yeah. He’s nailed it. Our Se Na. Our Donggeunnie. All other arguments are invalid. The director heaves a long sigh, and tosses easily the script on a table nearby. No, not an expression of anger, but just tiredness. And I could hear Se Na’s sigh of relief when he says, “Fine. Let’s hope there’s no more kissing scenes in the fanfic,”

And everyone grins at that—well, except for Se Na, because there’s still a visage of worry in her eyes. Beside her Peniel-hyung almost offers her a high-five but she walks away in huge steps. Apparently I’m the only one who notices this that I follow after her.

“Se Na! Ya, Pyo Se Na!” I match my pace with her and grab her arm. “Ya! What’s wrong with you?”

She screws her eyes shut for a long moment and snorts. “I just—I just needed to get out of there. The air was stale,”

“I know.” I agree. “But stop lying. What’s bothering you?”

My best buddy looks at me straight in the eyes. “Has it ever occurred to you that everything is so hard for me?”

Here she goes again. She loves to overthink, doesn’t she? “Has it ever occurred to you that you’re the only one who makes things hard?” she looks like she’s going to walk out but I beat her to it. “Se Na, look—” I hold both of her forearms to make her look at me but she whines, not wanting to meet my gaze. “Pyo Se Na,” Se Na keeps on shaking her head in wiggly motions but I shake her once. “Se Na.” I say, with finality, the last syllable a little prolonged to be more convincing. “What do you think I’m here for?”

She doesn’t reply.

“Look, I don’t know exactly what you’re going through but why do you look so bothered? It’s ended, you didn’t kiss, it’s over! What more do you want?”

At last, she slumps against me and rants, “Jae, let me die! Seriously! This is killing me!” is on my shoulder so her speech sounds muffled.

“What’s killing you?”

“This! Bo Mi! Peniel! Everything!”

I pat the back of her head. “Oh, Se Na. What hyung did really affected you, huh?”

“Erm-mm,” I feel her nod against me. “That was—that was really—ugh. Why did he not just get over it?”

“Why, he’s always known all along that you don’t want him to kiss you,”

“Well it’s not that,” she whines. “It’s just—it’s just—gaaaaah.”

I chuckle. “Is this disappointment I hear?” then I flinch, “OW!” when she pinches my waist.

“Jaeeeeeeee.”

I rub the part she’s squeezed. “Se Naaaa.” I match her tone.

“I don’t know what to dooooo.”

Pulling her out slightly, I start to enlighten her about this. She just doesn’t understand what she’s feeling. It’s not really in Se Na’s nature to feel flirty. She’s always hated romance (she only likes romance in books, and if I may add, she just expresses romance through her writing), but this is a part of her growing up, after all. It’s time she gets over her infantilism. “You. Admit it. You like Peniel-hyung.” I stoop down to match my eye level with her.

She nods helplessly.

“You know what that’s called?”

“What?”

“In-fa-tu-a-tion.” I smile.

“I know, but—”

“—Shush. Se Na, all those fluttery feelings in your stomach—c’mon, that’s normal! I know they’re disgusting to you, but just let it flow. Remember, we’re not kids anymore. We get to experience new emotions. See?”

“But I didn’t know it would be like this!” she groans. “And-and-and did you see that? He put his forehead on mine and I was like oh my god. And he kissed me! He kissed me! On the forehead! I was like whaaaaaaaaaaat?” she states with the wild demonstration of the hands, speedier and speedier with every syllable. “And-and-and I was just standing there, dumbstruck, I still couldn’t get over it and I probably looked retarded because, really—whaaaat?”

At least she’s talking now. Not that she’s killing me with her silence. I laugh, almost boisterously, at how she tells it, because this is Pyo Se Na’s real character. She’s a serious person, but apparently when bewilderment takes the better side of her, she gives in to paroxysm. “So what did you feel then, while you were at it?”

“I tried to think of spicy rice cakes!” she exclaims. “But, strangely, that didn’t work!”

Covering my mouth, I continue listening to her blockbuster version of the five-minute scene with Peniel-hyung. I nod, giggle, and agree with whatever she says, because she needs this now. This is like those good ol’ days—back when we were kids, when I sense that Se Na seems to be hurt about how her aunt agitates her sometimes, I’d ask her what it is then, after much persuasion, she’d start shouting at how unfair everything is. What matters is she has an outlet. What matters is that she’s able to release all her chagrin.

She continues to talk and talk until suddenly she halts, when she sees something over my shoulder. I turn around, and there he is. “Hyung!” I grin at him.

“Hey…” Peniel-hyung smiles affably at me, but it’s obvious that it’s not me that he’s here for. He looks at the girl behind me and somehow cranes his neck. I feel something bump against my back, and when I look over my shoulder, I realize Se Na’s using me as a human shield. She’s literally hiding behind me. “Se Na?” hyung asks.

Behind me, my best friend doesn’t respond. “Oi, Se Na, hyung is talking to you,” I chuckle.

She removes her arm out of the concealment of my body and merely waves, “Hi.”

“She’s shy,” I whisper to hyung, covering one side of my mouth with the back of my hand. Disappointed, Peniel-hyung nods his head and goes away with a timid smile. When we’re out of his ear-shot I turn to the girl. “Wow, you’re really taking this to new heights; you know that?”

Her face is scarlet red. Seriously, she looks like a tomato. “I swear if you have a crush on someone and you’ll act like this, I’m gonna laugh at you so hard you’ll want to hide,” she counters with a scowl.

“Whatever you say, princess,” I laugh, hooking my arm around her neck and rub the top of her head.

Together, we walk back to the set to film the new scene.

That night, Se Na is once again on-duty as Ilhoon-hyung’s nurse. While she stares at Ilhoon-hyung as the invalid sleeps, I stand straight from my leaning position on the doorframe. “Se Na?”

She seems to have been tossing a great thought in mind, that she jerks when she replies, “N-ne?”

“Let’s go out.”

“You want me to go home? But Ilhoon-oppa’s—”

“Nope. Out. As in, out. On a date?”

Se Na knits her brows with a pucker on in bewilderment. “But…why?”

I walk to her and take both her hands, pulling her out from her seat. She’s been stuck there for like three hours straight. “Do I really need a reason?”

“Uh…” she checks the time. “But Jae, it’s 2:30!”

“No matter! Let’s go to that nearby café you were talking about!”

“Alright, alright,” she surrenders.

We peek our heads out first, to see if the hyungs will catch us. “Clear?” Se Na looks at me.

“Clear.” We tiptoe out of the room in jittery motions, and—

“And where do you think you’re going?” someone grabs the back collar of my shirt and that pulls me backward. When I look beside me Se Na’s hood is pulled back.

I turn, and Eunkwang-hyung lifts a brow at us. “Hyung! We just…wanted to go…out!”

“Kids. May I remind you that it’s the wee hours of the morning?”

I groan. “Come on, hyung! Please?”

“No.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“Pretty please?”

“No.”

Se Na just laughs. “Sorry, oppa. Sungjae—I mean, we just wanted to…well, yeah. We wanna go out.”

“On a date.” I continue.

Eunkwang-hyung somewhat blushes at our straightforwardness. He clears his throat. “No. Still no. You need your sleep. We’ll be filming later,”

I heave a sigh. How disappointing.

“Just do it some other time, will you?”

Se Na nudges me and when I look at her, an apologetic smile is on her face. “Okay, oppa.” She does a beck, and she leads me back to the room. “It’s okay,” she soothes, holding my hand, and she laughs. “Oh Jae, you’re so funny,”

Pouting, I reply, “What’s so funny?”

“You.” She elbows me.

The rest of the hours pass, and I think that maybe we don’t really a café or whatever set before us. Before going to sleep I make us some milk, and my best friend and I enjoy it by talking about everything and nothing. Maybe this is a date, too.

The filming goes on for another five days, and, by some miracle, we manage to finish the entire chapter 4. Ilhoon-hyung’s mumps has gone, and when he’s up and kicking again, everyone in the set gives him a welcome-back cake. After all, about half of the production unit is from Cube Entertainment itself, so they’re already familiar (not to mention fond) of Ilhoon-hyung.

Our tickets are ready, our flight is scheduled, and practices become frequent again when we’re preparing for our performance in Singapore. Two nights before our departure Ilhoon-hyung asks Se Na out on a date (I know, I know, I was shocked too; it’s quite unfair that Se Na and I didn’t have our date) because he “wanted to repay her kindness for taking care of him” and that “Se Na deserved a holiday”. Meh, Ilhoon-hyung. Just admit it, really. You’ve always wanted to ask Se Na out.

“I’ll be going,” Ilhoon-hyung grins at us, as he scuffed his shoes on the floor. “See ya,”

We wave back at him while we’re eating dinner, and when he’s out I take a good look at Donggeun-hyung’s face. He eats steadily, but I’m still waiting for something. Anything. Over the course of the filming, ever since their supposed-kiss, Se Na has kept her distance from Peniel-hyung, and would only approach him when they’re in front of the camera. Poor guy couldn’t sleep thinking about why my best friend is avoiding him.

The day of departure comes. The Peniel-Se Na tandem still isn’t repaired, and though I ask Se Na if it’s okay with her that they go on like this, she’d just shrug, not saying anything.

“Alright, here we are; Incheon Airport.” Manager Yonghyun announces when the car comes to a halt. He turns to us. “Pile out in neat order!”

“Will you be okay here?” I turn to Se Na after I get down.

My best friend nods with a smile, and that’s when I realize that I’m going to miss her. “Go,” she pats my back, her torso leaned forwards to me. “Bye, Jaejae.” Se Na kisses me on the cheek.

“I’ll be back,”

“You better.” She laughs, and, with a wave, I walk away from the van. I know who’s next she’s going to bid goodbye to. They need privacy, that’s why I choose not to turn my head as Se Na bids her goodbye to Peniel-hyung.

okay...?

 sorry for taking long to update! really busy with school stuff (coughtermpapercough) aaaaaand sorry if this chapter is ish, excuse all the errata; I'm feeling lightheaded now; I'm having a cough and headache. All I'm waiting for is fever XD

Yours truly forced herself to update because I know you were waiting (more or less) for me lolololol

I'll update tomorrow (I think)! I can't wait to write Penpen's POV hehhhh

a lot of things happened in this chapter, don't you think? -__-

how is everyone? I missed you!

-b