Although my heart was at peace, it was hard for me to sleep with Sungyeol by my side. I was exhausted, but still my eyes refused to close with him so close to me. There was just something about him that kept me wide awake. Something about the way his crooked rabbit teeth peeked out of his plump, red lips. Something about the side-swept, brown bangs over his blemish-free forehead. Something about his flat, smooth stomach rising and falling at such a steady pace. I loved being able to see every tiny detail on his flawless face. I loved him, almost too much. I spent most of the night just holding him, placing light kisses on his glossy eyelids and long nose as he slept. Every so often, his eyebrows would furrow, creating cute little wrinkles in his forehead. I'd tap them lightly with the tip of my nose and they'd melt away. More wrinkles formed every time he scrunched his eyebrows and it became clearer to me what he must have been dreaming about. Half way through the night, he sniffed and a tear fell slowly down his cheek.

"Da.... Da... Daeyeol-ah?" he mumbled sadly. I reached for the fluffy white comforter and pulled it over our heads as if it were a shield, separating us from the outside world completely. A few more tears fell and he sobbed a bit. I hugged him tightly, glad that I hadn't been asleep during his night terrors. He grabbed at my chest as his tears fell against it. To comfort him, I mumbled a soothing "Shhhhh" and cradled his head in my hand against my chest. I kept rubbing his back softly until his sobs ended and he fell back to sleep. It was then I decided to close my eyes and rest while his face wasn't so close to mine. 

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The next morning I awoke to the sound of humming. I opened my eyes to find an empty bed, covers peeled back and thrown messily in every direction. I sat up and rubbed my eyes sleepily. Sungyeol paused his happy humming to greet me.

"Morning!" He chirped as he buttoned his pants and pulled up the zipper. His hair was wet his skin was freshly moisturized; he'd just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed. I pulled on the boxers that were left on the floor last night and walked up to him. I ruffled his hair shaggy, wet hair and kissed his bare chest. He giggled and kissed my lips lovingly. "Go wash up." He said. I nodded and blushed as he patted my as I walked away. There was a thin layer of steam lingering in the air of the bathroom as I entered. I walked up to the mirror and wiped the condensation from it.

"Ughh!" I said to the reflection that appeared. My skin was grey and there were bags under my eyes the size of South America. It was obvious I hadn't gotten any sleep at all. Still I couldn't help but smile at the images I'd taken in my mind last night. Sungyeol's shining face would now be with me always. "Worth it." The mirror said back to me. I nodded in agreement and the shower head. As I stepped into the shower and began to wash, drowsiness hit. I'll just rest my head on the wall here for a moment......

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I woke again to humming, but this time to the sound of the shower running as well. My eyes opened and met with a smiling Sungyeol, humming as he rinsed the remaining shampoo from my hair. I smiled back at him for a moment and then jumped, realizing that I was completely . He stood outside the shower, fully clothed and washing my body with rolled up sleeves as I leaned against the tile walls regaining consciousness. I tried to cover myself a bit and he laughed at me.

"It's not like it's anything I haven't already seen..." He winked and focused back on my hair, making sure there was nothing left in it before squirting some conditioner on his hand and gently massaging it through my scalp. I sighed in relief realizing he was right and closed my eyes again, just enjoying his touch for a moment. "Yah!" He said, interrupting my sleepy thoughts. "Don't fall asleep again or we'll be late for school!" He rinsed my head in the water a bit more violently and then shut it off. "Get dry and dressed quick, okay?" He threw a towel at me and walked out of the bathroom. I shook my head and tried to regain full consciousness. Did I really just fall asleep in the shower? I thought groggily, stepping out into the misty bathroom. And did he really just stand there and wash me while I did? I chuckled and went to my room to get dressed. 

After we were both dressed and ready for school, we headed downstairs to the garage. I stopped in the kitchen to see if my mother had left me anything and saw that there was no breakfast, no cold eggs, and no warm juice. This was no surprise to me, she'd forgotten to make me breakfast in the past. I walked past and then doubled back, nearly dropping my book bag. There was something on the table: two brown paper bags with sticky notes on each of them. Two. I ran up to the table and picked up the first bag. "My Son," the first sticky note said. I clutched the bag carefully and looked inside, hoping for an explanation, a note, anything more. There was nothing but my usual ham and cheese sandwich with chips and water. I put the paper bag back down on the table and picked up the one beside it. "His Sun," the sticky note read. My eyes glazed over as I processed each individual letter.

"What's that?" Sungyeol said, skipping up behind me. I smiled and shoved his lunch at him.

"Lunch." I whispered excitedly. "She made you lunch." He stared down curiously at the small, brown bags. His eyes widened as he read the sticky note on each. I smiled so brightly, my face almost split in half. "She knew, Yeollie! And she understood!" I was out of breath when I finished the word. Sungyeol's eyebrows scrunched and then rose, finally realizing the weight that had been lifted. "I just have to talk to her, just once. You'll be allowed back here for good. I promise." Tears threatened to appear but I willed them away by grabbing his jaw and kissing him forcefully before wrapping my arms around him. "Something's gonna change, Yeollie. I can feel it." He giggled and kissed my neck.

"Me too." He whispered back. When we were finally able to let go of each other, we put our lunches in our backpacks and headed to the car. On the way to school we kept an eye out for Sungjong where he usually waits for me with Sungyeol, but he was nowhere to be found.

"He probably saw I wasn't there and took the bus with the other hyungs." Sungyeol reasoned. I nodded and continued driving. He fidgeted nervously in his seat for a moment.

"What's wrong?" I asked. He cleared his throat a bit before speaking.

"You... you stayed up all night because of me, didn't you?" He looked down as if he were being scolded. "Because of my nightmares?" He assumed. I reached over and ruffled his hair.

"I did stay up all night, but it wasn't because of you or your nightmares." I snuck a glance at him and then stared back at the road. "I was taking pictures." He shot me a puzzled look. "You see," I explained, "you were so close to me and just so beautiful in every way. I just wanted to watch you, kiss your cheek, hold you tight for hours and hours and hours." I stole another glance. He was listening carefully to my words. "It was hard for me to fall asleep because I didn't want to miss seeing your cute little tummy rise and fall. I didn't want to close my eyes and stop watching the way your long eyelashes framed the lids of your eyes." I smiled to myself, remembering all of the things I'd noticed for the first time last night. "So I took pictures with my mind allllll night so that I could see them even when I close my eyes. That’s why I couldn't sleep." He sighed and snuggled into the passenger seat.

"Oh." He said, completely satisfied with my answer. He turned suddenly and wagged his finger at me. "But don't do it again!" He scolded. "As much as I'd love to join you in the shower every morning, you can't be this sleepy every day. It's not good for you. I mean, look at those huge bags under your eyes!" He sat back again, smiling smugly to himself.

"So you're gonna sleep over every night, eh?" I teased. He nodded excitedly.

"Mhmm! Even if I have to sneak out every night from now on." I giggled and reached out one of my hands for him to hold. He accepted and we drove the whole way seated just like that, stealing glances at one another every so often. Even though I hadn't slept at all the night before, I still felt refreshed. It was hard not to when he was around. Unfortunately, when we got to the school and parted ways the refreshed feeling was gone. I waved at a concerned Hoya and fell clumsily into my seat.

"Yah, are you feeling okay?" He asked worriedly. I nodded sleepily and rest my head down on the desk. His eyes met mine, and then the bags underneath them. He cringed. "You didn't sleep well, did you?" I shook my head. He reached into his bag and pulled out a small tube of something and rubbed a bit of it under my eyes. Too tired to ask him what it was, I scrunched my eyebrows. What is that? I thought. He read my confused mind so easily. "Concealer." He answered. Why do you have concealer? "Dance practices run late." He answered again, smiling sweetly at me. But was it really a sweet smile, or was it a tired one? Suddenly I couldn't tell. The bags under his eyes must be practically permanent for manly Hoya to buy concealer for himself. His face changed before my eyes and I could tell that there was a lot more to Hoya than a sharp tongue or a witty comment. He was hard working; he was exhausted.

He finished hiding my fatigue and showed me the finished product in the mirror. The face looking back at me was still a pale-grey, but my bags were much less prominent. "Thanks, hyung..." I mumbled. As the teacher walked in and greeted the class, my eyelids became heavier. A few alarm bells tried to go off in my head but failed. I had fallen asleep in class for the first time in my life.

"KIM MYUNGSOO!" The teacher was suddenly standing directly in front of me, banging on my desk repeatedly. Who knows how long she was there or how long it had taken me to awake, because the entire class had turned around to stare at me and mumble a collective "are you alright?" Hoya shook my shoulder lightly with arched eyebrows, his face dripping with concern.

"I'm okay," I mumbled. Suddenly a light bulb appeared in my head. "Actually," I said, groggily shaking my head and trying hard to look as if I was struggling to regain consciousness, "can I go to the nurse?" I asked my as politely and weakly as I could. She nodded sympathetically and handed me a pass. I took it and exited the room shakily. I smirked as the wooden door clicked shut, as I had no intentions of going anywhere near the nurse. If I had, she would inspect me, realize that I was just sleepy, and send me back to class to get scolded. So instead I headed to the tiny practice room on the opposite side of the school. I figured that since not many people know about it, it'd be the perfect place to take a nap without getting caught. As I approached the room, I saw that the light was already on. I glanced in the small glass portion of the door and smiled at the familiar face on the other side. He was sitting in the corner of the room, leaning against the padded wall, and reading a small book. I knocked twice on the glass. He looked up at me and waved. We smiled at each other for a moment before I let myself in. 

"H-hi, hyung." He said hesitantly. 

"Sungjong-ah," I sat down beside him on the floor, "what are you doing in here all by yourself if you're not practicing?" I wondered out loud.

"I have a free period right now, and I like to get away from everyone, you know?"

"Oh," I said self-consciously. "Do you want me to go then?" I began to get up, but he grabbed at my wrist and shook his head slightly. 

"Stay." He said the word calmly, but something in his eyes tugged at my heart. This wasn't an order; it was a plea. He didn't really want to be away from everyone, he had to be. I nodded and sat back down. He took a deep breath. "Why are you here?" He asked sheepishly.

"To nap." I responded. He giggled nervously. "Why are you so tense, Jongie? What's up?"

"You want an explanation, right?" He avoided eye-contact. I scratched my head, confused as to what he needed to explain. 

"Ohh, that's right!" I suddenly remembered, "The whole thing with Sungyeol..." He looked down and nodded guiltily. 

"Yeah, with the frozen veggies..." His voice trailed off and my eyes wandered around his face, almost searching for the already healed bruise. 

"You healed up so fast, I almost completely forgot about it." I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes for a moment.  He tensed up and I already knew he was expecting me to lecture him. "You already made up with Yeollie, right?" He nodded frantically and I sighed. "I'm not mad, Sungjong-ah." He continued to look down. "I don't think I even know how to get mad at you anymore."

"Why not?" He said blankly. "Everyone else seems to think it’s pretty easy..." 

"Because," I patted his skinny leg before continuing, "because I know the way you think." I giggled and used my finger to poke at his auburn hair. "Sometimes it's like I'm actually inside your head!" He gasped a bit and scrunched his eyebrows. 

"How do you already know me so well?!" He said defensively. I shrugged and rested my head back on his some-what boney shoulder. 

"Our brains are similar." I explained. "They're both ed."

"Oh yeah?" He crossed his arms sassily. "Prove it." I took a breath and cleared my throat.

"Yeollie was mad at you, right? Because you weren't being sympathetic about Daeyeol?" He cringed at the mentioning of Sungyeol's deceased brother. I nodded. "He was, and I don't blame him for it. Most people would be angry with you. He must have called you a monster for being happy when his brother passed, for being glad. But you're not glad." He uncrossed his arms and reached for his book. "Sungyeol told me about you and Daeyeol, how you felt about him I mean." He looked down and flipped a page, pretending to ignore me as I spoke. "You must have suffered for a really long time, growing up with him around. I don't think many people see that, do they?" He sniffed and stole a glance at me before turning another page in his book. He was checking to see if I was sincere, which I was. "I understand you." I said bluntly. "I understand that nearly all your life you had to compete with that boy for Sungyeol's affection." His eyes met mine and widened, shocked by my accuracy. "You're not glad that Daeyeol is gone, and it doesn't happy to see Sungyeol suffer. You're just relieved, that's all." He closed his book forcefully and nudged me off of his shoulder. 

"How do you know this? Who are you to tell me how I feel?!" Instead of matching his agitated tone, I lied down and rest my head on his skinny lap. 

"Because," I said up to his frustrated face, "because I went through the same battle for attention with my mom, only instead of another person I was competing with her job." He scoffed and opened his book again, blocking my view of his face. "You just feel like you can breathe. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the air Jongie-"

"Okay. I get it." He said, closing his book abruptly and interrupting my thoughts. "You win. You proved yourself. We're the same, alright?" There was an indescribable edge in his voice. Rather than accepting the words he spoke, he swallowed them hard like a pill without water. He was being resistant. I reached up and messaged his hard, clenched jaw. He flinched.

"Relax." I said softly, rubbing his jaw gently until it loosened. "I won't ever share your brain. Not even with Yeollie, I promise." He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. When he was finally calm, I just lied there his face for a while. I took this moment to just enjoy the structure of it. He really is a beautiful boy, isn't he? I thought. His jaw was always my favorite thing about him. The rest of his features were just so soft: his porcelain skin, his wide, cat-like eyes, even his sky high cheekbones were seemingly smooth. His jaw, on the other hand, was extremely strong. It jutted out so sharply that I couldn't help but think of it as some sort of angular shield. It was a jagged foundation, created to protect the delicate items within from harsh reality. It was then I realized he was the only person I'd ever met whose physique symbolized their personality flawlessly; he had a sturdy, smiling, sassy exterior only to protect the real Sungjong: the fragile, confused boy that lay inside.

He smiled down at me and caressed the hand that lingered on his cheek. I smiled back. He really could be Sungyeol's blood brother, I thought to myself as he smiled down at me. The rabbit teeth, the plump, pink lips and long nose- my tired brain morphed his face into a spitting image of my love's. I giggled giddily at the familiar face and he shot me a questioning look. 

"What's funny?" He said insecurely. 

"You're so pretty." I said back, sleepily poking the tip of his nose. Suddenly my eyelids became lead weights hanging from my face. After a few labored blinks, I allowed them to fall for good.

"I used to think you were perfect, Kim Myungsoo," the boy said quietly, almost to himself, "but now I know you really are." His shadow fell over me as he leaned over and kissed my cheek. I held his face in my hands, confused as to who was actually in front of me. In my sleepy state, he looked and sounded so much like my Yeollie that I couldn't help myself. I pulled his face towards mine and our lips met. 

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]

First of all I cannot apologize enough for making you wait nearly a MONTH. obviously I was a little shaken up after writing literally an entire chapter of that I still can't get over. haha Hopefully next time you guys won't have to wait so long! Just as a warning I'm thinking that this is dragging on a bit.... PLEASE let me know if you think so too, because I'll have to start thinking of ways to tie up some of the billions of loose ends I've created so nonchalantly. ~~sighhh comment honestly and click the up arrow if you're enjoying the story!!

I LOVE YOU ALL HAPPY LATE VALENTINES DAY, LOVELIES <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3