"Because I'm in love with you."

At first there was no response. He just stared at me, tears paused momentarily. I looked into his eyes, pleading him to say something. Anything. But he didn't. Not a single word left his parted lips. My mind began to swirl. What had I done? I thought. Throwing myself at him after all that had happened that day? After all he'd been through? It was official. I was a monster. I did more harming than helping. I hung my head for a moment, just thinking about all I'd done wrong that day. His long, skinny fingers lifted my head to stare at my face again. He cocked his head to the side and furrowed his eye brows in the cute way that they had the first day we met. Without words, I used my hand to straighten them out again. My finger lingered on his forehead a bit longer than it should have, and he looked up at it curiously. Suddenly he grabbed the hand and wrapped it around his neck. I rubbed it a bit, feeling him shiver as I caressed the space in between his birthmarks. He leaned in, but not to kiss my lips. Instead we touched foreheads, just like last night before sharing our first kiss.

"I think..... I think I love you back." His mouth barely moved as he whispered the words against my lips. My eyes closed in attempt to listen more closely to what he was saying. I was too distracted by the fact that his lips were so close to mine.

"You think?" I asked softly, the long bridge of his nose with the tip of mine. He giggled a bit and finally touched his lips to mine. I his bottom lip, asking for entry. Once I had permission, I glided my tongue gently against his. Not only was his mouth salty from the soup, but I tasted something sweet. He hadn't drunk any of his orange juice yet, so I knew that's not what it was. Eventually I came to the conclusion that it was just him. He was what tasted sweet. It was just part of his being, part of his charm. I wanted more. 

I pulled him out of his chair and walked us over to the living room couch without separating our lips. As we sat, he tugged at my shirt and I let him take it off. I scooted closer to him and pushed his body so that I could lie on top of him. I slipped my hands under his shirt, feeling up and down his firm stomach. He clawed at my back as I kissed his neck, biting and on both spots where his birthmarks lay. He moaned and fumbled with the button of my jeans. I chuckled. The pleasure he was receiving had actually made it harder for him to my pants. He really was trying hard at it, too. Sometimes he's just so cute I don't know what to do with myself. I undid the button and ped the zipper. He slowly dragged his finger across my chest, then lower, tracing each of my abs. He was working his way down, this tease. My body shivered and moaned in anticipation.

Suddenly Sungyeol gasped and hurriedly sat up, causing us to bump heads. I rubbed my forehead and looked around, searching for an explanation. Soon I realized that it wasn't what he saw that had stopped him, but what he heard. Footsteps on the hard wood. A familiar voice calling my name. Someone was here. She was here. My mother, who I hadn't seen in over a month, was approaching the room where I was shirtlessly lying on top of another boy, kissing, , and ing my pants. The situation could not have been worse. I looked to Sungyeol pleadingly. He shrugged helplessly and threw my shirt at me. I put it on. When I went to zip and button my pants I realized there was an enormous hard-on sticking out of them.

"!" I whispered. Sungyeol looked down and burst out laughing. He fell off the couch onto the floor, holding his stomach as he roared with laughter. I hit him with one of the couch pillows. "Yah! It's not funny!" I said, beginning to giggle with him. I hit him with the pillow again as my mother entered the room. She stood there quietly for a moment, absorbing the scene. "Umma! What are you doing here?" I said between giggles, standing to greet her.

"There was a gas leak in the office, we all got sent home early." She said. I walked over and hugged her tightly, trying to act as calmly as possible. I could tell she was already fighting tears. I had no choice but to keep complete composure in front of her. She could never know how much I missed her. She could never know I was sad because of her. Sungyeol stood up and joined us.

"Umma, this is one of my new friends, Lee Sungyeol."

"Hi, nice to meet you!" He said cheerfully as they shook hands. 

"So you're one of these new friends I've heard so much about?" She said, looking him up and down at the same time. So much? I thought. All she knew about my friends was what I had included in the letter I wrote, which wasn't much at all. Why was she making it seem like I'd spoken to her in such detail? Was she trying to prove that she'd read my note? Was she trying to show Sungyeol how 'close' we were? Whatever it was, it was unnatural and forced. She wasn't herself.

"Yes ma'am! You have a lovely home here, Ms. Kim." I smiled up at Sungyeol. He was so polite and friendly with my mom. Unlike my mother, he was trying to leave a genuinely nice first impression. He actually cared what my mother thought of him. It warmed my heart to see him behaving so well.

"Thank you very much. But, Myungsoo... Isn't it a little late for you to have friends over?" I looked at the ticking clock that hung by the doorway. It was only about 6:30.

"I don't think so..." I said suspiciously. Since when was it up to her how long my friends could stay? It's not like she's ever cared before. "Why are you being like this?"

"It was very nice to meet you, Sungyeol, but I think it's time for you to go now." She ignored my question completely. "Myungsoo, say goodbye to your friend." My jaw dropped. Why was she doing this? Even when she was home she would never tell me what to do. Who did she think she was, suddenly deciding to show up and give a about me?

"Can't he at least stay for dinner?" I argued.

"Not tonight, sweetie." She gave me a disgustingly fake smile. I grunted. I couldn't take any more of this passive aggressive bull. 

"But he doesn't even have a ride home." My voice escalated. I wasn't quite shouting, but I was close.

"You have a car, don't you?" She tapped her foot impatiently. I looked at Sungyeol. He was looking down like a puppy that had just been yelled at. He felt my mother's disapproval. His eyes were still a bit swollen from all the crying he'd done that day. I couldn't leave him. Not like this.

"Mom," I said tenderly, "he's not leaving. Not yet, at least. Now is not the time to test me. You have no idea what this day has been like, you have no idea what this week has been like, and you have no idea what my life's been like." I glared straight through her shocked grey eyes. "Let me have this one." I demanded. She rubbed her hands together and looked at the ceiling almost as if she was praying.

"Alright," she said shakily, looking from the ceiling to the floor as she sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I have some work to do, so I guess I'll be in my office if you need me." She nodded and walked away slowly. "But I'm sure that won't be necessary..." she mumbled when she reached the door way. I heard her sniff again as the sound of her footsteps faded away. I looked up at Sungyeol, not knowing what to say. I hated myself for being angry at my mother. I knew it wasn't her fault, but she was trying so hard to assert an authority that didn't exist. I wanted to see my mother, but not like that. Not if she was going to pretend that nothing was wrong. But still, I had made her cry. She didn't deserve that. Sungyeol took my hand in his.

"It's okay, really. I can go. Don't worry about me." He smiled faintly. "I'll be okay." His eyes disagreed with his words. He was not okay.

"Don't lie to me, hyung. I'll never leave you." I caressed his cheek with the back of my hand and smiled at him. "Not even if you wanted me to." He kissed me on the cheek and whispered in my ear.

"I just wish she could have come home a few minutes later..." I bit my lip and blushed. 

"Me too." I whispered back. We stood there giggling for a moment. I sighed, suddenly snapping back into the reality of the situation. "I should probably go talk to her..." He nodded. "But... I don't think I'll even know what to say. There's too much baggage. Too many reasons to be mad. Too many reasons to be sorry." I looked down and took a deep breath, wishing Sungyeol could come with me.

"Don't worry," he said, patting my shoulder encouragingly, "Take one step at a time. Choose one problem and address it. You'll have other times to talk to her about other things." He placed a kiss on my forehead and pushed me towards the stairs. I did exactly what Sungyeol said and literally took each step one at a time. I stopped at each stair, playing a different scenario in my head on each one. Some of my favorites were: 

1^st STEP: I tell her how much I miss her and she dismisses me completely. Absolutely nothing changes. I stay unhappy. She stays unhappy. We die rich and alone.

7^th STEP: I yell at her and she breaks down, asking why I hate her and how I could ever be so cold. I go into shock and am unable to reply. She decides that since I hate her so much it would be better if I lived somewhere else. I get kicked out, forcing me to live a life of crime on the streets. 

13^th STEP: I tell her how much I miss her and she quits her job completely, leaving her to feel like a complete waste of space when she realizes how well I do on my own. She fills the void of being a mother with expensive things and developed a shopping addiction. We eventually suffer from her lack of income and end up filing for bankruptcy after five years. I'm unable to finish college and end my life working three dead-end jobs in order to support my shopaholic mother.

FINAL STEP: At the final step I realized that I didn't actually have to tell her anything. I'd let her initiate the conversation. Let her tell me what was bothering her. All I had to do was listen to what she had to say and see where it went from there.

I hesitated before knocking on the door of her office, scared to see my mother's sad face on the other side of it.

"Yes?" She said as I opened the door. She was sitting at the desk, hurriedly shoving papers away, as if she didn't want me to see what she was doing.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Oh nothing, just work stuff." She looked up at me. Her eyes were swollen and her nose was red. She'd been crying. "What's up?" I ignored my suspicion and sat on the floor. I leaned my back against the flat walls of the desk, no longer able to face her.

"I just," I started, "I just thought I should apologize for being such a brat downstairs. It's just that Sungyeol is going through something terrible right now, and I need to be there for him. I didn't mean to snap like that, but he's really special to me. And plus," I forced a laugh, "I'm not exactly used to being told what to do." She forced a laugh too. 

"I understand that, Myung." She sniffed. "I wanted to have dinner together. Wouldn't it be nice to have dinner together again?" Her voice tried to waver, but she willed it away. "Just you and me? Like old times, ya know?" Wow, I thought. She had actually forced her tears away. I admired her strength, but also felt a pang of guilt, suspecting that she had only developed these skills for my sake.

"I get that, mom. I really do. But things are different now. Things aren't 'just like old times'. Too much has happened. Too much has changed."

Something in her snapped. She grunted and banged her fist on the desk. "Like what, Soo?! Like what?!?" I cringed. She hadn't called me Soo in a long time. Not since elementary school, I think. Was this her way of making me feel guilty? Or was it really a slip of the tongue? She continued to yell. "You keep saying 'things have changed, I'm different now'. But how the  am I supposed to know what any of that means? Do you really think you're that grown up? You don't even want to need me anymore? Am I that dispensable?" 

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. Dispensable? She thought I thought she was dispensable? Where was she even getting this from? When had I ever said, or even implied that I thought those things? She was fabricating nasty thoughts and planting them in my brain. I wasn't sure whether to be pissed or guilty or somewhere in between. 

"I...I," I stuttered, "I do need you. I'm 18. I'm still a boy." I felt tears come to my eyes. I tried to follow my mother’s example and shoo them away. "Every boy needs their mother. But you were never there. Needing you wasn't an option. I couldn't. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Sit around and starve? Let laundry pile up for weeks?" Suddenly I broke down in tears. I couldn't help it. I wasn't like her, I wasn't strong enough. My mother stayed silent and I took the opportunity to continue. "I had to do it all by myself: school work, cooking, cleaning, everything. I have enough things to worry about by just being a teenager in the first place! There are social cliques and images and peer-pressure and girls and," I paused for a moment, realizing I was in the middle of one of the tallest teenage hurtles. "Love," I said, looking up at her face for the first time during the conversation, "with all of its quirks, all of its struggles. I had to face my first love head on, full speed ahead. And for what? For a huge empty house? For a flat screen in my bedroom? For a laptop on my desk? For a new car in the garage? I don't care about those things. I never did. It would have been nice to have a mother to talk to." I stood up and wiped the dust from the rug off of my pants, no longer caring what she had to say. "It would have been nice not to be so alone." Great job listening, I thought as I turned to leave. She reached out and grabbed my hand.

"Myung," she said softly. I looked back at her. Her eyes focused on the perfectly carved cross on the back of my hand. I tried to wiggle away as she rolled up the sleeve of my shirt. Her eyes darted from scar to scar, no longer being able to keep the tears away. Sobs escaped her lips. I couldn't do this. Not now. I panicked. I ripped my hand from hers and ran. What else was there to do? I paused for a moment at the door to the kitchen, looking helplessly at Sungyeol before sprinting out of the house. I heard him call after me faintly, but ran on. All I could do was pray that he remembered the address of the place I was about to go.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]

Hihi. Sandy left me with an entire week with all power and no school and this is all I give to you. ;A; MIANEYO!! *bows*

Short chapter. Steamy chapter ;O in the beginning at least. *It keeps being marked M so if it is than this applies and if not oops oh well* I felt really bad for having to mark it mature when really they didn't even do anything. I feel like I'm teasing those of you who like anyways and the [M] was just like teasing overload and for that I am forever sorry. Next chapter will hopefully be a goodie :3 

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