Kyuhyun,

I’m going to be gone all day.

I figured that if I waited to tell you in person you wouldn’t want me leaving your side before you wake up. That’s why I’m already gone.

 I’ll see you later.

Enjoy your auntie and uncle’s anniversary.

Ryeowook

A long time ago, Kyuhyun recalled him being the cold one, not the other way around. Since when did he wake up in bed alone without the comforting sounds of Ryeowook humming around the penthouse? Better yet, since when had Kyuhyun become accustomed to living with someone else?

Crumpling up the note, he threw it into the garbage and began getting ready for the party. He was a little late, but it didn’t matter. Yoona couldn’t yell at him, and neither could his extended family. They were in his debt whether they liked it or not.

Kyuhyun closed his eyes under the spraying water, smiling a bit. It was moments like that when he suddenly thought, “There’s always a chance.”

Truly, he believed that one day they would end up coming together. They were so close to reaching that point and Kyuhyun refused to give up. There was no particular reason for his sudden surge of belief. Adrenaline just found its way into his body and told him that, indeed, there’s always a chance.

***

“I can’t believe how long it’s been,” Ryeowook breathed, lying down in the soft grass. There was a weather worn grave marker beside him, along with a bouquet of flowers. He inhaled deeply, body thrumming with lazy energy as nostalgia swallowed him up. A powerful gust of wind rushed over him, welcoming him home in a way. “It’s nice to be back…even for a short while,” he whispered.

Rolling onto his side, he touched the gravestone, smiling faintly at it. “I haven’t been around since our last anniversary…I’m sorry.” Ryeowook’s gaze lowered, still able to catch sight of the changing color of the leaves. “I love autumn,” he murmured, “because then it’s always sunset. It’s always our time of day, isn’t that right, Hyungsik?” There was another strong wind and the silver bracelet rattled.

Do You See What I See?

He caught sight of his own reflection and just smiled wider. Pressing a gentle kiss to the bracelet, Ryeowook flopped back onto his back and closed his eyes in exasperation. “I live for Cho Kyuhyun these days,” Ryeowook stated, somewhat gloomily, “I didn’t even realize that until just now when I thought about calling him and checking if he was doing okay. It really seems like I’m not even able to have a life anymore.”

Gentle fingers rolled through Ryeowook’s hair and his entire body relaxed into the touch. Do you even want to get away, though?

“Yes, I do want to get away, Hyungsik,” the older boy frowned, looking up to see a shadow of a figure under the sunlight. “Or…well,” Ryeowook bit his lip, not wanting to lie to his deceased husband, “I don’t know. He and I…are we already in love? I feel as if we are. We do everything together, everyone thinks that we’re married…shouldn’t I just give in?”

The phantom smiled. If you’re scared, don’t push yourself…if he really loves you, he would wait until the ends of the earth. You continue waiting for me in the same way, don’t you?

Ryeowook shut his eyes, fingers clenching tight. “I promised you my love. How can I just toss all of that aside for one man? You were my world until the day you died.” He tried to cling to the air, to the ghost his mind so often conjured, but it wasn’t working. “I can’t let you go,” his voice cracked, teeth gritting together. “…I’m afraid to tell you goodbye.”

I’m not asking you to say goodbye. Do what you feel like doing. That man cares about you, you know that. Love him or hate him, it doesn’t matter to me.

“You wouldn’t care if I fell in love with someone else?” Ryeowook argued, ignoring the self inflicted pain forming in his chest.

Maybe the heavens thought our love was too perfect,

So they’re sending me back sooner than expected.

Ryeowook covered his face, feeling the phantom slowly receding into space. “’How could two people be more perfect for each other? I ask myself this every morning that I wake up next to you… Just what makes us…us? Why have we lasted this long? I won’t label us anymore though. I don’t want to ruin the magic. I love you, gorgeous,” he recited with the utmost precision.

That’s right. I love you, gorgeous.

And then, as he surfaced from his visions, Ryeowook turned to look at the cold, lonely gravestone. “You’re never going to call me that again,” he whispered, “I’ll never hear your voice vow those things ever again.” He buried his face in his knees, already too old and too tired to shed painful tears.

I won’t pretend that we’re going to be together forever.

I know that in my heart we’re going to be forever bonded…

“Did I really mean those things?” Ryeowook muttered, eyes glazing over. “Were our wedding vows just desperate little prayers? Had we been children when we said all of that?” He ran his fingers over the grass absently, his eyes focusing vaguely on the worn down apartment building in the short distance.

“It’s way too desperate if I go down there, huh?” he laughed bitterly. “I’ve been thinking about buying the complex back. I’m making a lot of money these days, but it’s at a price, I guess.” Ryeowook closed his eyes briefly, jaw clenching.

The sound of children running and laughing caught his attention. Sitting up, he looked down the hill to the entourage of kids racing by. They looked so familiar, yet not at the same time. Ryeowook watched them for a while, just long enough to realize how pathetic he was. It was too hard to do those visits. It was just a convenient lie to say that he had no free time to come all the way over to the grave. Instead, he couldn’t bear to look at his own reflection after slumping into such a mess every time he stopped by.

What sort of person acted like he loved someone else, all the while rejecting that person? He wasn’t stupid. He knew that Kyuhyun was waiting patiently for him. Three years of waiting was long enough, or at least, Ryeowook often heard from Kyuhyun that that was long enough.

But was it really?

He sighed, playing with the grass rustling around him. “Tell me how I’m supposed to love someone else,” Ryeowook whispered, “tell me how I can let go of you after three years. Tell me how I’m supposed to fall in love with someone else.” His fingers trembled with frustration, eyes shutting angrily. “Please…,” he ground out, voice choking, “…three years is nothing. Kyuhyun isn’t you. He’ll never be the boy I have loved for fifteen years. He’ll never by my first kiss, touch, or husband. He…,” Ryeowook bit his tongue, not wanting to say anymore, even if it was only to a cold grave.