“Enjoy yourselves,” Ryeowook smiled at his parents, relatives, and neighbors.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” his mother asked worriedly.

He shook his head, “I don’t feel like going out. It’s been a very busy few days, so I’d like to relax.”

She made a soft, reluctant noise. “Well…okay. We’ll be back late tonight.” Leaning over, she pressed a kiss to her son’s forehead. “Merry Christmas, Ryeowook.”

“Merry Christmas,” he responded, waving goodbye as his mother climbed into the car and they pulled out of the driveway.

Ryeowook sighed loudly as the house fell quiet. Turning around, he gazed up at the stairs, seeing Hyungsik and him racing upstairs. Sliding his foot over, he saw them sitting at the table arguing about food and then their relationship…and about the day Hyungsik realized he was in love.

Smiling, Ryeowook drifted towards the living room, hovering near the open space where their mound of blankets was set out and cushioned them through the long, silent night.

Slowly, he sank down on the carpet in front of the television. Inserting a tape into an old VHS, he placed that into a player. The screen crackled and cleared. Ryeowook leaned back, his breath hitching as Hyungsik’s face appeared.

When was the last time he had seen him like that? When was the last time he had touched these tapes? Ryeowook thought back on his self-help books, smiling bitterly. How many times could someone relapse? Shouldn’t three years have been enough already?

“It’s just one video,” Ryeowook told himself – reassured himself.

“Is this camera on?” Hyungsik frowned at the screen, shaking it and turning it all around.

“Look at the flashing red light, silly,” Ryeowook laughed.

“Oh…you’re right,” Hyungsik grinned, “well, here we are! We have decided to go on a trip to the amusement park for Christmas!”He turned the camera around to Ryeowook. “Now, my beautiful date, what can you say about this wonderful present I’ve given you?”

“It couldn’t have been better,” Ryeowook giggled, “…well actually I wanted a nicer, more expensive—”

“—oh shut up!” Hyungsik laughed; the camera fumbling as he hugged his lover. “He can be so crazy sometimes,” he rolled his eyes teasingly, one arm hooked around Ryeowook’s shoulders.

The shorter male was gasping for air, huffing and pulling at the taller one’s arm. “Let go, you giant!”

“Never!” he roared, grinning triumphantly, “You don’t just give up your captives!”

“Since when did you become a kidnapper?” Ryeowook demanded, eyes twinkling.

He paused the video, gazing at himself. Where did the sparkle go? Ryeowook had looked at himself time and time again in the mirror…so where was it? How much had he lost since Hyungsik died?

Ryeowook pulled his knees up. If distracting himself hadn’t helped, what else could he do? He knew he hadn’t been running away from the death for three years, because he was stuck in the same place. So…how could he be released? There was no way to be released. Ryeowook swallowed, suddenly feeling like his throat was ten times smaller and the air in the house was thinning.

He tried to gasp, but nothing happened. Squeezing his eyes, Ryeowook felt his heart beginning to race in panic.

Abruptly, the doorbell rang.

Like a rubber band pulled taut, Ryeowook snapped back into himself. Fumbling to his feet, he hurried over to the door, pulling it open.

Victoria stood on the other side. Her hands were entwined awkwardly, a small overnight suitcase beside her.

“H-Hello?” Ryeowook coughed, confused.

“Hi,” she bowed her head slightly, “I was thinking that maybe you would want company on Christmas. I mean, I know that your family came—where are they? Well, that doesn’t matter. Ah, of course it matters, but what I meant to say is that—”

“—would you like to come inside?” Ryeowook questioned, exasperated.

Victoria flushed and nodded. Stepping into the small house, she looked around, taking her shoes off at the same time. Ryeowook shut and locked the door behind her. “So where is your family?”

“I didn’t feel like going out with them today…so I’m the only one here.”

She nodded absently, fascinated with the home. It was like nothing she had ever seen. Everything was so contained and small. It didn’t even feel like a house. It felt more cramped than an apartment too.

Then her eyes fell on the television screen where Ryeowook and Hyungsik, from some four years ago, were smiling and playing around. “What were you watching?” Victoria glanced over her shoulder at him.

Ryeowook slowly came up beside her, “An old video of me and…uhm, and my husband.”

“Your what?” her head spun around so fast Ryeowook hoped she wouldn’t get whiplash.

“He passed away four years ago,” he explained carefully, eyes far away.

She fell quiet.

Ryeowook pressed “Play”.

“I would become a kidnapper if you were my target,” Hyungsik flashed a brilliant smile.

“That’s not how you pick up people,” Ryeowook scolded lightly, lips twitching up in a smile as well.

“I don’t have to pick up anyone. You, my dear captive, already enjoy my company. That’s all I need,” he said in a softer voice.

“We knew each other since we were children,” Ryeowook explained without being prompted. His voice was soft and controlled, eyes never daring to meet Victoria’s. “He was diagnosed with a fatal illness in seventh grade.”

Victoria stayed silent, unable to conjure any helpful words.

“Status report on Hyungsik and Ryeowook’s Amazing Fantastical Christmas Date! We just went through the haunted house and Ryeowook screamed and slapped one of the actors,” Hyungsik announced.

“No one needs to know that,” he grouched, trying to wrestle the camera out of his lover’s hands.

“I think we all need to remember that,” Hyungsik laughed, falling half over a snowy picnic table.

Ryeowook lunged for him again, managing to grab the camera and turn it around. “He’s a crazy little -nugget,” he stated.

“What sort of insult is that?” he complained, covering his face in suppressed amusement.

“He’s really happy here,” Victoria remarked slowly, reverently.

“He was like that up until the very last moment,” Ryeowook nodded gingerly, sitting down on the floor again. His eyes wouldn’t leave Hyungsik’s face, remembering every detail he had painstakingly forgotten. “If there was anyone who was my exact opposite, it would’ve been him.”

“How did you two become friends then?” She slowly sank down beside him, watching the video.

Ryeowook yawned, blinking slowly. “He was interesting and fun and exciting – everything I’m not. That was what made him so wonderful and perfect…he could make up for all the insecurities I have.”

“And what about Kyuhyun?” Victoria questioned without thinking.

Ryeowook’s mouth twitched. “He’s the perfect distraction.”

She felt a pang in her chest. It was for him – for Kyuhyun. “You don’t love him?”

“I want to love him,” Ryeowook mumbled, “I want to very badly.” He looked at the television screen, heart calling out to the laughing boy in his memories. “But I didn’t become empty when he died. I don’t have any room for someone else.”

“…What are these videos?”

“There’s a whole box full of them,” Ryeowook responded, “they’re all I have left.” He finally looked at Victoria. “…I forgot, Merry Christmas, Victoria.”

She nodded, cheeks reddening. “Merry Christmas, Ryeowook.”

***

Kyuhyun sat in the silent apartment alone. The living was dark except for the lights from the moon and city shining through the large window. He held a small wrapped present in his hands.

With precision, he tore away the decoration.

There was a rectangular velvet container. Opening it, he found a familiar silver chain inside. Kyuhyun’s eyes widened and he pulled it out, finding a folded letter underneath it. Quickly, he opened it, the silver bracelet tightly held in hand.

Thank you for helping me.

I still can’t give away the real one, but this is a promise.

One day, I’ll get there. I know it.

So until then, keep this as my oath.

I’ll get better and when I do, you’ll have my real bracelet.

You’ll have my trust.

You’ll have everything, because my all is in that chain.

Heart, mind, love, and freedom…

Merry Christmas, Kyuhyun.

Sincerely,

Ryeowook