Our love is not undying.

The day you pass on is the day I lose that love we share.

How can you possibly share something with a person who’s gone?

I won’t pretend that we’re going to be together forever.

I know that in my heart we’re going to be forever bonded,

But that’s a completely different thing from being physically together until the end.

You’re going to a place where angels sing,

Food is always plentiful,

And there is never a less than glorious day.

I want to be there with you.

I want to be with you no matter where we are.

You’re the sun, sky, and magic from my childhood.

You’re the little boy with the swing set.

You’re the one who saved me from sorrow.

Without you, I don’t think I would’ve ever seen the good things in me.

Thank you for being the first person to ever accept me for me.

You loved me at my lowest and highest points.

For that, I can be eternally grateful.

Hyungsik gazed across at his lover. The church was quiet and empty except for the priest and witness. He looked up at Ryeowook, taking one of his hands.

I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember.

That sounds shallow and probably silly

But it’s the truth.

I can’t name the exact moment I fell,

However I know that no matter what,

You’re the one I was destined to be with.

Maybe the heavens thought our love was too perfect,

So they’re sending me back sooner than expected.

That’s the only reason I can think of.

Because you see,

How could two people be more perfect for each other?

I ask myself this every morning that I wake up next to you…

Just what makes us…us?

Why have we lasted this long?

I won’t label us anymore though.

I don’t want to ruin the magic.

I love you, gorgeous.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife.”

“…are you okay, Changmin?”

He shook his head, covering his eyes.

Victoria patted his back, muttering something into his ear that made him frown and swat at her. “Ryeowook…I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he mumbled, clenching his hands into fists, eyes closing momentarily. You’re the one I was destined to be with.

Please refrain from speaking to your boss like that in the future. I don’t appreciate shallow pleading.

“Hey, Ryeowook,” Changmin called.

“Hmm, what is it?” Ryeowook looked up, Kyuhyun’s words weighing down on him as Hyungsik’s vow tried to lift him up.

“Could I make a CD copy of these tapes? It’ll last longer and you can carry it around with you. The tapes are a little inconvenient, don’t you think?” Changmin asked, wiping his eyes, “I mean…I understand how important they are, but the memories will still be there, just in a different format.”

“No,” he smiled, “no, no, I understand. It’s fine. How long will it take for you to do that?”

“Uhm, I could have it back to you in two days. Or, if I don’t do any work tomorrow, I could probably finish it and give it to you by the end of the day.”

Ryeowook nodded. “That sounds fine.” He had already received the memo of Kyuhyun’s departure tomorrow afternoon.

It was the end of bitter memories.

It was the end of his relationship with Kyuhyun.

It was the end of another chapter.

He wondered what it would be like in the future.

I don’t appreciate shallow pleading.

He ground his teeth together, humiliation gnawing at his heart. How could he have opened up so much at such a time – or ever for that matter? Kyuhyun didn’t care anymore. He hadn’t cared for two and a half months.

But Ryeowook had been stupid. He let his imagination play games with him. There was nothing gentle in Kyuhyun’s eyes. It was an illusion to make him feel less like a plaything. Ryeowook buried his face in his knees, distorting what he thought was reality and changing it back to what surely had to be the truth.

Kyuhyun hadn’t been gentle with him. It was impossible.

He also couldn’t have spoken that time.

Had he even hugged Ryeowook? Or was Ryeowook just clinging to him?

His arms hadn’t been around him. That was clear now.

It was too disgusting…how could Ryeowook have thrown himself like a ing cheap at someone like Kyuhyun?

I was hallucinating. I was definitely hallucinating. There’s no other explanation.

Ryeowook looked around, wondering where his phantom was. Across the room, he saw Hyungsik sitting on the floor, looking back at him sadly. It just shook its head before vanishing again.

Even he sees it. He never lies. He knows that I was making a fool of myself. …Kyuhyun doesn’t want me. He never did, I’m sure of it. I must have just wanted someone to stop the pain…Hyungsik was gone and Kyuhyun just showed up…that doesn’t make sense.

At some point, he had ushered Changmin and Victoria out, and after that, he wasn’t sure what had happened. He just knew he was sitting in the dark living room again, eyes trained on a spot out the window. Moonlight shined through and onto the coffee table, staining the room blue.

Did my dreams make me that crazy? Why did I live with Kyuhyun? All we ever did was have . That’s all we still do. He must’ve wanted me to live with him so he had a convenient thing. Yes, that’s right.

He raked fingers through his hair, mind racing.

I always planned dates for him. He must’ve been sleeping with those women too…why did I think I was the only person?

And then, all too clearly, he could see Kyuhyun bringing women back to the apartment, hugging them, kissing them, touching them… He watched the film in his brain, smiling and laughing at his own idiocy.

Was I in the other room? He probably tried to sleep with Victoria too…it would’ve been okay. I mean, she’s too good of a person to do that to me though. I really like her.

You’re loud…

Ryeowook dug nails into his palm, feeling skin breaking ever so slightly.

It was a critique. He wasn’t playing around. I know that now. God, why didn’t I know that before? He was complaining. He hates my voice. He hated hearing me. I shouldn’t talk anymore. But what does that matter?

I’m leaving, Ryeowook.

He’s sick of me. He hates everything about me. He always hated me. That proposal in Paris was a joke. Otherwise, why was it like that? Kyuhyun wanted to make me feel stupid again. No. What if I just made up that proposal…what if he never did such a thing? Then how did I get that ring?

Ah, of course, you have to give presents to your s sometimes. I mean…that’s only right. I must have made up everything else. He left after that because I didn’t accept the present. I humiliated him.

He told me to leave. He said he doesn’t want a disgusting thing in his home anymore. I…I get that now. That’s why he told me to keep coming back. I’m still his toy. That’s all I am…because you can’t be destined for more than one person.

Kyuhyun never planned on loving me. He only comforted me to make me shut up. He’ll never love me.

Why would he or anyone else? I understand now. I should’ve died when Hyungsik did.

He swallowed hard, curling tighter into himself.

Why didn’t I go with him? There’s nothing here for me. He was the only one. He’s the only one ever. No one would want to deal with a disgusting, fat, ugly person.

 “Why the are you so fat? I don’t get it. Aren’t you Korean? Does your umma feed you feasts every night or something?” He sneered and knocked the lunch away.

“No, she doesn’t.”

“What? You still want it, piggy?” The boy kicked him down to the ground. “Go ahead and eat it then.” He was kneeling down. “C’mon, I’ll even help you!” Grabbing a handful of dirt covered bread and meat; he shoved it forward.

“S-Stop!”

Ryeowook looked down at himself, eyes blurry as he looked at the soft skin of his arms.

…I don’t need anyone’s approval but Hyungsik. No one else would give approval anyway. I’m sure of it. He was blind because he loved me.

He blinked a few times, looking out the window, seeing the sky lightening. Slowly, Ryeowook tilted his head to the clock, seeing the display: 6:34 A.M.

Rolling his neck, he stood up, stretching his body and heading to the bathroom.

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I don't do commentaries much...but I just have to say these past two chapters have burned like hell. It literally hurts to write. I guess it's not easy to read either though.