Ryeowook washed his face in the bathroom, staring at his reflection for a long moment. The bags under his eyes were noticeable now as his make-up faded. It felt like a mask was being removed as he watched his tired features come to the surface. There was slight reddening around his cheeks from running around all the time, and his lips were a bit dry from lack of water.

“You’re beautiful.”

Blinking a few times, he tried to shake the voice away, but it stayed steady. Ryeowook watched through the mirror as an all too familiar figure leaned against him, chin resting on his shoulder.

“Don’t worry so much about your appearance. You’ve already lost too much weight.”

“I’m finally smaller than you though. Isn’t that for the best?”

Laughing to himself, he continued gazing at the faint image locking him softly in place.

He made an annoyed sound, lips brushing softly against Ryeowook’s neck. “You lost thirty pounds in half a year. That’s not healthy at all. I loved you when you were a chubby kid, I loved you when you were a pudgy teen, and I still love you as you are now. Why do you have to look at yourself and not see what I see?”

Ryeowook shivered, biting back the urge to cry. Pursing his lips, he opened his make-up bag and started reapplying.

Tonight was his dinner with Kyuhyun. It would be impolite and sloppy to go there looking like a train wreck. The phantom had vanished though, leaving him in bittersweet silence. Ryeowook finished cleaning himself up and quickly left the bathroom, headed down the office hallway towards the lobby.

A black car waited beyond the glass revolving doors. Kyuhyun rolled down the window as Ryeowook neared him, opening the door for the latter. “What took you so long?”

“I was just finishing up some things,” he responded, locking the door behind him, before immediately having an arm wrapped around his shoulders, pulling him into Kyuhyun’s chest. Ryeowook’s hand rested against the smooth shirt, other hand bent and pressed against his own body.

Kyuhyun lowered his gaze to look down at the face of his assistant. “You look sort of tired. Is everything okay?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ryeowook answered, casting his eyes down. He felt so small and protected whenever they were together like that. Then he had to remind himself that they were not lovers, nor would they ever be.

They rode in silence, mumbling to one another from time to time. Kyuhyun could feel the stiff atmosphere and knew he was helpless. It had to be that man. He was the only thing that ever threw Ryeowook off-kilter. As horrible as it sounded, Kyuhyun was jealous. Why couldn’t it be him that made the man unsteady? He wanted to be the only person and thing that brought dishevelment to the meticulous man’s life. Instead, there was a deceased person dragging Ryeowook away from their private world together.

“We’ve arrived, Mr. Cho, Mr. Kim,” the driver announced as he opened the door for them.

Kyuhyun helped the slender male out of the car, continuing to hold his hand as they passed through the gold double doors. The hostess was waiting promptly for them, a polite smile plastered on her face. They passed by other whispering dates, however neither of them made a point to notice.

After several seconds, a thick red curtain was pulled back to reveal a private table. “Here you are sirs,” she stated, handing them menus, “Your server will be here momentarily.”

The curtain rustled and shut. Ryeowook opened his menu without really looking at it, eyes foggy with something old and sad. Curling his hands into fists, Kyuhyun resisted the urge to lash out at the man he had fallen in love with.

They were on a date.

They were supposed to only see each other. But no, Ryeowook was somewhere far away, probably remembering a date with his precious lover. Kyuhyun knew, really he knew, that he was being terrible and disgusting and disrespectful. And somehow, he could deal with all of that. It had been three long years and still nothing had changed between him and Ryeowook.

That first time they slept together, became intimate, touched in the deepest way possible – Kyuhyun thought that was the beginning of a whole new relationship. Even if they were not in love immediately, eventually, Ryeowook would fall for him.

Yet again, he was thrown off by the course of events.

Ryeowook just…didn’t care. The next day at work, nothing had changed. They were still just boss and assistant. At first, Kyuhyun had been angry and hurt, but over time, their relationship continued on that intimate path outside of the office. After another year of waiting, he discovered that over the course of time, Ryeowook had somehow moved in with him.

Obviously, that meant they were dating – probably on an entirely bigger step too. Kyuhyun wanted to thank the world and then laugh with the world about how it had fooled him. However, the disappointments were endless. He waited and waited for Ryeowook to return any of the “I love you’s” he had dropped, but nothing ever came. The closest Kyuhyun ever got to hearing those three words from the other male was when that same slender man was drunk and saying that phrase to everyone, including strangers.

Another year passed, and still, nothing changed. Kyuhyun had become fed up with all of the nonsense and asked for the full story behind the person holding Ryeowook back. The latter refused and simply told the bare minimum. At that point, three years had already passed. Kyuhyun still didn’t know much more than the fact that Ryeowook was in love with a man.

That man died. Ryeowook couldn’t betray him by falling in love with Kyuhyun.

And so, once again, they were at an impasse.

“What do you feel like eating?” Kyuhyun questioned, skimming over the menu.

Ryeowook set the menu down and pointed at a particular dish. “Do you want to share? I heard that it’s incredibly big.”

“Okay, yeah we’ll do it your way,” he responded, smiling a little too big. Kyuhyun could already see their date crumbling before his eyes. How long would it be before his feelings could be returned? Maybe they would never be returned. Maybe it was futile. Maybe… Sighing, Kyuhyun took Ryeowook’s hand, entwining their fingers. “I love you.”

There was a short pause, and then Ryeowook was smiling silently.

Kyuhyun internalized a sigh, the pain in his chest being ignored. That was alright. In another three years, perhaps his feelings would be returned. Sometimes though, he wondered if he could hold out that long. He wasn’t patient, then again, he had already spent the last three years pining after Ryeowook…another three wouldn’t be so bad.