Changmin rested his head against his clasped hands, jaw taut. In front of him, Victoria paced back and forth.

“We have to tell him.”

“No. We’re not telling Kyuhyun,” Changmin retorted. They were sitting in the private hospital room, the heart monitor softly beeping in the background. “He hasn’t contacted any of us either. It probably means he doesn’t want to be spoken to.”

On the bed, Ryeowook slept without interruption for perhaps the first time in four months. His wrists were bone and his face was sunken in. His weight had dropped to somewhere around eighty-five pounds, and his body seemed on the verge of shutting down. At least, that’s what the doctor had said.

“Why not?” Victoria hissed, “it’s his fault. He should know what he did to Ryeowook.”

“He doesn’t want anything to do with Ryeowook anymore,” Changmin responded tightly, “It would be a bother for him to hear about this. If he actually cared, he wouldn’t have left, knowing that Ryeowook is so unstable.”

“Was it because of Hyungsik…?” she asked quietly.

“I…,” Changmin paused, “I don’t know. Maybe. It seems like it had more to do with Kyuhyun. You saw the scribbles on his wall. They were mainly about him.”

Victoria sank into the chair beside him. “I don’t want Ryeowook to be put in mental home,” she covered her face, lips pressed together.

“He won’t be,” Changmin promised, wrapping an arm around her, “We’re going to get him a psychiatrist…,” he said softly, “and he’s going to live with me until his apartment is cleaned up…” he brushed a soft kiss against her hair, “he’ll be protected until he’s feeling stable again,” another kiss, “…and he’s going to start eating again too…” Changmin smiled a little, resting his head against hers, “I promise he’ll be okay.”

Victoria was crying then, leaning into his embrace. “Okay…,” she croaked, “I trust you…”

“Okay,” he murmured, rubbing her arm, “Good.”

They looked back at their friend, his skin ghostly pale. He had been asleep for two days already, and the doctor said he would hopefully wake up soon. Changmin sighed, truly praying that they were right.

That was roughly two weeks ago.

From the official reports, he was doing well physically, though his weight was still an uncertain thing. His mental and emotional strength seemed to be growing the more he went to therapy. Talking freely to a stranger was boding well with the young man, apparently.

The doctor has said it was perhaps because he didn’t feel like he was burdening anyone he loved. A major aspect of his behavioral potholes had to do with hurting the important persons in his life – an effect from having been in love with someone who died so slowly and tragically. To worry about his personal issues…well, that wasn’t something Ryeowook was particularly used to. The male was hardly self-destructive; it was more like he no longer knew how to cope and comfort himself.

The door creaked out and hall light flooded across the darkened room’s floor. Changmin blinked groggily, seeing the thin, frail male standing there. A pillow was pulled against his chest, too large pajama bottoms dragging on the floor.

There was a sad tremor in Ryeowook’s eyes as he shifted uncomfortably. Changmin checked the clock, seeing the time display: 1:48 A.M.

“Come here,” he murmured tiredly, waving his friend over and pulling the thin blanket back.

Ryeowook immediately shuffled in, pressing himself close to Changmin, the pillow still squeezed tightly to his slight form. “Thank you,” he mumbled, burying his face in the other male’s chest.

“What did you dream about?” Changmin prompted softly, rubbing circles into the slender backside, other arm draped above Ryeowook’s head.

He shook his head.

“You have to tell me, Ryeowook,” he sighed, “the doctor needs to know if the medication is helping or not.”

“It’s not a chemical imbalance,” Ryeowook argued quietly, fingers curling further into the cushion, “I just can’t stop thinking about him. I just miss being near him.”

“You sure it’s not a chemical thing – because yesterday you vehemently hated everything about a certain handsome, snarky man.”

He was quiet for only a second. “I’m confused about him,” he admitted, “but I’m angry…and upset. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss him. The doctor said I can’t continue denying that. It’s the first step: admitting you have a problem.”

“Are you addicted to Kyuhyun or something?” Changmin asked, chuckling.

“I could be,” Ryeowook answered honestly, “not because anyone told me so, but because,” he hesitated, lowering his voice and dropping his head further into Changmin’s chest, “…but because he’s the only one.”

His friend his hair affectionately, listening to him, finally asking, “Only one?”

“Everything I am and all the space I have in my heart is taken up by Hyungsik,” Ryeowook explained in a calm, careful voice, “…Kyuhyun couldn’t find a way in,” he chuckled sleepily, yawning as he found comfort in his friend’s arms, “so he made himself a place. He made me make a room just for him. He’s the rock to my balloon.”

Changmin’s lips parted, but then he stopped, feeling the figure in his arms breathing deeply and evenly. Smiling faintly, he closed his eyes, falling into a deep slumber. It was enough to know Ryeowook just might...find a way to be alright.

***

“Are you sure you can be traveling?” Changmin asked worriedly.

Ryeowook rolled his suitcase out to the front door, a hat pushed down over his carefully done hair. “It’s been nearly a month now,” he assured gently, “and I’m just going to be gone for a week or so to visit my parents.”

He wanted to argue more, but then stopped himself. “Good god…I’m being such a mom.” Changmin gave Ryeowook’s hat a few good pats that made the male stumble. “Look at what you did to me. All that cuddling and comforting made me a sap.”

Ryeowook flashed him a little grin. “It’ll make you more popular with Victoria, I promise.”

Changmin chuckled, hugging the shorter figure. “I’ll see you in a few days then. Call me when you get there.”

“I will, Changmin-umma.”

“Oh shush,” he frowned, eyes flashing in amusement.

The door closed behind Ryeowook, and then he was making his way downstairs and to the outside world by himself for the first time in a long time. It was still a tentative step, but he knew that he if continued on like that, nothing good could come from it. Relying on Changmin was a necessity, but he needed time alone – and that could be achieved by visiting his hometown.

There were things he needed to face and understand because he had given himself a nice little pep talk.

He had survived Hyungsik’s death on his own. He clearly hadn’t handled Kyuhyun’s abandonment well, but it was only that. Ryeowook could find some way to move on from someone who was still alive. Getting over Hyungsik had taken friends and sibling-like love.

Getting over Kyuhyun…Ryeowook had no idea where to start. To begin with, he had never truly been able to accept his feelings for Kyuhyun. To start getting over him seemed like jumping the gun a bit too much.

So he needed some time to contemplate and then maybe some time to find answers.

That wasn’t too much to ask for right? Besides, his doctor has agreed that some self-reflection was probably best for him at that point.

Ryeowook had spent enough time on mindless recovery. He looked down at himself as he sat on the train headed back home. Sure, he was still uncomfortably skinny, but that would change soon enough, he hoped. Weight would rise once his mother’s food was warming his stomach.

Closing his eyes, he let out a sigh and leaned his head against the cool window.