Standing at the edge again he gazed down at the speeding cars. The black colour covered the sky and the only stars on the black canvas were the lights shining from the tall buildings of the city.
The still warm breath escaping his slightly parted lips blurred his vision of the passing lights. He stood there so many times and the sight before him was becoming way too familiar. With every passing day spend at the bridge, the anxiety inside his chest grew bigger and bigger. There was nothing that could stop the uncomfortable pressure and the bitter taste as he gazed at the light trails below his feet.

The cold breeze was now combing through his hair, brushing them away from his face. His eyes were watery, perhaps from the unpleasant feeling eating him from the inside out or maybe just because of the cold wind, drying out his eyeballs. He couldn’t decide and honestly, he didn’t really care.
He didn’t care about the pain inflicted by the cold whipping wind, nor the frozen rail biting at his exposed fingertips. The only thing that mattered in those moments when he stood there, day after day, were the confused thoughts drenched in pain and insecurities.
Was this really the end? Was this really the end Daehyun wished so much? To take the last breath and end miserably underneath the spinning wheels? How unreal it all seemed to the boy as he listened to the sound of the passing cars.
He sighed and took a step away, brushing his blond hair back in its prior place. He’s been standing on this bridge again, waiting for Daehyun. As many nights before, he came again in vain. The others face was nowhere to be seen. The emptiness of the surrounding was pulling Youngjae into the merciless hands of sinister thoughts as he wondered how many times he’d still have to come, in order to rid the tight hold on his lungs and heart. Will he ever pass the bridge without a second though again?

After the older disappeared from the face of earth, Youngjae searched for him around the metropolis, but who was he kidding? How was he supposed to find a boy, with only knowing his name, in the city as big and populated as Seoul? It was impossible and after a while he gave up, revolving to returning to the place where they met in hopes to save him at the edge that brought them together.

He’s been coming here for weeks and with every day he lost a bit of hope to ever get a chance and see the brow haired boy again. The more he thought about it, the more the whole thing seemed like a dream and he begun to wonder if it really was reality. Maybe it was just a surrealistic encounter with a being from another world? However, the pain and emptiness he suddenly felt inside his chest reminded him that the other boy indeed was real.
There was no way he’d feel all the emotions he did if the other was a part of an illusion made up inside his head.

And so, as he waited for a while, trembling under the vicious teeth of the cold, he way too soon had to return home to the safety of his room. He hated leaving the place because the thought of missing Daehyun for a minute haunted him for the rest of the day and night.

-
Covered underneath a number of warm blankets he fought the temptation that radiated from his night stand drawer. This happened every day after he returned from the bridge.
He could hear his name being called, echoing between the room walls and there was no way he could block them out. In the end he usually gave up; fighting was useless.
Opening the drawer he pulled out the hoodie and the scarf. Wrapping them both around his body, he gave into the familiar scent which lead him into the arms of safety and reassurance. Closing his eyes he imagined the fleshy embrace around his shoulders, holding tightly on his body.
The fabric held so many memories and with every passing day he could feel the scent slip away from his grasp. The tighter he clanged onto the material, the further the familiarity of the scent seemed to be. The pieces were slowly starting to take up his odour and the other was disappearing into nothingness. He knew that it was his fault but still, he just couldn’t stay away. He needed it. He craved for it.

He had spent most of the nights wrapped up like this with his thoughts trying to solve the mystery boiling up inside him. He tried to solve the puzzle of the unknown emotions and why he missed the other one so much.
In the end he only came to one conclusion. On top of Daehyun saving him with evoking feelings inside his almost dead core, the other boy made him somehow fall for him. Youngjae still wasn’t sure if those were supposed to be romantic feelings or if he was just trying to cling onto someone who suddenly cared. And even though he wasn’t ready to admit it, he couldn’t deny how much his heart hurt now that the other wasn’t around.
Every day his heart fell to pieces as he opened the computer, scrolling through the news, while looking for news on suicides. Unfortunately, they were quite common and he had to go through the names every single day. Though, in the end he was always left relieved as Daehyun’s name was never among the already lost souls.

-

Hiding under the covers, blocking out the real world, he dwelled in his confusion and he knew there was no way he would find the answers to his questions if he was left on his own. He needed to see the other boy again; he needed answers to be able to live his life again.

He couldn’t really decide what his life was after the other vanished. Before he met Daehyun, he didn’t even know what life was and after he met him he finally got to feel, he felt the joy of getting up and he suddenly enjoyed to be around other people – Daehyun particularly.
And now, his life didn’t really resemble much. He couldn’t go on while spending hours on the bridge, looking into nothingness of the dark streets; he couldn’t spend hours looking at the rocky school gate, while examining the invisible lines that used to define a body in the long lost past.
He got tired of turning around every time he heard echoing footsteps behind his back as he walked down the empty streets. It was useless to think that they would belong to a stalker he longed for.
He got sick of standing in the edge, wondering if the other’s been there, taking that one more step too far.

Too far… Over the edge. Just thinking about it made him shiver.

As far as he was concerned all these things had to stop but he had no idea how block out the thoughts or erase the memory from his brain.

-

Shifting under his blankets, he tried to count the days since the last time he saw him. Lost after a few weeks, he didn’t really want to know the exact number. It was agony to think about it and fortunately he snapped out as someone knocked on his door.

‘’Youngjae?’’ his mother peeped into the dark room.

He just mumbled in a response, soon regretting as pretending to be a sleep would be a better idea.

‘’How are you doing?’’ she asked as she crossed the room to the side of the bed.

‘’I’m fine.’’

‘’You’ve been acting all weird lately. Are you sure everything’s alright?’’ she was now sitting at the edge, while trying to pull the cover away from the boy’s face.

‘’Really mom, I’m fine.’’

She didn’t say anything though. She just sat there looking at the boy who tried to hide his face in the fluffy pillow. She knew that if she stayed long enough, her son would break.

‘’How do you know?’’ he whispered, still not looking at her face.

‘’Know what dear?’’

‘’H-how do you know that you like someone more than a friend?’’

She chuckled at his question, making him feel really embarrassed. He was never going to ask her something like that but right now, he didn’t see a different escape since he was drowning in confusion.

‘’Well… You want to be with them, you miss the person if they’re not around and you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make the other one happy. Simply the other person completes you in ways you never knew you’re lacking. They are the same and completely different and when they are around you feeling alive. It’s like nothing could stop you and the euphoria just takes over.’’

 The confused expression on Youngjae’s face made her chuckle again.

‘’I guess you can say that when you’re around the person your heart take up a beat and your body just overheats, while butterflies take over your stomach.’’ She was laughing now and it made the boy feel more at ease as well. He waited for a while though.

‘’Did you know right away that you were in love when you met dad?’’ He could feel a lump inside his throat. They never talked much about his father. He left when he was still young, probably around the age of 5 and it was the topic they both liked to avoid.

A sad expression covered her face but changed to a small and weak smile before she spoke.

‘’I didn’t. I used to hate your father. He used to annoy me and I just couldn’t be around him. Unfortunately for me, we were working together and he was always around me to destroy my day.’’

‘’But how did you…’’ Youngjae was confused.

‘’I guess he liked me. In the end he did all these charming little things for me and before I knew it, I was head over heels in love. I should have stuck to hate though.’’ She sighed in the end, patting Youngjae’s shoulder.

‘’You’ll know it dear and don’t bother yourself too much over it. It will come just in the right time and you’ll know.’’ She kissed his forehead, before she got up and left the room with a waving hand. Youngjae smiled at her and waved back, but as soon as the door were closed he sunk back into his thoughts, trying to draw parallels between what his mother just said and what he felt. The more he thought about it, the creepier it was all together. No matter how he looked at the stories, there were so many similarities between them. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was a sign, a warning; telling him to supress all the emotions or he will do a mistake which he’d regret for the rest of his life.

 -

A few days passed since Youngjae had the conversation with his mother. It was Saturday and this meant that he could sleep in; however someone decided to take away the little joy he still had.
Somebody decided to ring the bell in the middle of the morning. Since his mother was working, it only meant that he had to get up and see who it was.
He slowly got up and dragged his body in agony across the apartment. However, somewhere in the middle of the way a name appeared before his eyes. Daehyun. Could it be?
He picked up the pace, swiftly opening the door in anticipation and excitement.

A familiar set of eyes gazed at him but the excitement drained from his body. Before him stood a middle-aged lady in a suit. The eyes didn’t belong to the person he was hoping to see, but probably to his mother’s friend.

‘’I’m sorry, but my mother is working if you’re looking for her.’’ He said, holding the door ready to close them.

‘’I’m looking for Yoo Youngjae though.’’ She said looking straight at the boy with wary eyes.

In shock he looked up at the lady, tightening his grip on the door. For no reason he could feel something stir inside his stomach and it was not a good feeling. It was ominous and dark.

‘’T-that’s me.’’ He gulped.

Her eyes were locked with his, suddenly filled with sadness which he didn’t understand.

‘’I’m here because of Daehyun.’’

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Finally a new chapter! :D I'm sorry for a late update but my computer decided to play tricks on me and die, taking down this chapter as well >_____< 
Writing it again was bothersome xD but yeah, here it is.. It's only focused on Youngjae and I guess his feelings are a bit clearer now..

Anyways, thank you to all who subscribed to the story and all who leave me all these pretty comments <3 Please leave me more!! xD haha

Well, I hope you enjoyed the appearing angst and next time I'll try to update sooner ^__^

Have a great day! <3