Youngjae frowned as he finally woke up to the light coming from somewhere in the room. He slowly opened his eye lids, trying to figure out where he was. He knew he wasn’t in his bed because the mattress and the softness were different, the light was shining from a different direction and usually there was no warmth coming from the side. Realising that there was an unknown source of heat near him, he looked around in fear, only to realise that he was still on the couch next to Daehyun. He could still remember leaning on the boy in the evening and as it seemed they stayed there during the night. Though now he was lying next to the boy instead of sitting next to him. It was kind of logical because sleeping in a sitting position is really hard.

He was on the inside, between the pillows and Daehyun, facing the inside of the sofa. He could feel the other boy behind him as the warmth was radiating from the others body. Since he was facing the other way, it bothered him because he couldn’t see and access the situation he was in. He wanted to get up and away but he didn’t want to wake up the other boy. He decided that the best solution would be to slowly get up and he did so, but before he could get away he felt a hand being placed over his hip and his body was pushed back down.

Baffled by the happening he remained still, not really knowing what to do. The others hand was still resting on his side and turning around to face the brown haired boy just seemed to be a rather bad idea. He wasn’t sure he could look at the other from such a close distance, especially with the others hand on his body. Giving up he just stayed this way in silence, waiting for the other to do the next move.

‘’You’re already awake?’’ the whisper tickled the younger’s neck until he nodded to answer the question. There was no response for a while and he wondered if the older saw his movement but his question was soon answered with a new one.

‘’Do you want to leave?’’ a husky whisper was now even lower and quieter.

Youngjae remained quiet. He didn’t know how to answer the question. On one hand he wanted to escape the other but on the other hand he didn’t.
He was nervous and being so close to a still rather unknown guy was screaming RUN, but he felt sickly safe and secure next to the boy, under his heated hand. If nothing else he wanted the other to come closer and hold him even tighter.
The younger shivered under his own thoughts. This was happening a lot lately, as everything created in his mind fought against everything he once thought was logical and normal.
Never would he believe that he would one day want to stay in an embrace of a guy he recently pointed out as a suicidal stalker, but there was something about him that just drew him into the core of the other. He couldn’t fight those feelings anymore and it freaked him out because he didn’t understand them. Not even a tiny bit.

As the confusion rose and in the same time unfolded in his thoughts, he shook his head in answer. He didn’t want to leave.

 ‘’You know, yesterday when you asked me if I regret not jumping and I said that I wasn’t trying to jump…’’ the other soon trailed off after breaking the silence.

‘’Yeah I remember’’ The younger softly spoke his first words of the day.

‘’I was lying.’’

Silence again filled the almost none existing space between them, settling deeply, causing anxiety inside the younger.

‘’About not having regrets or not wanting to jump?’’ the younger asked carefully.

‘’About not wanting to jump’’

Youngjae wasn’t sure how to respond to the sudden confession. He remained quiet, hoping the other would continue.

‘’My plan that night was to jump and if you came a few minutes later, I’d be dead.’’

Silence again took over. The younger fought with his thoughts to come up with something to say.

‘’So do you hate me for stopping you?’’ he was actually afraid of the answer. He could feel his body stiffen up under the others hand as he waited in silence for the answer. He didn’t want to hear that he was hated for what he did.

‘’No, I don’t. You just managed to expand my time here in this world for a little bit longer.’’ Daehyun’s words were so unemotional, the younger though whether the older was already decided to try it again. An image of the older standing on the edge was now plastered before the youngers eyes and he felt sick.

‘’I don’t want you to jump.’’ Youngjae frowned looking at the sofa before his eyes. His voice was getting weaker ‘’I really don’t…’’

But the older cut in before he could continue. ‘’You used to hate me though.’’

‘’That was in the beginning when I didn’t really know you. You’re a good person Daehyun.’’

‘’Don’t say that. You don’t really know me.’’

Youngjae could feel emotions stir inside him, different things he didn’t know or understand took over his sanity, so he slowly and carefully turned around to face the other boy. Their faces were only inches apart and he could clearly see every single detail of the older boys face. Daehyun didn’t even flinch at his movement or his gaze. He stared at the frowning face in front of him, digging deep into the others eyes for answers.

‘’Let me get to know you. I want to know you Daehyun.’’ There was a hint of desperation in the younger’s voice now. He felt as if he was reaching towards something that was long lost, something that didn’t exist anymore, something that was merely a shadow of reality that once used to be. He gazed into the others dark eyes, seeking for that one spark to signal him that there was still hope; that he could still reach into the dark pits to take a hold on the lost boy.
This was the first time it hit him that something was deeply wrong with the other, with him himself and just with both of them together. Even if he never believed the words denying suicide in the past, he never thought about what could push the boy so far to even think of taking his own life. He didn’t know what the other felt of thought. He himself was struggling with emotions he couldn’t understand even if he wanted to and in the end, he was here on the couch next to a ‘’stranger’’, sharing moments that made his heart skip a beat in the past month and a bit more. Honestly there was nothing normal or right in the moments they spend together, but still Youngjae felt the need to say close to the other. In a sick way he felt free while looking into the troubled orbs.

‘’There is no one for you to get to know. Daehyun you talk about doesn’t even exist.’’ The other whispered, without blinking and again showing any emotion in his serious face.

‘’Who’s here with me now if it’s not Daehyun?’’

‘’Someone you shouldn’t care about. Someone who’s not supposed to be here.’’

The younger frowned while still locking eyes with Daehyun. Again none was ready to look away first. The older confused him to no end and he had no idea what to say, so he waited for the older to finally continue. A sigh escaped Deayhun’s lips as he removed his hand from the younger’s side and lied back on his back to look at the ceiling.

‘’I don’t want to live.’’ Those words so easily escaped his lips it made Youngjae sick to the core. Here he was listening to someone who was ready to die and his fate was somehow in his hands. He struggled to say something but he feared that maybe the wrong words might escape his tightly pressed lips.

‘’But life is beautiful. There is so much for you to still experience and see. You can’t just give up like that.’’ He could feel his inside tremble, his stomach wanted to empty itself but there was nothing there in the first place.

‘’Not for me. I was never meant to live. I never did anything good in this world. I, I use people, I use people as a living fuel because there is nothing inside me, because I can’t and don’t know how to live.’’

Youngjae tried to understand the confusing words coming from the other and as much as he wished he would he couldn’t.

‘’I don’t feel Youngjae. Do you know what life is like when you don’t know sadness or happiness? When you don’t feel anything. Not a single emotion and everything you actually have to work with is fake. Everything about me is unreal. I don’t even know who I am, I’m a shell, trying to fit into a world where I don’t even belong.’’

Youngjae swallowed deeply, still keeping his eyes on the olders profile. He tried to compose himself.

‘’I don’t know what it’s like if you don’t feel’’ he sighed ‘’Maybe I do, but I know that you can feel, everyone can feel and maybe sometimes it’s even better not to feel. Sometimes I don’t feel, I just want to be nobody and not feel the pain. And I know this probably will sound weird but you…Y-you saved me Daehyun.’’

Daehyun looked at the younger now. His eyes seemed kind of sad and questioning.

‘’You saved me from the bullies, I don’t know how I would survive for these few months; you saved me from the cold and the loneliness that haunted me every single day for the last four years. Believe me; I didn’t feel anything as well. I went to school and survived, I survived the punches and the physical pain without even caring, I just endured it for the sake of getting away, my dreams were unreachable and I didn’t care about what would happen to me and then you happened. Even if it was hate at the start you made me feel; the numbing fog around me suddenly rose and with every passing day I felt something… And now… now I don’t know what I feel, I just know it’s an amazingly weird feeling inside my chest. You saved me. You made me feel.’’ He could feel tears gather in his eyes as he told the other how he felt. He wrapped his arm around Daehyun and pulled him into a long longing hug.

‘’I-I saved your life?’’ the older whispered into his hair.

Youngjae held onto the other, his head buried into Daehyun’s defined chest, clinging onto him as he was about to disappear. He nodded and could feel a few tears escape his eyes as they made their way down his cheek and nose.
For Youngjae all the pieces were coming together and this was the first time he actually admitted to himself how low he was before he crossed his path with this mysterious, just as damaged stranger. Finally he admitted his feelings; he looked over the last few years where he really unplugged himself from the world. He was so deeply involved with the fantasy world he lived in that he didn’t even realise that he wasn’t feeling or living his life anymore. Before he reached this state his life was singing and now he couldn’t remember the last time he sung.
After finally saying it out laud it all became reality. The reality he feared but in the same time the heavy bourdon fell right of his shoulders.

The older boy wrapped his hands around Youngjae’s from sobs trembling body. He comforted the boy who was just hit with reality, in his embrace and he knew that his deed was done. His deed was to repay his debt and because saving a life is the most one can do, he either had to save his life or do many smaller things to pay it off. And now he just repaid it with saving the others life. He was done, his work was done. His time has come to an end.

-

Daehyun slowly sat up, pulling the still sobbing boy into a sitting position.

‘’Don’t cry’’ He whispered into the younger’s shoulder where his chin was placed.

‘’I’m fine. But…’’ The other forced a weak smile and pulled away from the other, wiping away the tears from his cheeks.

‘’do you really not feel anything?’’ there was desperation screaming from the crumbling voice of the younger boy. He knew that Daehyun awoke those feelings inside him, even if he didn’t understand them but in the same time he thought that the other felt the same. He thought that just maybe Daehyun was engulfed in the unknown emotions as well.

Daehyun looked at the sad brown orbs, waiting with fear and expectation at the same time. He wasn’t sure what to do or say. Was he supposed to tell the truth or lie?

‘’You should take a shower, it will help you to calm down.’’ The older suggested trying to avoid the question. He got up and pulled the younger to the bathroom door.

Youngjae clearly seemed disappointed by the response so he stopped at the door turning around to face the older boy again. He hesitated with his question but there was nothing he could do.

‘’You really don’t feel anything because of me?’’

‘’I don’t know.’’ The words slid down Daehyun’s tongue way to easily. He knew Youngjae had so many questions left and he was right. Youngjae’s head was filled with unanswered questions about the other and his life choices. But that was something Daehyun couldn’t answer.

‘’Well talk after you take a shower and calm down ok?’’ he smiled at the younger who still clenched onto the bathroom door. After a while Youngjae nodded and closed the door behind, leaving Daehyun standing there, watching the door for a while before he turned away.

-

Youngjae took a shower and as the older said it helped him calm down. He felt much better; however there were still thoughts and questions racing through his mind. In a way he just confessed to the other that he feels something and in the same time there were so many questions left unanswered and unasked.  

After he got dressed he opened the door ready to tell the other how much he cared and that together they could get through all the demons, maybe one day reaching the freedom, away from the dark shadows that were now holding onto Daehyun. He scanned the empty room but the other was not there. He went to the kitchen and the living room but both were empty. After looking through his room and every other place he ended in the living room, staring at the front door.
Somehow he knew that was the direction to look at.
A sinister feeling stabbed his stomach as he realised that the other boy was gone. Without a second thought he ran outside. Scanning the empty ground around the block, he ended up running to the bridge. The bridge that changed his life and the bridge he feared to reach.
Filled with panic he reached it but there was a bitter sweet feeling leaning at the empty place. Daehyun wasn’t there and he was somehow glad. This meant the other didn’t jump. At least not yet.

An anxious feeling took over his body as he stood there for hours. Waiting. He felt the pain and void grow bigger as time merciless passed by. Unable to comprehend what happened he stood there and with every single second he felt the other slipping further away. In this moment all he wanted was for the one to be with him, to hear him speak and sing. He wanted to feel the warmth of the others body.

But with all this thoughts he couldn’t chase away that one question which was now slowly starting to haunt him.

Was Daehyun still alive?

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Chapter 8 is complete.. :D it starts kinda cute (i think) but there is finally some angst ... :D so huzzah for that because I just love angst xD lol
Anyways, I hope the chapter didn't disappoint because it didn't come out the way I planned...but ok... 

And again thank you to all who subscribed and commented!!! ^___^
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