‘’I’m here because of Daehyun.’’

Her voice ripped through Youngjae’s heart and his grip on the door tightened. He held strongly onto the material to keep himself in place. However the dizziness he suddenly felt was beyond anything he ever felt before.
Right now he could already see the clear image of Daehyun, standing at the edge. He’s looking in the younger boy’s direction and no matter how fast Youngjae runs or how loud he screams, he can’t reach him. At least not in time. In his imagination the boy’s face is as unfazed as always, a hint of darkness clouding over his brown orbs as he gazes at him; this time completely unaffected by the pleading escaping the younger’s lips. Youngjae’s heart breaks into a million little shreds and pieces as he watches the other take that one step, that one step into nothingness as he disappears under the end of the world. And he’s gone. Just like that. Leaving the emptiness behind.

Youngjae tightly closed his eyes as he tried to block out the awful vision. He was sincerely hoping that the lady’s mission was not to tell him what his vision was actually reality that happened in real life. He couldn’t even think about the other being gone forever, without having a chance to say him the last words.

‘’W-who are you, if I may ask?’’ he tried to hold back the tears which were forming on the lines as the awful vision kept playing in front of his eyes.

‘’I’m Daehyun’s mother.’’ She calmly said, leaving Youngjae speechless while trying to figure out why and how the boy’s mother ended on his doorstep.

 ‘’Can I come in? I have to talk to you.’’ She said looking passed the boy into the room behind him. He was left with no choice but to invite the lady who was supposed to be Daehyun’s mother in. He led her to the kitchen where she sat down on one of the chairs.

‘’Um, would you like something to drink?’’ he asked politely, trying to avoid the unavoidable question.

‘’A glass of water would be fine, thank you.’’

He nodded in response and got her a glass. He sat across the table as he explored the women’s features. Honestly, after examining her face in detail, he couldn’t see much resemblance between the two. She had rather small eyes and thin lips; even the face shape was different. But as far as he knew, Daehyun could take all the features from his father.

After examining her, while she took a few sips of the cold liquid he finally assembled the courage to ask the question that was eating him from the moment the other person disappeared from his living room.

‘’Is Daehyun ok?’’ he asked cautiously. His intention was to phrase it a bit differently, asking if the other was still alive but as of the moment, it seemed to be more appropriate to ask whether her son was fine.

She looked at him with sad eyes ‘’I guess you could say that he’s ok. Well, he’s not dead if that’s what you’ve been wondering.’’

Youngjae could feel a tremendously heavy bourdon, which was suffocating him for so long lift from his shoulders. He didn’t have to know what happened to the boy, he was just glad he was fine and alive.  He sighed in relief, though her troubled eyes didn’t let him completely loose up.

‘’Where is he?’’ he continued to ask. Even if he was shy around people he didn’t know, he was determined not to let the chance to find out more pass through his fingers.

‘’He’s back in Busan.’’ The lady’s voice was regaining some strength.

‘’But why are you here?’’ Youngjae asked curiously.

She looked back down at the glass which was held captive between her long slim fingers. She played with the water drops forming on the outside lair of the piece. The boy could see her take a deep breath, thinking through her exact words and he didn’t have to wait for too long for her to continue.

‘’I heard that he spend quite some time with you…’’ her gaze was still on the item between her palms.

‘’Um, yeah we’ve been hanging out for a while I guess…’’ he tried to find the right words to describe their relationship but failed. What was their relationship was an unsolved mystery to the blond boy.

‘’I-it’s kind of unusual for him to stick with someone for a long time and get involved with other people’s lives.’’

Youngjae didn’t say anything in response. He wanted to but didn’t know how to respond to what the lady was saying.

‘’I guess, I just wanted to see why it was different this time and also, I wanted to make sure that he didn’t hurt you.’’

The more words escaped her lips, the more confused Youngjae was. He was frowning at her every word, even if he didn’t want to. He couldn’t help it. He felt lost and deprived of some extremely important information that would tie all the broken pieces together to form a clear picture and answers he longed for.

It seemed like the lady noticed the confusion and frustration on the young boy’s face. Her intention was not to make the boys’ life harder; she wanted to give him some closure which she knew he needed more than anything.

‘’Look Youngjae, I don’t know how much Daehyun told you but…’’ her eyes were again focused on the liquid as she tried to find the right words to explain things as clearly as possible.

‘’Daehyun is not… H-he’s different.’’

Even by the vein explanation the frown didn’t leave the boy’s face.

‘’W-what do you mean by… d-different? And what do you mean when you said that you wanted to make sure that he didn’t hurt me?’’ he swallowed deeply. Yes the older boy seemed to be troubled and deeply scared but the tone of her voice indicated something different.

She sighed, indicating that she gave in. There was no other way around but to tell the truth.

‘’Daehyun…’’ she continued.
‘’Daehyun was adopted by the age of 5. His previous family was abusive and he was taken away. We took him in and when his life finally settled his step father left when he was 7. He seemed to have a strong connection with his stepfather but after he left the boy didn’t really show any emotions about the event. After a while we all became worried about his unfazed behaviour, so we took him to a doctor and after some examinations… the doctor informed us that Daehyun was different. He got diagnosed with a Schizoid personality disorder.’’

She looked up to examine the reaction on the boy’s face but there was none. Honestly Youngjae didn’t have a clue what the lady was talking about.

‘’Shi-what disorder?’’ he asked sceptically. He wasn’t sure he even wanted to know what this supposed illness was. The words coming from the lady were making him sick. His stomach was twisting and he was glad he didn’t eat anything before her arrival.

‘’Schizoid personality disorder.’’ She corrected.

‘’W-what does this mean?’’

‘’It pretty much means that he isolates himself and he doesn’t really feel emotions the way normal people do.
People with this disorder long for a relationship with others because they feel the need to feel the voids because they don’t really feel but because they don’t know how to function in a relationship they end up leaving and isolating themselves again.’’

Whatever the lady was saying sounded horrific to the boy’s ears even if he didn’t properly understand everything.

‘’Since we managed to diagnose it quickly, with the help of therapist he learned about emotions and how to distinguish them. This way he can pretty much function in a normal life but it’s all fake. I don’t know if you experienced it but in some moments he seems normal but if he’s thrown into a situation where he doesn’t know how to function and what he’s supposed to feel, he’ll freeze and just come off as extremely cold.
And with the part where I said that I wanted to make sure that he didn’t hurt you… He started to use people. After some time when he finally realized how much different he was and how hard life was for him because he couldn’t feel the joy in doing anything, he completely disconnected himself deciding to commit suicide. Though, after a while he discovered that he can maybe use some of the energy and emotions from other people. This way he got involved with people for as long as he had to and after a while he just walked out. And since people with a disorder like this often seem to be mysterious and appealing he didn’t have a problem finding people to stick to. A little while ago he again decided to end it all and he run away. We really thought that he has killed himself but I guess you crossed his plans.
 I don’t know what you had with him but I just want to tell you that whatever happened between you, whatever he said… nothing is true. Whatever his reason was to connect to you was for his own benefit and he didn’t think about you or your feelings not even a bit. He doesn’t care about his family; he doesn’t care about anyone at all.’’

The boy just stared across the table while memories begun to fill his head. Remembering the words the other said and how much meaning they had now that he knew the truth. He could remember the moments of coldness in the others face and how he was always unfazed when he should have reacted.

Flashback

‘’There is no one for you to get to know. Daehyun you talk about doesn’t even exist.’’ Daehyun whispered, without blinking and again showing any emotion in his serious face.

‘’Who’s here with me now if it’s not Daehyun?’’

‘’Someone you shouldn’t care about. Someone who’s not supposed to be here.’’

‘’I don’t want to live.’’ Those words so easily escaped his lips it made Youngjae sick to the core. Here he was listening to someone who was ready to die and his fate was somehow in his hands. He struggled to say something but he feared that maybe the wrong words might escape his tightly pressed lips.

‘’But life is beautiful. There is so much for you to still experience and see. You can’t just give up like that.’’ He could feel his inside tremble, his stomach wanted to empty itself but there was nothing there in the first place.

‘’Not for me. I was never meant to live. I never did anything good in this world. I, I use people, I use people as a living fuel because there is nothing inside me, because I can’t and don’t know how to live.’’

Youngjae tried to understand the confusing words coming from the other and as much as he wished he would he couldn’t.

‘’I don’t feel Youngjae. Do you know what life is like when you don’t know sadness or happiness? When you don’t feel anything. Not a single emotion and everything you actually have to work with is fake. Everything about me is unreal. I don’t even know who I am, I’m a shell, trying to fit into a world where I don’t even belong.’’

End of the flashback

Suddenly it was all clear. He now somehow understood why Daehyun said that he was never meant to live and how he never did anything good in this world. How he used people as living fuel and Youngjae couldn’t help but wonder if he was just fuel for the older as well. He even said once that the young boy only managed to expand his stay on the planet. Did this mean that Daehyun already knew that the younger boy couldn’t stop him from his plan and that Youngjae just presented another opportunity for the older to stick to for a while?
Youngjae felt stupid right now. The older boy even clearly said that he didn’t feel, not at all and how everything is unreal about him. All the signs were there, even Daehyun told him directly but how was he supposed to know?

The blond boy could feel the hot tears tickle down his cheeks. His eyes were still on the face on Daehyun’s mother but he didn’t really see her expression through the thick salty water gathering in the corners of his eyes. He could feel her hand on top of his as she gave him a reassuring squeeze.

‘’Youngjae…’’ she said with a calming voice.

He wiped away the tears with his free hand.

‘’W-what will happen to him now?’’ he tried to keep his voice strong to cover up the pain that was spreading through his body.

‘’He’ll be in the hospital because of suicidal tendencies for a while and after they’ll have enough of him he’ll come home I guess.’’ The woman’s voice was steady, kind of sad but the boy could feel that she already accepted the state and future of her son.

‘’Can they cure him?’’

Just from the look of her eyes he already knew the answer.

‘’I’m sorry Youngjae.’’

He just nodded in the response. Of course Daehyun couldn’t get better. Of course everything good that ever came into Youngjae’s life eventually left him or turned out to be a bad thing. Youngjae now suddenly felt the rage boil inside him. The rage was not projected towards the older boy but himself. He couldn’t believe how stupid he was to believe that something good could actually happen to him. He was delusional and in the moment he just wanted everything to disappear, he wished he was just like Daehyun. Not feeling didn’t sound as bad as the pain in his heart and it was excruciating.

‘’Well, Youngjae I have to go. I have a flight and I can’t miss it. My intention was pretty much to find you and explain things to you so you would know the truth. I know what it’s like to be left behind and not know what happened. It’s not nice and I couldn’t bear the thought of someone else being hurt by him again.’’

She got up and the boy silently followed her to the door. If he did he was sure the voice escaping his lips would stutter and cause him to break down in vicious weeping. There was nothing else he really wanted to know and her going away seemed like a good thing. He needed to be alone since he needed the time to break down and think the whole situation over.

‘’I’m sorry Youngjae.’’ She turned before the elevator and he only nodded in response.

The beep indicated the arrival of the box. But as the door were about to close, Youngjae jumped forwared and stopped them with his hand. He wasn’t sure what had gotten over him and where the question lingering inside his head came from.

‘’C-can I see him again?’’ he asked while looking straight into her puzzled eyes.

‘’He’s in Busan Youngjae.’’

‘’What if I come to Busan?’’ he wasn’t taking a no for an answer. He knew that meeting the boy again would be destructive but he still needed answers. He needed them more than anything and no one else but Daehyun could provide them.

‘’I guess…’’ she confusedly answered. It was the first time anyone wanted to get involved with her son after being hurt and finding out about his disorder. She didn’t know what the boy wanted with her son but she couldn’t stop him from visiting.

Youngjae only nodded and they exchanged numbers just in case if he really showed up in Busan. After everything was settled he removed his hand which allowed the door to close, erasing the image of Daehyun’s mother from his vision.
Wondering if he was going to see her again he returned to the apartment.

Later that day, he just stayed in his room thinking over every single moment and word the two shared. After many years he even ended up sitting behind the black and white keyboard and his stiff fingers played with the tones escaping the instrument.
It was bitterly sweet to sit there and play. He could feel his love for music evoke but Daehyun was the last to play the piano.
Now he even started to wonder who this Daehyun was. Was he the person he met or was the real Daehyun someone completely different.
He was determined to get answers from the brown haired boy himself, even if that meant that he had to travel to Busan.

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Oh god this chapter... I had it in my head before I even wrote the first chapter but it was one of the hardest to write... I have no idea why but it just was.. It didn't come out quite the way that I wanted but here it is..maybe it's because I'm writing it so late.. XDD 

Well, I guess you all have your questions answered about what happened to Daehyun.. At least he's not dead right? or he's not a ghost! xD 

I do hope you're not disappointed with this chapter and I hope you enjoyed it :D 
+I have to apologize about the late update..my computer decided to die so i don't have much acess to a computer or internet... 
And for the heads up.. the next chapter will probably be the last one :// 

Anyways, thank you to all who subscribed and commented! please leave me more pretty or not that pretty comments eh??! ^///^

I love you all and have a great day! <3