Youngjae sat on the blue chairs glancing over the paper in his hand. The noise around him was drowned out as he stared at the simple letters written across the smooth surface - Busan.

He held the plane ticket for the destination. The place that held so many uncertainties. 

However, he didn't regret buying the ticket. If he wouldn't go and face the unknown, he knew he'd spend the rest of his life wondering about all the unanswered questions. He needed answers, even if he didn't know why he craved for them. 

The airport was as busy as always. People running up and down, dragging heavy luggage and bags behind their backs. He was more and more nervous by the passing minute but was determined to survive his first plane ride. It flight was short so he wasn't too worried about it; what worried him a bit more was the fact that it was his first trip out of Seoul. Or maybe he was just trying to hide the anxiety over meeting the other boy again in completely different circumstances.

Not a single doubt was hovering over the fact that he missed him. The void left behind the empty echoes of the non existing footsteps on the streets; the now unfamiliar scent lingering in the air when he wrapped himself into the scarf, the tuneless sounds escaping the piano, the cold covers when he woke up on the sofa… Everything he shared with the boy haunted him as nothing was reality anymore. He wondered if anything was real. After finding out the truth about the other boy nothing seemed real. 

Was Daehyun even real? Who was the person he met on that late evening on the bridge? Who was that person who rescued him before the bullies and who slept next to him on the sofa? 

Who?

Before he decided to take the trip to Busan he decided to investigate the disorder. This were the only answers to who the person he met might have been. There was more truth to the words on the internet as there were in real life. The non-existent person on the internet seemed to be more real as the person he met some time ago.

Lack of interest in social relationships, tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, emotional coldness, secretiveness and apathy. It all described the boy he met. It all made sense now that he knew. All the pieces came together and a real person named Schizoid personality disorder was created. 

It was not Daehyun anymore, it was a disorder.

Unsociability, quietness and seriousness. 

Youngjae never saw the older boy talk to anyone else. Not even the girls which were trying so hard to flirt with him for a few weeks. He didn't care or show any interest in making any social contacts. 

Emotional coldness. 

Many times the thought of the cold and unresponsive attitude crossed the younger's mind when he was around Daehyun. But of course he didn't give it much thought. There are always people who easily show emotions and there are those who don't. He'd consider himself as someone who doesn't show emotions that easily, but still when he was with the older boy he felt like the emotions were beaming from his core. 

Daehyun was empty. 

-

“Passengers for Busan will be boarding the plane in 15 minutes.” the loud speaker snapped him out of his thoughts as he gathered his belongings and moved to the line. Soon he was already boarding the plane and before he even knew the plane was positioning itself for take off. Sitting in the little, rather comfortable chair he gazed out through the small opening on the planes body. The window was small but he still had a good view of the airport. 

The plane stopped at the beginning of the runway, pausing for a tiny bit and the engines begun to roar with stronger voices. It was ready to take off and start it's way to a new destination - the sky. 

The acceleration pressed the boys body into the chair as the engines finally pushed the massive plane body. Speeding down the runway, the speed increased by every passing feet; soon after he felt as if the wind finally grabbed the airplane wings and slowly lifted them up. It was already loosing the touch with the ground and before he knew the whole heavy body was soaring in the air. The ground and the people on the surface were getting smaller and smaller, soon turning into little dots, disappearing behind the white clouds which separated the reality and fiction.

The view was fantastic and the young boy never experienced anything like it. The feeling of flying was overwhelming. 

In the moments spend somewhere high in the sky, he felt as if he detached himself from reality. Everything around him was so clear, every emotion and trouble seemed to diminish in the pressure of the cold atmosphere. It was like he left all the emotional baggage back on the ground; it was like he was finally free of everything he carried on his shoulders for the few passing years. 

Everything from the issues with his father and mother, future questions, school troubles and depression, even the confusion because of Daehyun was left behind, like it never existed. 

Pressing his face to the cold glass surface he admired the black sky just a little bit above him and how the colours faded into almost white in the end of the horizon. The clouds underneath the plane seemed to be like a whole new world with mountains and valleys made of the fluffy surface. 

It felt like if he could reach out, he'd be able to touch heaven. In that moment he didn't want to leave this place of bliss and beauty. He wanter to spread the wings, which he felt itching from underneath his skin and just fly away. Never returning back down on the solid ground seemed like a good idea. But all good comes to en end and troubles would stay even if he flew away and before he knew it the plane was starting to loose altitude. 

The flight soon came to and end and the lady from the speaker soon announced that the plane would be descending soon. Busan was close and it made the boy nervous. The bliss he felt a moment ago was starting to disappear with every lost meter on the altitude radar.

Desperately he tried to get it back as the reality sank in way too fast.

He looked out the window,trying to imagine the feeling of touching those fluffy clouds as the plane cut right through them. 

The world seemed so perfect from the birds view. So perfectly the colours blurred into the pallet of the many nature wonders. The endless horizon offered so many choices and ways to choose. The clouds playing, taking their own paths without control. And just how beautiful and perfect was the land underneath the clouds. The green forest, the blue river and in the end even the dirty creation of the people, called the city. It was all perfect, everything was perfect and it angered the young boy because when finally something good came into his life, it ended up being flawed and imperfect. It was far, far away from the perfection he gazed upon through the little window.  Why was someone he finally felt connected to flawed with a disorder, which he didn't even understand. Was he really destined to attract everything flawed?

-

The trip of bliss was soon over as the landing gear touched the ground again. They landed and the young boy was now in a completely new town and world. After he finally got off the plane and got the luggage, he hesitantly dialled the number Daehyun's mother left him. 

The phone rang a few times before the familiar voice answered. 

“Hello?”

“Mrs Jung? This is Yoo Youngjae calling.” 

“Ohh, Youngjae?”

“Yeah. I came to Busan.” he said with a shaky voice, not really knowing how she'd respond.

“Oh really? You came?” she sounded surprised, just as he expected. 

“Y-yeah, I guess I did. I really want to see h-him again.” The line went silent for a little while before she continued. 

“Of course. Well where are you?”

“Umm, at the airport…” 

“Well if you want I can come and get you?” she asked.

“Oh, wow. I don't know. I don't want to bother you...” he was hesitant of the offer as the last thing he wanted to do was bother anyone with his unexpected and unannounced visit. 

Though, Daehyun's mother was quite eager to pick him up so he agreed. Truthfully he felt a bit relieved as he was saved from the wandering across a different city. They agreed that she'd pick him up at the airport.  After some time she finally showed up.

“Thank you very much for picking me up.” Youngjae thanked her as he got into the rather fancy looking car.

“Oh, it's ok. I'd be hard for you to get around a new town. Things will just be easier this way.”

He nodded in response and thanked her again for the kindness. After a few minutes of silent driving he finally broke it.

“Is it bad that I came so unannounced?” he looked at her from the side only spotting a faint smile on he face. 

“No, it's ok. Daehyun wouldn't expect anyone and I'm sure he wouldn't really be bothered if a visitor announced the visit or not.”

“H-how is he?” asking questions like this still made Youngjae furrow his brows even if it was almost a month since Daehyun's mother visited him. 

She gave the question a thought before answering. “He's… Ok, I guess.” even her brows were indicating worry and distress. “It's just that it's hard to tell how he's doing. He pretty much shut himself down and doesn't talk to anyone. Though the doctors said that they can't really do anything about the suicidal tendencies. Now we just have to watch over him, so that he doesn't do anything stupid or run away again.” 

Youngjae nodded, taking in the new information. 

“So he's staying at home now?” 

“Yes. He didn't try to do anything in the last few weeks. So that's a good sign I guess.” she again tried to smile a tiny bit but the bitterness never left her face. Youngjae couldn't help but wonder what it must have felt to have a son like that. True that Daehyun was adopted but that didn't mean that the lady didn't love him as her own. It seemed to the boy like she had strong feelings for her son but decided to build up walls. 

How hard it must have been to know that everyday when you return from home you might find a lifeless body. How hard it must have been to know that the love you were giving to someone wasn't understood and could never be returned. 

How hard it must have been…

And somehow Youngjae himself was being caught in between.

Nausea took over  as he thought about it. Did this apply to him as well?

However, luckily for the blond boy the sickness and the thoughts were stopped as the car slowed down. 

“We're here.” the lady smiled and looked right across the road towards a nice medium sized house. They were living in the suburbs of Busan. 

“You have a nice house.” he tried to compliment and shake of the meaning of why he came. 

Now that he was standing in front of the building where all the answers lied, he suddenly felt completely incapable of entering and finding them. The only thing he wanted to do right now was to turn around and leave. To run away and never come back. Not having the answers seemed nice for a moment or two. 

“Come now…” the lady waved her hand inviting the boy across the street and towards the front door. 

It seemed as Mrs Jung noticed the anxiety plastered across the boys face as she gave him a reassuring smile and a pat on the shoulder.

“Hey, don't worry. It'll all be okay.” 

He only nodded in response but knew that it couldn't be ok. Whatever answers he will get from the boy on the other side of the door will never be good and ok. At least not for his liking. His expectations were too high and knowing the condition of the situation, he knew that the possibility of hearing what he wanted to hear was below zero. 

She opened the door and invited him inside. The place was nice and neat, radiating with a warm feeling from the wooden furniture. It seemed like a happy place. 

They took off their shoes and she lead him upstairs where they both stopped in front of dark brown wooded door. She smiled at the boy reassuringly and Youngjae returned a sheepish, uncomfortable smile. 

“Just wait a bit huh...” she smiled again before she disappeared behind the door. 

Youngjae was left outside, in the quietness of the house. It seemed empty and deserted. At the moment the warmness he felt after entering the place disappeared into nothingness and the only thing lingering in the hallways was pain and sadness. Or maybe it was numbness. He wasn't quite sure.

It felt like hours before the door opened again and she came out. She gave him another smile and pointed him to enter before she disappeared down the stairs. 

Taking a deep breath, Youngjae slowly opened the door, peeking into the room. He wasn't sure what he expected to see but it was nothing like what was waiting for him behind those door. 

White walls defined the small room space. There were no pictures or anything plastered on the white surface. A small window on one side let in the light and the furniture was basic. There was a small wooden table and a chair. The table was empty, except for a few papers and pens lying around the smooth surface. In the corner was a closet and on the other side was a piano, much like the one he had in his room. The room was completely normal. And on the other side was a bed where sat the boy he longed for and in the same time feared. 

They locked eyes and Youngjae couldn't help but grip tightly on the door handle. He wasn't sure what to say and the other seemed to be a bit surprised to see him.

“Youngjae?” he asked. His voice sounded so familiar and it lured the younger in. 

“Hi.” he hardly squeezed through his lips as he finally stepped inside and closed the door behind him. This was it. There was no going back. 

“What are you doing here?” the elders voice seemed to be dismissive but now Youngjae doubted every word coming from the others lips. He stayed at the door looking at the sitting figure. Doubts overflew him as everything finally started to set in. 

“I-i…” even though he practiced his speech for quite a while, he was at a loss of words. After closing and opening his mouth for a couple of times he just lowered his gaze to the floor, without saying anything. 

It wasn't really going the way he expected it. Nothing was really the way he expected it to be. 

At first he was sure that the other would show at least a glimpse of happiness or excitement but it was foolish of him to believe that, as he knew Daehyun's condition. And the second thing that wasn't going according to plan at the moment were his feelings. His emotions were a complete mess.

He was sure that he'd feel happy or excited to see him well and somewhat healthy. He thought that seeing him alive would sort out his emotions and confusion which was supposed to be worry but right now the pallet of emotions he experienced were complete opposite. He felt anger and maybe even a glimpse of hate. He felt the weird emotion he had no control over spread across his body, making his fists shake as he clenched them together. He was fighting back the tears gathering at the edge of his eye but he was sure that those were not tears of joy nor sadness. Something else took over his body. Something that confused him even more.

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New chapter! Sorry you guys had to wait so long.. My computer was still a mess but now finally everthing is ok and i got a new one and I'll be able to update again! Huzzah for that!!! 

Anyways, I know I said that this chapter might be the last one but clearly it's not.. xD lol 

The chapter is kinda boring i guess.. nothing happens, but I wanted to kinda explore Youngjae's emotions a bit more.. He's still confused tho.. but he finally got to meet Daehyun again. 

So yeah.. the next one will probably be the last chap (but might not) lol xD  sorry for confusing you!

Well I have to say thank you to all who subscribed, commented and waited patiently for my slow updates! I promise that the next one will be faster now that I have a computer :DD
I'm super stoked and pretty please leave me some nice or not that nice comments to give me energy for the next chapter xD

I hope you enjoyed and have a lovely day! ;))