It must have been a dream.

Yeah, that’s the only possible explanation.

I didn’t kiss Park Chanyeol last night.

My brain is fooling with my feelings again.

No, I did not kiss Park Chanyeol on my bed, while he was on top of me on the most compromising situation ever. No.

I let out a sigh very loudly to the point the people next to me and sitting on the front road looked at me with astonished eyes. I smiled sheepishly and went back to write on my notebook what I could catch out of what the teacher was saying.

But there it was: the little note Chanyeol wrote to me was on the table as a living proof that all the previous night events were truer than anything else. But I must have dreamed the kissing part.

I absolutely hated not being able to differentiate reality from imagination. I let out another sigh.

“My God, can you stop?” Kibum, who was next to me, said in annoyance. “You don’t have to breathe like you were delivering a child, for ’s sake.”

----------------------------

“Yeah, so I finally was able to watch this movie… The woman in black… You were so right, Kevin, Ha Neul was clinging to my arm in a matter of seconds.” Joon was telling the 5 of us about his date with… Ha Neul… last night. We were having lunch in the cafeteria. “And then, I did the move we’ve been talking about and” He complemented the story with a vivid dramatization of a French kiss. Talking about disturbing coincidences.

I wonder how Chanyeol would act now, if the kiss did happen. Is he going to retract? Maybe he would disappear like he has done before. Or maybe he would pretend it never happened. I wouldn’t be surprise, though. Maybe the movie knocked out his common sense and he regretted his actions.

But maybe, Abi, MAYBE he’s feeling happy about it. Just like you! Yes, yes, don’t deny it. I know you’ve been feeling butterflies every time you replay the scene in your mind. Who would have imagine those ers were real… butterflies… not a metaphor as I thought they were. I bet they are laying eggs in my stomach or something, they multiply like rabbits!

I want to see him again. Just once more. To confirm how beautiful he actually is. How his smile can make my whole week better. How funny and easy going he is. I want to see him soon. To hear his voice. His cheerful words. His laugh. Please let me hear him laugh. What have you done to me, Park Chanyeol! You are 98% of my thought right now and the 2% left is being used not to put the food on my nose instead of my mouth.

“Abi, are you listening to me?”

“I’m telling you, I saw here stabbing her cheekbone with a pencil during class… repeatedly.”

“Abi… Do you want to go home and rest?”

“I think she can’t hear us.”

“I mean, she has always had those random social spasms but it’s getting out of control now.”

“Poor kid, she can’t even stop letting carrots get into her nose when eating…”

“Abi?”

Ok, maybe Chanyeol was a 100%. This is not healthy.

----------------------------

I was on the mall with Kibum, Min Young, Ai and Kevin. We were shopping for winter clothes since winter was around the corner. I still couldn’t focus on my friends and the fact that they were crying from laughter and I didn’t even know why because my mind had been somewhere else all this time. I’ve always had little attention spasm but if my mom saw this one I would be on the clinic taking samples of my pee, right now. Ok, Abi, stop. I needed to try harder to stay in this atmosphere.

I ran up to reach Min Young’s arm and clenched mine with hers. She looked at me and smiled. She didn’t bombard me with a lot of questions this morning like the others regarding my mental health because she knew sooner or later I would tell her what was going on. The problem was I wasn’t sure if I could. I knew she wouldn’t tell anyone because she’s my best friend. But at the same time I would feel like I was betraying Chanyeol by telling his secrets, because this secret was not just mine, it was ours. And I was scared I could see him again if someone knew there was something going on between us.

We spent the rest of the afternoon at the mall and I was able to have normal conversations with my friends. Ai and I went to take pictures next to a statue of an elephant and we also drank some bubble tea. My mind was slowly getting in order again; I just needed to get over the shock. But of course, from time to time I got lost on my thoughts.

“I’m telling you, she has autism” *Smack* A quick move and then Kevin was rubbing the back of his head.

“You’re stupid, Kevin.”

“And you’re pretty Min Young. Now that we state a few evident lies, can you make a sign to the waitress? I want to order some more meat.” *Smack*

My brain was trying to process the fact that such a ephemeral and simple thing like a kiss could have change me so much and in so many ways. Yes, I’ve kissed people before. Not too many of them or anything, but I had. And the aftermath was definitely not like this.

I see the world brighter now.

You know when you feel your life is dark, literally opaque? That there are hours of the day you don’t remember much about? That from time to time there is a day of the week you only live for the sake of surviving? Because that is what you are supposed to do? I won’t say I was depressed before, because I knew I was not. I think most of humans feel that way at some point of their lives. But I am not sure that ‘feel’ is the right word to use there, since actually during those moments you don’t feel… anything. And that is the saddest part because at least, when I hurt, I know I’m still alive.

But now, thanks to someone named Park Chanyeol, I can tell I don’t remember well what that sensation of darkness is like. And it became like this slowly. It was not the kiss; that was more the physical realization that my life would never be the same. It has started before that, since we first talk I think. He has something. He makes me the happiest, and also the saddest. But I’m okay with it since the reward is much MUCH bigger than those few moments of troublesome.

And even if you stop talking one day and I never get to see his face, I would never be exactly the same I was before meeting him.

“I’m telling you: A-U-T-I-S-M”

“Guys, leave her alone, she must have had a bad night.”

“Are you kidding me? Pass me your permanent marker, Ai, we need to enjoy when she’s on zombie mode as much as we can.”

“Don’t you dare, Kibum, or I’m going to shove this fork in places it doesn’t fit.”

“Dammit, Min Young, you’re so scary some times.”

---------------------------

Min Young handed me the mug of hot tea and I took it. She sat down on my bed next to me and we made ourselves comfortable with some pillows and the big duvet. After a long day we decide it was the perfect time for a sleep over.

Nothing like vanilla tea with cookies under fluffy blankets with your best friend.

“Thanks, Minnie.” She looked at me a puzzled for the sudden words. “For putting up with my weird self. I admit today I was specially… distracted.” I was so thankful I needed to say it out loud.

“Oh, don’t worry.” She smiled softly. “It was funny most of the time.” Min laughed probably remembering the same incident I was.

“Ugh, Kibum is going to pay for the permanent marker thing… I swear…” I took a sip of my tea letting the hot liquid warm me inside.

And then we both laughed together.

When the silence came again, I knew I had to tell Min Young the reason behind my strange behavior. I knew it as well as she knew she shouldn’t ask me about the subject. It was something I should bring up to the conversation myself.

I took a deep breath.

“Minnie, there is something you should know.” I could feel how she gave me her whole attention. “There is this guy… and well… me and him… maybe we… ugh.” Please don’t ask me too much questions, please, please.

And she did not. “Pabo, do you think I am blind? You play with you phone all day, you smile to yourself, you day dream more than usual… Basically it was that or you’re in love with a celebrity.” She let out a refreshing laugh.

.

*What you think that we think is cool… What you think that we think is cool…*

My phone started ringing from the night table next to Min Young. She reached for it and read the name on the screen. “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is calling you…” She said while she handed me the phone with her eyebrows furrowed. I need to start giving Chanyeol normal names.

“Thanks.” I said and took the call with shaky fingers. “Hello?” My heart was beating fast just by thinking I was about to hear his voice again.

“Hi, Abi! How are you?” An energetic yet no so deep voice greeted me. “Oh, sorry, you’re talking to Baekhyun. Do you remember me?” He spoke fast and clear. I let out of the air I was holding. Somehow I felt relieved; I was not prepared to face Chanyeol yet.

“Sure! How are you Baekhyun oppa? What’s the matter?” Crap! I forgot Min Young can hear me. But there must be thousands of Baekhyuns in Seoul, right?

“I’m great. Yeah… about that, Chanyeol lost Kai’s ipod so he’s trying to find it. He told me to call you because Manager hyung said phones stay at home or he would regret giving us permission to have them and we’re kind of in a hurry haha.”

“Hyung I can believe you lost it. I give you my ipod for 3 minutes and this happens. You know I need it!” I could here voices in the background.

“Hey I had it in my hands and then I got distracted and then it was not there anymore!”

“Sure, I’ll tell him to stop running away…” Kai said sarcastically.

“Guys, keep it quite, I’m talking on the phone! Anyways, as I was saying…” Baekhyun spoke again “Are you free the next next Monday?”

“In… two weeks?”

“Yes, during the afternoon.”

“If you’re like this now, imagine when you actually have a girlfriend. What are we going to do with you, hyung?” The voices in the back could be heard again.

“Shut up, Kai, and continue looking for it.” More loud sounds of drawers being opened and closed and things being moved around.

“Yes, I’m free every Monday afternoon. Why?” I said.

“Do you want to go to Lotte World with Chanyeol and me?” My heart skipped a bit. Just the thought of spending my Monday afternoon with those two guys made me happy.

“You’re asking me two weeks in advance?” I giggled at the situation.

“Yeah… hahaha Our schedules are a little bit packed those days…”

“I don’t even know why I’m helping you looking for it. It’s not me who lost it in the first place!” I could sense Kai was starting to lose his nerves.

“You’re helping me because I’m your hyung and I told you to. Now bend down and look under the sofa.” Chanyeol ordered.

“And give you the chance to slap my like the other day? No, thank you.”

“Dammit, just do it! I’m busy with the coffee table.”

Even Baekhyun had stopped talking to listen to their conversation.

“You’re abusing of your power…”

“Bite me.”             “OUCH! JONGIIIIIIIIIIIN!”

I let out a laugh and Baekhyun did the same.

“Aish… those two… Anyways, So you’re coming?” The guy on the other side of the line said to me.

“Sure, oppa! See you on Monday.” I smiled and saw Min Young looking at me with a curious look on her face. “Thank you for inviting me and good luck finding the ipod.”

“Thanks, Abi. I have to go now because- Kyunsoo! Kyunsoo, help! Oh God HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” And the call ended.

I let out one last little giggle before putting the mobile phone next to me on the bed. When I raised my eyes, my best friend was looking at me with what I like to call “the-best-friend-s-eyes”.

“So… the call… the guy… oppa… huh?” She smirked.

“Y-yes.”

She smiled wide and with her eyes on the shape of crescent moons.

Those were going to be two long long weeks, before I get to see Chanyeol again.

------------------------------------------

“We’re not doing this.”

“Yes we are.”

“No, Chanyeol, we are not.”

“It’s funny how you say it when we’re already on top of the thing.”

And that’s exactly where we were. On top of the drop tower. A risk of hypertension and heart attacks of 80 meters.

I heard Lay say something next to me to Baekhyun. At the end the four of us came to Lotte World because EXO-M was in Korea. We had spent 30 minutes in the amusement park and I was already regretting it. Don’t take me wrong, I love roller coasters and things that wiggle me in the air and spin me around. But the drop tower was another story… scariest invented EVER.

Baekhyun let out a high pitched cry after the sadistic man controlling the game (if there is still one those days…) left us up there for more than 3 minutes.

“Nice view.” A deep voice next to me said casually.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t. Besides, it’s not like I forced you to ride this.” He looked at me and gave me one of those stupid eye-twitching smiles.

“Well, I don’t consider being pushed and carried on your shoulder exactly having free will, mister.”

“Well, miss next ti- KKKKKKKKK”

“KYAAAAAAAA~”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA” tears where coming out of my eyes from laughing at the ‘brave’ guys on the ride with me. Maybe this ride isn’t so bad after all.

-------------------------

We got out of the pirate ship and it was already almost 6pm. I was talking with Lay, whose true name was Yixing, as I learned that same day. He was a sweet and honest guy and I liked him a lot. He gave me a warm feeling of peace, like those people who seem to have lived many more years than what they actually have.

Baekhyun came and took Lay by the arm leading him somewhere away from us. Chanyeol appeared by my side and explained to me that Baekhyun wanted us to line up for the next ride while they went to buy something to eat. I looked up to the sky that was cloudy and already completely dark. I guess this year winter is going to come early.

Deep inside I wanted to go to the inside of the Lotte building but the guys seemed pretty excited about the next ride so I went with Chanyeol to line up. It was the first time during the whole day we were by ourselves, just the two of us. I thought it was going to be awkward saying Hi to him or talking like we used to but actually it was not. I had this theory that Chanyeol’s awkwardness and mine make a non-awkward situation when they are put together. Like (-) x (-) = (+).

We stood behind a very tall man, even taller than Chanyeol, and his three adolescent children. The queue started to grow bigger and bigger by the moment. People wanted to try one last attraction before going home or before it started raining.

I heard Chanyeol whine next to me and turned to look at him. I followed his gaze and read the sign above our heads ‘1 HOUR 30 MINUTES FROM THIS POINT’. FML I’m going to be stuck here for a long time…

“The last time I waited for so long I think it was during my holidays in Mexico.” I said trying to break the ice and distract myself with a conversation.

“Really? You’ve been to Mexico?!” Chanyeol turned around facing me, the line didn’t move one cm.

“Yeah, when I was 14. With mom and dad and my older brother.” I beamed remembering the old good times. “We went to an amusement park called Six Flags, I don’t know if you’ve heard of it.”

“No, I haven’t but it sounds cool.” Chanyeol’s smile spread wide.

“My brother wanted to try a water roller coaster but I couldn’t because I get sick very easily, especially when it comes to water… At the end he went with my dad.”

“It’s nice we didn’t ride anything involving water then. And with this cold it would be even worst.” He said looking at the sky and frowning a little. “I hope it doesn’t start raini-”

“Shhhhhhssshhhh Chanyeol!” I had quickly placed my hands over his mouth. “Don’t you know that the rain does exactly the opposite of what you want? God, you’re so dumb…”

He took my hand with his to free his mouth but then he didn’t let go and grabbed it even more firmly. I looked at our intertwined hands and smiled.

“Your hands are really cold, you should have told me you were freezing.” He said avoiding my eyes and put both of our hands inside the pocket of his jacket. “Plus, Abi, you’re the dumb one here.” Well, maybe he wasn’t as cute as I thought.

“Yah! And why do you think so? I’ve proved my theory multiple times before.” I harshly moved my head to the opposite side and frowned.

“Because what if someone else wanted it to start raining right now? Right here, in this same place?”

“Well… then… it would ra-” A few drops felt on my forehead before multiple others started covering my whole body. “See, told you.” He snorted and pulled me out of the already inexistent queue. People were running looking for a place to hide from the rain.

We agreed on waiting a little while for the rain to stop before going back to the front building because none of us had an umbrella and we were far away from the entrance. We were lucky to find a little simplify version of a tiki hut (that I’m going to call only tiki hut from now on) between some woods. Soon, there was no one to be seen around. There was not even a bench in the tiki hut, just the wood floor so we sat there. This is the perfect day to forget bringing a scarf, Abi. You’re seriously brilliant. Look, even Chanyeol brought a super fluffy gigantic scarf. Dammit.

I caught my knees with my arms trying to make a little ball with my body to keep myself warm. I got wet from the rain even if it didn’t take us long to find shelter. If I didn’t get sick after this, I was going to prove all my doctors wrong.

I blew some hot air to my fingers which were cold as ice. But then I felt a hand grabbing my forearm. I looked up to see Chanyeol smiling protectively at me.

“Come here, silly Abi.” I got up and we walk two steps in the direction of one of the poles that kept the roof in place. Chanyeol sat down with his back against the wood pole and tapped the place between his legs. I opened my eyes but decided to follow his proposal anyways.

I sat down between his legs with my back facing him. He immediately wrapped his long arms around me and pulled me to his chest, my head resting on his collarbones. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and relaxed. There, was probably the best place I’ve been in my life. I closed my eyes because this is one of those places that look even more beautiful if you look at them with your heart.

“Look at you, pabo, you don’t even have a scarf…” I gave him a little punch in the thigh without opening my eyes. But I was forced to do so when a soft fabric brushed against my cheek. The first think I saw was Chanyeol’s dark grey scarf around my neck. Not the whole scarf though, we were sharing it.

I smiled to myself. I had always loved the rain. The plop plop plop of the water against the ground was the perfect bed song. And even if I didn’t have a nice bed, tonight I had the perfect cuddling partner.

“What are you thinking about, Chanyeol oppa?” I asked him almost whispering, I knew he could hear me since we were very close.

“I’m thinking about how much I like the smell of the rain… Now, that was kind of cheesy.” We both laughed lazily. “And you, Abi?”

“I’m thinking about how we didn’t bump into any of your fans today…” Lies. But I didn’t want to confess I was also thinking about the rain.

“You’re overestimating my popularity again.” I felt his chin resting on top of my head. “And don’t worry, winter is coming so people will have a hard time recognizing us because of the many clothes and stuff.”

And like that, we stayed for I don’t know how long. We talked about all sort of things: animals, upcoming concerts, our favorite season, society, food. It was amazing how I never got bored when being with him.

I felt overwhelmed because of all the feelings I had trapped inside and couldn’t explain to him. Like how thankful I was because he took care of my that day, or much I enjoyed the sound of his deep voice next to my ear, or how I wanted him to stay by my side because he made me be selfish like that, or how much I admired him for being true to himself, or that I didn’t understand why but I could be entirely myself around him, or… or…

“I don’t know, I can’t choose between white and milk chocolate… It’s impossible!”

“Channie…” I turned my head to the left and slightly move my body to the right to be able to look at him. He looked down at me and when our eyes met I was allowed to see thousands of emotions crossing those dark pupils of his.

I cupped his cheeks and drew his face closer to mine, our lips meeting in an innocent kiss. It lasted no more than 3 seconds before I pulled away, leaving a tiny space in between.

“Channie…”

We used his arms, which were still around me, to bring me closer again and break the distance separating our lips. This time the kiss was more passionate, but not aggressive. His lips tasted good, they were addictive. His tongue met mine and my arms wrapped around his neck automatically. It was my human reflect to this sudden urgency to stop time. He interrupted the kiss for a little moment to take some air before tilting his head to the other side and start kissing me again.

We remained like that, kissing, hugging. With the sound of the heavy rain all around us. With the dark sky above the roof of the small tiki hut. Smiling when our lips met each other again. I love you, I wanted to say. Stay.

And in that moment I understood, for the first time, that sometimes words are not enough.

-----------------------------------------------------------

I finished fixing the scarf around Chanyeol’s long neck. He pouted.

“Come on, oppa. I’ll be okay! We can’t run sharing the same scarf. You know we’re not exactly the deftest people ever.” I laughed.

“Then, take it! I feel bad, Abi. Take it, take it, take it.” Chanyeol unwrapped the scarf and place it on my shoulders. And then he ran away. I had no other option than to follow him.

We had waited until 7pm but the rain never stopped, so we decided to go meet the others before they started wondering where we were. We had both left our phones on Lay’s backpack to prevent them from falling from our pockets on one of the rides.

As soon as we entered the building all drenched, we were blinded by the amount of bright and colorful lights. There were a lot of people there, playing on the arcades and eating. Baekhyun and Lay seemed to have been waiting for us near the door because they immediately came with fishcake skews and big smiles. Chanyeol rested his hand on my shoulder while gasping for air and I put mines on my chest trying to calm the rhythm in which it went up and down. We were alive but barely breathing. As soon as I could focus on something else besides my tired body after the run, I saw a fishcake skew in front of my face. I followed the arm of the person holding the food and I friendly face greeted me.

Do I… see a dimple?

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Hi, guys!! 

As I promised here is the new update! And I think I'll be able to update once or proooobably twice before the end of the week. 

Actually I wanted to update before but I had no internet. Believe it or not, french wifi is one of the iest I've ever had to deal with --" 

Well, I hope you liked it and write comment down there if you want because they make me super happy :D

Val <3