“Hi I'm Taemin,” Taemin said, bowing. He had summed up all his courage to walk next to the table that most of the Koreans in the school sat on. “Is it okay if I sit here?”

He chewed his lip, nervous as he waited for them to respond. His heart was beating and his palms were sweaty. Oh who was he kidding he should have just gone to the park every lunch like he normally did. But Taeyeon would be so proud if she knew he was trying to make friends…

“Hi,” said one of them.  “You can sit here if you want to.”

He sat on the chair and placed his tray on the table and played with the salad. He was not going to ever get used to eating raw vegetables.

“Where did you come from in Korea? How long ago did you move here?”

“Seoul,” he answered. “And about three months ago now?”

“Yah, were you the one who threw the brick at the window?” asked one of them, wide eyed.

“Omo, you have such pretty hair and skin. And you have all those piercings too, you look like a celebrity!”

Taemin smiled and blushed. He hadn’t heard those familiar compliments and language from anyone apart from Onew, Taeyeon, Key, Jonghyun and Minho. And no one complimented him anymore. He felt safe.

“Thank you,” he said, ducking his head, smiling widely.

“Do you miss Seoul?” asked another.

“So much. I can’t wait to go back..”

At that the others jumped in, all about how they wanted to go back and whether Taemin had gone to this or that place, what school he had gone to, talking about places and names that Taemin knew everything about. He was so happy. He congratulated himself on his bravery.

Key tried not to jealous when Taemin had told him why he had not come to lunch through text, and told him about his new friends that he was so glad to have made, and how wonderful and funny they were, and how mad he had been that he had not found them sooner.

Taemin needs friends, he told himself. Taemin only has one friend in the form of me. He needs more friends. This is good for him.

He ignored the thought that up until then, he had been the only one for Taemin.

Taemin was humming and making his way to the bathroom when he saw the back of Onew head up the stairs that led to the rooftop. He ran in the bathroom and washed his hands before dashing up the stairs to follow him.

“Onew hyung!” he called joyfully. He stopped when he saw Onew looking down from the edge, his elbows on the barrier and his head way over.

“Yah Onew hyung,” repeated Taemin, scared. “Onew hyung.” He walked quickly to Onew, grabbing his shoulder. “Hyung..”

“Taemin,” said Onew, smiling wistfully.

“What are you doing hyung? Why were you so over the edge?” Taemin asked, studying Onew’s face. “You could have fallen. Did you want to fall?”

“Of course not Taemin,” sighed Onew, looking at the sky, his hair whipping in the wind. “I’m too wimpy for that.”

“But even if you were brave, you wouldn’t have fallen, right?” asked Taemin, feeling cold all of a sudden. “You wouldn’t…”

“If I was braver, I would have jumped, not fallen,” smirked Onew at himself, shaking his head.

“What…what…” Taemin could feel his eyes start to swim with tears as he blinked harshly, trying to get them to go away, and a lump form in his throat as he swallowed, trying to stop his lips from morphing into a pout.

“Aaah, bad joke, bad joke,” said Onew hugging Taemin to him and rubbing his back. “Don’t cry. I’m sorry. You know me, bad jokes all around. They’re so bad they make you cry, right? Mianhae Taeminnie, I’m sorry, don’t cry, I’m sorry I scared you.”

“How could you say that?” hiccupped Taemin, clutching onto Onew. “How could you want to die?”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about that, I’m so sorry,” soothed Onew.

“Promise you won’t leave me,” sniffed Taemin. “You can’t leave me and noona.. what would we do? Where would we have to go?”

“I’m not going anywhere,” said Onew, rubbing his back. “Nowhere ever. So no need to cry, come on.”

They sat down and Onew pulled out tissues from his bag, wiping Taemin’s face before letting Taemin do it himself.

“You were just kidding right?” said Taemin, reaffirming. “You can’t do that to me and noona.”

“How are you so brave, Taemin?” asked Onew abruptly. “If I was in your shoes, I don’t think I could have handled it. You’re dealing with everything so well, and just bouncing back from everything. You’ve gone through so much hardship… how did you keep going on?”

“Well,” hiccupped Taemin. “I guess I just didn’t think about all the bad things too much… and I have Key hyung and noona and you... right?”

“Of course you have me Taeminnie.”

“And well… they already happened didn’t they? Nothing I can say or do can change it. No matter how hard I wish things didn’t happen, or have been different, nothing’s going to change in the past. So why would I make myself sad about it? I don’t want to feel sad. So I just do what I think will make me happy. What’s the use of feeling sad?”

“Even at the beginning?”

“I was sad hyung,” said Taemin, dabbing at his eyes. “I wanted them to come back hyung, I didn’t want to die with them. I wanted them to be alive. Because no one wants to die. People are happy to be alive, and I wanted them to be happy. I wanted them with me, because I was alone and I loved them. But I never wanted to die.”

“So wise for someone your age,” sighed Onew. “Why can’t I be like that even though I’m 4 years older?”

“Aren’t you happy hyung?” asked Taemin.

“When I was your age, I wanted to be a singer,” said Onew, smiling sadly and putting his arm around Taemin. “I came here when I was 15, and I hated America, like you did. I drowned my sorrows in studying and learning English, I guess.

“When I was 17 I meet Jonghyun and Minho, and we formed a band. You know, Jonghyun has an amazing voice. I swore that the music we made and the covers we did were like nothing I had ever heard. I thought we were so good. I was determined to make it as a singer. I thought I would never give up until I got my dream.

“I sent CD after CD to all the record companies. We played anywhere we could. I sang anywhere I could. I busked, I did school musicals. I joined choirs and choruses and glee clubs. No one noticed. I swore I wouldn’t give up but how could I sing, if no one was listening?

“It was time to graduate. I got really good marks in school. I got into college with an academic scholarship. My parents were overjoyed. And of course I went. I majored in English, because I thought a major in music wouldn’t be helpful. Because you make it because you make it, not because you studied it. The band broke up because I was so far away. I still busked, still joined all the groups possible. Still nothing. It was time to graduate again. I needed a job, plus I had an honours degree. So I went to teachers college. It was just a back up, I told myself. If everything else failed, I needed a back up. It didn’t mean I was going to be one.

“I did my student teaching stint here, and the school offered me a job before I even finished teachers college. I got my certificate and went straight here afterwards. They offered an impressive salary, because this is a private school. I needed the money desperately.

“And yeah. That’s my pathetic story. I’m way too old to be a singer now. I’m just a teacher, and I’ll probably die a teacher, spending my years forever grading and yelling at kids that won’t listen. What a life. I settled down. I gave up Taemin, and I swore I wouldn’t do that. My whole life has been normal. I have always been nothing special. And that was all I wanted to be- special. Because I’m so plain and boring-I thought my voice was the most special bit of me. But I guess it wasn’t. I’ve been depressed over nothing Taemin, and I don’t know why I feel this way, when people have so much more to be upset about, like you Minnie, and you don’t let it get you down. So why do I?”

Onew jumped up, running to the side again. “Why am I so fed up with life already? My life has amounted to nothing, and always will,” he scolded himself, leaning over the edge.

“No hyung, no!” sobbed Taemin jumping up too and wrapping his arms around Onew’s middle. “No don’t!”

“Don’t worry Taemin, I said I was too much of a wimp to do anything,” he said bitterly, Taemin’s hands. “You’re so brave Taemin, I wish I was more like you.”

“No you don’t,” sniffled Taemin against Onew’s white shirt. “I’m a boy who doesn’t think about what he does, who does things I grow to regret. I only have no regrets because I have so many that I don’t care anymore. I don’t even know what I want to be.

“But you’re so special to me hyung, and you’re so special to noona too, she loves you so so much, and you’re my hyung, you’re a real hyung. You’re my world Onew hyung, please, I love you.”

Onew turned around, smiling gently.”I love you too Minnie. I’m never leaving you or your noona. I love you both too much. I met her in college, you know, when she was studying business. We always joke that fate gave me a free ride to college to meet her.”

“And you have to get married to noona, and buy a house together and have kids,” begged Taemin.

“I know,” said Onew, smiling wider now until his eyes were half moons. “I’m really looking forward to that too. I guess that’s my dream now, and I hope to God it comes true.”

“Of course it will,” said Taemin stubbornly, laying his head on Onew’s shoulder. “it’s not even a dream. It’s the future. It’s going to happen.”

“Okay,” said Onew. “Thank you Taemin.”

“And you have to buy me lots of presents with your impressive salary too.”

“Okay.”

Taemin texted Taeyeon to tell her that they had to have chicken for dinner tonight, and to order it so she wouldn’t need to cook.  He also texted Key to tell him to not come over that night, because he had some family things to do.

After eating so much chicken Taemin thought he would burst, he pressured Taeyeon and Onew to drink the liquor they had by challenging them and calling them lightweights. They downed the cheesecake Taeyeon had also bought, and Taemin plugged in the karaoke machine and pressured them to pick up the microphones, which wasn’t too hard because Taeyeon and Onew were now a bit tipsy.

Taeyeon and Onew sang duet after duet, laughing and goofing around dorkily. Taemin had never heard Taeyeon sing before and they sounded so good together. Taemin didn’t even know she could sing. He laughed and danced in the background, happy at the way Onew and Taeyeon were singing cheesy songs about ever lasting love and looking at each other like that.

Taemin crashed on his bed at midnight, falling asleep immediately with a smile on his face.

Key was staring at his bedside table, waiting for his phone to light up to text him. It never did. Had his mattress always been so uncomfortable? He finally drifted off uneasily, trying to imagine Taemin next to him to help him sleep.

A/N I was watching Titanic and the scene where Rose tries to commit suicide while writing this! Not that it influenced this chapter, because I was always planning this and was writing it before titanic started so I was first :P :) I <3 TITANIC SO MUCH LEONARDO DICAPRIO USED TO BE SO DREAMY

This was because of all those depression rumours about Onew. Not that I think that they are true, but I check all the pairings with him in it on tumblr just to see if he's interacting with shinee and he's got someone :) you know just in case! but i don't think its true, i just like seeing skinship between them all, them cuties :)

Have a happy new year! Hope all your resolutions and wishes come true! 2013! Wtf!

Don't forget to tell me what you think! <3  I'll update soon!