Taemin sat on the concrete of the roof, the wind ruffling through his hair lightly as he stared at the sky. It was his second day of school and he was already cutting class.

Although he was 18 in Korea, he was only 17 in America, so he was a junior in high school. Key, he had learned, was 19 in America, and he went to a community college nearby. Taemin was in an international school in the city too, so Key had told him that they could hang out in their lunch breaks, because Taemin was allowed off school grounds at his breaks. Key had met up with him yesterday, and drove them back home too. Taemin now had a cell phone, and the only numbers he had in them were Key’s and Taeyeon’s. And he didn’t even care about how lame that was.

He absolutely hated school. He didn’t understand a word of what anyone was saying. He was placed in an ESOL class and he was sick of pretending to remember English. The English teacher was funnily enough, Korean and kept trying to encourage Taemin to talk but Taemin refused. He hated how he didn’t know anyone, and he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to make new friends. He would listen to his mp3 just so that no one would talk to him. He hated this so much. He didn’t want to learn. He didn’t understand any of it. This was a waste of his time.

And the school was just one huge building, so that was why he was cutting class on the roof. He supposed other people cut class by going into the city, but no one was up here. The only thing that he liked about his school was that he could wear his own clothes. He was wearing Key’s long sleeved t shirt and it smelled like citrus. He liked rubbing his nose into the sleeve so that he could smell it, and it offered a small comfort.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” asked a kind voice in Korean.

He turned his head. . It was his English teacher.

“Don’t you have class?” asked the teacher again.

Taemin scowled. “Lee Sungsaenim.”

“Ani. Mr.Lee. And you know the school rules- you can call me by first name because we’re equal. Call me Onew.”

That was another thing he hated about this school. The teachers wanted you to call them by their first names. They said it was because they were all human and they weren’t on different levels or something.  It was ridiculous.

Onew was very young looking, with a wide bright smile and a nice face and body. He had brown hair too like Taemin, but it was longer. Taemin didn’t want to call this man who looked barely older than he was sungsaenim, but he didn’t want to call him by his name either.

‘Should you be in class? Or is something bothering you Taemin?”

Taemin remained silent.

“I know it’s difficult to be in a new country, but I’m Korean too, so I can talk to you if you want to. I want to help you enjoy school as much as possible.”

Taemin stood up quickly, grabbing his bag.

“ you,” he muttered under his breath in Korean, and he knew Onew had heard it before running away.

He walked out of school, not knowing where he was. He walked down the street when he saw smoke coming out from behind a shrub. Was something on fire?

He walked curiously to the source, eyes widening when he saw grumpy looking Asians glaring back at him with cigarettes in their hands.

He watched as they spoke to each other quickly in Chinese. Taemin recognised one of them from his Maths class.

“What…you look?” asked the boy he knew in awful English.

“You,” said Taemin simply. He didn’t know enough words. Not that he would have said more if he did.

“You tell teacher?” the boy asked.

Taemin watched a boy with bleached blonde hair inhale his cigarette, puffing out the smoke languidly. Back in Korea, all the bad kids had smoked. When he went out in town, everyone had smoked. He had never wanted to try it himself, only because he knew that his mother and father would be so disappointed.

Well, dead people couldn’t be disappointed, could they?

Taemin pushed down the lump in his throat as he shook his head.

“What you want then?” the boy asked, looking annoyed.

“Smoke,” said Taemin.  His heart was beating fast. He wanted to try it. He wanted to smoke.

“You want smoke? You smoke?”

Taemin nodded as the girls looked up in surprise. One of them had heavy eyeliner and brown hair, and very red lipstick. She was pretty in a y, city way.

“You want one?” she asked in accented English, grabbing the packet from her pocket and shaking one out.

Taemin nodded. The girl held one out for him and he took it, sitting down next to her. He held it between his fingers as he saw other people do it and the girl smiled at him before flicking open her lighter and lighting his for him.

For a moment Taemin wondered if it would burn his fingers. He was shaking in excitement. The girl smiled encouragingly as she took a drag on her own cigarette.

Taemin put the cigarette in between his lips, the paper feeling weird in his mouth. Was he supposed to it in? He breathed it in. His parents would be furious!

It felt like dry, disgusting, burning air was scorching his throat and lungs. It tasted horrible! He took out the cigarette and hacked as the rest of the group laughed uproariously, clapping their hands and talking in Chinese.

“You should have said it was your first time!” said the girl.

“It is yucky,” was all he managed to cough out.

“You still want to smoke?” she asked, smiling as If she was teasing him.

Taemin nodded. He wanted to smoke. Even if it tasted like .

He waved good bye to his new friends, wandering down the street to where the convenience store was. He was still coughing, but he had finished his first cigarette! But his throat was parched. It had gotten better as he had puffed more, and he could see himself enjoying it if he smoked more. Even though he hadn’t understood anything the group had been saying, he listened to their chitter chatter and they all seemed to want to help Taemin learn to smoke. Taemin felt comfortable.

He bought some coffee milk, drinking it down from the bottle as he dialled Key.

“Hello Taemin!” sang Key into his ear.

“Hyung, let’s meet,” said Taemin.

“Sure! Don’t you have class though?”

“I have a free period,” lied Taemin. “Meet me.”

“Okay! Where are you?” asked Key.

“Um..” Taemin looked around. “Near the park.”

“Okay, I’ll meet you there. Is it okay if I bring along some guys?”

“Yup.”

Key beamed as Taemin hung up. Taemin wanted to meet him! Maybe he did like Key after all. And sure, he had a class himself, but he could miss it. He wanted to spend as much time with Taemin as possible! And he had told his best friends a lot about his new crush and they were dying to meet him too.

“There! That’s him!”

 Key bounded up to Taemin, wrapping his arms around the skinny boy. ”I like your shirt,” said Key, smiling.

Taemin didn’t exactly return the hug, but he leaned into it and looked up at Key with big eyes.

“You’re so cute,” said Key, pinching his cheek as he let go. “Taemin, these are my friends Minho and Jonghyun. Minho’s in the same course as me, and this is Jonghyun who is a second year.”

“Is Minho the same age as you?” asked Taemin, avoiding the eyes of the two boys who stared at him, both wondering why he was ignoring them.

“Yup. Why?”

“Nice to meet you sunbae,” said Taemin quickly, bowing to a dumbstruck Minho and Jonghyun.

“Oh my gosh!”  cried Jonghyun, thankfully in Korean. “I haven’t been called sunbae since I left Korea 10 years ago! Crazy!”

Minho grinned and bowed too. “Anyeong hoobae!”

Taemin glared, and Minho and Jonghyun looked surprised. Taemin couldn't tell if they were making fun of him or not.

“Hey, be nice to him,” said Key, throwing an arm around Taemin, shooting a meaningful stare at the two boys.

Key stopped and sniffed, looking at Taemin with a tilted head and a quizzical expression.

“What?” asked Taemin.

“You had coffee without me?” said Key smiling.

“Only coffee milk,” said Taemin, showing him the bottle. He hated how it was in a bottle and not in a little plastic mould with a straw to drink it with like in Korea.

“Let’s go have lunch then!” said Minho, walking toward the restaurants. Taemin was relieved.

Taemin stared at the ceiling. Don’t think, don’t think, don’t think, was his mantra. Although he preferred his nights to his days, he still didn’t like them. He couldn’t think about what he wanted to think about because he knew he would over analyse and break apart. He couldn’t fall down that hole. He could not think about his family. Or Korea. Or his dogs. He hoped his grandparents were looking after his dogs properly. He wondered if Adam and Eve missed him. He wondered if they missed the rest of his family. They wouldn’t know why they had left. Maybe they thought they were being punished. The last time Taemin had left the dogs at his grandparents house it was only for a week while they went on holiday in Bucheon. His dogs had been all over them when they had come back. But they would never come back.

Taemin knew he was being punished. Being alive was his punishment for being a bad son, a bad brother. If he had died, he would have never known he was a horrible person. But because he was alive, and had to leave his dogs, had to go to a new country, had to see his family get buried. This was his penance. Taemin sorely wished he had died too in a way. But he didn’t want to know nothing. He still wanted to know and remember his family.

He guessed he really didn’t believe in heaven and hell. But even if there was, he would have gone to hell anyway and still not be with his family. In fact, being here pretty much the same thing.

He didn’t even know why he wanted to smoke. Did he want to destroy himself? Did he want to punish himself further? Did he want to smoke because he knew his parents would be angry and he felt closer to their memory and they felt more real when he imagined them angry?

Yes, imagine. He had to imagine. Because his parents weren’t real anymore. His brother wasn’t real anymore.

He sniffed as a tear ran down the side of his temple and into the pillow. He looked at his digital clock next to his bed. 1:20am. He needed to go back to school tomorrow and wake up early. Another tear joined the first one. He hated school. He hated everything. This was not what he wanted at all and there was no way he could change it.

He picked up his mobile.

Key smiled at the caller id. He was up trying to finish his History essay. But why was Taemin up so late?

“Hi Taemin!” he chirped into the phone.

“Hi hyung,” said Taemin.

Key frowned. Taemin sounded sad.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Come over,” said Taemin.

“What? Now? Is Taeyeon still up?” asked Key.

“No. Do what you did last time. Climb.”

“Do you know how many times I thought I was going to die climbing that thing?” shrieked Key.

Key waited for Taemin to respond. He freaked out when Taemin didn’t say anything. What had he said?

Oh my god, he was so horrible. He hated himself.

“I’m so sorry Taemin, I didn’t mean to say that. Why do you want to come over?”

“Just come,” said Taemin in a small voice before hanging up.

Key was confused. But Taemin wanted him to come over.

“Taemin?” whispered Key in the dark room, stepping hesitantly in.

“Hyung,” whispered Taemin, sitting up. “Come here.”

Key made his way to Taemin’s side, still perplexed. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

“I don’t know,” said Taemin. “Do those things that you did last time.”

“What?” said Key. “You.. .want me to rub your back and play with your hair again?”

Taemin nodded.

“Why?” said Key. This was the weirdest thing he had ever been asked.

“I can’t sleep,” responded Taemin.

Taemin lay back down and Key reached out his hand to tentatively run his fingers through Taemin’s silky hair. He saw Taemin close his eyes and he kept going. He could hear Taemin breathing softly. It felt so intimate, so real, so private. Like they were the only two people in the world. He wouldn't mind if they were.

Shy, building warmth was blooming in Key. He had never felt this before. He never thought he was the innocent, romantic type. That sort of love he had always thought was boring, fake, only in the movies. it took too long to actually happen. He always thought forceful, burning and unashamed love was the best and genuine. But his past experiences had left him burnt. This was slow, but he realised the slower it went, the more he found out how much he liked Taemin. Every touch was exciting, even if it was only him petting his hair.

He liked Taemin a lot.

He stifled a yawn.

“You can sleep in my bed if you want,” whispered Taemin.

Key would have refused if it was anyone else but Taemin.

He got into Taemin’s bed, glad he was wearing his lazy clothes. The sheets were warm and he could feel Taemin’s body heat radiating off him as he shuffled to make room for Key. Even though Taemin’s bed was a double, it still felt small.

“What’s wrong, Taemin?” said Key, reaching around to rub Taemin’s back.

He saw Taemin’s eyes flicker open to look at Key.

“I hate America,” he said. “I hate it here. I don’t like it here.”

“Aww,” said Key, shuffling closer to Taemin. “You’ll get used to it. it’s just because you are new here, and it’s still a shock. Once you live here longer you’ll get used to it. You might even like it.”

Taemin was silent.

“I miss them,” whispered Taemin. “I miss my umma and my appa and my hyung and my dogs.”

Key hugged Taemin, letting Taemin rest his head on his upper forearm and into his neck. “I would too Taemin,” he whispered. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t understand, and he was afraid he would sound condescending if he said he was sorry.

Key realised that Taemin was actually more muscly than he thought, but he still was skinny and comfortably fit in his arms. He heard Taemin sniffling and he hugged him tighter, afraid he was going to start tearing up himself.

“Tomorrow will be better,” he soothed. “We just have to get through tomorrow.”

Taemin felt like Key had just summed up his mantra. Don’t think. Just do what you have to do to get through the days. Just don’t think. He liked the way Key smelt like citrus and the way he could bury his face into something warm and firm like the crook of Key’s neck, unlike his soft pillow.

“When are you going to go?” asked Taemin.

“When do you want me to go?” replied Key.

Taemin shrugged.

“I’ll set my alarm. What time do you get up?” said Key, grabbing his phone.

“Seven thirty.”

“What, I wake up at six normally! Aren’t you late for school?”

Taemin shook his head and snuggled into Key. Yes, snuggled. Key felt giddy inside. He couldn’t stop the smile spreading across his face. Taemin’s hair smelt like sweet flowers but he himself smelt like vanilla. Key wanted to deeply inhale but that was creepy.

“You smell like vanilla,” he told Taemin, but he said ‘vanilla’ in English because he didn’t know how to say it in Korean.

“Vanilla,” mumbled Taemin, “Taeyeon has ‘vanilla’ bodywash.”

Key realised that was why Taemin's hair smelt so sweet too.  He must have used Taeyeon's shampoo. He settled into the unfamiliar bed, trying not to move and disturb Taemin, and tried to go to sleep. This had made his day.

Taemin nestled into Key. A few more hours and he would have to face his horrible life again. He wished, like every other night since the car crash, that he would wake up and find this was all just a bad dream.

He hoped he could smoke another cigarette tomorrow.

A/N Key's fallllinnggg but Taemin doesn't sound like he is, does he? And smoking? Swearing at a teacher? Adn this is just his second day!

Can you guys actually see my reply when you write a comment and i reply to it? or should I go back to wall posting you guys? :D

Tell me what you think!!!!!!!!!!!!

<3, Esther :)