"'If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.”

Taemin stood still, letting the water glide off him. Normally the steam of a shower and the bright bathroom light cheered him up.

Tonight it did nothing for his mood. Remorse, remorse, remorse was an ever growing hole in his stomach.

The words of which he had learnt in Sunday school ran through his mind. Detestable, detestable, was so wrong that God thought he should be punished by death?

No amount of praying and penance could save him now.

He put his head in his hands. He was just so sorry. It just wasn’t what he thought it would be, what he wanted.

He tried to calm himself by taking deep breaths, grabbing the soap and scrubbing himself hard. But he knew, no matter how hard he could try clean himself, it would not change anything.

He didn’t realise he was crying until he needed to keep sniffing and how he kept touching his face even though he was in the shower and he was all wet anyway.

He bit his lip, giving up the struggle to reign the tears back. He was so disappointed. He wasn’t so concerned about the act itself, but Key had just fallen asleep. It obviously wasn’t a big deal for him.

But for Taemin, it was.

He the rosary bracelet his mother had given, sobbing. Why try hide his tears. No one was there to even see them anyway. His family would be so disappointed. This had been so wrong. Every familiar notch of the individual wooden bead made him feel more and more guilty as he thumbed through them like every night, mentally whispering an ‘I’m sorry’ with each bead, not stopping at the last bead, just thumbing them through his fingers, over and over..

Everything he had been taught. What he had thought was right for years.

He had imagined his first time to be with a hot girl, and how it would feel amazing, and make him feel like a real man and understand the world and look at it at a different way. It wasn't supposed to hurt at all for boys. He thought it would have made him more mature, more confident.

But it had hurt. It wasn’t amazing. He couldn’t have felt less like a man if he had tried. And he felt like the exact same person, only now he was racked with guilt.

He covered his mouth with his hand, trying to contain the violent sobs that shook his body. Why had it been like this? Could he have stopped it?

It hadn’t been romantic at all. What was supposed to be something to do with love had left him crying alone in the shower at 2 am praying for forgiveness.

But who to? He didn’t really believe in a God now. His family could most definitely not hear him.

He was just another insignificant human being who no one really cared about, and the thought that no one could hear his thoughts made him feel more isolated and alone than ever.

He stopped the shower and realised he couldn’t stop crying. He sat on the toilet seat in his pyjamas, his head in his hands, so ashamed of what he had done. Feeling so bad that he was alone. He tried to do his penances again, trying to whisper aloud his hail mary’s but his crying made it so he couldn’t even get through it and he forgot what line he was on and even though it was the most familiar thing to him in the world it didn’t make him happier at all.

He wished Key was there to hold him. He still really liked him. He realised he must really be in love with him if he didn’t care that Key had hurt him.                     

Key opened his eyes, and wondered why he was , why he was sticky and felt so good.

His eyes bulged as he remembered and he shot up. His bed was empty, and the curtain was open. Why had Taemin left? He was confused. He had expected Taemin to stay, it was normal, wasn’t it?

But then, Taemin had been a and probably did not know sleeping protocol.

He staggered to his feet, putting on some clothes. He bet Taemin was in his own bedroom, asleep. They needed to have post cuddles! It was too bad that Key had fallen asleep so quickly and missed his chance of convincing Taemin to stay so that now he had to crawl out of his house to Taemin’s bed. Oh well, he had gotten used to Taemin’s mattress now, it was starting to be more comfortable than his own.

He was choking on his tears, knowing that only an hour before he had been choking on something else. The thought of it made him gag again. He sobbed loudly as for the first time since staying with Taeyeon, he knocked on her bedroom door and opened it, flinging himself onto the bed and trying his hardest to locate his noona in the dark. He needed her reassurance that he was still a good boy and that everything was alright. Because it wasn’t. Everything was wrong and he was going to hell and he was so scared at the way Key had talked to him and ordered him around and the way that he actually liked it but then Key ignored him and he was overwhelmed with the feelings of filth, he was so gross and wrong.

“Taemin?” he heard Taeyeon say near his ear and the click of her lamp and the room filled with soft light. He sat on her bed, wailing and unable to breathe, not seeing anything but blur, holding his arms out because he wanted Taeyeon to hold him. Taeyeon was everything good. She would look after him and heal him.

He dissolved when Taeyeon put her arms around him and held him, trying to make himself as small as possible to fit better and to cry on her shoulder, smelling that sweet scent that was Taeyeon’s and reminded him of home, trying to ignore the dull pain down there.

“What happened, what happened baby?” she whispered. “What’s happened to my Taemin?”

He needed to tell someone. Back at church he would confess to a bishop behind a screen. Now he would spill his guts for Taeyeon.

“Y-y-you told me t-t-that i-if K-K-K-Key h-h-hurt m-me o-or sscared m-me I n-needed to t-tell y-you,” he managed to gasp out between his sobs.

“Did Key hurt you?” said Taeyeon, her tone changing and Taemin started crying harder, feeling himself trembling and fidgeting because of the uncomfortavle sitting position in Taeyeon’s arms, wanting it to stop, wanting Taeyeon to not speak so seriously because he was scared and he didn’t want to hear it.

He felt Taeyeon wipe at his tears and flinched unconsciously when she brushed the red mark on his cheek. Her hand stilled and her grip on Taemin tightened. Taemin could feel her getting tense and Taemin hated it, hated how it was becoming a big deal and that he wouldn’t stop crying, tears literally dripping off his face.

“Did he do this baby,” she whispered to him. “Did he hit you?”

Taemin tried to stop his harsh crying but he couldn’t stop. He tried to inhale but every time he choked and he couldn’t say anything.

“i-It’s my fault, I deserved it,” he sobbed. “I deserved it. I did something bad.”

“No,” he heard Taeyeon say forcefully. “No one deserves to be hurt. And especially not you. It’s not your fault. This is Key’s fault.”

Taemin kept trying to tell her that it was his fault, that he deserved it but Taeyeon wasn’t listening and it was freaking him out. He gave up after a while and realised Taeyeon was singing to him and gently rocking him, holding onto him tightly as he tried his hardest to bury into Taeyeon.

“No one deserves this aegi,” she said, his hair. “No one. Don’t worry baby, I’ll make sure he won’t touch you again. Don’t be scared now. You’re alright now. You’re safe.”

He let Taeyeon tuck him into her the bed before clinging to her, whimpering. Taeyeon was still singing to him as he tried to calm down.

“My baby boy,” she soothed. “It’ll be alright. I promise you I won’t let him touch you again.”

Taemin felt his eyelids drooping as he sniffled. He felt Taeyeon gently kiss the red mark and kiss his cheek, making soothing noises. He fell asleep, wanting this night to be over already.

As Taeyeon reached over to turn off the light, she was confused when her hand’s shadow didn’t move from Taemin’s arm.

She gasped as she realised that they were fresh bruises in the shape of hands. She gently manoeuvred a sleeping Taemin to try see his other arm, and saw matching bruises on that one too. She pressed her forehead against his nephews and tried not to cry as well.

Key had been waiting in Taemin’s room for two hours. He had texted him so many times, and pressed Taemin’s name on his phone, calling him. He was starting to panic- maybe Taemin was not happy with what happened? He lay on Taemin’s bed, breathing in Taemin’s scent and feeling sleepy in this familiar room.

Taeyeon saw something flashing on her nightstand and realised it was Taemin’s phone. It was on silent, but someone was calling him. Taemin was still trembling even in his sleep, and his breathing was broken.

She hugged Taemin closer to her with one arm and picked up the phone with the other. When she saw who it was she pressed the hang up button.

Voicemail again.

Key decided to wait it out, and settled into Taemin’s comfortable bed.

Taeyeon went through Taemin’s unread messages, all from Key.

I’m sorry Taemin, I hope I didn’t scare you.

Taemin, tell me what you’re thinking!

I don’t know why you’re playing the victim when I’m the one you tried to hurt! But I forgive you. I love being with you. Please call me or txt me, <3 <3 xx.

:( xx

I’m sorry Taemin… :( xxxxxxxxx we can pretend it never happened if it makes you feel better. Xx

Pick up your phone! :/

Where are you? :/

Stop ignoring me and pick up your phone! >:(  :/ <3 <3

Taeyeon started tearing up as she was reminded of why she moved to America in the first place. She kissed her nephew’s forehead, so angry that someone had hurt him, made him feel this way, say the words that she once said herself. She knew what it felt like, and she wished it on no one, and she was livid that someone was putting her baby nephew through it. She vowed that she was going to change this.

Taemin tried to snuggle into Key. But since when had Key been so soft? And so little and skinny? He smelt all wrong too, like sweet stuff. He humphed in impatience and tried to squirm in closer before dozing off.

Taeyeon woke to Taemin trying snuggling himself into her, and she thought it was cute how childlike the action was. Taemin obviously didn’t find what he was looking for, because he abruptly turned over onto his other side, still asleep.

Taeyeon’s eyes widened when Taemin’s shirt rode up at the back and a large purple bruise was seen on his hip and back, as clear as ink against his milky white skin.

When had he gotten these? Had he been hiding them from her? For her to not have noticed!

She gently pulled down his shirt and covered him again with her blanket before getting up and calling her boyfriend. She couldn’t handle this on her own.

A/N this is what I meant when I said I wanted to triple update! but i don't think it worked out well enough haha! This is a double update so onto the next chapter! But remember to tell me what you thought of this one too!

Oh regret :( haha i bet none of you were expecting that to happen in the last chapter! but that is what happens when you rush into things without thinking about it.. poor taemin!