Relationships.

No matter how hard it is to believe, I actually have friends and a life. I do get invited to parties, but end up declining because I'm too lazy. Does anyone else have that disease? I call it "fat-" and scientists are still trying to find the cure. I call dibs on the antidote.

Anywho, no matter how many friends I've had I've never been in a relationship.

Oh . Call the police. got no ho'. does that even make sense? .. my attempts to talk like I'm from da hood.

Sometimes I'm all feminist and all mighty, with the muscles in my firm and powerful. But then, I read these stories and I get to those parts where its like..

"Oh Henry, hug me!" the beautiful goddess cried, spreading out her arms like the wings of a bird about to take flight.

"Yes, Jessica!" The gorgeous boy ran in for the embrance and held her tightly.

And I'm just sitting there dead and sobbing to my mother. Our conversations usually run down like this, 70% of the time:

"Mom. I'm going to die alone."

"It's okay."

"Why is it okay? Don't you care if your family line is cut off forever, just because my stupid starts to form dust bunnies?"

"Just become a doctor and study for SATs."

/bangsheadonwindowanddiesforever.

Then, suddenly in the night. I have a dream. And baby, it starts out great.

"Oh Henry, hug me!" the beautiful goddess cried, spreading out her arms like the wings of a bird about to take flight.

"Jessica! Oh, Jessica! Where art thou Jessica."

But then it just goes downhill.

"Henry.. I'm right in front of you . Hug me," Jessica commanded, her arms straight out and stiff like Jesus on the cross.

"Nah. I'm allergic to you," Henry responded, grabbing his keys and driving off.

"Why, Henry, Why.." Jessica sobbed, standing there with her fat jiggling in the wind.

But here's the point I want you guys to get from all of this.

I, vicheko, am 17 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I'm completely normal although my definition of "normal" tends to change quite a lot...

I know I will never die alone, and for those of you who don't have boyfriends or girlfriends, you won't either.

You can always live with your parents.

Cause' , they can never get rid of you.