I am sick of being sick of being self-conscious.

Despite my constant attempts to be confident, it can be deemed as natural when an individual feels helpless and their knees shake loose. These constant attempts become so natural- so common- that it feels like reality, when in truth, I merely took off my glasses and changed my perspective.

I have constantly heard people, and even myself, edify that the solution was to “change your perspective”. But are the number of perspectives you can glance into infinite? Are the different directions I can turn my head limited to the right and the left?

When I express my predicament to others, they stare at me as if my opinions are completely false- opinions built up on a shaky base of harsh self-criticism and inner embarrassment... but does the world even hold an individual that does not contain such opinions?

No.

We simply choose to look at our problems differently, though in reality, the problem is exactly the same.

This topic, the half-empty or half-full, has been discussed listlessly throughout the ages; however, I find a flaw in this concept because of how easy a human mind can be swayed.

They say that if we say the glass is half-empty, we are pessimistic, and that if the glass is half-full, we are optimistic. But if our minds can be changed so easily, are we not both pessimistic and optimistic at the same time? And with this, can we ever truly only look to the left or to the right, up or down, say yes or no?

You see,

I am sick of being sick of being self-conscious.

But based on the process of my thoughts- the lack of solidity in the human mind and its standing on opinions- it looks like my sickness of my sickness will only be tucked away until my neck begins to grow weary and I turn the other way. 

Just a ramble. 

Sorry if my thoughts don't really make sense ... just very tired of being tired of being sick of being sick. 

and I shall respond to the last sender in the next chapter , haha