We met up with the other members in one of the studios inside the building. Another Chinese talk show invited us as a guest. One staff member peered in the room and briefed us of the flow of the day’s episode. Apparently, the show wants to pry us of our private lives. Well, don’t they all? It’s all about which show gets the first exclusive gossip of our past lives and career. That’s all there is to it.

“Why should there be a question about who our first love is?” I heard Luhan ge comment the moment the staff representative left the room. He suddenly slouched on his chair. "Why did manager-hyung even allow that question to be asked later. I thought questions regarding girlfriends are prohibited."

“Questions regarding girlfriends. Maybe they're relying too much on word definition and tenses. Technicaly, they won't ask about our current relationship status and just dig up on our previous ones. We were asked about having secret admirers before.” Yixing patted him at the back, giving him a comforting smile to go along with it. I retrieved a water bottle from my bag.

“So do we have to dish out funny stuff or what?” Jongdae suddenly stood up and checked himself at the wall mirror inside the room. As we were being escorted along the different studios earlier, I noticed that each room actually has a mirror in them. Talk about convenience. “So?” Jongdae urged on, looking at Kris.

Everyone turned their heads towards Kris at the same time. Being the leader, the final decision usually falls on him. The room fell silent as we all waited for his reply to Jongdae’s question.

“Well…” he scratched his head, careful not to ruin how the stylist teased his hair into a brushed up hairdo. “Maybe we can spice up a few things,” with emphasis on the maybe word. “Leeteuk hyung would tell us that the fans love it when they just act all natural in front of the cameras. Don’t you guys think it’s time we let loose?” A raised brow was directed on each five of us. “A little bickering here and there won’t hurt much, I guess.”

“I dunno, Kris. Maybe we should consult our manager first.” Minseok hyung answered. “Things like this… I mean, you know how tight SM can be with protecting our image and whatnot. I just… Don’t want any scandal happening to our group.” We can always trust Minseok hyung with putting sense back in our heads at times like this. It seems like everyone wants to squeeze out every little information, every single detail of our daily routine and past lives. It’s suffocating. I don’t even know what privacy feels like anymore.

“Scandal?” Kris was caught off guard with what Minseok said.

“I don’t mean it like that, Kris. You know that.” Minseok tried to ease the almost rising tension. Kris can be a little sensitive sometimes. A little cocky and sensitive. Maybe the word scandal was a bit too much for a term. We don’t want that. No Kpop idol would want that. Basically, our lives depend much on our career right now. Especially since most of us gave up school at the moment. Our career depend so much on our public image and how we take care of it. Poor and bad public image equates to a downward slope in our careers if something like a scandal may happen.

“I agree with Minseok hyung.” Everyone looked at Yixing. “But that’s not to say that I don’t consider what you said, Kris.” And now Yixing has everyone’s undivided attention. “Let’s just think about how the others at EXO-K are working their asses off to give a good image for EXO as a group. So far, they’re doing good, right? No ‘scandals’… yet.” Yixing tried hiding a forming smirk as he thought of something.

“I swear, Jongin will have our very first major gossip out of all 12 of us.” Luhan ge abruptly butted in which gained a couple of snickers from us. Kris nodded his head in inevitable agreement.

“So… let us give that crown to Jongin then.” Yixing continued, patting Luhan’s left thigh. “But right now, let’s do our side of the battle.” He looked at us with those eyes full of determinism – that signature smize of his.

“No one makes a scandal before Jongin!” Jongdae shouted from beside me.

“Yeah!” and everyone shouted back as well. And at that moment, right on cue, someone opened the door. It was our manager.

“We’re up?” we heard Kris ask him which gained him a thumbs up and a shuffle of chairs as we all stood up to prepare.

I went to the mirror for a final look of myself. I saw Kris and Misneok exchange bro fists at the side.

I could feel heat on my cheeks from the numerous spotlights overhead. I see an ocean of cameras in front of us. I was at the far end of the seats again, with Kris at the farthest opposite. Everyone was clapping as the MC said something funny. Yixing ge answered a question, and then Luhan ge followed. I heard Sehun’s name being mentioned, and a cheer of Hunhan came from the audience.

Click. Click.

Every move is being documented. Every expression is taken.

“So, let’s talk about your high school, shall we?” I heard the MC ask us. No one nodded their heads, just exchanging a courteous smile. I saw Kris look at me. Now why would he look at me? Was he trying to tell me something? Do I even know something about his high school?

“I want each one to answer this.” I felt Jongdae sigh beside me as the MC started off with the question. I know how Jongdae values his privacy very much. He can be a little talkative and playful at times, but when it comes to his personal life, he can be a little reserved. I patted him at his back, telling him to keep cool. We can go through this together. No scandals before Jongin.

“What is the initial of your high school crush’s first name?” And a wave of ooh’s and aah’s emitted from the people in front of us. Add a couple of squeals in there, too.

“Who wants to answer first?” the MC asked us directly, smiling. I saw Luhan ge stealing a glance at our manager.

“Tao?” I heard my name. I blinked from my trance-liked state. If I felt drowsy when I entered the building earlier, I sure as hell don’t feel like that anymore. Suddenly I felt like everyone and everything, including the cameras, turned to me.

I looked at Kris.

“It’s always fun to ask the youngest. We know you guys have known each other for years already. Spill some beans about your co-members.”

“Tell something about Kris.” A fan screamed and everyone chimed in. “Yeah, something about Kris!” And that’s just about what I heard as everyone in the audience started screaming and pointing there cameras at Kris now.

“Ooh. I sense some bromance here. What do you say, Kris? Does Tao know anything about you?”

“Well…” Kris looked uneasy all of a sudden. Keep the poise, I thought. He gave a laugh. “Tao knows a lot of things from all of us actually.” And everyone started laughing.

“Oh, really?” The MC bit on the bait Kris tossed at him. “Well why don’t you share one about Kris then, Tao?” You know, that’s some talent talk show hosts have. They just know how to capture leading answers.

“Um,” I started. Cameras switching back to me. I didn’t know what to say. I know I could just share anything I could think of right out of my head. I also know I shouldn’t. “He did…” I heard myself continue, “He did share to me something on the ride here.”

I saw Kris snap his head at me, trying to hide his glare. All the members turned their heads towards me. Yixing ge was motioning something with his hands. Minseok hyung whispered something to Jongdae as Jongdae rested his hand on my back all of a sudden.

The MC was intrigued. Everyone was. “Yeah? Go on? Is it something about Kris’ first love?” The room was filled with excitement at the moment.

“Maybe.” I don’t know why I answered that. I shouldn’t. Jongdae’s hand gripped the back of my shirt.

“Oh ho ho…” the MC was biting hard on the bait. And somehow, I felt like I’m the fishing line that’s being reeled in. “Tell me, what’s her first initial, Tao?”

I feigned laughter. Show to them you’re enjoying this. I refuse to be the fishing line in this situation. I adjusted my seat.

“Wait, wait,” The MC interrupted, waving his hands at the audience to calm them down. “I heard Kris owes you something?”

“No, I don’t.” Kris immediately answered, raising his mic to his lips at fast speed.

“Weren’t you supposed to give him a prize but instead you only cooked him noodles? Am I right?” the MC joked. Well that’s kinda cute. I ain’t even surprised that he knows about that incident.

“I promise you they were good.” Kris replied, acting cool once again. “Right, Tao?” and then he looked at me. Asking for assurance.

Hmm… A little bickering here and there wouldn’t hurt, huh? “Nah…” I answered earning a sound of mixed laughter. “Actually, they were a bit overcooked.” And then Luhan jumped from his seat, couldn’t control his laughter and clapping hands. “I only ate ‘em cause I was really hungry that time.” I smiled.

“That and you love my cooking. Now, c’mon.” Kris pleaded jokingly. His tense posture from before is now starting to relax. Nice way to play with the crowd.

“Haha! Kris cooking noodles! Now I wanna see that!” The MC was a having the time of his life. The members were exchanging knowing glances. Yixing whispered something to Kris which made Kris poke him at his side while scoffing. Minseok hyung looked at me and gave a thumbs up.

“Tell us Kris’ first love!” I heard someone scream from the audience.

For the love of- “Oh, right.” The MC picked that up. “The initial, Tao.”

Oh green grass of Earth. These fans sure define passionate to a whole new level.

Click. Click.

I do not like my position right now. I certainly do not. I don’t want to get reprimanded later upon arriving at the dorm or maybe even on the ride home. Manager’s scary as hell. How do pandas die?

“Okay, okay. I’ll tell you.” I heard Kris’ voice.

Say what now? I felt a weight getting lifted off my shoulders. But they were suddenly transferred on Kris. But why, Kris? I hope you freaking know what you’re doing. This could be detrimental to our relationship. To our group’s relationship, I mean.

Kris kept his head down. Thinking. Reminiscing. Battling.

I saw our manager sitting upright from his seat. Both hands on either side of the arm rest of his chair. I gotta be honest. There’s a part of me that actually wants to hear what he has to say. Is he really gonna mention a name? The other members looked as shocked and confused as I am. Wait, is he gonna ‘fess up or something? I know Kris can be an attention-seeker at times, but this can be a little over the edge. Don’t tell me it’s this Vanessa girl you shared earlier at the car. She was only a crush, a fleeting high school crush. Nothing more.

“Atta boy, Kris.” The MC giving Kris a punch at his forearm. Dude, there’s never gonna be a bromance between you two. Kris is mi-

“Her name starts with the letter V.” Kris finally finished as he looked up and stared directly at one camera. Like he was determined to answer the question after pondering for a long time. Like he was talking to someone on the other side of the lens.

The members were quiet. Quiet and still. My ears detected shutter clicks everywhere. The MC was smiling. Kris looked at all five of us on his left and gave a smirk. His gaze stayed longer on mine before giving me a raise of his brows.

Kris… I don’t understand…

You didn’t tell me you loved her.