POV Change

 “I guess I’ll be leaving now. We have an early schedule tomorrow.” Tao’s bed made a small creaking sound as Luhan stood up. “Will you be all right tonight, Tao?” He asked the younger before proceeding towards the door.

Tao got back under the sheets finding himself a comfortable side to sleep on, “Yes, gege. Thank you.”

“Good.” The older smiled, as always. “Sleep well.”

Once again, Tao’s room enveloped in dimness as Luhan closed the door behind him. Rest and peace of mind was what Luhan was wishing Tao to have for tonight. For reasons he himself cannot explain, Luhan seems to have a soft spot for the group’s maknae ever since they had that talk on the plane. Maybe it’s because he empathizes with Tao as to what he’s going through at the moment. Or maybe it’s something else deeper than empathy – a mere act of projection perhaps?

“How is he?”

Luhan turned to the direction of the voice. “Kris…”

The atmosphere was still and quiet. The other members were now asleep in their designated rooms. The hallway was filled with amber lighting from the lone incandescent bulb above their heads. “How is Tao?” Kris spoke.

“He’s fine. We need sleep.” Luhan walked past Kris, not even bothering to pat him at the shoulder or give him a nudge at the elbow.

Kris eyed him silently until he reached his door, “Can we have a quick chat first?”

Luhan turned to look at him, his face void of any emotion. “I don’t think quick is the right adjective to use, Kris.”

~*~

The dining table stood in between them as they sat facing each other. The stillness of the room added to the tension as both of them assessed for the right moment to speak.

After a creak of a wooden chair, Kris broke the verbal silence, “You talked with Tao?”

“Yes.” was all Luhan’s response, still keeping a flat affect.

 “Good.” Kris simply nodded his head in discernment. “What did you guys talk about?”

Luhan stayed still for a moment which made the taller one hold his breath in anticipation. Slowly, Luhan looked at Kris, “I don’t think it’s something for me to tell.”

Kris quickly sat up straight, his eyebrows rising infinitesimally. “Why not?”

Luhan sat up, following Kris prior movement but with an additional shrug of the shoulders. “It’s not my story. Tao will talk to you when he feels the time is right.”

A visible scowl formed on Kris’ face, “Why are you acting like this, Luhan?”

“What do you mean, Kris?” Luhan’s forehead was scrunching. “I’m acting like how I should be. I respect Tao’s privacy.”

“And I don’t?” Kris retorted back.

Luhan closed his eyes; breathed in the cool midnight atmosphere of the room. “I didn’t mean it like that, Kris.” his eyes staring straight at the black-haired man opposite him. “And what is it with you and questioning my current behavior? Am I doing something wrong?”

“Don’t with Tao’s feelings.”

Luhan’s eyes widened in shock. He didn’t expect their far-from-quick chat to end up like this; with this kind of confrontational conversation. “Excuse me?”

“You… You acting like this…”

“Like what?” Luhan’s voice was raising; Kris was stammering with his words.

“You think… You think I don’t know what’s going on? You’re getting all comfortable with Tao lately. You think I didn’t notice that? You think I didn’t notice you guys during the plane ride from Canada; and how you talked with him during my birthday via video chat-”

“What the hell are you talking about, Kris?!” Luhan’s voice was loud enough to wake the other members – which isn’t really the best scenario at the moment.

Kris grasped the table’s edges with both of his hands, trying to steady himself and his pounding chest. His eyes darting straight at Luhan’s, not even looking away for a second. Luhan was breathing rather heavily – strong, deep breaths. Both of them embraced silence as they were trying to calm themselves before anything bad may start to happen out of this escalating conversation of theirs.

“You’re overthinking stuff, Kris.” Luhan scoffed at him. “I don’t know how that stupid idea entered your noggin in the first place.”

“Stupid?” Kris interrupted. “What’s stupid is the fact that you yourself are blind with your feelings-”

“No. I don’t think I’m the blind one here.”

“-and how you’re just missing Sehun and you’re projecting your feelings of longingness towards Tao because Tao reminds you of him.”

Luhan’s chair slid across the floor and fell down with a loud bang. Hands smacked the table as Luhan stood up swiftly as quick as his legs could manage. “Don’t… bring up Sehun in this conversation. He’s got nothing to do with this that’s going on in EXO-M.”

Eyes met eyes in a room full of rising anxiety and tension. Puffs of breath can be heard one after the other. Then Kris laughed with visible mockery, “Oh, there’s some serious crap that’s gonna happen soon.” And another laugh, “And I signed myself up for it because that’s the only solution I could think of.”

“And what’s in it for you? Fame? Recognition?” Luhan pushed his hands off the table. Attempting to show disgust as Kris combed his hair with his fingers.

Kris laid his head on his hands, fingers still in between his strands of hair. A picture of the pillar of the house on the brink of collapse as his mind races with words that can somehow express his true intent. A quick intake of breath and, “You know that feeling when you start to develop the courage to delete those old messages full of memories and heartaches; those old text messages that mean a lot to you because they hold significant flashbacks that occur every time your eyes grace through every word.”

Luhan turned around as he bent down to get the chair that was fallen from his abrupt motion earlier. He positioned it near the table and sat down, eyes starting to regain the warmth they usually have.

“And then you want to start anew; turn over a new leaf; begin a fresh chapter of your life because, for the first time since forever, you feel like it’s worth it to start over again.” Kris was smiling. But a smile filled with uncertainty, it was. “And so you want to set things right from the beginning. You’re sure of yourself that you’re not gonna mess this one up just like the last time. You promise to yourself not to let anything mess this one up this time…”

“And so you do things to keep that promise – even things that you’ve never even dreamed of doing for yourself. But just because you care about someone so deeply; just because everything about him seems to be more important than your whole sense of being… you put yourself in crazy situations obviously unthought-of.”

Luhan’s expression changed from contempt to sympathy towards his group mate – his brother. “Kris…”

“It’s that feeling, Luhan…” water slowly covered Kris’ eyes. “It’s very overwhelming but it gives you a sense of resolve. Because after years of being pushed around and being told what to do every single minute of every day… this newfound feeling gives me the sense of control I never even realized I lost.”

Luhan was lost for words. He couldn’t even decide whether patting Kris’ hand is the better choice than just staying still and keeping an understanding distance.

“So… I’m sorry for overthinking things. And I don’t know even half of what I put myself into. All I know is that I should protect Tao… because Tao means a lot to me.”

“I know…” Luhan finally responded, nodding his head in acknowledgment. “You don’t need to explain, Kris.”

Kris closed his eyes, taking in slow, deep breaths while Luhan sat across, observing him with eyes full of concern. “I know I shouldn’t meddle with your business because whatever it is that is between you and Tao should only be discussed by you two alone.”

Kris opened his eyes to look at Luhan, albeit a little droopy from wanting sleep at the moment.

“But…” Luhan continued, “I do hope you know how to see the world through his eyes; put yourself in his shoes… because you’re both walking on the same path.”

Luhan and his riddles – it’s a prudent move to keep secrets. It really isn’t his story to tell.

“Manager-hyung talked to me…” a quick change of topic from Kris.

“Yes. What about manager-hyung?” Luhan sat closer, his elbows laid firmly on the table’s edge.

“He told me about SM’s new ‘plan’. Like a marketing strategy of some sort…” Kris waved his arms, not even trying to hide the contempt he feels towards this new “plan” of the company.

“Yeah. Go on…”

“There’s this talent agency that bargained with SM to have one of their talents be paired up in a mock relationship with ours.”

“Just like what happened with Jonghyun and Shin Sekyung before?”

“Yes. Exactly like that. And, from what I heard, they’re ready to pay it big… and SM offered EXO in return. Well, one from us.”

“And they picked Tao…” Luhan’s eyes grew big at the realization of what he just heard.

“Yes. And I offered myself in exchange…” Kris answered back, his eyes filled with nervousness.

Although it may seem unfair – offering a rookie group into this scandalous situation, to think that they’re working their butts off not to have a scandal and maintain a, so far, perpetual image. But choosing one from SHINee is already a very risky decision. Considering they already had one too many scandals under their belts. DBSK and Super Junior are way out of the question because of their too busy schedules. So, EXO… EXO it is then. Who wouldn’t want more publicity during their first few years of stardom, right?

“I’m just going to throw this out there… but that’s kinda an off decision from the company knowing that Tao’s Korean skills are still lame. A little cute, but lame. I’m just saying.”

Kris gave a hearty laugh – good sound to hear after a heavy conversation. “True, true.” and a genuine smile followed suit, “He’s getting better than me, though. I have to admit.”

Luhan reached out to grab Kris’ hand, exchanging smiles along the way. “You’re pretty brave with what you did, you know. No wonder why the company chose you as our leader.”

“Yeah, well… We saw what happened to Jonghyun, to SHINee, after the announcement. I don’t think Tao is ready to handle all the stress.”

“And you are?”

“I’m up for it.” Kris’ eyes showed determination. “I know my limitations, Luhan. And I know my capacity as a person. Just… I don’t want Tao for this. It’s not right.”

Luhan sneered. “This whole bargain isn’t right from the very beginning. I just hope you’re prepared for what you’ll be going through.”

“I know you guys got my back, right?”

And at that moment, Luhan stood up and walked around the table towards the other side. Opening his arms he wrapped Kris in a tight embrace, the taller still sitting on his chair and just managed to reciprocate by resting his face on Luhan’s body as he was wrapped in warmth.

“You got eleven wolves behind you, Kris.”

Kris couldn’t help but laugh at Luhan’s choice of words.

“We’ll show the world what ‘We are one’ really means.”

“…Thanks, Luhan.”