We flew back to Korea for some event guesting with the K members the next day. On the ride to the dormitory, Kris didn’t even try to talk to me. He sat at the back seat of the van, still with his earphones on, while I sat with Luhan at the middle seat. I guess he got the point that I don’t wanna talk with him at the moment.

When we arrived at our dormitory floor, I lost my footing and almost fell.

“Whoa, Tao. Are you all right?” I heard Jongdae call out from behind me.

“Yeah, yeah.” I reached for the door’s edge for balance. “I just feel a tad bit dizzy all of a sudden.” Everything seems to be in a blur and I feel like I’m almost floating.

Minseok took me by the arm and guided me towards the couch. “Try taking a breather first. It must be jetlag or airsickness or something.” He walked towards the fridge to get me a glass full of water.

“Gege, I’m okay. Promise. You don’t need to worry about me.” But no matter how much I assure them I’m all right, there’s still that older brother concern that I get from them. What can I say? Maknae is loved. “Thank you, gege, but I don’t feel like drinking water right now.”

“Just take it. You must be dehydrated.” Minseok pushed the glass towards my hand but before I could take a firm grasp of it, I suddenly felt something rising from my chest.

“Wait…” I held my hand up in the air. Now manager-hyung just entered the room and joined while asking how I was. I tried standing up to go to the sink.

“Just sit down for a minute.” Minseok tried pushing me gently towards the sofa.

“No. I’m going to-” I swiped his hand away and hurled towards the kitchen. I didn’t know I could actually run that fast in a matter of a second or two. And the next sight before my eyes was my lunch that day.

I was barfing so bad on the kitchen sink, “Tao! What the hell happened?” Manager-hyung shouted from the door.

“I don’t-“ and out goes my breakfast, too.

I felt a hand below the back of my shoulders giving me soft back rubs. The moment I saw a tall shadow loom over me, I instantly knew who it was.

“Gege, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” Kris continued to rub my back, which is actually helping me calm down, and then another wave of undigested food forced its way out of my system. “Just let it all out. It’ll make you feel better afterwards.”

I heard him instruct the other members, who, by the way, were just standing there by the sofa all flabbergasted, to clean up and get ready for bed ‘cause we still have a long and busy day tomorrow.

I, on the other hand, was trying to hold my balance by the kitchen sink using both of my arms. I felt my lips quiver for a moment; the taste of bile in my throat. I couldn’t speak even if I wanted. It was more like, I was scared to speak for it might cause another round of vomiting.

“Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up, too.” I felt Kris guiding me away from the sink. I didn’t dare let go. What if there’s still more for me to barf out?

“Look, you’re done. You’ve spewed out both your lunch and breakfast. You’ve got nothing left to puke.” He pulled me, a little bit harder this time. Apparently, I got no strength to reply at the moment so I let him drag me to the dining table to sit. He placed a glass of water on the table. “Here, drink this, slowly… while I clean the sink.”

I just stared at the glass, and how the water droplets start to form on its side. I saw our manager approach Kris by the sink, whispered something to him, tapped his back and continued towards the bedroom hallway. And we were both left alone by the living room.

“Drink it, Tao.” Kris knew I was keeping an eye on him at the same time ignoring the glass of water on the table. “Drink it or you’ll get dehydrated.”

I picked the glass up and took a small sip. I don’t think my stomach is ready for anything yet.

As I saw Kris wiping his hands with a hand towel by the fridge, fight and flight reaction senses told me to stand up and proceed to my room.

“Wait. Where are you going?”

I turned my head sideways, “To bed. I’ll be sleeping now.”

“But, but Tao… You haven’t even finished your glass of water.” He picked it up and handed it towards me.

I shook my head signalling that I don’t want to drink it anymore.

“Well, okay. But, can’t we just… Uhm.” He scratched the back of his head. He placed the glass of water back on top of the table and walked towards me. “Tao, I know you’re avoiding me since the plane ride. And… I don’t like this. It’s confusing me. Did I do something wrong? You know you can just tell me openly, right?”

I found myself biting my lip when I realized he was shortening the distance between the both of us. I didn’t know what to respond to him. I know I can be a stubborn prick, but right now I’m not doing it on purpose. I seriously just want to go to bed, curl like a fetus and sleep.

“Gege, can’t we talk tomorrow instead? I’m not feeling well.”

I saw him lower his gaze, like he was disappointed that I said no. When he raised his head, he looked at me and forced a smile, “All right. You sleep well then.”

I gave him a nod and walked slowly towards my room. But before I opened the door, “Gege, thanks for the, um… the help.”

“Sure thing, Tao. No worries.” And he did a thumbs up.

When I entered my room, I immediately the aircon and put it to full blast. I want to have a cozy sleep for tonight, and a cool temperature plus my soft comforter is a good combo. I quickly changed into comfortable clothes and hopped onto bed. A few minutes after I settled, I fell asleep.

I felt myself shivering. I could hear my teeth clattering and I couldn’t control them. I opened my eyes and the room is still dark, which led me to my next conclusion that it’s not dawn yet. I reached out for my phone to check the time, but the moment I grabbed it, it slipped through my fingers and rolled on the floor. A swear word escaped my lips. My fingers were shaking too much that they don’t even have the strength to hold onto something.

I tried to calm down. The shivering will die down in a few minutes, I thought. I counted till 20. Still shaking. I tried breathing in and out, but to no avail. Then I realized, I’m having chills. I placed my hand on my forehead and on my neck and yup, I got a high grade fever.

It took me three whole seconds to grasp the thought that this ain’t good. And after those three seconds, someone actually opened the door of my room.

I saw someone peeking through quietly. Then he stood at the doorway for quite some time. He just stood there, leaning on the door frame like he’s observing me as I sleep.

But I wasn’t sleeping, so I tried to call out to him. “Ge-g… Gege…” My mouth was shaking so bad, I couldn’t even say a single word properly.

The figure heard me though. He stood up from his position, a bit alarmed to find out I was awake.

“Yes, Tao?” It was Kris.

I tried calling out to him again but my shivering worsened. I was now trembling throughout my body.

Kris switched on the lights and hurried towards me. He pulled off my comforter, which is not the best move right now, and his eyebrows rose. “Tao, you’re shaking.”

Gee, tell me something I don’t know.

He touched my forehead with the back of his palm, “And you got a fever.”

I didn’t really know what to say to him. I was just nodding while he’s going through the process of assessing what’s happening to me.

He grabbed my hand this time, pinched the ends of my fingers. You know how normally when you pinch them the pink tone just immediately goes back? Well, mine didn’t. It stayed white for a couple of seconds longer.

“Tao, just stay here.” He threw the comforter back on top of me. I closed my eyes. No matter how I tried controlling my shivering, my body just seems to have a mind of its own. Then I heard Kris shout, “Who in darn blazes turned the aircon to full blast?!”

Oh, this time I smiled. So that’s why…

I opened my eyes and saw him leave the door open to let the cool air out. He asked me where I place the bath towels. I weakly pointed towards the cabinet. He grabbed a piece and walked towards the bed.

I couldn’t keep my eyes open for very long. I suddenly feel exhausted what with all the trembling that I’m doing. I felt him throw the towel on top of the comforter. It did help warm me up a little bit, but the shaking didn’t weaken just yet. And then there was a sensation of someone sitting on the bed.  

Then I felt some shift in position; the weight on the bed was getting heavier. And the next thing I knew, an arm wrapped its way around me and giving me a tight hug.

“There, feeling better?” Kris placed his head on top of mine as he found a position he’s most comfortable with.

“A little bit,” was all I could manage.

“Well, give it some time. You’ll stop shaking soon.”

We stayed like that for a couple more minutes. Every now and then I would give a quick and strong quiver, and every time I do that Kris tightens his hold on me.

You do know he cares about you, right?

In a spur of a moment, I suddenly remember what Luhan gege told me.

He really does care for you.

It’s like our plane conversation was replaying in my head.

…and Kris is just there every single time, don’t you recognize that?

 Yes. Yes, he is. He’s been there for me ever since, and I do recognize that now.

“You should’ve drunk that glass of water.” Kris broke the silence.

I looked up at him, “What?”

“I’m just saying. You should have followed what I said and drank even just half of it. Now you’re dehydrated and having chills.”

I couldn’t help but smirk at how he plans to start a conversation. “Sorry, gege.”

With his chin resting on my forehead, I felt a smile form on his lips, too. “But at least you’re fine now, I guess. You are feeling better, right?”

I didn’t answer back with a nod, but instead I caught myself saying, “Don’t go yet.”

We stayed still. But it wasn’t an uncomfortable stillness, no. I was in Kris gege’s arms. I felt protected.

He sighed and I felt a warm gush of wind pass through my hair. “I’m not going anywhere,” and he hugged me even tighter.

A few more precious silent minutes and he spoke, “I’m sorry.”

“For what, gege?”

“I did a little thinking back in the dining room before I came here to check up on you. I’m just… Just accept my apology. I think we both know the reason and I don’t want to bring it up again. It’s… done.”

“Hmm… okay. You’re forgiven then.”

This time he chuckled slightly, “Thanks, Tao.”

I smiled, too. “If I may ask, how long was I asleep?”

“Around an hour and a half most likely.”

My eyes grew wide at what I just heard, “You were sitting at the dining room for an hour and a half?! What were you doing?” I raised my head to face him which made him remove his chin on top of my head and looked at me, too.

“Like I said, I was thinking.” He just answers back casually.

Yeah. There’s no way I’m going to get a decent explanation from him. I slowly returned back to the position we were in before my sudden outburst. He, too, rested his chin on my forehead yet again.

“So what were you thinking of specifically?” I tried prying out some words.

He didn’t reply immediately this time. He thought about what he’s going to say before he actually opened his mouth. “I was thinking about us.”

I stayed silent for a moment, just enjoying the warmth Kris is providing me. “What about us?”

Kris sighed once more, “I dunno. It’s… You’re important to me, Tao. You know that, right?”

“Yeah…”

“That time when you were avoiding me, well, I knew you wanted space, so I gave you space. But that doesn’t mean that I liked it whatever it was that was happening between us, which was nothing. Nothing was happening and I felt stagnant. And I… I mean. What I’m trying to point out is…”

“I missed you, too, gege.”

Words aren’t needed at the moment. The arm that was hugging me slid upwards and a hand settled on my hair. Kris was my hair softly like it was the most precious thing in the world. And I knew right then that I’ll never forget this feeling ever.

I felt a tear slide down my face. It did hurt, what I saw, what I heard. However, I stick to what gege said – it’s done.

“Let’s make sure it won’t happen again. Our relationship means so much more than pathetic long pauses in between conversations.”

“It won’t happen again, gege. I promise.”

He slowly removed himself off of me, “Hey, you’re not shaking anymore.” He asked if he could see my hand and he pinched my fingers again, “Yup, you’re good.”

“Thanks, gege.” I sat up gently. “Oh, my phone.” I tried reaching for but Kris stopped and picked it up instead. Once he handed it to me I checked for the time. “It’s almost 2AM.”

“And we need to be up before 5.” Kris got up from bed. He stood in the middle of my room, looking around and scratching his head.

“Um, gege… You can sleep here for tonight. I’ve got spare clothes in the closet that can fit you.” I scooted at the side of the bed to give him a spot to sleep on, “And we can share the bed, I won’t mind.”

I got a chuckle from him. “Okay then. Wouldn’t want to wake Luhan and Minseok up.”

He picked some clothes to wear, went to the bathroom to change into them and joined me in bed. He slid inside the comforter with me and when he finally found a position he was cozy in, he breathed deeply.

The last thing I saw before I drifted off was Kris’ eyes staring at me in the dim light.

“Good night, Tao.” I heard him say.

In the morning, I woke up with the sound of Kris’ voice, “No, hyung. It’s not what you think it is.”

What is going on?

As I opened my eyes, there was a bright light from the doorway and a man was standing there. I realized Kris got up from bed already as he was actually standing in the middle of the room talking to the guy by the door.

“Then what should I think about this, Kris? I came here to wake Tao up and I find the both of you all cuddled up in bed together.”

It was manager-hyung! Oh no…