It has been two days since my not-so-graceful interruption of Kris gege and manager hyung’s conversation. Since then, I didn’t have any decent talk with gege. But it’s not like I did some obvious effort to reach out to him, because I didn’t. Things have been really awkward between us, to say the least. Meals are quieter. The last talk show guesting held a really tense atmosphere in the room. Even the other members have noticed the lack of “TaoRis” moments lately even in our dorm. I guess… our ship will stay off sea for a while.

We didn’t have any schedule for  today – what a relief. But that’s not to say that we can sleep the day off. Manager hyung woke us up for breakfast to have a general meeting at the dining table. I don’t think I’m going to like this meeting. I don’t think I’m going to like this at all. That and I still lack sleep.

We all waited patiently, sitting around the dining table, as manager hyung was talking with Kris privately inside their room. Maybe hyung is levelling what they have to tell us perhaps? Making sure that they only give out the important info and the parts that we don’t need to hear (and don’t want to hear) will be left out of the meeting’s agenda.

“I don’t like this.” I heard Minseok whisper from my left, his head bent down as he was slouching on his chair.

Yixing was making beats on the table with his fingers, “Maybe it’s something important.”

“It is something important. That’s why we were asked to have this meeting in the first place.” Jongdae answered back.

I didn’t bother to give my opinion. We’re a few minutes away from knowing anyway so I’d rather just wait.

I felt a hand squeeze my right knee from under the table. “Gege?” I called to Luhan.

He looked at me without saying a word and just squeezed my knee again – like a form of assurance that he’s just there.

Just when I thought the day could get any longer, hyung emerged from the hallway with Kris trailing behind him. “We have… something serious to talk about.” Both of them sat down beside each other; opposite us. So it’s like us against them, huh?

“The company,” hyung continued, “contacted me a few nights ago. They informed me of a decision they made regarding EXO.” He paused for a while, assessing our expressions. “They explained to me that it’s going to benefit the group as well as the company. And whatever the company has decided is already final and inviolable and the only thing we can do is to conform.”

A slow nodding of heads came from our side.

Hyung turned his head to acknowledge the person sitting beside him. “Kris.”

Gege was staring in space, his eyes casted downwards straightforward. When he heard his name, he blinked a few times and raised his head to face us. “So I was told that the company picked me to… I mean. SM bargained with a company where they will pair one of their new talents with me.”

“Pair in?” Jongdae pried, his eyebrows raising.

“In a mock relationship.”

“For?” Jongdae again asked.

“For… I dunno. Publicity, perhaps? Maybe they’ll use EXO’s fame to give their talent some attention and quick publicity.”

Everyone remained silent as we heard Kris’ answer. I was quiet as well. But… did gege volunteer himself for this? Was I supposed to be the one who should have been paired with that other company’s talent? Was this the one they were talking about when I heard them mentioning my name?

“So what happens to us?” Yixing slowly breaks the silence.

“You guys won’t do much, I guess.” Kris gave a shrug of his shoulders. “I, on the other hand, have to meet with the other company’s representatives and their talent, whom I don’t know yet.”

Manager breathed out a puff of air, “Yes. And that will be tomorrow morning. We’ll be out by 8AM. As for you, guys…” he looked at us, opposite himself and Kris, “can we say it’s a blessing in disguise that you have an extra day of rest?” A smile; he gave us a smile. I guess that’s the only thing he can give as of the moment.

“But…” Yixing was obviously bothered with something. He doesn’t usually do this – extending meetings and such. He would usually just nod his head and accept whatever it is the company tells us to do. “But, hyung… I hope I don’t come out as rude, but this idea-”

“Yixing, it’s going to be okay.” Kris held out his hand to stop Yixing from continuing.

But the younger refused to adhere. He shook his head slowly and looked at Kris in the eyes, “It’s weird. It doesn’t sound right at all. I mean…”

Silence again. Everyone gave Yixing time to gather his thoughts on the matter, even manager hyung. Well, that’s something new. I wonder why he’s allowing Yixing to speak up now. “Kris… You will be paired up with a girl.”

We heard a snicker from Kris, “Yeah, and what’s wrong with that?”

“A lot.” Yixing retorted. “You know how possessive a male idol’s fans can be. We are trying our best to preserve our image, even asking for phone numbers from other girl groups are in utmost secrecy just so the fans won’t overreact. Even though we just want to be friends, some fans take it the wrong way. And now you…”

“It’s not Kris’ choice, Yixing.” Manager hyung came to Kris’ defence.

“I know, hyung. But this will be detrimental to EXO’s image and future as a group.”

“I agree.” Minseok chimed in at the last second. “I know we’re supposed to trust the company, but this actually scares me, hyung. I’m not gonna lie. I was already a trainee when this happened to Jonghyun. I saw how the fans reacted. It wasn’t really the kind of reaction an idol wanted to have.”

“There were those who supported them, you know.” Kris replied nonchalantly.

“But there were plenty of those who opposed as well. A lot of SHINee fan sites closed down, and a lot of anti-Sekyung sites were put up. Hate messages were thrown here and there-”

“Okay, Minseok. I got your point.” Kris interrupted, knowing how plausible Minseok hyung’s argument is. “But, reality stands true, this is going to happen. I just…” then there’s a moment of silence while gege is composing what to say, “I just want you guys to know, okay? As your leader, I want my members to know where our group is heading and what our group will be facing before we actually cross the bridge. Although, this is more of a “solo thing” for me, but I will also carry EXO’s name here so… I hope you got my back on this one, guys. Things aren’t gonna be easy for me, for us.”

I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know if I should be mad or be thankful that gege got me out of that mock relationship contract. But, knowing that it’ll be him there with a girl… I seriously don’t know what to feel right now.

“Luhan,” Kris motioned to the person at my right. “You got something to say?”

Everyone looked at him as I felt him shift in his seat. “Uh… You know I’ll support you all the way, Kris. We can’t really do much about it anymore since the company’s decision is inviolable.” He looked at manager hyung to be given a poker face in response. “So, I hope, we’ll go through with this as one, you know. We are one, right?” He looked at me when he said his last sentence.

I kept my head down, looking at my fingers on my lap. I heard Kris call my attention.

“Tao?”

What do I say, though? It’s not like I have anything left to contribute to the conversation. I resorted to deep breathing as I heard Kris say my name again.

“Tao…”

I felt Luhan nudge me at my ribs, “Just look at him.” He whispered, soft enough that only the two of us can hear, “Just raise your head and look at him. He just wants to talk to you.”

So I did… and I saw concern in Kris ge’s eyes. “Hi, Tao…” and I saw sadness in the smile he offered me. “You have something to say? You seem oddly quiet there.”

I held my position for a couple of seconds, not really moving an inch. It’s like I was assessing the scene before I make sure it’s safe for me to move. More like, assessing my emotions first before I say something that I would seriously regret afterwards. Because I seriously have a lot of things in mind right now.

Why would you care about what I have to say? The company clearly pointed out before we even had this meeting that they don’t care about our opinions regarding this matter. Why would you care? It’s not like my words can change their decision or whatever. It’s not like I’m the one who’s going to be paired up with some random… girl.

I looked at Luhan before answering, who looked back at me with his eyebrows raised. Yeah… I’m not gonna get anything from that deer.

“Good luck, gege.” I finally said.

“What?”

“I said good luck… with whatever it is that you put yourself in.” I kept on nodding my head. “I know you’re gonna be a great boyfriend to that girl.” Emphasis on the word great, because really, he’s not going to be anything of the opposite.

Kris was stammering with his words. I guess you weren’t expecting that, huh, gege?

“She’s gonna be lucky…” I finally said. “No… She’s already lucky. The bonds are now tied, right? No more seconds thoughts on this one. She’s gonna wish this mock relationship agreement won’t end soon.” I finished with a grin, complete with a head tilt and an eye smile.

Kris looked at me with a pondering look. He pouted his lips a little bit and nodded his head a few times, “Right…”

“All right then.” Manager hyung quickly ended the conversation by clapping his hands and standing up and stretching his back. “You can do whatever for the day, just don’t go out. Understood?”

“Yes, hyung.” we all said in unison.

“Kris…” manager hyung held Kris’ shoulder, “they sent me the girl’s basic info for you to scan on. It’s there in our room. I’ll just go look for it.”

“Okay, hyung. Thank you.”

Everyone stood up from their seats. I saw Jongdae approach the fridge, take an orange out and then proceed to his room with Minseok following suit. Yixing went to the living room area where we keep our exercise equipment.

I placed my hands on the table to help myself up. Since everyone is busy with their own alone time, I’d better go to my room and surf the net or maybe just sleep or-

“Tao…” I felt someone hold my hand and pull me back towards the table. From his grasp alone, I know who it was. We were the only ones left by the table anyway. Who else would it be?

I spun around and tried pulling my hand from gege’s grip. “No.” I looked him in the eye. Show him that I’m serious and I don’t want any games at the moment. “I’m sorry, ge… But not right now.”

“Why are you acting like this?” I could see frustration etched on his face; his grip on my hand tightened. “We haven’t talked in a while. What’s wrong, Tao? Tell me.”

I tried to stifle a laugh. Seriously? What’s wrong? I don’t even know where to begin!

“You’re laughing when I’m asking you if something is wrong. Tao, you’re creeping me out.” He stepped forward to close the distance between us. “I want to talk with you, please.”

“No.” I turned around and ran towards my bedroom. I heard him call me out from behind. Rather loudly, if I may add. That’s a really great way to catch the other members’ attention.

‘Tao, come on!” I can hear footsteps following me, so I entered my room, closed the door and locked it.

A banging of fists echoed through my bedroom as Kris was trying to persuade me to open up. I kept my back against the door. I know he’s not strong enough to break it down anyway – heck, he’s not even allowed to break it down, but guarding the door of my room felt like guarding my myself from any further hurt that’s gonna impact me in the next few minutes. I think I’ve had a dose of numbness in the last few days (or weeks), allowing myself to experience more is like suicide via general anaesthesia.

I heard him call my complete name – Huang Zitao. He’s getting louder in each syllable. I don’t want to talk to anyone at the moment, doesn’t he get that?!

“You made a promise!” he bellowed on the other side of the door.

I made a what?

“Tao, you made a promise!”

“Stop shouting!” I closed my eyes and sank down to the floor. For the love of god he’s going to make a ruckus out of this and I don’t want my door to be ripped apart because of his uncontrolled emotions… which is so not like gege. He’s always so calm and collected in the face of adversity. Why is he being like this exploding ball of emotions?

I heard the other members’ voices. Well, it’s about time they ask what’s happening. A couple of whispered sentences reached my ears – a hush here and there. And then silence.

“Tao…” he goes again, calmer this time. “Tao, please just open the door.” His voice is straining now.

But I don’t want to open the door…

“Tao…”

Two knocks.

“What promise?” I found myself asking; my head facing my room’s window.

I heard a sniff from the other side, is he crying? “Your promise, Tao. Your promise to me. Don’t you remember?”

I made a promise? “No…”

“We were here, right in this same place, the only difference is there’s a door between us right now… and it’s separating me from you.” I caught a sound of air being huffed out. “You told me you’re not gonna let this happen again. I thought… I thought our relationship means so much more than pathetic long pauses in between conversations?”

I stood up and faced the door, hand at the doorknob.

“Look, Tao… If you think I’m going to leave you right now, I’m not.”

That sentence holds a lot of connotations. Are you talking about leaving me here in my room? Or leave me for that girl you don’t even know yet?

I felt a heavy thud on the door’s surface, as if someone just banged his head on it. “Tao, please… Just open the door.”

And I did.

I saw his cheeks wet with tears. For someone who was stubborn enough to make me open my door, he sure didn’t look like he was expecting me to actually open it.

He wiped his tears with the back of his hand. “Can I come in?”

~*~

*runs away from cliffhanger-ed readers*

Yeahhh... Sorry for the cliffhanger. =)

Thanks for sticking through with this fic. To the new readers, thanks for giving my fic a try of a read. :)