Maybe it was a subconscious sort of defense mechanism, maybe I was just cold, but as I slowly walked towards my awaiting fiancée I pulled my coat tighter around me and crossed my arms over them as well. The car lights were blinding me a little and I squinted my eyes only to realize belatedly the dancing flakes which were black against the white xenon. It’s snowing, I thought to myself. Ji Yong must’ve just noticed it as well as he broke his gaze on me to stare at the dark sky overhead, dotted with white. Paradoxically, a warm smile emerged on his face.

I stopped dead in my tracks knowing we were both thinking about the same thing; that snowy night in February was burnt forever into our memories, where two torn souls finally found their peace in a cold London apartment after none months of loneliness. The weatherman that next morning had told us it was the coldest winter that England had had in years, but it was difficult to believe with his arms tightly holding onto my body.

Come to think of it, he didn’t have to wait so long. If Ji Yong had asked me to come back to him that night, I knew I would’ve said yes. At that realization, I could literally feel my heart slowly begin to men and continued to make my way towards him, feeling hopeful from nostalgia.

It was the sound of the double doors of the mansion banging open from the wind that broke our trance. The crew were now excitedly exiting the building and heading towards their respective vehicles, hands heavy with equipment and the loud after-work chatter slowly diffusing into the cold night air. I didn’t even think about it. As soon as I heard them I turned around and hurriedly made my way back towards the van, not wanting to even begin to imagine the broken mess I had made, in the form of Ji Yong, which I had made by doing so. The last thing anyone would want to see is the back of their loved ones, slowly leaving them. The one thing that would be worse than that is when it was done on a cruelly cold day like today.

“Let’s go,” I said to Hae Jin as I closed the van door and reclined on the seat inside. I closed my eyes in hopes that I could grip on to the last strand of sanity that I had left. From the silence which came after my words, I knew that the two of them were casting knowing glances but soon I could feel the purr of the engine and the motion of the car as it pulled out of the curb and into the slippery road which now lay ahead.

In those few seconds of pure panic I had heard a small conversation behind me between Ji Yong and the creative director of the shoot. They knew each other, I thought, that was food. Two unrelated celebrities seen together in a situation like this left little to the imagination, but if Ji Yong knew the director, there was home. Ji Yong could still save himself. My breathing relaxed at that notion and I slowly opened my eyes to mindlessly stare at the red light which glowed in front of us.

“Hae Jin-ah, I want to go to Ji Yong’s,” I told him, “Please.”

It’s been four hours since then, and as I stand pacing around Ji Yong’s apartment my heart began to grow restless. I haven’t heard from him at all. Frustrated I checked my phone once again, to no avail, then threw it on the cough where it rested, screen still blank.

“Where the hell did you go?” I muttered under my breath. Pulling back the curtain for the umpteenth time I tried to take a peek at what little I could make out far down below at the apartment entrance. Nothing, absolutely nothing save for the unmoving cars parked in the lot, spotlighted unsparing by the street lights overhead. The snow had stopped a while ago and now the top of the vehicles glistened with the wetness it had melted into.

“What are you doing here?” The sound of his voice caught me off guard and I jumped a little in response. I didn’t even hear Ji Yong come in, my mind so preoccupies with its useless thoughts.

“I need to see you,” I said matter-of-factly, clumsily moving back the curtain into its place. “Where on earth have you been?” Ji Yong stood in the middle of the living room, keys and wallet still in his hand looking just plain tired. Out of habit, I came over to him then reached out and gently his head, he closed his eyes for a minute, instantly comforted, but I could feel his body gradually begin to freeze under my touch. I couldn’t help but wince at the rejection.

“You’re really something aren’t you?” he said. If it weren’t for the menace in his tone, I would’ve thought he was genuinely saying nice things to me.

“What?” Hurt, I dropped my hands and stepped back a little.

“Is this fun for you? Leading me around in circles? It’s like I’m a toy in your hands that you play with at your liking. Rip me apart and then put me back together just as easily, as if it’s nothing. Worse thing is, I actually let you get to me, when I knew from the beginning that’s just the way you are.”

“I had to. You know why I walked away, you would’ve been in another scandal Ji Yong. It was too dangerous for you.”

“Too dangerous for me, or too dangerous for you and your new career. You abandoned me twice Ri Ah.”

“That’s not fair… I left you last night because you were intoxicated and rude and drunk on your pride. It was disgusting.” I saw his reaction to my words, and a small part of me immediately bled. “You hurt me,” I added more softly, “Why?”

He took a deep breath before speaking.

“I’m sorry. I-I…” he let out a sigh, “Please just to go home Ri Ah, it’s late.” It looked like he was about to lean over and kiss me goodnight, but decided against it and just silently made his way towards the bedroom, leaving me standing alone in the darkness. I could’ve walked out of his apartment, gone home and just slept it off, hoping that a brand new day would mean a brand new start. That’s what we’ve been doing so far. I ran my fingers through my hair feeling angry, sad and just plain confused. Has our relationship always been so fragile? I’ve only been at this for a little over a week, none of my photos and interviews have even been published yet. Barely anything has happened but I felt like our relationship has gone through so many rough patches in such a short amount of time. And I knew it wasn’t my fault, I hadn’t changed. It was Ji Yong who turned into someone else. Childish, immature, possessive… alright, fine; he has always been like that, but not this much. Never this much.

“You can’t just do that!” I exclaimed, throwing his bedroom door open. Ji Yong was wet and - , hurriedly putting his boxers on at my arrival. He’s taken a shower already? How long had I been standing there?

“Jesus Ri Ah. Could you at least knock?” Ji Yong grabbed a shirt and some sweat pants then continued to dry his hair, still dripping with water. My god, he smelt good. “And what are you talking about?” he continued.

“You promised to support me when I chose to do this. You knew there would be changes and secrets to keep and sacrifices to make, but you promised that we could get through this. So why are you acting this way?”

“Look I said I was sorry Ri Ah. Just go home, you have an early start tomorrow as well don’t you?”

“I’m not going anywhere until we talk this through.” I bolted the door lock and leaned against it.

“Ri Ah stop being childish, I have to go to YG tomorrow as well. Look, we’re both busy, that’s just the way it is.”

“Do you still love me?”  I asked him. Ji Yong was taken aback at my question and he stared at me blankly for a while. Slowly he hung the damp towel around his shoulders and approached me. I didn’t know what he was going to do and just stood there, frozen. Was he going to kick me out? Shut the door in my face? Or was he going to embrace me and tell me that everything was going to be okay?

I just wished that all this drama would end.

AN: Clearly this is long overdue... Sorry guys, life just caught up with me. Enjoy!!