I'm not in right mind, I'm not my usual self, I looked through around my room, look the white ceiling above me, look at my neat study desk with books and files for my project, look to my so-called flat television that I rarely turn on, to my computer desk which there's my laptop with an open document in the monitor. I look around once more only to sigh and get up from my bed, walking to where my laptop reside, I pull out the chair, sit down once again in front of my laptop, in front of my unfinished document.

Let me introduce myself. I'm a writer, not really an official one where you publish your book and held a signing event on your book. No, I'm not one of those writers who stay in the surface and show your face to your readers. I'm just a very ordinary blog writer who post about my opinion and stories in my own blog, correction, now opinion might be just in my own blog, but for stories, yeah I don't know there's actually a crazy company out there who accidentally read my blog and asked me if I want to write for them, you know some kind of writer that write a weekly story. So in short, I said yes and (un)willingly work for them. It's not like I sold them my soul right? They just asked me to write some stories, with a little bit higher standard from my own blog. I must admit, life is hard and I do really need money to fill up my wallet.

"Why did I even agree in the first place", I sigh again.

*1 new email*

I just stare at the notification that pops out at my monitor until it disappear. Without opening my outlook, I already know who the sender is. But I have to, I must, I obligated to see, at least check my email every single day. I ran my mouse cursor to the right bottom of my monitor, checking the date again,

"Yeah, it's must be her"

I finally open my email and yes I'm so right, it's my so-called editor Kwon Yuri who sent this email.

=====================================================================================

From: Kwon Yuri [editor]

To: Jessica [writer]

Subject: Story update

Dear Jessica,

You do know what date today right? And I don't have to remind you at what day our company publish the stories right? Do you need some help to finish your update, if so just tell me okay :)

Sincerely,

Kwon Yuri

Editor

=====================================================================================

Should I reply her email? But what will I say? I cannot admit that I haven't finished my update or I can't update because I have this thing called "writers' block", either way, I'm stuck.

Being a writer just as the same as being an programmer, you can't work unless you've got inspiration. Hell yeah, I'm an programmer too. Write is only my passion, but I can't live just with my writing, I'm not a Literature student for God's sake! So I know the quality of my writing, it can't be compared to those highly regards authors. I only graduated from college once, and it's from a Computer System majority. All the literature I know is just programming script.

I stretch my body and turn my head to behind my back, where there I can see my study desk and my files. God, even my real work are almost hit dateline too. This is really not myself, I cannot abandon my project, obviously not, it's my primary source of money, my main earnings are from this job as a programmer. But I can't abandon my readers too! Although I did this for money too, as my secondary earnings, but I love the feelings when you post your writing and there are comments from your readers. Although they are sometimes demanding and mostly said those 2 words that, oh God I really hate it, "Update soon!", I love my readers, even they don't know who I am, but they accept my writing, a piece of my thoughts, it's like they accept a little side of true me, which I always suppressed during my work as a programmer.

You might say I have more than one personality or a hidden personality, I don't know what it's called. But with the pace of work I have as a programmer, I can't even slack a bit, a single comma or dot you missed, the program won't work. But you also can't push us programmer to work routinely, there's a moment when we can stuck too like paper jam in printers. Same as writers, you can't push us to write a real good story if we don't even have any inspiration or idea in our head. But I do remember one of my lecturer back in university, when I did my final project, he guide me and this sentences that he said still lingering in my head, "don't be afraid, don't be