That night had been completely innocent. Absolutely nothing bad had happened, he'd been a perfect gentleman, even if he hadn't returned L. Joe back to his mother's place until after 1 am, with the younger boy's clothes all wrinkled and messed up. It probably looked bad from an outsider's perspective, but Chunji found that he didn't really care. He'd enjoyed himself too much, and he knew that he hadn't done anything wrong.

Besides, L. Joe was staying. He was staying! He wasn't going back to America anymore. He would still be here, with him. So maybe in a while, when the wasn't so significant, he'd be able to ask the other boy out, and they could become a really happy couple. Or at the very least, he could not sound like a ert when he confessed his feelings and got rejected.

At this point he was prepared to settle for either. And why shouldn't he? That was finally an option, because L. Joe was staying. That was all he could think to himself, even days later when he was going up to visit his parents.

L. Joe had insisted he be brought along, wanting to show off all of the pictures he'd taken on his camera. He'd apparently gone down to one of the printing stations, and spent a packet of money, printing all the photos of them off his SD card, to show to his own mother, and now to Chunji's as well.

But that was fine with Chunji, because he wanted to show off L. Joe. Somewhere in amongst all his chats with his mother about the younger boy, his affections for L. Joe had come through, and his mother had realised her son had taken quite a shine to the younger boy. She'd never met L. Joe or seen a picture of him, so he'd only been able to try telling her all about him. It made him feel proud to be able to show off the boy that had captured his attention; his formal date, even if he was only his friend.

His mother would know to respect his secrets, as long as L. Joe was with him. Then he'd be able to come back and have a private session with her where they could gossip and gush over the younger boy, going over everything from this meeting.

He'd never had anyone he liked, that he wanted to bring home before. L. Joe was his first. So he was really grateful that L. Joe had been the one to decide that he was joining him for this trip home. He wanted to regale his mother about the formal night, even if it had been in his typically arrogant way, coming over and saying “Take me to your parents place. I have pictures.”

That was all just part of L. Joe's charm after all.

His father hadn't been home when they got there, but Chunji couldn't bring himself to see that as a disappointment. His father didn't like looking at photos anyway. He probably wouldn't be interested in hearing about their night. Sure, that night had happened as a result of a deal made between Chunji's father and L. Joe's mother, but he had shown no interest in the matter ever since he'd told Chunji about it.

The two boys had rushed inside Chunji's old home, his mother was delighted to see them both. It was so strange hearing her call him “Byunghyun” that Chunji found himself having to smother a laugh at it. L. Joe looked so shy with his mother. His eyes would look down, and he'd hunch his shoulders, seemingly trying to make himself smaller than he already was. He'd try and glare at Chunji for laughing at his name, but he only succeeded in looking so adorably cute that Chunji found himself wishing, more strongly than ever that he could be more than friends with L. Joe.

He'd started showing the pictures to his mother, animatedly explaining everything. Every time she'd compliment L. Joe on how cute he looked in his suit, the tops of his ears would turn red, as he blushed. If Chunji had of known that he could get that sort of reaction out of the younger boy, he would've said the same thing to his face before now. He'd been thinking it to himself anyway.

L. Joe didn't say much, and even when he did he'd stutter something or mumble, clearly embarrassing himself into silence. When his mother had left to fetch them a drink, he'd cornered the other boy, nudging him lightly. Just what was his problem? He'd never seen L. Joe act like this, even if he did find it cute. But all he heard in response was “Do you think she likes me?” Of course Chunji had to nod, having understood the expression his mother gave him the moment she'd waved L. Joe into the house as one of extreme approval.

He wished he could say that he'd inherited his mother's good taste in men, but then she had picked his father. Then again, he had picked a boy, so maybe he did have her taste after all; such a shame that it was bad.

Still, he wouldn't forgo his one-sided fantasies about L. Joe for anything.

They'd nibbled on biscuits talking for a few hours, at first about the formal and then about other things. L. Joe had confessed that he was going to attend the same university as Chunji to study business, which she praised, making him blush again.

He spent the entire day with a red face, so perhaps his mother thought he'd gotten sunburnt, which should make him feel a little bit better.

When it came time for them to leave, he shooed L. Joe out the front door with his car keys, so he could get in the car, under the premise that he needed to go to the bathroom before they left. He turned nervous eyes on his mother, “Well? What do you think of L—Byunghyun?' he enquired, hoping that he hadn't misread his mother's expression.

He so wanted her to approve of L. Joe. He cared so much for him, but he loved his mother dearly as well. She'd been the parent that had supported him, when he had confessed his interest in guys to her. He wanted her to support him here too. He didn't know if he'd ever be able to start something with L. Joe, but he doubted it'd happen at all if his mother disapproved of him.

He was already touchy about the age difference as it was, feeling like he was a ert. If his mother disapproved of the boy he was interested in, he didn't know if he could bring himself to even try.

She grinned like mad, beaming at him. Giving her nervous son a hug. “He's lovely. He's so cute and sweet. A little on the quiet side, but I like that. My baby's going to have a wealthy boyfriend to support him. One with a very good bum for jeans!” she teased.

Chunji felt his own face flush at his mother's words, whining at her, for embarrassing him like that, before he excused himself to the bathroom. He wasn't kidding when he said that he needed to go, even if he had been using that as an excuse to find out his mother's perspective on his friend L. Joe; the boy he had feelings for.

As he hurried out the front door, he passed his father, excusing himself, and saying goodbye to the man that had only been there for a second. The moment he made it out onto the front porch, he tried to take in the way L. Joe looked; he wanted to see how L. Joe looked whenever he didn't know Chunji was around to look at him, but the sunlight reflected off the window, nearly blinding him. He covered his eyes with his forearm, with a sigh as he trudged over to the car.

- -

L. Joe hadn't said anything to him the entire way back. He'd had this impression that L. Joe was shocked about something, in the beginning, but he'd immediately clamped up. The muscles in his face were tense, and he didn't recline in the seat the way he normally would. Chunji was concerned, but everytime he tried to question him about it, L. Joe would just shrug him off. He refused to look him in the eyes.

He figured if L. Joe didn't want to talk about it like this, then there was nothing he could do about it. He'd just have to respect L. Joe's wishes. The younger boy was too stubborn for him to be able to force him to talk anyway.

He had been wondering earlier in the day if L. Joe was planning on coming round to stay at his place again. L. Joe seemed as though he stayed over all the time these days, now that Chunji's initial reluctance to let him see his apartment had been worn down. But something told him, that judging by the way L. Joe had been acting on the drive home, he would probably want to go back to his mother's house.

When they arrived there, Chunji half-expected the younger boy to jump out of his car, as though he were some erted stranger that had done something to him. To his surprise L. Joe stilled in his seat, making no moves to exist the car. He wondered vaguely if he'd misread L. Joe's feelings, and the boy really did want to go back to his apartment after all.

L. Joe made no move to answer him, when he tried asking him if this were so, and so Chunji supposed that perhaps he had indeed been mistaken. He tried to put the car in reverse, but he felt another hand on his own, stilling his actions. Maybe he hadn't misread L. Joe after all.

“I...I'm not going to be seeing you around anymore.” L. Joe stated, his voice much lower than Chunji was expecting. His tone was firm, but almost brittle, as though he might shatter if Chunji questioned him on his words.

It felt like he'd just slammed into a brick wall. He thought things were going well between them. They were only friends, but he was okay with that. There's no way that L. Joe could have figured out his deeper feelings, surely. He'd been so happy all day, and trying to get the approval of Chunji's mother. Everything had been fine before the car trip home, but he couldn't think of anything that he could have done that would require such a drastic change, unless his true feelings had been uncovered.

But that was impossible. He couldn't believe that this was true, even as his heart clenched, pain radiating outwards, throughout his body, making his fingers reflexively clutch whatever lay beneath them. “What?” he questioned, not really believing that he'd heard the other boy say those words.

“You heard me. I won't say it twice.” L. Joe murmured, eyes never once trying to meet Chunji's own. He wondered just what L. Joe knew was hiding in those depths, if he feared Chunji seeing them this badly. Who could bring themselves to say something like this to a friend, without even looking them in the eye as they did it?

“But... But I thought... You said you weren't going back to America, anymore... You said... You said you'd be staying here....” Chunji mumbled, feeling breathless, as L. Joe's words sunk into his brain, killing his hope that he'd misunderstood things. He felt so frazzled, he was sure he was going to start crying, but he couldn't decide if he should try and withhold his tears or not. What would L. Joe think of him if he were to cry? Would it change his mind or make him stick to his resolve more strongly?

“I'm not going back. But I don't want to see you.” L. Joe explained, his own voice sounding pained by his words. Chunji might've been foolish enough to hope that it was a sign he could make L. Joe change his mind about the whole thing. But he could hear it. Though his voice shook slightly, there was a conviction lacing through his words, as strong as steel. L. Joe couldn't be persuaded or forced to change his mind about this, he was sure.

The knowledge that his words were hurting them both, did nothing to relieve Chunji's own inner suffering. He couldn't imagine life without L. Joe anymore. He didn't want to imagine what it would be like without the boy's familiar presence around. He didn't want to go back to being the lonely boy he was before they met. Not now. He had gained too much from this, and now L. Joe was trying to take it all back.

The knowledge that he'd gladly relinquish everything else he'd gotten, if it would make L. Joe stay, didn't make him feel any better.

“But... I mean... our friends... And your university... Tuesday afternoons....” Chunji babbled helplessly, frantically drawing at whatever memories flashed through his mind, to try and change what was happening. He didn't want to let those moments go.

“Everything will be fine. We'll be friends with them, but we just won't see one another anymore. Don't come to my school. Don't come to my house. Don't... Just don't. Just let go.” L. Joe murmured, eyes misting so badly, he probably couldn't even see properly anymore. Chunji saw the way he fumbled with the door handle, trying to open his door several times, and failing to do so successfully.

Maybe this was tearing L. Joe up just as badly as it was tearing him up inside. But that didn't make his pain ebb, only making it more pronounced than ever.

He tried to grasp at L. Joe's clothing, hoping that if he could just get a hold of him, it would undo these last few tense moments they were sharing together. His fingers missed, and a pained cry left his lips, as though he'd just lost L. Joe forever.

The younger boy got out of the car, hesitating only for a moment, before he turned back, eyes meeting Chunji's for the first time in what felt like hours. His eyes were filled with misery and tears were slipping down his soft cheeks, but his voice never wavered. “Goodbye Chunji.”

He wailed struggling to free himself from his seat, but no matter how hard he yanked at his seatbelt, it refused to release him from the confines of his seat. He only increased his struggles as he saw the way L. Joe padded over to his front door, entered it and slammed the door behind him. There were no backward glances.

L. Joe was gone.

He slammed his hands down on his steering wheel, barely feeling the wretched howls escaping his lips. He wailed at the top of his lungs, tears streaming down both cheeks,as he slumped down over the wheel, barely able to breathe. His stomach was twisting painfully, churning like he was about to be sick, and the waves of pain that encompassed his whole form continued to wrack his body. He was shivering and whimpering, but he could barely feel it.

He wanted to jump out of his car. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs pounding on L. Joe's front door until the other boy finally gave in and opened it. He wanted to do whatever it would take to be able to see the other boy again, he didn't want to let him go. He wanted to fight to keep him. But he couldn't move, losing control of his body as he just surrendered himself to the pain inside of him.

He'd known that he cared for the other boy, but he hadn't realised how deep his love for him had grown. He hadn't realised that L. Joe had such a hold over him; over his heart. He felt like he'd almost ceased to exist without him.

He'd only just realised how much he loved L. Joe, but the other boy had just removed him from his life, forever. He wanted nothing to do with him. Over and over again all he could hear inside his mind was L. Joe telling him that he didn't want to see him anymore. He hadn't thought those words would ever hurt him this much.

And they were only friends. He couldn't imagine how much worse this could have been if he'd actually confessed his feelings to the younger boy.