Chunji was moping as he entered his last tutorial class of the day. He hadn't been able to get in contact with Niel today, and with no L. Joe to brighten his day, and CAP busy with a whole bunch of major assignments he had due, Chunji found himself completely alone for the first time in a long time.

He had been sighing all day, finding that he wasn't adjusting to the idea that L. Joe wouldn't be on the hood of his car, waiting for him to rock up anymore. He hated the fact that the thought depressed him so much, even now. He'd had days to get over the fact that L. Joe had a girlfriend now. He literally stood no chance, even less than he had any other time that he'd spent with L. Joe. Sure, the younger boy had explicitly told him that he wasn't gay, but as long as he'd been single he'd been able to fuel his own fantasies that they could have been something together. Although, he'd tried to stomp those fantasies into dust the moment they'd occurred because of the age difference.

If he was honest, he was feeling so jealous of Da-eun. He wished so much that she didn't exist. He couldn't stand the thought that someone else had gotten to go out with L. Joe; something he wanted so badly, but would never be able to experience. Especially not now that she was back.

But what had L. Joe been thinking, allowing her to come to their party? That was their time; no girls allowed. What was wrong with him? He couldn't just tell him privately, even if he did it explicitly, humiliating him in the process, could he? He knew L. Joe was direct, but that didn't mean that he had to be cruel about it. Because it was cruel to show up with a girl on his arm, shoving it in Chunji's face and just expecting him to smile and be polite and happy, and everything else that a straight best friend would have been.

But then, Chunji had tried to do just that, hadn't he? He'd tried to put a brave face on, and smile through his pain, even if he wasn't very convincing. Actually, looking back on it, he probably didn't convince anyone. After all, the guys all knew how he was feeling; he hadn't fooled anyone, even L. Joe had known.

He really was a er for L. Joe wasn't he? All the kid had to do was look at him, and he ended up tripping all over himself to make the other boy like him; for his feelings to grow even stronger. He had it so bad for the younger boy, that he'd overlook anything he had to, just to keep his attention on him for a moment longer.

He felt kind of pathetic.

Especially now that he knew that L. Joe hadn't meant anything by it. He'd just been messing with him the whole time. He thought it was funny to mess with his feelings or something. But he still wanted him to like him. Even though he has a girlfriend now.

But he had to know where he stood now. L. Joe hadn't so much as tried to contact him all day; any day since the party. He was probably too busy spending time with his girlfriend. He probably didn't even spare a thought for his friend. He had probably forgotten all about him, enjoying being a couple too much to even consider how his friend might've been feeling, even though he knew that Chunji was jealous of her and how close they were.

Maybe he didn't think he had to contact him? Because he thought Chunji was so pathetic, that he would just believe whatever L. Joe said to him. Maybe he didn't think that he had to try making contact with him, because Chunji would have no idea how much time he was spending with Da-eun. The thought that he probably would have been in that exact position, if it weren't for Ricky and Changjo, nearly made Chunji whimper at himself.

How did a boy, he'd spent so long convincing himself he couldn't develop feelings for, manage to have such power over him? Even if he'd been able to return his feelings, nothing more could have happened between them. L. Joe was too young. The put Chunji in a position of power over L. Joe; it would have made their relationship unequal. Besides, L. Joe liked a girl his own age.

He couldn't decide if it was the age or the fact that Da-eun was a girl that bugged him the most.

On and on, his thoughts revolved around L. Joe and Da-eun and his own sadness at the very clear lack of reciprocation of his feelings, even as he sat in class. By the time the bell went, Chunji wasn't even sure what had transpired during the class, his face colouring slightly at the thought that he might've been caught spacing out. He only managed to stop thinking about it, for a second, when he heard the screech of his classmates' chair legs, as they all stood to leave the room.

He bent over, trying to put all of his stuff away so that he could put it in his bag, quickly, refusing to raise his eyes to meet the gaze of any of his classmates, that still lingered in the classroom, talking to one another.

He heard the words, before he saw any trace of the other boy, which startled him slightly, making him jump and clutch at his chest simultaneously. “Da-eun left yesterday evening.” He kind of wanted to yell at the other boy for startling him, but he knew his momentary anger was really self-directed. Even after everything else going on between them, even the sound of L. Joe's voice made him feel warm and pulled a smile to his lips. He hated that his attention made him feel so happy.

He closed his eyes for a second to try and draw up the courage to meet L. Joe's dark gaze for even a second. His eyes trailed up his body, searching out his face, but noting the other boy's overall appearance in the process. He was handsome as always. So lovely to look at, that it almost drew a soft, pleased sigh from Chunji's lips.

He hated the fact that L. Joe always looked so amazing. He dressed himself well. All his clothes had a sort of bad boy vibe to them, that seemed to suit him more than ever now that Chunji knew he was a tease; a boy who toyed with other people's feelings for his own enjoyment. He loathed the fact that he thought that L. Joe looked good, the way he was dressed right now. He couldn't stand the fact that he had to chastise himself, reminding himself that L. Joe was now not only younger than him but that he also had a girlfriend.

He wrenched his gaze away from the other boy, returning his focus to packing his stuff away. Even now, that he'd been hurt by L. Joe once again, he could feel L. Joe pulling at his heartstrings, and he didn't even have to say or do anything to do it. Already Chunji wanted to reach out to him; he wanted to let him in and fall all over him all over again. He felt like a stupid, erted old man, being taken to the cleaners by some pretty young blonde. He knew what was going on, and yet he still couldn't bring himself to fight it; he craved that attention so much that he sought it out instinctively.

He could feel the curious gazes of his classmates, lingering on the two boys, probably surprised to see Chunji actually talking with someone, or else ensnared by L. Joe's devil-may care bad boy good looks. Perhaps a combination of the two. His cheeks flamed at the knowledge they were tossing the couple discreet looks as they left the classroom. He shoved his belongings into his bag, more forcefully, “That's a shame.” he murmured gritting his teeth at the effort it took to cram his book into his bag, with everything else getting in the way.

He really just wanted to leave. He didn't want L. Joe to be there looking down at him; just observing him as he struggled to maintain his composure. L. Joe read him too easily; he didn't want him to be able to do that this time. He didn't want L. Joe to know how he felt. He didn't want to fall back under his spell again.

Most of all he definitely didn't want to have to comfort L. Joe at having lost the girl.

L. Joe chuckled, softly at the comment, amusement shining in his eyes, despite the fact that Chunji couldn't see it, as he propped himself up against Chunji's desk, waiting for the older boy to be ready to leave the room. “I'm sure you miss her terribly.” he conceded, teasingly, reminding Chunji that L. Joe knew all about the fact that he'd been jealous of her at CAP's party. His face flamed, realising that L. Joe knew he was lying, even if he didn't know the full extent of the lie.

He stood, carefully tucking his chair in, only giving L. Joe a cursory look before his attention returned to the room around him. He noted the way some of his classmates were eyeing L. Joe's lap curiously, and despite himself, he found his eyes followed their gaze. He had completely missed the large, Year 12 History textbook clasped between his fingers.

His face flared all over again, as he quickly stormed out of the room in his shame, L. Joe following behind him, quickly, attempting to grab his wrist, while Chunji tried to shake him off. He couldn't believe it. Now his classmates knew that L. Joe was a school kid. It was one thing for him to be self-conscious about his association with L. Joe when he knew that he was still a high school student, but it was a completely different thing for other people to know it too. He felt dirty and lecherous and erse, knowing that they were no doubt jumping to conclusions about their relationship with one another.

The embarrassment was just one more stressful emotion pooling within Chunji these days, adding to his depression. He couldn't even revel in the fact that L. Joe was making physical contact with him in public, able to feel the burn of his classmates gaze on his back as they walked away from the classroom together.

His anger and his sadness and his shame all combined, leading to him, very meanly spitting “What are you even doing here?”

If his words hurt L. Joe the other boy didn't show it, only making Chunji feel worse. Now he felt guilty for lashing out at him, and annoyed that the other boy didn't even seem to notice or care. First he plays with his feelings, and now he comes here and ignores them, while simultaneously trying to garner them for himself once more? It almost sickened Chunji how cruel L. Joe was when it came to him, but he found he was closer to pouting and crying more than anything else.

He couldn't remember ever having cried as much as he did, over L. Joe. Well, his unrequited feelings for the other boy to be specific.

“Well, it's Tuesday, and I need a lift to school. I have to return this book to my History teacher.” L. Joe explained. The knowledge that L. Joe was only here to use him for something, was another little stab to Chunji's already bruised and inflamed heart. “What makes you think that he's still going to be there, it's pretty late.” Chunji commented softly, his displeasure robbing him of any strength. If he didn't try to push it to the back of his mind, he'd only end up lashing out. Then L. Joe would explain everything away, and he'd be caught once more.

He didn't want that, more than anything. He'd just let it all out to CAP later he supposed.

“Because, he teaches extra classes after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He doesn't leave until at least 6.” L. Joe explained, shoving his left hand into the front pocket of his jeans. “Now, are you going to explain why you tried to sound sad that Da-eun's gone home?” he questioned, tone light, as though he had no idea what that name did to Chunji.

He hated everything to do with that wretched girl who had to fortune to be able to call herself L. Joe's girlfriend. “Because I'm your friend. I'm supposed to be sad for you when someone you know and care for leaves the country.” Chunji explained, chin raised, and gaze steadfastly fixed in front of him, as they approached his car.

“Even if you, yourself can't stand them?” L. Joe pressed, noting the way Chunji's lips drew into a thin line. He refused to answer that question. He wasn't too sure why, but it felt like a victory to rebel, even if only in this way.

“If all you wanted was a lift, then why didn't you just wait on the hood of my car like normal?” Chunji pressed, eager to get away from the topic of L. Joe's girlfriend. Even after a week, it was still too much of a sore spot for him. The only way he could avoid feeling sad and crying over it would be for him to ignore its existence.

“Who said that was the only reason I wanted to see you?” L. Joe countered, grinning.

The fact that L. Joe was so happy, when he wasn't irked him. “Wanted to tell me that Da-eun has gone home, as well? I could have found that out from the guys, you didn't need to make a special trip just to tell me that.” Chunji replied, tone matter-of-fact. He tried to keep as much of his emotion out of his voice as he possibly could, as he let himself into his car, shoving his things in the back seat.

He wasn't quick enough to miss L. Joe's wicked grin, from over the top of his car, “It's not a special trip. As I said, I need a lift.”

“I should make you walk.” he grumbled to himself, even as he leant over and let L. Joe into the car. L. Joe immediately sank into his seat, grinning at him so widely, that Chunji knew L. Joe knew exactly what he'd said. He'd angled himself to face Chunji, who tried his best to ignore him as he drove L. Joe to his school.

“How did you even know where my class was? I know you told CAP about my classes, but if you'd known where they were earlier in the semester, you would've met me at my classroom instead of at my car, right?” Chunji grumbled, complaining, to which L. Joe shrugged. “CAP told me. I have no memory for rooms at university. The place is too big.” he answered, simply. Chunji's fingers tensed on the steering wheel slightly at the thought that he'd been betrayed by their friend. He knew how Chunji felt about L. Joe right now, and he'd still told him where L. Joe could find him. CAP was going to get an earful from him for this. Or maybe he should just set Niel on him. He got the impression that as much as CAP was fond of Niel, that the younger boy kind of scared him, when he yelled.

But then again, Niel scared everyone when he yelled.

They lapsed into silence for a moment, the grin on L. Joe's lips fading as he looked at Chunji. “Don't think I've forgotten what you said.” L. Joe stated, tone serious again. L. Joe seemed to talk seriously with him so often. It usually ended up assuaging whatever concerns Chunji had, and ensnaring him once again. He felt like this was a trap, making Chunji nervous, and a little bit fed up, knowing from the way his heart beat erratically that he was going to fall into it, even with his eyes wide open as they were.

“What would that be?” Chunji questioned, feigning, both disinterest and ignorance as he kept his gaze locked on the road determinedly. It took a lot of focus to drive safely; he wasn't going to have an accident now. Besides, he felt like he had to impress L. Joe, even now. If he stuffed something up while he drove, he knew he'd be embarrassed, wanting L. Joe to think of him as a good driver if nothing else.

He loathed the fact that he wanted L. Joe to think good things of him, when L. Joe was the one who was despicable and loathsome. He didn't need to do anything to be a better person than L. Joe. Yet he felt like he had to do so much to try and garner his approval, even now that L. Joe had hurt him; had moved on and gotten Da-eun, and didn't need or want him around anymore, unless it was to do something for him.

“You know what I meant. What you said before you left the bathroom at CAP's party.” L. Joe returned, gaze steadily fixed on the driver. Chunji's fingers twitched on the steering wheel, but he hoped that L. Joe hadn't noticed it. He tried to play L. Joe's words off, wanting to come across as nonchalant, but it was probably a little bit too forced to be believable. “CAP's party? That was so long ago, how would I have any idea what I said back then?”

“You called Da-eun my girlfriend.” L. Joe stated, not wanting to play games with Chunji right now.

“I did not.” Chunji countered, knowing for a fact that he'd never come right out and said that; he didn't need to. Everything was there; already out in the open. He didn't need to state the obvious.

L. Joe rolled his eyes at Chunji, “Fine then. You implied that Da-eun was my girlfriend.” Chunji wished he could counter that statement too, if only to delay him a little longer. They were opposite the school, and Chunji half-heartedly parked the car, probably not getting the distance between him and the car in front of him right, but not really caring either. No one has to be perfect at parallel parking after their exam anyway.

“She isn't my girlfriend.” L. Joe stated, staring Chunji dead in the eye. Chunji's gaze fell, not wanting to meet his eyes as he mumbled his response. “I know she's not.” L. Joe wanted to shake Chunji, to try and get his attention back. “No you don't. But I swear she isn't. We're not going out.” he hissed imploring Chunji to believe him.

“We're here.” he mumbled quietly, never raising his eyes to meet L. Joe's. L. Joe froze not wanting to get out of the car, he still had so much he needed to say to the other boy; he needed to explain. But he did need to return the book, he sighed. “Will you still be here when I get back?” he questioned, letting the words hang in the silence surrounding them.

“I'm not going anywhere.” Chunji murmured, his soft tone not really reassuring L. Joe, but sufficient enough to convince him that his chance to explain hadn't been lost completely. “I'll be right back..” he explained, seeing the way that Chunji nodded, without ever looking at him.

He ran across the road, retreating into the school grounds, Chunji's eyes following his back the whole time. His lips wobbled as he tried his best to breathe calmly. He couldn't stand the fact that L. Joe had such an impact on him. His gaze made him feel so uncomfortable, the way it had been so intently focused on him at the end of their conversation. He wanted to look at him more than anything, his soft voice coaxing him to look up. It had taken everything in him not to look him in the eye, and melt for him all over again.

Now he had to decide if he could bring himself to believe what L. Joe clearly wanted to say to him. He wanted to just ignore everything he said, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. It was so soothing to hear all the things he wanted to hear, falling from the other boy's lips. It was so enticing; Chunji wanted to do nothing but listen to him, and give in. He didn't want to have to try fighting him, knowing that he yearned for L. Joe so much that it was a losing battle to even try. But he didn't want to get hurt like this again.

All L. Joe did was tantalise and tease; he didn't offer any commitments, any future. Chunji couldn't even try and explain that away by saying that it was because L. Joe was young; that he just didn't look far into the future. L. Joe acted too mature already; he had already grown up. He offered nothing for the future other than wishes, because he had no intentions regarding the future; at least, not with Chunji.

He fell forward, resting his forehead against the steering wheel with a soft groan, knowing that his thoughts were truthful and accurate, but disliking them all the same. He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, before he heard the door open, and someone settle into the passenger seat beside him.

“Well that was informative. I wonder how you must've looked in a toga.” L. Joe mused, Chunji able to hear the smile in his voice. He sat up, giving L. Joe a look that left no room for nonsense, “Where am I taking you now?”

“Your place.” L. Joe answered, gaze firm. Chunji wanted to groan; he didn't want to be home alone with L. Joe right now. Being alone with L. Joe wasn't healthy for his sanity or for his emotions. He was very vulnerable right now. Perfect for L. Joe to take advantage of.

But he wanted to be able to spend time with L. Joe, after being distant for the last week. Despite himself, he wanted to hear L. Joe's explanations, and to get swept away by the illusion that there was something real going on between them. He wanted to be told that nothing happened; that nothing he'd seen with his own eyes, had been real.

How desperately he wanted it, only made him think that he was even more pathetic than he already found himself.

It wouldn't matter what he wanted, anyway. He could hear it in L. Joe's voice that he'd made his decision, and he wouldn't waver. L. Joe didn't waver. He didn't hesitate. L. Joe was to the point. He was serious. He was headstrong. If he said that he was going to Chunji's place, he'd get there whether Chunji took him or not. Then Chunji would have to deal with the guilt if something happened to him on his way over.

So he started the car, starting the trip round to his place, kind of hoping that L. Joe had forgotten what they were talking about before he'd gone to the school. He should have known that was never going to happen, but he couldn't help the small glimmer of hope that refused to die that what he wanted might come true for a change.

But of course, L. Joe wanted to talk about it. He wanted to clear the air between them. So of course the moment the car started, his attention focused back on Chunji, all traces of his good humour having been pushed aside in favour of what he wanted to say to the older boy. “I mean it Chunji. There was never a single moment while Da-eun was here that she was my girlfriend.”

“The way you said that, implies that she either has been in the past, and/or may be in the future.” Chunji commented, gaze entirely focused on the road before him.

“That's fair enough. She's my ex-girlfriend.” L. Joe commented, unable to suppress a grin at the way Chunji's gaze slid over to him in his shock, before he quickly averted his gaze back out the windshield.

“We were friends when I lived in the US, and we started going out. But I broke up with her, before I came over here. When she called, saying she was in the country on a school excursion, she wanted to talk and hang out, like old times. We were friends, and it was only going to be for a week, so I didn't see a reason to turn her down. That'd be rude. Particularly when I know that she only went on the excursion because she wanted to see me.” L. Joe explained, playing with his fingers as he spoke. He was so worried that Chunji wouldn't accept his explanation; wouldn't understand how serious he was about him, now that he knew Chunji thought he was just messing with his feelings.

“I.... Niel told me about the photos.... They don't mean anything, I swear. The closeness, was just us being friendly, and friends hold hands all the time in the US, so I didn't think anything of it. I didn't know that she had other intentions.” L. Joe explained, hurriedly, hoping his desperation wasn't showing too clearly. He only acted that open and vulnerable and childish with people he was really close to, but the thought that Chunji might reject him if he wasn't honest brought it out of him.

He'd always wanted to act like this with Chunji; baring himself completely to the other boy, but there was tension between him and Chunji; something that wasn't coming from him, that he felt could break them apart, if he ever conveyed the true extent of his feelings for the other boy. Besides, Chunji was so mature, he'd probably think L. Joe was too childish and immature to like, if he ever showed this side of him.

“You kissed her.” Chunji pointed out, no trace of pain or sadness or anger or anything else that L. Joe could identify in his tone. He might've been concerned that the gesture meant nothing to Chunji, but he knew the other boy too well to fall for that. Chunji was jealous of Da-eun. He got upset when he thought L. Joe was leaving, and when he thought L. Joe had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend for that matter. So he knew that Chunji cared, more than he wanted L. Joe to know that he cared.

That gave him hope.

“No she kissed me. And even then, it was more of a goodbye kiss than anything.” L. Joe gestured unhelpfully, uncertain whether Chunji would let him try and explain it or not. He was basically trying to explain away things that he knew Chunji had seen with his own eyes. He felt like he was a liar, trying to scam Chunji, even though he knew he was telling the truth.

He could certainly see why Chunji would be reluctant to listen to anything he had to say on the matter. He felt like a player.

“How so?” Chunji questioned, despite himself, disliking the fact that he couldn't bring himself to ignore the comment, L. Joe had thrown out there, to see if Chunji was listening to him; to see if he even cared. He hated the fact that he wanted to know what he said, and that with those words he was probably going to forgive him for everything; the past week of heartache and tears to be reduced to nothing; obliterated from his memory.

“Da-eun wanted to know when I was coming back to the States. She asked me if I wanted to start going out again when I returned. She got all excited about the thought of us getting back together, but I told her that I was happy here; that I wanted to stay here. She looked so sad, asking me if I was really sure that I wouldn't be happier back in the States with her. To try and see, if I would, she kissed me. Afterwards I told her that I was going to be staying here, and that I thought it would be best if we let our relationship go once and for all. That we weren't together and that I'd prefer it if we could stay that way, which she understood.” L. Joe explained, no trace of sadness in his features.

“Seriously? Your ex-girlfriend comes onto you like that and you don't even manage to get misty eyes at the thought? What are you, made of stone?” Chunji questioned, a little bitter at the thought that their relationship only ended because of the distance between them. There was nothing he could actively dislike about Da-eun apart from the fact that she had kissed L. Joe (who was single and could kiss whoever he liked) and the fact that she was L. Joe's ex-girlfriend. That made him feel like a bad person. He felt selfish.

L. Joe shrugged. “We were kids, when we went out. There was nothing really there between us. She wanted to see if there could be any sparks between us now that we were older. But I can't like her like that anymore. The past should be left there; in the past.” L. Joe explained.