I stood up to leave and run after Joon. Seungho, like in a cliched television drama, mirrored my actions, grabbed my arm and said, "Is this your way of saying you don't feel it?"

I looked at him in anger. There was that feeling of hurting him again. The way he made me feel: I did not like it one bit.

"Please let go of my arm," I said through gritted teeth.

"This. You don't feel this?" he turned me towards him and drew his face close to mine. I felt it. Whatever it was, I felt it: the whole shebang. I feel my heart begin to race and thump wildly against my ribcage. Once again, my breathing failed me. My face flushed at his closeness as his eyes were burning into mine and overwhelmed me as a whole.

No matter. I made up my mind and chose Joon over Seungho. How could I break Joon's precious heart?

"No, I don't," I lied and shook his hand off to my best ability. "You want to know why? Because I don't like you. How can you do this to Joon when you heard what he said earlier?" Feeling like I was going to be caught in the lie, I walked away and slipped a quick goodbye to Byung Hee and Cheon Doong, grabbing my jacket and bag in haste. I could not bear being in the same room with Seungho again because it made my heart waver.

Outside the apartment, waiting for my heart beat to subside to normal and at the same time taking shallow breaths, I had forgotten what I meant to do in the first place.

Lee Joon...

He was just outside the apartment, a few steps away from the elevator lobby. "Joonie?" I called out. He turned to face me, and my heart broke from seeing the expression on his face; it was a look of despair. At the same time, I could feel my heart breaking from the lie I had told to Seungho and to myself. The stabbing pain in my chest was unbearable.

This was for the best, right?

I rushed to comfort him, giving him a tight hug. In all honesty, the hug was for myself. I was selfish and needed the comfort.

He hugged back and let out a small whimper. I looked up at his face for a moment, and found out he started crying. "Joonie, what's wrong?" I asked out of genuine concern.

"I'm just exhausted. I've been working so hard. You have no idea how exhausted I am on most days. Work the soul out of me, but when I'm with you, I’m recharged. When I hold you like this, I feel like I'm ready for a week of my schedule. But you are the one thing that I can't seem to have. With my career, I know I have to work harder and I know how to do it now. They tell me to be nicer to everyone, to practice more, to learn more things... but with you... I don't know how I can attain you." He said it all quietly. "Somehow tonight, I couldn't face the fact that you were angry with me because of what I failed to tell you. I didn't want you to turn your back on me. It felt cold. I was so scared that you wouldn't want to talk to me, because I swear to you, Jenny, I did not lie."

I realized he was right. "I know. I know you didn't lie, Joonie. It's just that I felt a little taken aback, and honestly, I felt a whole lot of insecurity. You're an idol member of an idol group. You probably surround yourself with people from the same circle. They're all probably pretty, y, gorgeous, and what-have-yous. Look at your group members! They are all handsome men!" At that statement, Joon let me go from the hug and rolled his teary eyes. I continued without paying much attention, "I thought that maybe you were playing with me. Like it was some game for you."

"I think you're much more of a babo¹ than I am, Jenny-ya. Why would I be playing with someone as real as you? I don't play with people, I need them. I need you," he mustered up a smile. I did not say anything, but was simply looking at him instead. "Say something. You have me on a line here. What do you say, Jenny? Be mine?"

This was what I had planned to do: Be with Joon. No matter how much it would hurt me, I had to do it. I could not bring myself to hurt Joon, so it had to be done.

1. Fool/idiot

Author's note: Apologies for taking so long to update. Jeongmal mianhae! I couldn't seem to like what I have written, and I've written a lot of chapters just until I'm satisfied. I feel really uneasy with this chapter, and I'm starting to dislike Jenny (I know, she's a character I came up with)! But I will make myself finish this story, but someone's getting hurt.