I felt a blinding pain at the back of my head. I was seeing stars, and felt extremely disoriented. I heard voices asking if I was okay. I opened my mouth to tell them I was fine but no sound came out. Everything seemed to be moving slow at one time, and fast another. Was this the feeling of being in shock? How did I end up on the floor?

"Jenny-ssi! Gwaenchanayo?"¹ I felt strong hands shaking my shoulders. "Jenny-ssi! Can you hear me!?"

Blinking my eyes a few times, my vision finally came into focus. I saw Seungho's pair of concerned eyes and Lee Joon's shocked ones right next to them. Getting over the shock, I remembered that Joon was carrying me and dropped me once he saw Seungho come in.

I moaned as I put my hand behind my head and felt a little moisture in my hair. I saw a smear of blood on my hand and heard a gasp from one of the two men.

"Her head hit the table. Let's head to the hospital. Now," I heard Seungho speak. I still could not find my voice to object to his suggestion. The next thing I knew, I was in a car with Joon cradling my head gingerly in his lap.

I could vaguely hear him mutter "I'm sorry" multiple times, but I could not reply. My eyes were heavy and I felt sleepy all of a sudden.

"Make sure she doesn't fall asleep, Joon!" I heard Seungho say in a panic while he drove. "She had a concussion and we have to make sure she stays awake."

"Jenny-ya. Baby, stay awake for me please," Joon pleaded.

"Why?" I could finally find my voice. "But I'm so sleepy, Joonie," which was true. My head felt like lead and my vision became out of focus again. I heard his voice again but I could not make out what he was saying. My eyes closed on me and everything went pitch black.

I reopened my eyes to the sun peeking in through a heavily-curtained window.

This doesn't look like my room. Where am I?

I looked around to realize I was on a hospital bed and by my bedside was Joon on an uncomfortable-looking chair with his head limp on his shoulder. My right hand was warm from his hand nestling comfortably in it. I looked at him with guilt heavy in my heart.

What am I going to do with this poor soul? When did I turn into such a monster?

Softly sweeping aside the hair that was in the way of his eyes, I suddenly heard a grunt came from one of the corners of the room, and I adjusted my eyes to see who else was there. On the couch sprawled a tired Seungho. Even though his eyes were closed, he did not look relaxed nor rested.

For the life of me, I could not recollect why I was here in the first place. Thinking hard on it only made my head hurt. I gave Joon's hand a slight squeeze and he sprang to life. "Jenny? Are you awake? How are you feeling?" His voice was filled with concern, tinged with panic.

"Joonie-ya... My Joonie," I smiled, "I'm fine. I just don't really remember what happened, and the back of my head feels a little tender. My memory's a little fuzzy, to be honest."

"I'm sorry, it's entirely my fault. I was lifting you up and accidentally dropped you. Your head hit the edge of the table, and you were bleeding. I didn't know what to do. I literally froze. Thankfully Seungho hyung was there. And now here we are. You had to have three stitches at the back of your head, thank God it isn't much. I'm so glad you're okay."

"Ahh, I think I remember being in your arms, but... Are you saying that Seungho-ssi saw us like that?" my whole face grew hot.

"Are you hungry? You must be. Let me get some food for you. I'll be back, okay?" he kissed whatever space left that was not bandaged on my forehead and left the room.

I sighed as the door clicked shut.

"Are you really okay?" Seungho was awake now. He sat up and looked at me intently. I tried to sit up too, but as soon as I lifted my head, I had to lie back down. My head started to throb and the stitches were starting to hurt.

He rushed to my side when he saw me wince in pain. "Don't move too much. Don't try to sit up as well, just lie down and rest." I could hear tenderness in his voice. As a result, my heart hurt.

I don't deserve this. I don't deserve Joon's love and Seungho's kindness.

I closed my eyes tightly, just to erase Seungho from my sight and foolishly hoping the feelings would be gone, but his very presence was too strong for me to ignore.

Why do I sense his warmth? Why can I hear his steady breathing upon my thumping heartbeat? Why is there this connection between us? Why does it feel like time stops whenever I'm around him?

I could not fathom the situation, but I reopened my eyes. I held my hand to my chest, as if willing my heart to stop hurting.

"Apa?² Are you hurting?"

"Anieyo. Geunde...³ Seungho-ssi... Why did you sleep here?" I looked into his eyes as if searching into the beautiful windows of his soul would give me answers. He looked away, as if he, too, was thinking the same thing: if I looked long and hard enough, I would find the answers. He took the seat that Joon vacated minutes ago and took my IV-dripped hand in his.

Just when I thought that my heart could not beat any faster, it did. I could feel the thumps of my heart beat in my ears. I gave him a look of surprise, and he gave me a pleading look. I tried writhing my hand away, but he held a tight grip.

"Don't. Just let me hold on to you for a few seconds," he pleaded. "Why are you doing this?" 

I did not answer for I could not understand what he was asking me. There was a long pause. I seemed to have forgotten how to breathe.

"I'm not supposed to live my life wishing you were always by my side. Why don't you feel the way I do? Every time I see you, I forget how to breath. Why is fate so cruel? Letting me meet you and fall for you at first sight... yet fate thought that maybe it's funny to play this stupid joke on Seungho. You really don't like me? Not even a little bit? Is it more real with Joon? Are you happier with Joon? Tell me!"

His eyes watered, but he was looking down on our entwined hands now, possibly scared of what I was about to say. However, I could not possibly say anything at that moment. There were no words. I wanted him so badly. He looked as if he had been beaten and broken. His skin was pale and sallow, and his movements seemed restrained.

I was about to say something when the door opened to an unhappy-looking Joon. He looked at me with furious eyes. He unclenched his jaw, but his hands formed tight balls when he said, "I thought I was going to take you to the hospital canteen with this," he gestured to the wheelchair next to him, "but I guess you have other plans." He then looked at Seungho and said, "Hyung, how could you?"

1. "Jenny! Are you okay?"
2. "Does it hurt?"
3. "No, I'm not. But..."