Title: [5/5] I thought that your title was very fitting for your story because the story is about a machine. Machines don't have hearts, as we all know. At first, I thought that this story would just be about Sahee's life as a machine without a heart but then you added Kai's character so now it can go either way. We [the people who read this fanfic] are left wondering who this story is really about, which machine is the story going to apply to the most.

Description/ Foreword: [4/10] Sorry I can't give as many points for this but you didn't have a forward or an actual description. I think you should put what you have as your description for your forward and write a small descripition. It doesn't have to be too long, just a couple of sentences. Just give the reader some information as to what your story is going to be about. I know you have a lot of subscribers already but what draws a reader in is the description and the forward because that will be the first thing they see when the come across your story.

Originality: [10/10] I thought this was a VERY original idea. I haven't even read published book that has a concept like this. Well, not yet anyway. I thought it was an exciting idea that could go anyway you want. Your idea is new and unexpected. A machine that is becoming human. A machine that WAS human. It's.... I actually have no words for it. In this particular catagory, I am speechless. This is one of the best and one of the most original plots for a story I have EVER read.

Plot/ Writing: [25/30] Like I mentioned before, your plot is AMAZING and Lu Han is so cute!!! Anyway, I like your style of writing but it kind of confused me. Most of the first part of the story was written in Sahee's POV so when you switched to Lu Han's POV, I was like, what? It took me a little while to get used to your style of writing. An easy way to let the reader know that you are changing POV is to discreetly throw in a characteristic or idiosyncrasy that the readers can recognize immediately. I get why you would try to do this type of writing. It starts to look messy if you write Sahee's POV or Lu Han's POV every time you change the POV. Plus it becomes annoying, I would know. >.<  Also, I notices you tend to use this a lot. We can see the writing. Just letting you know :P. I think you should remove some of those crossed out sentences and put them as normal sentences because they are usually Sahee's thought about her not being human. Those sentences show the reader how much she misses being human and they would add to the story and her character a lot. Besides, I thought you were kind of over doing it. Whaaat? I didn't say anything! 

Characters: [7/10] I thought the way you developed your characters was good, but it wasn't awesome. You developed Sahee's character a lot, but you only gave the basics about Lu Han's character. He's cute, he's sad, he looks awesome without a shirt. I think you should develop Lu Han's Kai's and Minah's characters a lot more because they look like they will be important in your story. Plus, the technique you use to change POV's depend a lot on how you develop your characters, so it's very important that you do so.

Grammar/ Vocabulary: [18/25] Your grammar was what made you lose so many points. As you know from my description, I specialize in grammar and I'm an a**hole when it comes to these kind of things. It's a habit that I cannot break. I was scrutinizing every little thing and I found a lot of silly mistakes. Sometimes- actually it was most of the time- you didn't capitalize properly. Sometimes, it was you use of punctuation. I realize that you are slowly editing this story. Make sure you pay close attention to the little details. Missing a comma can make a big difference when writing a sentence. I'm going to suggest that you finish editing your story on your own and then get someone else to read it and point out things you've missed. That includes your chapter titles.
Your vocabulary, however, was a different story. The word were well used. You dudn't have any crazy words that were like 15 letters long but your choice of words suited the type and overall feel of the story. To me your vocab was mature but not too mature. Perfect for 'Heartless Machine'.

Overall Excitement: [4.5/5] I thought that this story was very exciting at first and it still is. The only problem with me was that it took you roughly 30 chapters to introduce the real antagonist of the story. I get that you wanted to create a backstory for Sahan/Luhee. Honestly, I didn't mind. It might be a problem for other readers that crave some kind of action, though. My advice to you is to try and make the problem a little bit bigger. Make the readers sit on the edge of their seats as they read your story.I was like that the whole time. Also, don't drag anything on for too long. It makes some people lose intrest quickly. If what your trying to do is build suspense, throw in little problems to keep things interesting until you get to the real problem, the .

Extra (Poster/Background/Chapter Titles/Chapters Length): [3.5/5] I absolutely LOVE your poster. I feel it has a lot to do with your story. You have Luhan and Sahee as the main focus and there is a quote from the story. You also have mysterious dead rose in the middle. Does that mean something? I think it has something to do with Chaeri!!! 
I can't really give you points for your background so i just left that out, ok? Anyway, I really like your chapter titles. My only problem was that THEY WERE NOT CAPITALIZED!!!! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT BOTHERED ME?! Besides that, I thought you were very smart with your chapter titles. They were short and sweet and were related to the chapter. Sometimes people write chapter titles that have nothing to do with the actual chapters and it will eternally annoy me.
Your chapter lengths. That's another problem. I noticed that your kind of all over the place with the length of your chapters. Some of them were long and full of detail while others were short with more talking going on. Try and be a little more consistent with the chapter lengths.

Total Points: [77/100] I honestly enjoyed your story. Don't take this the wrong way. I think that there is room to make improvements in your story. Maybe, after your done writing and editing you story, you can send it here again and I'll review it for you. I think you'll probably get a better mark. I look forward to reading the rest of 'Heartless Machine'!!! Update soon!!!

Reviewed by Shahani

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