Title: [4/5]

Your story title is sweet and simple, but.....I didn't feel like it related a lot to the story so that's why I took off a mark.  It isn't the most interesting title in the world, but it does get people curious and wondering what your story could possibly be about so I actually liked your title.

Description/ Foreword: [9.5/10]

I liked your description, but it was kind of spoiling your story in a way, yet it still got me interested at the same time.  Spoiling a little, not a lot is actually good because readers get a little feel about what the story might be about and if they like it, they'll subscribe.  I was going to take off a whole mark since you had no foreword and a foreword is supposed to get your story going, but you still managed to get me interested just by your description so I only took off 0.5 instead.

Originality: [9.5/10]

I thought your story was really original because I haven't read anything too similar.  Yes there are other stories with two bestfriends falling for the same girl so that's why I took off 0.5, but your story, it wasn't predictable like in a few other stories where you can easily guess what's going to happen next.  People don't like predictable stories because most ain't original and it gets boring fast, but yours isn't one of those stories.  Your story makes the readers want more because they don't really know what to expect next and it gets the them wondering. 

Plot/ Writing: [30/30]

I liked your plot, it was well thought out and planned.  You made your story seem very realistic and you were very descriptive that I could easily imagine those things happening in my own head.

Characters: [10/10]

I gave you full marks because as I was reading, I felt like all your characters were meant to be in your story and it just wouldn't feel the same if one were to be left out.  The way you wrote in third person, describing how each character was feeling was fantastic because it really made me feel like I was that person and I could feel what they were feeling.

Grammar/ Vocabulary: [24.5/25]

"That night, Taemin lay down on his bed while staring at the ceiling above him."  'Lay' should be replaced with 'laid' because it makes more sense this way and the tense would be correct. "That night, Taemin laid down on his bed while staring at the ceiling above him."

I only took off half a mark because past and present tense in your story was sometimes mixed up, but otherwise, your grammar and vocabulary was very well done. 

Overall Excitement: [4/5]

Your story interested me, I liked it very much, there was something about it that made me want to read more and in other words, it captivated me.  Then there were times, very few times that I've gotten frustrated when the flow was going slow, but it wasn't too slow and it was better than rushing chapters though.  I liked your story a lot.

Extra (Poster/Background/Chapter Titles/Chapters Length): [5/5]

Your story chapters were good length, but there was an unnecessary chapter in chapter three which just contained "Part One," you could have just included it at the beginning of a chapter instead.  I didn't take off a mark for that because I sort of get what you doing since it looks more like a novel that way.  I didn't take off any marks for no chapter titles because some authors don't have chapter titles either, but it is meant to intrigue your readers the first time they see your chapter.  

Total Points: [96.5/100]

I'm really sorry for the very long wait *does 'Sorry, Sorry' by Super Junior.*   Keep up the great work and the best of luck on your story :)

Reviewed by: ForeverFifi

Thank you so much for requesting at 'Chocolate Cupcake's Review Request Shop' and we hope to see you again.

~Enjoy your cupcake :D