I’m floating. I feel so light. My head is clear, it’s rid of all thoughts and my heart is free of pain. Am I dead? Hello? Is anybody out there? I guess I am… I bid my farewell to this world. It was nice being alive while it lasted.

“PUMP HIS CHEST AGAIN!” Huh? Who are you? Are you god? Why are you in my head? There were many beeping noises. Make them stop!

“Sir he’s breathing.”

“Good, let’s make sure he’s stabilized before we move him out.”

“Yes sir.” I felt being lifted then placed down again. Is this the way to my coffin? I hope it’s decorate… someone opened my eye and shone a bright light into it.

“Hey kid, can you hear me? Can you open your eyes?” I hear you but I don’t want to. I want to be dead and leave this world!! “Can you move your fingers?” If I do will you shut up? I wiggled my fingers.

“Good progress. I’ll dim the lights and you open your eyes slowly, alright?” the bright light disappeared and I opened my eyes a bit. I was looking straight ahead avoiding any of the nurses that looked at me.

“Good, you had your friends really scared. I’ll call them in and tell them you’re okay.”

“NO! Please just give me a couple of minutes on my own; I don’t want to see them yet.” The doctor nodded and left the room. I sighed and let my arms hang limp on the side of the bed.

“Even the dots on the ceiling are more interesting than me.”

“What was that?” a nurse came in with some pudding and placed it on the table next to the bed.

“Nothing.”

“You’re pretty interesting, more interesting than most average people. Don’t bring yourself down, there’s more to life than what you see kiddo, you just have to search beyond and break free of your chains.” With that she left the room and I fell back on the pillows again.

         My throat is killing me and I have a mind numbing headache. I hate hospitals. I want to get out of here. Hospitals are for sick people, I’m not sick I just want to die! I puffed my cheeks and looked out the window. The door opened and someone walked to the bed. I didn’t bother to see who it was. I didn’t want anyone to see me this way. I didn’t want them to pity me for being a coward and trying to take the easy way out. What else could I have done?

“M-mir?” Why is he here?

“Get out!”

“Mir listen to m-”

“I SAID GET OUT!! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU! EVER!”

“Mir just liste-”

“What part of get out, I don’t want to see you ever again, did you not understand?” I said in the coldest voice I could muster. I didn’t want to see him. Why is he here? What does he want?

“I was worried abou-”

“About what? Your image? Save your breath, I’ll tell the press what a good hyung and role model you are. About how many times you were there for me and cared for me. I’ll say it was exhaustion from the comeback.”

“Mir…I’m, I’m-”

“Get out. I don’t want to see you.”

“Don’t do this Mir.”

“GET OUT! NOW!!!!!!” The machine next to me began beeping and nurses came running in followed by the doctor and the rest of the hyungs.

“Mireu!” they ran to my side and held my hand. They were mumbling nonsense, trying to make me feel better.

“LET ME DIE! STOP THIS! I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE ANYMORE!” I was crying. The tears rushed violently and desperately down my cheeks. I thrashed around the bed trying to get all the needles and cables out of me. my cries turned into choked sobs, Seung Ho put his arms around and pulled me close to his chest.

“Just let me die. Let me, let me die, let me die.” I kept mumbling this through my sobs. He just pulled me closer and my hair. Byunghee patted my back and Thunder tried to soothe me with his voice. “Just let me die.” I felt a slight sting and I lost all feelings and I lay on the bed limp.

Joon’s P.O.V

       I dropped Taemin off at his dorm and decided to go for a drink. Even though it’s this early I needed something to help me think. It’s no use speaking to people, they’ll all tell me the same thing. I entered the bar and ordered a drink. The waitress seemed to recognize me but didn’t say anything. I took another swig of the bitter drink and wiped my mouth. I ordered another drink and asked the waitress to sit with me. We just sat there; me drinking and her watching me drink.

“Oppa what’s on your mind? This is the third time you’ve come to drink this week.”

“Huh, ani it’s nothing.”

“Is it your girlfriend?”

“Ah I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Who’s Mir?”

“How do you know that name? He’s my…co-worker…”

“You always talk about him. You’ll start singing and switch most words with his name. He seems like an important person in your life.”

“I’m, he-”

“I don’t care if you’re gay. That’s your business not mine. Do whatever you want, there is one thing I’ll tell you.”

“What?”

“That kid, if you keep pushing him away, someone will steal him away from you. I know it.”

“Wh-” my phone rang and I picked it up.

“Yoboseoyo?”

-Where the hell are you? Your group mate’s in the hospital and you’re nowhere to be found!-

“W-who?”

-CheolYong’s in the hospital, he’s in the emergency room.-

“We had a fight he won’t talk to me.”

-I don’t care about your little fight, be a good hyung and come support him. The others are already there, I’m at my drama shooting, so I can’t go right now. I’ll drop by later and see how he is, I better not find out you didn’t go.-

“Hyu- hyung!” he hung up on me.

“You should visit him.”

“How did you know it was Mir? Besides he won’t talk to me. He doesn’t want me.”

“I know something’s that you don’t. A few words of advice for your dilemma, you can’t quit until you try.” She got up and walked into the crowd of drunks. I looked for her but it was like she disappeared into thin air. I looked down at the table then back up and into the crowd again searching for her. She was smiling, I blinked my eyes and all I saw now was smoke.

       I left the money on the table and walked out of the place. I caught a taxi and got dropped off at the hospital. Should I go in? I went up to the woman at the front desk and asked her for Mir’s room number.

“I’m sorry no one’s allowed to visit him right now, his condition is unstable.” Looks like I’ll have to seduce her.

“But noona he’s my best friend…” I bit down on my lip and gave her a wink.

“Oh looks like it’s time for my break, I’ll just leave these papers with the patients’ information out here.” She left and I quickly looked for his number. I got in the elevator and headed up to his room. The music soothed my nerves and helped me relax.

     The elevator stopped and I got out. I walked down the hall looking for Room 501. With every room I passed I got more and more nervous. Why am I nervous? I stood in front of his door. I wiped my hands on my jeans and opened it. He looked so out of place. He didn’t belong here. Why would do this? He seemed to notice and told me to get out. After a few moments of useless arguing he went mad. He was thrashing around his bed and the machine next to him began beeping like crazy. The other members and nurses rushed in. I watched in bitter jealousy as Seung Ho took him in his arms and he didn’t pull back. I was jealous of the way Byunghee was able to pat his back and he wouldn’t cringe, or the way Cheongdoong sang to him to make him feel better.

       I can’t do that. I watched in horror as the doctor stuck a needle in his arm. Mir stopped moving and closed his eyes. He seemed to have fallen asleep. The doctor turned towards everyone and explained what had just happened.

“We injected him with some tranquilizers. He seems to have received a shock to big and his heart couldn’t take it. He’s fine for now but I fear that won’t last long. His test results came back and he seems to have many problems.” I watched as the other’s stood by each other and filed out of the room to have a talk with the doctor. I hid behind a plant and tried to be as inconspicuous as I could be.

Seung Ho’s P.O.V

       We were standing in front of the doctor waiting for his explanation. I was growing impatient. My arms were itchy, my palms were sweaty, my heart was beating a thousand miles per hour, and it felt like I had just been ran over.

“What is it doctor? Please tell us, tell me, what’s wrong with Mireu?”

“He has depression. He’s had it for quite a while, he’s supposed to be taking medicine but he hasn’t. It is in a deep stage but we’re sure with treatment, and some counseling he can overcome it. He has also developed bipolar disorder. I cannot tell you how long he’s had it because we haven’t done any further testing. He also has anxiety, and an eating disorder. If you notice most of these are mental illnesses. He believes he’s not good enough, has suicidal thoughts, as what has happened, he over works himself, I understand that is the life of being an idol but he is too young for such harshness. He should take a break, get counseling, or go to a therapist.”

       We were all clearly shocked. We knew there were things bothering him, he even told me some of them. I saw how he avoided meals, and when he did eat, he got sick almost immediately. I didn’t know things were these bad. I feel like such an awful person. I can’t even imagine what he’s been going through and by himself. He’s had to suffer alone this whole time. I was deep I thought when a movement in the plant caught my eyes. There’s someone behind it. I tapped Byunghee’s shoulder and nudged him to look where I was looking.

“Do you think it’s a fan or maybe a reporter?”

“I don’t know, go do like you’re buying a soda and check.” I gave him a dollar and he walked by. He got the soda and practically ran back.

“What is it? It looks like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“It’s Joon. He’s hiding behind the plant.” What is he doing here?

“Sir do you think we could wit in Mir’s room? I don’t want him to be alone when he wakes up.”

“Sure, don’t make noise, and no eating in there.”

“Yes sir.” We filed in his room and pulled up chairs to his bed. We lost track of time and fell asleep, we woke up but he was still sleeping. We went down to the hospital cafeteria and ate dinner then resumed our positions. We flipped through magazines and soon sleep took over us again.

Mir’s P.O.V

      I woke up once again and felt someone’s presence. I saw it was the hyungs. They were all sleeping and had frowns on their faces. I watched Seung Ho’s chest rise and fall with every breath he took. A tear slipped from my cheek and I wiped it away. I’m so weak. I bent down to kiss his forehead.

“Komawo Seung Ho hyung. I know I let you down again, I hope you can forgive me.” I was looking straight ahead when someone squeezed my hand and kissed it.

“You’re a very troublesome maknae, but I forgive you.”

A/N: Hey guys~! ^~^ I couldn't sleep (curse you insomnia, -whipers-internet connection) :) I hope you enjoy this ^~^

Chococinna: Lol xD I hope this update makes your day to xD Trust me there WILL be a happy ending ^~^ Hehe I'll see how it turns out, I'm starting to feel the JoonMir oozing out of me >______< 

FreakyVamp: Thank you~! (: *evil grins along* yes~ -rubs hands hands in an evil manner- o_o hehe~

Kanani: D'aww thank you~!!!!!! ^~^ it's always hard to choose an OTP T.T 

underwaterkaracell: Don't worry, he'll have some happiness soon... ; ;

Reinai: Lolol I ship them all as well xDDD Ssong has a special love for his makane~~~ -hi5- THANK YOU! That is exactly what I think, nobody really seems to see it that way, oh well. xD I'd like to have lots of money for kpop as well ; ;

leehongkifan1234: I can't kill off Mir D: ...yet...o_o

Alrighty guys, this is the end. Until next time, this has been your crazy author~! ^~^

Comments and subs are love~