Christmas is already here. Sumin can't believe how fast time flies. It still feels like yesterday when Sieun first showed up at her door by the end of summer because college was starting in a few weeks. And here they are now, months later, about to spend Christmas together. It used to be warm outside, the weather used to be bright and warm, the trees used to be flowering, there used to be blossoms everywhere, flowers and so on. While now, everything is covered in snow. the sky is still bright but the weather is extremely cold as it's snowing everyday now. The neighborhood is now decorated in Christmad decorations too. The parks, the stores, even mini markets are decorated, the streets as well.

The streets are busier than ever. Not just by people that have to go to work but with a lot of people who are under the influence of the crazy consumerism that leads human communities nowadays. Sumin obviously can't relate to these people and doesn't agree to the whole spirit and motivation of spending so much and buying so many things when other people are dying out there out of starvation. She definitely likes the whole Christmas mood though, people trying to be nicer, trying to make others happier and spending time with their families. She just dislikes the whole overspending thing...

Sumin isn't the one to spend too much on decorating or buying gifts but she's definitely tried decorating the cafeteria to a presentable amount, not wanting it to look too cheap or exaggerated either. Her friends have even applauded her in a teasing motion of course upon seeing her decorating the cafeteria but she doesn't care. She has to follow the seasons and what other stores do as well in order for her store to be a happy place and everyone's first choice.

Unlike the cafeteria though, her apartment has remained the same gray cold lonely apartment it's always been until very recently.

"Good morning everyone!" Sieun exclaims happily and brightly once she enters the cafeteria, after the ringing sound of the bell above the door having rung and be heard in Sumin's ears. Soon, Sumin hears the familiar clicking sound of Sieun's heels on the wooden floor before the girl stops by the counter, where Sumin usually is. She's here today too, and she's busy making orders as usual as the cafeteria is extremely busy as usual.

"Morning unnie! Isn't it amazing that we don't have classes for about two months? Winter break is always amazing!" Seeun says as she returns to the counter and lets down the tray with the empty cups, glasses and cutlery.

"Yeah. It's wonderful." Sieun says with a smile before she knocks on the counter to get Sumin's attention. It doesn't seem to work for a minute so she clears up and tries again with a different method.

"Hey you blondie." Sumin sighs.

"What." She replies as she turns her head slightly towards Sieun's direction to show the girl that she's paying attention.

"You do know that we haven't decorated our apartment yet?"

"You what!?" Jayun exclaims loudly as she looks at them shocked.

"Ya unnie! It's two days before Christmas! Why haven't you decorated?" Seeun scolds Sumin.

"First of all. You two, silence. We're in the cafeteria not the playground. Secondly, it's not our apartment, it's mine and only. Thirdly, I didn't have time to decorate, I'm working overtime as you can see. Do something about it yourself. After all, I'm not in the mood for these things anyway." Sumin says as she serves the black liquor inside a plastic cup.

Sieun rolls her eyes while Seeun keeps scolding Sumin loudly —as if she hasn't heard her telling her to keep it down— for not being in the mood to decorate for Christmas.

"Unnie! Christmas is an amazing holiday! You used to love it and be excited about it too! What has gotten into you huh? Where's your Christmas spirit? I'm not saying you should exaggerate or spend too much but a few basic decorating is a must!" Seeun scolds her.

"Yeah well I obviously did something about it myself because if I waited for you to do something or us together it would take us centuries." Sieun replies to Sumin's words as she shows the girl the bags of all the shopping she's done earlier that morning. Jayun immediately rushes towards her excitedly, wanting to see what the girl has bought, not minding how they're still in the cafeteria busy working.

"We should decorate them all together later once we close the store!" Jayun exclaims as she looks through the things Sieun has bought. Sieun smiles and nods her head, liking the idea.

"We could. Sumin? You joining?"

Sumin takes a deep breath in. She's not looking at Sieun but she can feel the girl staring and she can already tell the look in the girl's face. One of the soft, adorable ones that she always has that is filled with care and adoration, one of the faces that is Sumin's main weakness. She tries her hardest not to panic though she already feels her body's temperature rising up, especially on her cheeks, ears and neck. She hates how soft Sieun is with her lately no matter their bickering, just like back in high school. She hates how Sieun is always involving her in her plans, pays attention to her, asks for her opinion and doesn't ignore her like how she should be doing. She hates it because it makes her heart flutter to a point that she can't control at this point.

"No." She replies shortly.

"What will you do after work then? Do you have plans?"

"Yeah. A date with my loveable bed." Sumin replies with sarcasm as she stares at Sieun with narrowed eyes and forms a fake smile.

"Funny." Sieun replies back with sarcasm as she stares at Sumin with narrowed eyes.

"So, you're joining since you have nothing better to do." Sieun speaks up again with a newfound brightness again, totally teasing Sumin though for not having anything to do.

"I never said-"

"It's a deal!"

"Why do you always do that?" Sumin asks as she frowns, crossing her arms to her chest as she stares at Sieun, waiting for an explanation.

"Because you should have fun for once. Your mom told me to take care of you since you've ended up being a grumpy loner."

"I'm a grown up, I think I can do whatever I want and no one can stop me. Not you, not my mom." Sumin replies, still glaring at Sieun.

"Uhm, guys. I usually don't care about you two and don't interfere but..."

"WHAT!?" Both Sieun and Sumin grumble aloud as they turn to glare at Seeun annoyed.

"I need to get the order."

"There you go. Now, you can all off and leave me alone." Sumin says as she gives the cup hurriedly to Seeun and turns back to making new orders.

___

Without her realizing it she's somehow ended up joining the rest even though she's sure she tries to speak up for herself and set her point. No matter what she says though or what she does Sieun will always win. And she knows exactly why Sieun always wins. Because Sumin loves Sieun and she will always be weak over her while Sieun doesn't give a simple about her.

She hates it.

"Stop being sulky, Christmas is a fun season!" Sieun tries to cheer her up as she walks past her, stops in front of her and tries with her index fingers to form a smile on Sumin's lips. Sumin refuses to smile though and she quickly holds Sieun's hands and pushes them away from her face.

"What do you think you're doing?" She scolds her immediately. Meanwhile her skin has already started burning up as she feels chills all over it. Sieun has been doing that a lot lately. She has been stealing touches and holds from Sumin without the girl's permission and although Sumin doesn't always push her away, she always shudders and she's pretty sure at some point it would get too much to handle.

Right now, she feels like it's too much for her to handle. How could she handle it when Sieun is standing right in front of her, with her beautiful face, heart shaped deep pink lips, caramel brown eyes and orange hair, her soft fingers touching Sumin's lips?

"Trying to put a smile on your face. You used to love Christmas. Remember? We've spent lots of Christmas together back at your mom's house." Sumin sighs heavily. Sieun's strongest weapon is to talk about their past, their happy memories, and it seems to work perfectly on Sumin lately as it makes her too weak. She makes her nostalgic and pinning onto the past for days. It definitely makes her have sleepless nights for at least a whole week, thinking about it, cursing Sieun and wanting to kick her out of her apartment for ing up her mood but she can't. She's too weak. She hasn't shed a single tear yet, and she's not even sure how she's holding it up so far.

"Whatever." Sumin mumbles as she quickly gets a few decorations and puts them on the Christmas tree.

Fortunately for Sumin she hasn't joined them for the whole decoration because indeed she was busy with work the following days and would return home very late, being extremely exhausted and sleeping it off immediately. Sieun has done everything by herself all these days. She's decorated the apartment, has made the deserts and meals, has bought presents. The only thing that she's left was the Christmas tree because she's been waiting for Sumin to do it with her.

The rest of their friends are currently busy playing games by the living room while the two of them are trying to set up the Christmas tree and decorate it. Sumin has been home a little earlier than usual because of the Christmas schedule that required everyone to close their stores earlier in order to go home and spend Christmad with their families. In a few hours it's going to be Christmas yet here is Sumin being a grumpy old hug as Jayun and Seeun call her.

"Grumpy old hug!" Jayun teases Sumin again who glares at her.

"Remind me once again why you're here."

"Hey, be nicer to our friends. They've all come here to spend Christmas with us instead of their families." Sieun tells Sumin as she holds her by her shoulders as if to stop her from bickering more with Jayun. Sumin sighs as she quickly turns to look at the Christmas tree, not being able to face Sieun as the girl has stopped in front of her when she held her. She can't handle Sieun's soft side at all. She hates it.

She drags herself further from Sieun, slipping away from her hold.

"Why would they come here? Family comes first."

"We will visit them tomorrow, don't worry." Chaeyoung says from the couch, still caressing Yeeun's hair as they munch on the Christmas cookies Sieun has baked herself, playing Monopoly with the other two.

"Ah! Seriously! I have to pay again!?" Seeun grumbles aloud and Sumin shakes her head as she drifts herself even further, almost hiding behind the Christmas tree. She's pretty sure she hasn't had Christmas like this before. She always worked hard with her friends at the cafeteria but once they would close the store they would go with their dates and leave Sumin alone. She would return home, eat some dinner by herself and watch Christmas movies that were related to family and romantic love. She would end up tearing up by herself, then she would call her mother in order to feel less lonely. Usually her mother would be busy working because some jobs just don't have breaks even on days like this one. They would talk for a while and then Sumin would lay down on her bed and get all melancholic while she would be thinking of Sieun and how badly she missed her. In days like that one, in holidays overall, wherein everyone would be with their families a little more, or talk about them a little more and overall the spirit and the atmosphere would be settled like that... Sumin tended to feel more lonely than she would usually do. She would only then allow herself to think of Sieun and get all depressed and sad. Other than that, the rest of the days she would always try to push those thoughts away.

This year however, she's not spending her holidays alone. She's spending them with her friends, who indeed feel more like a family to her rather than friends, and with Sieun... the person whom she's been thinking of the most in days like this one. She's here. She truly is here and Sumin doesn't know what to do or feel.

"It's my first time spending Christmas with you and the girls after such a long time. I've missed it." Sieun confesses as she walks towards Sumin, holding her own piece of decoration to hang it at one of the branches of the tree.

"How was your previous Christmas then?" Sumin asks, not entirely sure why she got this sentimental and allowed herself to actually ask what she had in mind immediately instead of stopping herself and keeping it to herself instead.

"Lonely. I was one of the very few students that wouldn't return home during Christmas holidays and would choose to stay back at the college's dorms. All of my friends would have already been home with their families so it was basically me and a few random students I didn't know." Sieun says slowly, her voice actually getting a little sad. Sumin can't help herself as she turns to look at Sieun, not having expected such turn of events. Her shocked expressions give her thoughts away as Sieun smiles bitterly and says,

"What? You thought I would have the perfect Christmas all movies show? Attending parties all the times and being surrounded by my friends and countless of people that I barely know? Having the time of my life? Sumin, I went abroad, at a foreign city and barely made a few friends who also felt homesick pretty often just like me and would always choose to meet their families and friends back at home in every chance they would get!" Sieun tries to explain before she continues,

"I felt homesick too. It wasn't easy at all. But I couldn't return home no matter how mom insisted that I should visit them during holidays. I couldn't return home to them... I would prefer to spend Christmas alone rather than Christmas with them." Sumin nods her head slowly in understanding before she quickly looks away, feeling guilty for the way she thought as Sieun proved her wrong. She definitely feels embarrassed for being found out from Sieun herself as well though she should have seen it coming as Sieun can still perfectly read her.

Her fingers awkwardly play with the fake angel in her hands before she hangs it on the branch of the tree. Then her fingers start playing with the branch nervously before she asks,

"Why didn't you come back here then?"

"I've thought about it. But I wasn't sure if it was the right time. Last time before I left..." Sieun says and pauses, an awkward thick silence between them. Sumin looks elsewhere than Sieun, feeling too nervous as she knows what Sieun wants to say but doesn't. She feels Sieun's eyes on her which makes her even more nervous. She galps hard and is about to change the topic when Sieun cuts her off by continuing her story, avoiding to refer to the time Sumin has kissed her but continuing instead.

"Then the girls have told me you haven't kept in touch with them either. Or if you had, it was because of work. You wouldn't hang out with them. Chaeyoung has told me that she got to know about you because she would pass by your cafeteria as often as possible or because Jayun and Seeun would tell her and Yeeun so. You were barely hanging out with them, how could you hang out with them and me too? Chaeyoung has told me you were mad at me. You never told her so but she could tell."

Sumin gulps hard, looking elsewhere as the conversation makes her feel uncomfortable. It's almost as if Sieun is exposing her and her feelings. Maybe Sieun knows? If so, Sumin feels even more exposed and humiliated. Sumin's struggles are humiliating now because Sieun knows. If she does at least.

"You're here now. That's what matters." Sumin replies shortly, trying to put an end to the conversation but it doesn't seem like it's going to end anytime soon.

"Do you want me here now though?" Sumin gulps at the question.

"What kind of question is that!?" She lets out, her voice coming out slightly high pitched out of how nervous she is.

"It's just a question. It won't bite. But just in case you're too much of a coward to reply it's ok if you don't. I'm sure you don't hate my existence because if you did you would have kicked me out of the apartment the first time I came here so that's enough."

Sumin sighs as she quickly takes the ornament from Sieun's hands and hangs it on another branch of the tree.

"We need to get over with it. We still have to play with the girls, watch a movie and have dinner." She says, efficiently changing the topic as Sieun indeed gets into decorating the tree and forgets about their awkward talk that has Sumin moody and depressed all over again. She hates how easily Sieun can affect her mood and mental health and well being.

___

After having played Monopoly for a while ⏤Seeun indeed lost⏤, having watched a couple of Christmas movies ⏤which this time made Sumin feel a little odd fluttering feeling and swell in her chest having Sieun by her side resting her head on Sumin's chest, instead of being completely alone watching the movies like usual⏤ and having had dinner it's finally times for the Christmas gifts which all the girls have been the most excited about.

Everyone has been opening their gifts one by one and thanking their friends and partners and soon, it's only Sieun and Sumin left, the other two couples already busy trying out their gifts or kissing underneath the mistletoe on the christmas tree. Sumin feels too lonely but she's happy seeing them together. Jayun and Seeun were fast to get together. They realized their feelings for each other soon enough and confessed soon enough even though they were both afraid of the outcome since they've been best friends for a lot of years and didn't want to ruin the friendship. They were very expressive of their feelings though, and brave too so they confessed pretty fast and got together and never separated ever since. It just took them a little longer to fall in love with each other since they've been best friends for a lot of years and only fell in love a few years ago.

For Chaeyoung and Yeun it was different. They weren't as brave or flirty like the other two. Chaeyoung fell first, and as a caring older friend that she was she tried her hardest not hurt Yeeun and ruin their friendship. After all, Yeeun has been a minor all those years. Yeeun fell for Chaeyoung too though, and at some point she got tired of the friendly almost motherly treatment she would receive from Chaeyoung. When she was officially 18 she confessed and so they got together too, leaving Sumin alone third wheeling their friends.

"I've got you a gift. As unbelievable as it is, I really got you a gift." Sieun starts off as she sits down at the chair next to Sumin by the kitchen table. Sumin has been busy stuffing some more of the dessert, not wanting to third wheel at their friends in the living room who were busy making out by now.

"If it's a bomb I don't want it. You can find other ways to kill me and find your peace and quiet." Sumin replies with still half stuffed so half of the things she says don't sound too clear.

"Yeah, yeah. Stuff that mouth of yours and stop saying nonsense. I wouldn't risk killing our friends, idiot!" Sieun says as she takes a piece of the cake and stuff it in Sumin's mouth making the girl grumble and pause at the mere thought that Sieun touched her lips again, for the second time that night, in order to get Sumin to eat more and stop talking.

"Aish. You're too clumsy. You don't even know how to eat! Here, let me clean you up." Sieun says once she realizes there are too many pieces of cake in Sumin's lips. She leans forward, her face close to Sumin's as her eyes lock with the girl's lips, her fingers trying to clean up the girl's lips.

Sumin pauses. Her heart hammering in her chest loudly, so loudly that she's sure Sieun can hear it. She can't help but stare at Sieun's facial expressions and lips way too hard as she gets nervous, her body tensing up and skin burning and shuddering as usual. Sieun's singers trace softly on Sumin's lips as she tries to clean them up and Sumin feels her stomach tighten as a sudden, strong desire of kissing Sieun hard resurfaces within her. It's a desire her past self back in high school would get often and even back then it was hard to resist and bury back down but Sumin would somehow handle it well back then. Now though, she's sure she's not ready to start controlling the same desires all over again, she doesn't want it, she doesn't want to have the same feelings and desires her high school self used to have. She wants to move on.

The desire is so strong that she can feel it burning up her lungs and neck, making it bob up and down nervously. For a second she swears she saw Sieun staring deep into her eyes instead, also pausing as her motions slow down, both of them suddenly involved in a romantic moment as the atmosphere gets thick and tense. Sumin hates it.

It takes too much will and strength within her to gulp hard and push deep down that desire, though it doesn't go away immediately but the burning sensation and the nervousness leave and top of her neck for a brief second, enough for her to clear up her mind and finally act rationally. She pushes Sieun away and tries her hardest to grumble as she would usually do, tries her hardest to sound stable and casual and tries to hide the hoarseness in her voice by how stuffed is from food.

"What are you doing!? I can clean up myself by myself!" She stands up from her chair quickly, wanting to have some distance from Sieun and be able to breathe as she turns around towards the sink and immediately cleans up her lips before she quickly serves herself a glass of water and drinks the whole of it, wanting to make the burning go away. She shuts her eyes as she rests her hands on the sink, taking deep slow breaths as she tries to calm herself down.

"Why can Ryujin touch you and I can't? Seriously, I don't get it." Sieun finally speaks up as she's also stood up and wonders if she should approach Sumin or not. Sumin takes in a sharp breath, realizing that she's either dying now, or she's dying now. Sieun is definitely making her have an even harder time with her questions now, than she already was having by Sieun's actions. She's barely making it, she's still trying hard to calm down herself and here comes Sieun asking her that. Just how much can she handle really?

"Ryujin is a different case."

"How? Because you guys can be friends with benefits?"

"How is that relevant?" Sumin snaps as she turns to look at Sieun angrily, definitely not liking the way Sieun tried to categorize her relationship with Ryujin. It was a totally different case, one that Sumin always separated from any other she had in her life because it simply needed a different method to be treated. Sumin would never categorize her relationship with Ryujin as one of those disgusting relationships that are called friends with benefits so that name indeed sent her off and made her angry. She doesn't do these things and if it happened once with Ryujin it was once and it was a mistake no one ever talked about. Ryujin didn't mind but she knows Sumin didn't mean for it to happen so she doesn't hold grudges. Sumin was weak during that time too so she tries to forget that moment and move on with her life.

"I don't know! I'm trying to make sense of your senseless way of acting!" Sieun replies back, her tone having changed too. They've entered the battlefield again and Sieun realizes the softness of the moment before is long gone. She's definitely not going to give Sumin her gift any time soon it seems.

"You only allow her to show her affection towards you and I don't get why. How is she different and me and the girls aren't? We're your friends too!"

Sumin takes in a sharp breath as she looks away from Sieun and back at the sink, trying to calm herself down. Now, not only she's a mess from Sieun's touch on her lips but also furious because of Sieun's words. She's devastated.

"Sieun... please let me be. It's not the same thing and I don't know how to explain it to you either." She tries to say in her calmest tone possible as she truly tries to calm down as much as possible by taking deep breaths in.

"Fine. Just so you know I'm trying my best to get close