It's been a long and tiring day for Sumin. A whole week has passed since the incident with Sieun and Sumin has still not seen her. Uncle Ben was serious when he said that they needed to take a break and fortunately for them they had their friends who also took it very seriously too as they never allowed them to be in the same place at the same time.

Sumin has been back to her cold, workaholic self as work is the only thing left in her now as she tries hard to collect herself and get over with whatever has happened with Sieun.

It was a mistake.

For Sumin, it was a mistake, one that she wasn't planning to repeat ever again. She's planning to move on, to get over Sieun so this means nothing. She will try her hardest for it to mean nothing at all. No matter how much it hurts her she knows it's for the better.

The days have been passing slowly as they've lost their color long ago. For Sumin, all days feel the exact same as she can't tell what day it is anymore. All that she knows is that she's overworking herself in order to forget, that there's a bleeding hole in her chest that makes her feel empty and she tries hard covering it up by getting drunk once she returns back home alone.

She hasn't stayed at Jayun's for too long. After a day or two, Sumin's cold and strong side has awoken, being stronger than ever, as if she's just broken up and decided to be a total bad , so no matter how her friends protested she still turned down their offers and went back to her apartment even if the memories would still haunt her and hurt her like hell. She prefers living alone rather than looking weak and miserable at her friends.

It took her a lot of strength to go through the day but at the very end, she returns back home alone, with a plastic bag filled with cans of beers again, planning to get herself drunk in order to sleep without crying ⏤though she fails every time anyway.

She takes the last step of the stairs and sighs heavily, feeling already tired just by climbing the stairs once again. She runs her hand through her ash blonde hair, messing them up a little as some loose strands fall back on her face. She lowers her head, smiling at herself and her mess bitterly before she lets out a long, heavy sigh, her heart already aching in pain as she's not even sure for how long she can go on like this. She feels too suffocated and life feels too hard. Just... what is she doing wrong?

Why does she always end up fighting? Why does she always end up trying? Why is she always in a battlefield fighting for her life? Why is she always alone, swimming in a rough sea but never being able to reach the surface.

There's water all over her, inside her lungs, choking her up as a sob espaces her lips and her bitter smile breaks.

She breaks down.

She breaks down alone and miserably.

She falls on her knees, the beers spreading around her as she hugs her legs and allows her hair to cover up her mess.

All she ever wanted was Sieun.

But she never had her. And as far as she can remember she's always fought to get over her. Always tried. Just why can't she get over her once and for all? Why is she stuck in a loop?

She rests her back on the railings of the stairs, taking a beer in her hands as she feels too suffocated and freaking needs to fill her lungs with alcohol rather than water. Her hair is still spread messily all over her face so she never notices she actually has company and is not crying alone miserably.

"Idiot. They slipped from your hands." A familiar, sweet voice is heard and for a couple of seconds Sumin is dead sure it's all in her head. It has always been in her head. Especially when Sieun left. Sumin has been getting so drunk that she would end up imagining Sieun and even hearing her. Sometimes she was even trying to picture her there on purpose exactly because she felt too lonely.

She was going crazy. She was losing her mind. She was losing her cool.

And now that she's left alone, she realizes that she's nothing. She's left with nothing. She's not the brave, cold they used to call her around high school that loved to fool around but would get so damn cold once she's angry. She's not the tough, cold workaholic Sumin either. She's just a weak girl crying again and again and failing to get drunk. She can't believe that after all this time, after working so hard on becoming emotionless she's ended up being the exact opposite, having a hard time dealing with her feelings and breaking down like a fool.

She sees familiar thin arms picking up the cans of beer around her but she ignores it all, knowing very well that it's all still a part of her imagination. She only takes another sip of her beer, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes, hoping for once that she would just fall asleep there.

She can't go any longer. If life keeps being this tough on her she's sure she can't go longer. She's realized that she's not tough. She's too weak and vulnerable so she seriously can't face all the hardships life is giving her. She wants to give up. She badly wants to. She wants to end this. She wishes she could just leave that place, go live in a whole different country, change her identity and become a nobody, somebody that no one knows and start all over again.

Her eyes land on the figure in front of her who was done picking up cans of beer, having placed them all back inside the plastic bag.

"Stop drinking in the hallway. We have a home for that." Orange hair falls on ash blonde and Sumin can only smile drunkenly at the figure in front of her, being totally sure that she's actually gone nuts and sees ghosts. That phrase sounded so like something sweet Sieun in Sumin's head would say. Not the real Sieun for sure.

"Come on." The figure repeats as she extends her hand for Sumin to take. Sumin only smiles at her bitterly as a tear rolls down her cheek, unable to hold in her pain. She knows she doesn't need to anyway since Sieun is just in her fantasy so she can be as real as she wants to in her imaginary Sieun.

The orange haired girl sighs as she takes Sumin's hand in hers even if Sumin never gives it to her as she drags her upwards with as much power as she has. She drags Sumin towards the front door of their apartment as she takes out her keys and unlocks the door. Sumin never questions anything, still believing that this is a part of her dream, having actually fallen asleep on her couch and having dragged herself inside her apartment being such a mess that she can barely remember it so her head is replaying the scene in its own way in her dreams.

Sumin walks up to the couch and plops herself down, turning on the TV and staring at it numbly as she sips from her beer, the figure having disappeared by the fuss of the TV and the light coming from it ⏤which is the only source of light in the room right now.

The figure walks up to her and turns off the TV before she takes the can of beer from Sumin's hands.

"Stop drinking away your pain and just talk about it. It doesn't have to be me."

Sumin ignores her, staring at the turned off TV numbly. Until Sieun sits down next to her, holding her hand.

"Just how drunk are you?" She asks her.

"Only had this can." Sumin responds shortly, knowing well enough that she's talking to herself again.

"So you're not drunk."

"I guess so. But I still see you. Guess I've gone nuts now." Sumin mumbles to herself as she chuckles bitterly.

"You see me because I'm here, Sumin. I took one week break, not forever. Now I'm back." Sieun explains and Sumin turns to look at her confused, frowning immediately before her hands come to touch Sieun by her jaw. She flinches immediately upon holding warm skin.

"No you can't be real." She shakes her head to herself as she takes her hands away from Sieun's face immediately.

"I am." Sieun replies with a sigh.

"I just never thought I would return to find you in such a mess." Sieun says and sounds sad.

"Have been like this for too long. Used to it by now." Sumin mumbles as she tries to take the can of beer from Sieun's hands again only for Sieun to take it away.

"You have to stop drinking or else you'll cause trouble in yourself."

"Do I look like I care?" Sumin replies sharply.

"You should care. If you hurt yourself you will end up dying." Sieun replies sternly.

"Well that's what I've been aiming for!" Sumin yells back as she tries to take the can back but pauses once Sieun drags her hand further away out of Sumin's reach.

She's never fought with her imaginary Sieun.

Sumin's face falls as she realizes these all are a little too real. Too real to be just another dream or another fantasy of hers in order to feel less lonely. Usually in her fantasy Sieun seemed like an angel, too nice and too good, never saying no to Sumin or arguing with her and somehow always seeming so comforting. She's always saved Sumin from her misery. She felt like an untouchable goddess, so perfect, always there, but never close enough for Sumin to have...

This Sieun however looks way too close to the real Sieun.

"." Sumin curses as she moves back, literally almost flying from the couch as she lands on her on the floor. She yelps in pain but doesn't care about that now as she only keeps shaking her head, trying to deny what has just happened. She wipes her dry tears away immediately, feeling totally exposed having been seen like this in front of Sieun. Just how much have Sieun seen and heard? Sumin feels like she's all over again ⏤well that doesn't count for her since she's never embarrassed when she's so scratch that.

Sieun extends her hand for Sumin to take and stand up from the floor but Sumin refuses to take it. Instead, she stands up by herself and looks around for her phone before she plans to get out of there.

"Why are you back here? Don't you hate me? I thought you would never want to see me again!" Sumin blurts out, the panic visible in her tone. She quickly takes her phone from the floor once she locates it and places it back in her jeans' pocket.

"I just needed time for myself. Haven't Jayun told you so?"

"Well no because I didn't ask about you." Sumin replies, her cold self that always has a harsh reply ready inside her sleeve taking the lead in order for her to cover up her mess. But that's all a lie because Sumin of course knew about Sieun's break. She just didn't know how long it would last or what Sieun was planning to do after it. Or during it. She's figured though about the last part that during the break she of course didn't want to see Sumin again and the same went for Sumin so she actually felt glad about it.

"I asked about you." Sieun replies as fast and as ready as Sumin.

"Oh really? Your problem then."

"It's not my problem for caring about you." Sumin scoffs.

"And? What did our friends tell you about me? That I'm doing ing awesome? Or that I'm just like ? if not worse."

"They just kept me updated on how you were doing. Jayun said you haven't been yourself ever since I've left. And I'm not just talking about now, Sumin. But back then as well. You've said so yourself, but I wanted to know more. I wanted to know if when I was away from here, alone and in pain if you were in the same pain too. Because you were the one who kissed me that night, just like how you were the one who-"

"Stop! ing stop! Stop talking!" Sumin yells as she closes her ears and shuts her eyes. Sieun stands up as she tries to reach Sumin who takes a step back.

"Why should I stop talking? Does the truth hurt? You did it perfectly though so how can you not be able to hear it? You had with me, Sumin. How can you not be able to hear what you did?" Sumin bites her lips as she shuts her ears even more.

"It was a mistake!" She blurts out as she takes her hands away from her ears and faces Sieun.

"What?" Sieun stares at her shocked, eyes wide and lips parted, terror and hurt written all over her face.

"You heard me perfectly just like how I did. Can we pretend like it never happened?"

"No. No, I'm done doing that. We're not back in high school Sumin. And I'm not just leaving tomorrow morning so that I can do as you say because it doesn't matter if we dwell on it anyway. I'm staying, Sumin. I'm living in the same apartment as you, I can't just pretend like it hasn't happened! I did it back then because I had no other choice!"

"I don't want to talk about it though!"

"Well, I'm sorry to break it to you but I want to."

"You won't get anything from this conversation. It was a mistake, one that shouldn't be done ever again so we really should forget about it except if you don't want us to be best friends anymore which I would totally understand."

"Stop saying it was a mistake!" Sieun yells, fists clenches to her sides as she's angry about it. It hurts her.

"It was!"

"It wasn't for me!" Sieun lets out, frustratedly.

"It wasn't for me!" She repeats. Silence for a few seconds as Sumin stares at her shocked, frozen on her spot, not being able to believe her ears.

"I'm not doing friends with benefits." She replies sternly.

"Cut the bull Sumin. I never said such a thing or asked such a thing!"

"Then what do you want from me!? What!? ing what!?" Sumin askes angrily.

"I want you to love me back!" Sieun replies with the same angry tone.

"I want you to love me back. Am I asking too much? Why do you always make it so ing complicated? Ever since high school I've always felt confused around you, around your actions. You would always be hot and cold with me, push and pull and I'm ing tired of playing that game and trying to read through the blurred lines. Just be clear with me you coward! I'm tired of this! I'm being clear myself. I love you. Alright? I always did, ever since high school. I'm so ing in love with you that it hurts! There! I said it! So it wasn't just for me and it wasn't a mistake! It was love, Sumin. It was ing love... but you're breaking ym heart by saying it was a mistake..." Sieun screams and shouts as she's tired hiding her feelings anymore as she breaks down at the end, tears rolling down her cheeks. Meanwhile Sumin stares at her shocked, highly believing that this is all a dream still.

"Do whatever you want. Just stop hurting me." Sieun says at the end after a long pause of silence as Sumin could never come back with the right reply, having lost the ability to think and talk properly out of how shocked she is.

Sieun turns around, dragging her suitcase that Sumin hasn't even noticed that she's taken with her and enters her bedroom, leaving Sumin alone behind.

Sieun loves her...

*

Time flies fast at times. Sumin isn't entirely sure how long it has been since her last argument with Sieun. It surely has been around a week —or two— because she remembers she's been busy with work. She tried getting herself busy with work for various reasons. Surely enough not to allow herself to think and dwell too much on what Sieun has told her that night she broke down into tears, but on the other hand, it's the only thing she's been thinking the whole week.

Then again, she's also busy thinking Sieun's actions towards her. Normally, and expectably, Sieun should have been angry at Sumin, should have avoided her and talk to her harshly for hurting her this much.

But surprisingly she hasn't done any of those. Ever since she confessed, the two haven't talked about that matter again. In the end, Sieun never got the answers she was going for and so wanted ever since the night she and Sumin made love. Maybe because the brief —short but clear— answer that it has been a mistake was more than enough for Sieun and her broken heart. Or maybe Sieun didn't want to dwell on it more because she's already confessed so she was waiting for Sumin to be clear as well on her own end.

Ever since Sieun's confession though the girl has been feeling too light, as if something very heavy she's been hiding and bearing for so long has been finally lifted off of her shoulders. She's been back to normal, if anything, which was very odd to Sumin at first. She's been casually talking to Sumin, bickering with her and never seemed bothered by the girl's presence. She doesn't seem down or sad or angry or hurt. None of these days.

At first Sumin has been hesitant about it, thinking that something was off, that Sieun was joking with her and that she would burst anytime soon yell at her for being so stupid and for hurting her and her feelings but the more time that passes the more Sieun looks totally fine with their friendly situation. It makes Sumin wonder if she even likes her or said it just because. If she even knows what loving and liking somebody even means.

So when Sieun would at times Sumin would quip back a phrase along the lines of,

"Is this how you treat the one you like?"

And then Sieun would smirk playfully and reply back,

"Yes. If it's you, the one I like, then yes."

And they would get back to bickering lightly with Sumin smiling shyly to herself feeling all giddy inside like a schoolgirl in love. Then she would get reminded of the situation she is in and she would scold herself for being so careless.

That light teasing and those phrases were the only thing they've ever mentioned about Sieun's liking for Sumin.

"Why haven't you replied to Sieun's confession yet?" Chaeyoung asks Sumin one sunny morning as she rests her hands on the counter, her fingers twirling some long loose strands of her red hair.

Sumin flinches at the unexpected question as she turns her back to Chaeyoung, pretending to be busy by cleaning up the coffee machines and settling down some cutlery for later.

Truth to be told, she's not sure of how to reply to this question because it's the same question she asks herself every day. She hasn't found answers for herself yet so she's not sure what to reply to Chaeyoung either. Then again, the more time that passes by the more awkward Sumin feels to talk about this with Sieun. Like, how could she do it? Hey Sieun, remember the argument we had two weeks ago? Well the thing is I like you back?

It's awkward!

So Sumin has kept her silence and has tried averting that topic as much as possible with only that light teasing being the only thing related to it.

She shrugs her shoulders as a reply.

Meanwhile Yeeun's loud sipping from her straw as she tries to finish her smoothie fills in the awkward thick atmosphere. Chaeyoung gives her girlfriend a look and the girl smiles sheepishly at her, her bright teeth on full display as she didn't mean to interrupt their discussion. Chaeyoung smiles softly as she caresses the girl's top of her head before she turns her attention back to Sumin.

"I've been mostly by Sieun's side so I know her side way better than yours. But if I've ever been on anyone's side —even though I don't pick sides for sure— I would say that was yours. I always felt closer to you even back in high school and always wanted to comfort you about your Sieun related issues. You've never opened up to me, but it could sense there was something still. Whatever it is now... I believe you should talk to her. She's already confessed, what are you waiting for?"

Sumin bites her lips, shaking her head, as she sighs heavily and ruffles her hair, not sure with whom she's mostly frustrated with. Most probably herself for not being able to settle things right and for once chase what she wants. She always wanted Sieun so now that the girl confessed what's keeping her back?

"I guess I don't believe her." Sumin ends up saying which has Yeeun gasping and Chaeyoung frowning deep in her thoughts. For Chaeyoung it's pretty obvious that Sieun loves Sumin, so she tries her hardest to see this through Sumin's point of view, through somebody's view that has been hurt for so long, that has always been confused and thought that Sieun was straight and didn't like her back, that tried hard moving on but never did.

"Is it really because it's hard to believe or because you're afraid she will hurt you?" Chaeyoung asks.

Sumin looks a little around them, making sure that no one wants her help or needs anything before she turns to look at Chaeyoung. Today Jayun and Seeun are busy at college so it's just her, her uncle and Beomgyu. Still, to Sumin it doesn't make any difference when they're not around because ever since Sieun came back Chaeyoung and Yeeun had made sure to visit the cafeteria very often so when Jayun and Seeun weren't around Sumin already knew that the rest of her friends would. Just like how it happens today as well.

"I guess a mix of both. But mostly the first part. I've never really received her love and care in that way so it truly is hard to believe."

"So are you suggesting she should do something more to show you that she loves you? Like to be more romantic? Intimate? Flirty? Would that clear things up for you? Because Sieun has never been like that towards you so it kinda is like you're asking her to change for you which isn't exactly nice just so you know."

Sumin messages her forehead tiredly.

"I'm not sure. I never said I want her to change. I just... gosh I don't know! I really don't! That's why I haven't done anything. Can I take my time a little?"

"Of course you can. And I suppose Sieun already knows you want time as well, that's why she's never said anything else. I'm just trying to understand you, that's all. You used to be so brave, confident and straightforward back in high school. Where has that Sumin go? Since when have you turned into such a coward?" Sumin glares at Chaeyoung but she knows Chaeyoung is right anyway.

"I don't know. Alright? Ever since she left things changed for me. It was something I've never expected to happen and something very hard to deal with so it truly changed me, made me more mature and double think of my actions, always doubting whether what I'm doing is the right thing or not."

Chaeyoung sighs.

"It also doesn't help that you get nervous around her. I've noticed. And trust me, she had too." Chaeyoung confesses.

"WHAT!?" Sumin lets aloud slightly louder than supposed to so she immediately slaps her open mouth with her hands as if to shut up herself. Chaeyoung nods her head slowly before she explains more on the topic.

"She told me so the other day. Originally I shouldn't be telling you this but as I've said earlier I have a little more liking to you and has always supported you so... I guess it won't hurt."

"Like... what has she told you specifically?" Sumin asks, nervously.

"She believes she's pretty clear about her feelings ever since she told you so. But she tries not to be too blatant about it because whenever she does you get too nervous. Whenever she looks at you way longer you always look away, whenever she holds your hand you flinch and take it away pretending to want to scratch your scalp. You forget she's Sieun and can read you perfectly, don't you?"

"Damn it." Sumin curses under her breath realizing she's truly screwed this up.

"Yeah. You should do something about it, you know." Chaeyoung says as a last advice before she adds,

"I've always been a shipper of you two. And I've always rooted for you, unnie. Don't mess this up." She then takes Yeeun by her hand and leave the shop, after bidding Sumin goodbye, leaving her alone to work, deep in her thoughts though.

*

It's Sunday. After a long tiring week it's finally Sunday. A sunny lazy Sunday. One of those Sundays that Sumin adores so much because she wakes up a little later, gets to the kitchen with still her pajamas on, bed hair and morning breath just to make her morning caffeine boost just the way she likes it. It's one of those mornings that Sumin takes her mug of hot coffee and sits by the window sill in the living room, looking outside at the view of the city and the morning light blue sky. It's one of those mornings that the apartment is way too quiet as Sieun is also asleep.

Until she's not.

"Why are you up so early?" She asks Sumin, her morning, hoarse voice sending chills down Sumin's spine as the girl brings her legs closer to her chest out of reflex to her body's response to Sieun's morning voice.

"Have you checked the time? I believe it's not that early." Sumin replies back, barely giving Sieun a look. She only gave her a glance and regretted it immediately as Sieun has been wearing one of those very loose oversized t-shirts without anything else covering her thighs, making Sumin's heart hammer in her chest just a bit faster than usual.

Sieun walks up to Sumin and borrows her phone that has been left right in front of Sumin's feet on the window sill to check the time, making Sumin's heart beat even faster as heat and adrenaline is spread all over the girl's body just by seeing Sieun's messy orange hair and milky thighs.

A single thought crosses Sumin's mind.

She remembers when she touched those legs, when she held them firmly as she made out with Sieun that night. She can still clearly remember how soft they felt in her hands, how warm-

Stop.

Sumin gulps hard as she looks away, realizing that she's thinking of Sieun inappropriately again. Great. Just great. The least thing she needs right now is to get all nervous and around Sieun...

"You're right. I overslept. Wow. I usually don't do that."

"You're an early bird, yeah." Sumin mumbles, eyes fixated on the view outside as she tries hard to calm down her breathing.

"What are you drinking?" Sieun asks as she leans her head closer to Sumin in order to see what's inside the mug.

"Cappuccino." Sumin replies shortly, trying her hardest not to stutter. She's seriously in big trouble right now. Since when has she started being nervous around Sieun? She's pretty sure she's never been.

"Is it good?" Sumin shrugs her shoulders.

"Favorite coffee so of course it's good." She replies. Sieun hums in response before she backs away a little saying,

"I gotta make myself breakfast too. For you as well. I'm pretty sure you haven't had anything except coffee." Sumin shakes her head, confirming Sieun's speculations.

"Actually, Sumin, do you want to cook with me?" Sieun asks as she turns to look at the girl, not having moved too further away. Sumin turns her head to look at her and for a second the softness in the moment makes her give in as she gives a simple nod as a reply to Sieun's request.

"Are you too bored to cook without company or you just at it?" Sumin decides to tease Sieun a little as they enter the kitchen.

"I've made pancakes before, idiot. So I'm pretty sure I don't at it." Sumin hums in response.

"Making pancakes with you is different though so I'm not sure how they will taste this time." Sieun replies lightly but the teasing is still there even if she didn't exactly intend it.

"Are you implying I'm bad at cooking?" Sumin asks in a teasing and fake offended tone.

"Well, you haven't been cooking for four years so I'm sure you've forgotten how to do that. Skills need to be trained everyday."

"Really? Because I believe some skills are hard to forget. It's like when you ride a bicycle. You never really forget it. Or ." Sumin says and as she mentions the last part, without having really thought of it, Sieun drops the spatula to the floor out of how shocked she is. Soon Sumin realizes what she's just said and also flinches a little before she bends down to get the spatula at the same time Sieun does. Their hands touch and just like electricity Sumin immediately takes it away before she stands up and awkwardly walks up to another cupboard to take a second spatula she had.

"It's ok I have a spare one. You never know when your hands turn all jelly and such and stuff slip past them." She says in a light joking tone as in to make them both laugh but Sieun barely does as she stands up and cleans up tje precious spatula anyway.

"Are you implying that you've had before? So you haven't forgotten how it is?" Sieun asks and Sumin swore the second spatula almost fell from her hands so she quickly settles it down on the counter.

"What?" She asks as she turns to look away, trying to change the topic by saying,

"Uh, what ingredients do we need for pancakes again?"

Sieun shakes her head with a small smile before she says,

"Clumsy. We have to wear aprons first before we gath