Fortunately for her she's managed to survive at that night if you're still wondering. The dinner was fun and then they all crashed by the beach at a bench with a couple of beers, drinking and talking about their past while enjoying the still warm light breeze, summer weather and beautiful night along with the beautiful night view of the sea ahead of them. Sumin has been extra quiet and deep in her thoughts for the rest of the night and didn't even budge even if Sieun would talk or at times as she's been too affected by the earlier event. She didn't want to ruin the rest of the night as well though as it's been the very first time the group would hang out as a whole after such a long time so she didn't want to ruin anyone's night.

That doesn't mean Sumin can stay quiet or stop the grumbling for too long though. Living with Sieun is hard for her already, but it seems even harder as the girl is everywhere, not just in her apartment. She's of course attending their hangouts and she visits Sumin's cafeteria every single day for long enough to piss Sumin off. It's only been a few days, Sumin swears, but she already feels exhausted and given up.

"You're taking me to college." Sieun has announced to her this morning and Sumin already feels angry and annoyed. That's definitely not the way she wants to start her day. Today is an extremely busy day for her. She's going to make an order for a few ingredients that she needs for the cafeteria, the cafeteria will as always have a lot of customers as it's a busy Monday —everyone knows how a Monday is, how hard of a day that it is, literally a pain in the actually, how everyone needs their caffeine boost immediately on a Monday morning in order to work properly— plus Sumin's uncle and cousins are finally going to he back from their summer break trip and Sumin has to fill them in with the business's news. So she seriously doesn't have any free time to waste to take Sieun to college.

"That's not going to happen." Sumin says, her tone already annoyed as she quickly gathers her things and prepares herself to leave their apartment —correction in Sumin's head and only: her apartment and only not theirs.

"Sumin please! Don't act like a brat now! I'm running late and I don't know the specific destinations or the time each bus arrives in order to get to college on time!" Sieun argues with her as she follows yer from behind, trying to fix her own school backpack, making sure she's taken everything with her and placed them inside in the right order.

"You should have woken up earlier to look for it then! Or else just take a taxi!"

"Alright, then take me to the taxi stop!" Sumin groans as she ruffles her hair letting out a long, heavy sigh before she quickly grabs her bag from her room, Sieun following her from behind.

"I have work, Sieun. I'm running late and I really need to apply my order as early as possible or else I'm screwed!" Sieun sighs heavily and rolls her eyes, already expecting Sumin not to help her out no matter how much she begs her which is already very humiliating for her though as a grown up as she is she doesn't really mind that much to beg Sumin for something while back then, back in high school, she always wanted to have the upper hand so begging seemed very very humiliating. Very.

She immediately calls Jayun as Sumin tosses her belongings inside her bag in a hurry.

"Hi Jayunie! Good morning~ it's Sieun. Can Seeun fetch me to college before she gets to work?"

"Yeah it's my first day and I've already missed the bus and I don't want to run late."

"No, Sumin doesn't want to help me out and get me there."

Sumin groans loudly and shakes her head. She doesn't need to hear what Jayun says from the other side of the phone call, she can already understand what the girl could have said. She instead takes the phone from Sieun's hands abruptly making Sieun grumble at her saying something across the lines of,

"Hey I was talking! Give it back!"

"Yoon, get in the cafeteria immediately. Tell Seeun not to be late. Uncle Ben will be there in a few. Tell him to apply the order I've left on the counter as soon as he gets to the cafeteria. I'll be back real quick." And with that Sumin ends Sieun's call before she grabs the girl by her wrist and drags her outside of her room. Sieun looks at her annoyed at first before her expressions change to puzzled ones.

"I swear it's my first and last time I'm doing this. Don't mess up my working schedule again, am I clear?" Sumin grumbles seriously as she walks outside of the apartment, finally letting go of Sieun's wrist who follows her still.

"Fine. I didn't do it on purpose and Seeun can still fetch me if I'm troubling you this much." Sieun protest as the two walk at the garage of the building to get Sumin's car.

"No Seeun can't fetch you. Look, it's a very busy day today so no one is available. You're lucky I'm being too nice though you totally don't deserve it. You should have just organized your time better and have looked out for ways to get to your college." Sieun sighs, annoyed.

"You know what? Nevermind. I'll go on foot."

"Get inside Park Sieun!" Sumin says seriously but Sieun is already walking out of the garage. Sumin walks fastly right after her, grabs her by her wrist and leads her back to her car even if Sieun tries to protest or set her hand free by pulling it away from Sumin's grip.

"I don't want you to get me there if you're going to talk about me like that!" Sieun grumbles once Sumin opens the passenger seat's door.

"I'm sorry." Sumin mumbles in a hurry.

"No. You're not." Sumin grumbles.

"You know I'm right though!"

"I never get late and I do organize my schedules perfectly and you already know that! It doesn't have to do with organizing my time better! It has to do with solidarity, manners and helping others out. It's in human nature. But I guess you don't have any of those ever heard in your life, do you?" Sumin groans before she pushes Sieun inside the car.

"Alright then I'm sorry I'm not a decent human being." She says coldly as she glares at Sieun before she closes the door and walks back to her own seat. She sits down and puts on her seatbelt before she lets out a heavy sigh, feeling already exhausted and mentally drained.

"Alright. Where in the hell is that damn college located?" Sumin mumbles, tiredly. Sieun puts on her own seatbelt and turns to look at Sumin shocked. Not shocked about her choice of words but because of her question.

"You have to be kidding me right now. You just can't be serious." Sumin turns to look at Sieun blankly.

"Do I look like I'm joking?" She asks, not understanding what Sieun is talking about.

"Sumin you can't be serious! You don't know where High Up College is?"

"No? Why would I have to know?"

"Because all of our friends go there? Have you never been there? Where were you studying all those years then?" Sieun asks her dumbfounded.

"I didn't attend college." Sumin says simply, turning to look in front of her as she starts the engine of her car. Sieun pauses a little.

"Why? Was there a reason or...?"

"No. There wasn't. I just never applied to any college so I never got accepted by any. It's as simple and logical as that." Sumin replies casually. If you asked her a few years ago she would have been too embarrassed, almost guilty about it and would just simply lie to you, feeling too ashamed of herself and feeling like a total failure and an outcast for not attending college like every other young adult her age. But lately she has been feeling pretty confident about her choices. Though ever since Sieun stepped her feet to her apartment Sumin has been having that feeling of shame all over her again, realizing just how miserable her life is even more and how she's done nothing important all those years in her life. But then again, there's nothing to be embarrassed about. She opened her very own business, which is going pretty well all this time now. So that's the only strength leading Sumin and making her fake some more confidence in her words now in order to look less miserable in Sieun's eyes. And then again, why does it matter to look cool in Sieun's eyes? Why does she care? Yeah, she would love it to just get on Sieun's nerves and show her off and make her speechless and not about her life and life choices but she realizes this sounds a little too childish and then again she can't always do everything in her life just to show it off and brag about it too Sieun and annoy the girl. They're not in high school anymore and Sumin definitely doesn't desperately want Sieun's attention. If anything, she wants Sieun gone from her life like how she's been all those years. Just why is she back now? Sumin is annoyed to say the least because Sieun is messing up her life again!

"Oh!" Sieun exclaims surprised.

"Then... what have you been doing?" She asks Sumin, curiosity visible in her tone of voice. Yes, it's a little bit teasing too, almost judging her for not studying anything all those years but Sumin decides to ignore it for now and keep the real, honest, genuine curiosity Sieun shows rather than her teasing that's always apparent in her tone of voice anyway no matter the topic of their discussions.

"Working?" Sumin says, her tone of voice sounding like she's stating the obvious because well, she is. What does Sieun think she's been doing in the cafeteria that she calls hers all this week anyway? Playing video games? She starts the car and drives it off the garage before she says,

"Search the location on the GPS. I need the destination." Sieun hums in response and does as she's told before she asks again,

"At the cafeteria?"

"Mmm?"

"Working; at the cafeteria?" Sieun repeats herself, suspecting the answer by herself. Sumin hums slowly.

"Yeah. Have been working loyally there from the summer you left until today and I'm planning to keep working for many many more years to come." Sumin says casually and almost sounds way too hopeful for the miserable future awaiting her. There's also some bitterness hidden at the mention of Sieun leaving and Sieun knows very well what that means. She almost parts her lips about to mention something about it but Sumin beats her to it, by fully placing the conversation's focus exactly where she wants it to, at the part she's most confident about.

"Why do you think I've been calling it my cafeteria?"

"Because you've been loyally working there? You've just said so. What do you get me for? An idiot?" Sumin laughs.

"You definitely are one. Why do you think I've been saying I'll fire Seeun and Yoon? Because I'm the head barista or something? Come on Sieun. Work your brain! The cafeteria is mine!" Sieun looks at her with knitted eyebrows, surprise written all over her face but refusing to show it by showing her annoyance at Sumin's comments about her brain instead.

"How am I supposed to know what you've been doing all this time if you don't tell me yourself? I'm making my brain work extra hard to guess what you've been doing because you refuse to tell me like every decent human being out there does!" Sumin chuckles a little, glancing at the GPS to make sure she's following the right direction before she says,

"Sorry. My bad. The building belongs to my mom but she never had enough money to make her own business and after all she was already working as a nurse at the hospital to remind you. So, I wanted to make my own business as I graduated. The path of working and making my own money by myself with my very own business has been so appealing to me back then and it still is. I don't know if I'm doing a good job. But I'm trying my best and I always feel satisfied so I suppose that's all that matters. Anyways. Long story short uncle Ben along with my cousins helped me out open the cafeteria and on my very first steps. They still help me out because sometimes it's too busy and because Seeun and Jayun have college to attend too so they can't work at my cafeteria forever. Overall uncle Ben is helping me out in everything I could ask for. He's even letting me stay at one of the apartments he has for rent with half of the price! He's cool."

"The apartment we're living in now?" Sieun asks, curiously but also surprised. Sumin hums in response before she nods her head.

"Yep! Isn't it awesome? Without him I would be searching for a long time and I would be stuck with mom for too long and trust me back then it was the least thing I wanted. It still is." Sumin replies, trying her hardest to ignore how Sieun used "we" instead of "you" are living earlier.

"How is she by the way?"

"I suppose she's fine."

"You're not visiting her!?" Sieun asks shocked before she sighs heavily and facepalms herself, amused but not too surprised after all. Very expectable coming from Sumin now that she thinks about it. When she got giggling from Sumin's side as a reply she only scoffs more and hits Sumin on her shoulder lightly.

"Sumin! She's your mom! Don't tell me you haven't paid her a visit at all in all those years!"

"Maybe I had. I don't remember. It doesn't matter. I know she's fine. She's busy focusing on her own career and I'm busy focusing on my own. It's fine. We see each other every once in a while during holidays." Sieun sighs.

"This isn't how it should be, you know." Sieun says, but before she tries to protest any further Sumin beats her to it again.

"You still love my mom, don't you?"

"Of course! I missed her actually. We should pay her a visit."

Sumin tries her hardest not to smile or get fluttered at the mention of how Sieun missed her mother. Sumin can't help but wonder, has Sieun even missed to the slightest Sumin at all? She tries her hardest not to flutter herself with these thoughts along with the mention of "we" that Sieun just used.

"We? Why should we visit her together? If you missed her, go visit her. She still lives in the same house. Except if you don't remember where my home used to be." Sieun scoffs.

"Jeez! Of course I remember! I left for four years that doesn't mean I forgot everything back here. Plus I'm taking you with me. Your mom must have missed you to pieces."

"No thanks, I'm not coming."

"You will."

"Nope. Not a chance." Sumin argues, and tries her hardest not to smirk at herself upon the fact that they still bicker so casually even after more intense arguments between them just like the one they had seconds ago. She can't help but realize the longing feeling in her heart still evident and apparent there making her feel depressed and defeated. Just why is she still feeling this way? So what if she still bickers with Sieun? It feels familiar, like back in the days in high school but she shouldn't be fooled. Things are so different now and she's made up her mind, she's sure, she doesn't want to fall in love with Sieun again.

"So you want to convince me that you haven't visited our friends at college ever in all those four years?" Sieun asls curiously after having given up on bickering with Sumin about this topic. In her head, she will definitely take Sumin with her once she has free time and visits the other girl's mom.

"I'm not sure. Maybe a few times? Not that many to remember where that place is located though." Sumin says, shrugging her shoulders. She's pretty sure she hasn't. She has a good memory. She and Sieun have the best memory in their group of friends. She knows they're both aware of it and she knows Sieun most probably won't buy her excuse but she can't just blatantly admit to her that she's been a workaholic miserable person from the very first moment she opened her own cafeteria until today, working being the only thing occupying her empty miserable life and nothing else, rejecting every possibility to be happy or any hangout from her friends. Until Sieun showed up at least to mess up her life and brighten it up somehow.

"Sure thing Sumin ah." Sieun says and chuckles to herself.

"Why are you laughing?" Sumin asks though she knows she shouldn't.

"Just admit that you haven't stepped your foot ever there!"

"Fine. Maybe I haven't. Does it matter?"

"How come though!? Our friends have been attending that college for four years! You haven't been there, not even once!?"

"I don't see why I should have. Just to remind you I'm having a business of my own, I'm not a college student so I don't see the reason I should have been there, even for once." Sumin replies, her tone sounding cold now as she's starting to get annoyed again at Sieun's tone and sarcasm.

"Jayun was right when she said you've ditched them."

"Ah so Jayun has told you that! I wonder what else she's told you about me."

"A lot of things. But I'm not going to tell you or else you'll fire her." Sumin groans a little.

"This is unfair, wow ok! It's nice having friends who betray me and give every piece of information about me away to anybody." Sumin exclaims.

"I'm not just anybody. I'm their friend and yours too. And for your record, you could have asked her about me too, just to make it fair."

"I didn't though." Sumin says and the short silence that follows makes her swallow hard into nothing, wondering why she's feeling this sentimental all of a sudden. Whenever she talks with Sieun about their past she can't help but get that uneasy feeling within her, rising from her stomach up to her lungs, choking her and suffocating her.

"Why?" Sieun asks softly, her voice sounding small and soft, not annoyed or teasing for once. Sumin sighs heavily, not entirely sure how to reply to that as she bites her lips.

Because I didn't want to know anything about you.

It's the real answer but Sumin can't tell Sieun that or else Sieun will start asking her more about it and Sumin really can't get further into this specific topic. That, if Sieun would ask her any further because something tells Sumin that she wouldn't. She would get too awkward and the atmosphere would get thick and uncomfortable just like how it used to back in high school when Sumin has started acting weird...

"We're here." Sumin says instead —after a long pause of silence— as soon as the big complex of buildings forming the campus is revealed in her sight of vision. She parks the car in the parking lot of the campus and Sieun quickly gets her backpack, unbuckling her seatbelt before she opens the door in a hurry. Sumin already feels awkward and almost guilty for not replying to Sieun as the girl's abrupt and distant behavior now makes it visible that Sumin's silence has bothered her. It all feels too familiar, almost reminding Sumin of dark moments of their past that she would rather forget.

That memory is so clear in her head and she almost feels the tears stinging her eyes again.

That memory is so clear that she starts seeing it before her eyes once again, as if she's reliving it now again. Sieun's younger figure replaces Sieun's now figure instead, the orange hair turning into brown as the girl's casual clothes for college change into bright, colorful dosco themed ones.

Sumin bites her lips as the memory displays in her head all too clearly, too late for her to stop herself from thinking about it again, from reliving it. She takes the journey to their past life once again.

Their surroundings are different now. Suddenly it's not just the two of them in the car and definitely not the versions of them right now. Instead, Sumin's memories take her back to one moment she would rather forget about the most.

She's at the auditorium, or at least somewhat close to that. She's hidden at a stall at the restrooms nearby, having left the auditorium not even before entering it.

Sumin can clearly remember that night. That cold night a week before Christmas right on their last year of high school. Sieun, as the president of their school, has arranged a Christmas themed party at the auditorium of the school. She's arranged a few plans about that party along with the stupid rule of everyone having to have pairs. Which of course was a stupid rule because it indeed got her into trouble. Everyone was asking her to be their parter and she literally got too tired rejecting random guys that would show up at her class.

Sumin on the other hand didn't have to worry about that. She wasn't even sure if she would actually fully attend that party. As a part of the photography club she would only attend the party in order to film the whole thing and take a few nice photos for the school's newspaper and that was all. So she never bothered finding a partner and the few guys that asked her out got rejected immediately without a second thought.

Sumin wasn't surprised when she got to know somewhere along the last week before the Christmas break that Jayun and Seeun would show up at the party together as partners as the two have always been inseparable. She found it pretty adorable that Chaeyoung would accompany Yeeun too and not leave her alone at any weird classmate's of hers side.

So when Sieun has showed up to her that Friday morning —Friday night was the party— looking so desperate and trying her hardest to convince Sumin to be her partner because she didn't want to be paired up with anyone of all those weird flirt classmates of theirs Sumin had freaked out her whole life. Well, she freaked out for the first couple of seconds before reality check caught in reminding her omce again that Sumin was Sieun's last chance and that's why the girl came to her on the very last minute.

That thought alone had made Sumin annoyed and kept rejecting the girl's offer no matter how Sieun kept chasing her around and looking so desperate, basically humiliating herself and meanwhile flattering Sumin's ego.

She ended up agreeing at the end, not being able to handle Sieun's neverending nugging but she's pretty sure she regretted it now.

She knows she has. She's locked in a stall of the school's restrooms, wearing a Rudolph the reindeer thick inflatable costume and having the most humiliating makeup on her face. That's one of Sieun's plans. She should have rejected the girl's offer and stayed behind the scenes filming in peace but no, here she is, having to be the Santa's —Sieun's— most loyal reindeer while she announces the winners of the lucky draws and competitions and gives them their gifts. Sumin is supposed to be the cool, bratty of their school yet here she is, having to go through such humiliating thing because of Sieun's stupid plans and literally being the center of tonight's show instead of staying behind the scenes as she was planning to.

It's not even the whole humiliating thing.

As Sieun's partner she has to follow her everywhere and do every activity the party includes together, which means the games, eating, drinking and then... dancing. Sumin hates the mere thought of having to hold Sieun by her waist, close to her, facing her but knowing deep down very well how Sieun can't be hers. Why does she have to torture herself this badly then?

No. That's definitely the worst part and the part she's dreading the most.

So it's totally understandable for her to have freaked out her mind right now and having one of the worst panic attacks in her whole lifetime right now, locked up in a small stall and having a hard time to breathe, already sweating mostly because of the costume rather than her anxiety.

"Where is she!? She should have been here by now!" Sieun's voice is heard, sounding annoyed and uneasy. She's the school's president so it's even more humiliating for her not to have a partner but Sumin really can't get herself out there and pretend to be fine. She's too weak to try. She prefers choosing the coward way even if that means Sieun being mad at her for the rest of the year if not for the rest of their lifetimes.

"Relax unnie. She texted Seeun unnie that something came up and she will be a little late." Jayun's voice is heard as the two fully enter the restrooms for what Sumin guesses to retouch their makeup and calm down the angry and anxious Sieun.

Lies.

Sumin is already at the school building so these all are lies. Yet she can't bear to tell anybody the truth or else they're all going to kill her.

She should have just texted she couldn't come at all but she couldn't bear doing that just yet. She's trying to buy herself some time just in case she manages to get through her panic attack but it doesn't seem to work anytime soon. And especially with Sieun standing just a few feet away from Sumin, the stall's door being the only thing separating them now. It only makes Sumin panic even more, the mere thought of Sieun in that hot Ms. Santa outfit —because of course she wouldn't humiliate herself, not at all, only Sumin— and being angry out of her mind is enough to make Sumin choke up on thin air.

"I hate her. Why is she doing this to me!? She promised she will be on time! Sumin is never late Jayun! She's lying. She's not coming. She's for sure not coming and she's too coward to admit it. She ditched me. She- she!" Sieun's frustrated tone is heard once again and Sumin can only bite her lips hard, trying her hardest to even hold her breath at this point. If Sieun finds out she's hiding there she's dead for sure. She's shaking and sweating too much, her stomach aching in pain and heart racing faster than the speed Ferrari cars ever get.

"Ssshhh. Unnie please calm down. I'll call her, alright?" Sumin's eyes widened, hating her whole being and cursing at Jayun over and over again in her head for her stupid idea. She tries to quickly fish for her phone to put it on silent only for it to start ringing seconds later before she would be able to silence it. She curses under her breath, her fingers almost crashing her very own phone by how frustrated and anxious she's feeling.

"Alright. If she dares to pick it up just give me your phone ok?" Sieun has said before Sumin's phone started ringing. The moment it did the two girls fell in total silence before footsteps were heard and soon Sieun's loud voice as she swung the stall's door open.

"Ya Bae Sumin!" She literally screamed angrily at the top of her lungs and Sumin only shut her eyes tightly, feeling cold sweat rushing down her forehead, her hands clenching into tight fists, still holding her phone but never picking it up. Jayun ended the call anyway, sighing heavily and looking at Sumin disappointed but Sumin can't see that. Not when her heart is beating rapidly in her chest. She rests her back on the wall, trying her hardest to calm herself down, to take a breath as Sieun's neverending yelling fades away in her ears.

She doesn't say anything, never opens her eyes to face Sieun, never dares to do so. She only knows one thing. She feels like fainting but not even that comes to her rescue.

"Ya are you even listening to me you idiot!? I've been looking for you everywhere! Do you know how much of a fool I've been looking all this time!?" Sieun yells at her before she takes the girl by her wrist dragging her out of the stall. As soon as she holds the girl's wrist though she finally sees what's odd with Sumin. The girl's hand is shaking as the skin is too cold and sweaty. Even if Sieun is angry, her expressions soften as she observes Sumin's facial expressions and quickly drags the girl even further from the stall and closer to the sink of the restrooms.

"Jayun, I think she's having a panic attack." Sieun mumbles before she tries to snap her fingers in front of Sumin's face in order to get some reaction from the girl.

"Sumin. Hey! Sumin. Look at me. Sumin!" She tries calling the girl before she fully steps closer to Sumin, her hands both holding the girl's jaw as she observes the girl's face, hoping for some reaction soon.

"Sumin! Please answer me, I'm starting to get worried!" Sieun lets out again. Sumin parts her lips, her voice coming out raspy, barely audible.

"I can't breathe... Sieun... space..."

"Oh." Sieun lets out dumbfounded before she quickly moves back to give the girl some space. Sumin slowly opens her eyes, allowing humiliation along with the blinding lights to welcome her. At this point she doesn't care about the humiliation she's going to receive once she's seen wearing that stupid costume by everyone around their school. It's even more humiliating being caught hiding and having a panic attack by Sieun herself than anything else in this world.

She moves to the sink, defeated, as she splashes some water on her face in order to calm down. Jayun holds her hair, looking at her with a sympathetic look on her face.

Sumin takes in a deep breath once she feels slightly better, though the defeat is the most evident feeling right now.

"Why?" Sieun has asked her once the girl has calmed down, just like how she's done now too.

(Why did you have a panic attack?

Why were you hiding?

Why was I the only one looking out for you the whole night and whole day trying to convince you to be my partner but you never did the same for me?)

So many questions Sieun wants to ask but no one is voiced aloud clearly other than that simple Why that can be translated into any kind of question at this point.

"Let's get over with this." Sumin has replied instead, avoiding to reply to the girl's question just like how she's done now.

Sumin doesn't want to go down the drain of the rest of the night and the events that happened then. Needless to say that Sieun was still angry at her and literally dragged her everywhere on purpose just to humiliate her though Sumin couldn't care less. And when the final step of the night, the dance, came, Sumin made sure to convince Sieun to allow her to change into a much more comfortable and presentable outfit. Though it didn't matter that much because Sumin never got to dance until the end with Sieun.

Sieun has announced that the time for dancing was up and everyone needed to find their partner. She quickly dragged Sumin who was busy standing at the side by the bar, busy eating, towards the center of the auditorium, cause as the president of the school she had to start the dance first and everyone would soon follow. She had all eyes on her, so she needed to look beautiful, flawless and perfect during the last part of that party. She definitely groaned and rolled her eyes at Sumin's messy self, who was totally unaware of the other girl's purposes and dreams for that night, busy eating like there was no tomorrow, totally having fully entered her introvert, not talkative side.

Without Sumin realizing it, she finds herself in the middle of the auditorium, with Sieun right in front of her, having placed Sumin's hands on her waist while Sieun's hands are on Sumin's neck. Sumin gulps hard into nothing, becoming dry and hot as realization hits her and she immediately feels her nerves popping up, another panic attack threatening to hit her anytime soon. Great. Freaking great, she thinks. The time she has been dreading the most is here.

The song start slowly, the tone low and it takes a few seconds for Sumin to recognize it, being too nervous to even be able to focus on her hearing properly as everything seems to come at full force, suddenly the noise from their surroundings sounding way too loud for her ears to handle. Ev