L.A

Seungri POV

After awhile, slowly but sure my heart began to receive Jiyong as my good friend. He maybe right at some point I guess. He's not a bad guy as I thoughts before. I start going to school with Jiyong after my parent allow me to. 
Since then my days are filled with lousy jokes and laughter that Jiyong bring it all to me. 
 

Until one day mom says that we have to move again to another country again. I can’t help but being worry about our new friendship. My mom said that after the graduation we shall move again. I’m sad because at the time when I felt my relationship begin comfortable with Jiyong and I need to loose our friendship.

Why we must to move when my friendships begin stronger? Why have to be now? 
My heart became such a mess when I see Jiyong everyday at school.

How do I explain it to Jiyong without hurt him? 
 
 

"Seungri, what’s wrong with you today? It seems you have a lot of thought" Jiyong pat my shoulder while we are walking to the school.

 
"Nothing. Yeah, nothing matter. Do you have any homework unfinished?" I start changing the subject, as I am afraid being caught by him. 
 
 

I think over and over again as I thought Jiyong will sooner or later know my recent issue as well.

My dilemma as I afraid to tell him the truth but I have to before it’s too late. I’m confused to decide which one is the best timing to tell him. Then I always ask my self over and over again.

Do I have to say it now or later? But what is his reaction after telling him the truth?

What will he say if I'm going to move far away from him? 
 

The school bell rang as the end of the school. I quickly walk out to the park as we always met there if I can’t find him around the school. The view now it’s just like I’m return to the past when the day Jiyong took my book.

There he is, he sat in the park whiles reading new book that I recommend.

I became very concerned with the current situation as the graduation date almost comes, unless I’m not counting it every day. I need to tell him before someone tells him the truth about my moving issue.

Lots of cold sweat, fear, and intricate thoughts haunt me for no particularly reason to be fear of but yet I’m scared. He smiles at me as he can see now.
 
"Seungriya... Come, sit here beside me. Hey, wait a minute... Why you so pensive there? Come on, here..." Jiyong wave at me as he pat the bench of the park.

 
"Oh, okay" I realize that I lost in my thoughts as I quickly start to accelerate my pace towards Jiyong. I need to forget my anxious at the moment before Jiyong notice it. 
 
Then I sit next to him and I try to smile normally. Although I began to consider him as my good friend but I’m still not feeling the same as Jiyong really think of me as his true friend. I think maybe I'm being cruel to him but at least I was not hypocritical and pretend to be his friend anymore. Since the day he took my book, Jiyong also avid reading lots of book, maybe because contracted from me. I’m happy he enjoy reading the book that I recomended.
 
"Seungriya... Why these days you didn’t fall asleep on my shoulder? Is just not like you. Is there something bothering you recently?" He closes the book and began to look at me so seriously.

 
I pause at the moment as I want to say something that I’m so curious about myself.

"Hyung... What do you think about me? I mean what person I am do you feel?" I don’t dare to look at him as I look down to convert my nervous system.

 
"Mmm... Why? But good question though. You... Good boy, sometimes a little bit quiet, diligent person, sometimes l feel you are so mysterious. My loyal friend, plus mama's boy" Jiyong is counting one by one by his finger as he chuckles and laugh on the mama’s boy nickname that he drop long ago on me.

 
"Yeah...  Then with or without me, there would be no difference right?" I say it softly as I lost in my thoughts again because I’m so nervous to point the issue so close. 
 

"Hey. What do you mean? What do you said? Say it again?" He starts to wiggle my shoulders as he really notices something wrong about me.

 
"Ah, no. What? What did I said? I’m not saying anything" I reply him haltingly as my heart could blow because I’m too scared of his reaction.

 
"I heard your voice and words very clearly. You said it just now. Probably you would go somewhere else and you want to tell me now that I’m alright with or without you, right?" Jiyong is leaning back into his position at the bench as he sighs hard on his words.

 
"Oh you mean I said with or without me; there will not be any difference. It's just words, hyung. I quote the words from a novel so please don’t be so seriously on my words. The point is I'm here" I quickly think of logical reason that makes no sense for him but I try my best not to look awkward.

 
"Seungriya, if you really not here...” He pause again as he get up from the bench.

“I don’t want to think about that. Even in my wildest dreams I don’t want to" Jiyong back is facing me as he wants to walk away from me all of sudden.

  
I can’t keep this secret anymore as the due date is near, without realizing I’m holding his hand as I’m afraid of my sin and keep my white lie forever.

"Hyung stop... I need to tell something!" Jiyong stop as I grab his hand closely so he can sit and hear my confession.

 
"Seungriya, I don’t want to hear anything now so let me go" Jiyong doesn’t want to look back at me and he doesn’t struggling his hand off from me. He just stood and too calm I guess.

 
"I’m moving to another country because my dad job. We will move after the graduation held" I speak smoothly as I could remember all the line that I should tell him before. The words fall out quickly from my mouth as my voice shuttering. 
 

Any of us speaks nothing as the cold wind hit our body. I’m still holding his hand and wish he could say something to me. He doesn’t even turn around as we keep silence. Now I’m feeling afraid more than before I spoke.

The sun is going down slowly when I can see his only his back. I see painful view as Jiyong body sight dim with the sun and I feel sadder for the first time.

 
"I know. You definitely have no other choice to choose" Jiyong’s voice sounds raspy and shaken as he answers me softly.

Is he crying? He sound likes crying. I can’t say anything to him because he said the truth. The true fact is I can’t change. Then I feel weak as my hand let his hand go. Our hands apart slowly as Jiyong walks away, he is leaving me alone in the park. My heart feels aches as I can see he is leaving me on the park. Then I ask myself something that I never thought before...

Why I feel so pain on his words just now? Or whether this separation is so painful for him?

 
I si