Room 309

Seungri POV

The world seems too dark for me and the emptyyness creep my soul, uninvited sadness make me loose the strenght to live and there’s no reason for me to live my life. I feel dispirited on the each day I live. 

Week passed so slowly since my parent funeral and I lock myself from the world since that day.

I have no choice, I still have to live without them and I hate myself for not dying to replace them.

The thoughts of sucide always come to my mind as I want to kill myself so badly.

I think I will never ever again live normally like the past, not after all the tragedy that happened recently.

The silly thoughts that I ask myself  sometime is, If I die now will Jiyong follow me?

I don’t even go to college since the incident and I don’t have any plan for myself. I’m alone and lonely. 
 
One day someone knocked on my door, I don’t want to open the door because I don’t really care about the guest but the knocking sound became louder and make me get up from my bed.
I walked slowly and opened the door, there’s only one-person came to my mind as I think.... Mr. Dong Yong Bae

 
"Hi! How your condition today? Do you feel better than yesterday?“ He talks to me warmly as he walked into the living room. 
 

My house is usually clean and tidy but now has become poorly maintained just because I don’t care. 
I can’t stop him to come, as I don’t have the right to stop him to come into my house because he is my parent’s lawyer. I hate to ask him but I have to… 
 

"What do you want again mister? How many times have I told you not to come to my house? I don’t care about the papers and I'm not either ready to read or listening your words, sir. Please I beg you… Leave me alone" I raise my voice as I start to squeeze my fist.

 
"Seungri, neither you ready or not I’m doing my job. I just need you to trust me. The future ahead of yours need to be knowledge by you after your parent pass away at least you know what to do next... " Mr. Dong Yong Bae explained the reasons which I thoughts predictable from the first day I saw him.

 
"Stop it! I don’t want to hear, please stop. I need more time to think and clear my head. I don’t want to know if my parents preparing something for me, not from you! If I hear it now, it means that I accept the dead of my parent" I cover my face with my hands as my shaken voice sounds cracking around the living room.

 
"It’s hard for you to accept the whole thing but you need to be brave and get through the obstacle one by one. You must to let them go, pray for them so they will in the sight of God care. Live your life likes the greatest love that they gave you in the past so they can rest in peace in the heaven" The wise lawyer speaks calmly like always and he seems never gave up on me. 
 
I lost my count on how many times Mr. Dong Yong Bae came to see me at home. 
Every time he came I always reject his good intention and I will ignore him in the end.  

I gave him various reason every time he came just because I don’t want him to bother my life but maybe I only create my own excuses to run from the reality. Deep down in my heart, I’m afraid to listen my parent wills.  
 
"Maybe you need some vacation? Perhaps some place far from here just to change your mood and clear your mind?“ Suddenly for the first time, the lawyer advice makes me crawl out from the sadness. The fresh idea that never crossed my mind since my parent pass away.

"What do you mean sir? Vacation? Can I replace my school? I mean can I moved away from here?" I become excited as I sat down to pay more attention to the lawyer.

 
"Perhaps this place makes you remember the unpleasant memories so you can leave this place for a while. Even though I know you're not ready to listen to your parent wills, at least you can live your life normally like the other young men. I’m just giving you some advice but you need to keep in touch with me. I hope after you returning from vacation or what ever decision you make, you will be ready to accept the wills" Mr. Dong Yong Bae looks at me with his sincerely eyes as the conversation become seriously.

"So I can do everything I want to do? Vacation or even resettle my school? And after I'm ready to accept everything that my parent wills I can call you? Do you mean it sir?" I ask so many question just because I don’t really believe him and my tone become seriously.

 
"We called it win-win solution. I just want the best for both of us as client and worker. Our problem seems complicated from the start and I can’t complete my job in a short time. You are one of many client of mine that very difficult to discuss so I think I can handle it…" Mr. Dong Yong Bae smiles to me and slowly I feel I can trust him.

 
"Well, I'll think about that and thanks for the advice. I like your solutions. I will give you the news as soon as possible and don’t come here before I call" I shook his hand as a sign of my approval on his idea.

 
I walk the lawyer to the front door and Mr. Dong Yong Bae reminds me to call him several time. 
For moments my mind drift slowly from the sadness that overshadows my life lately...

Ther