Author’s Note: This story is set in an alternate universe, in an imaginary town and country, and during an ambiguous time period.

“Good morning.”

Jaejoong almost jumped when he heard his father’s voice. 

He expected him to already be at work. He thought he was home alone.

"Good morning.”
“Getting ready to head to work?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I am on schedule.”

His dad looked him over in silence, and it put Jaejoong on edge. He knew he told his sisters to not inform his parents about the situation or go to the cops—he allowed them to report the post, because he, too, wanted that down. And it was down by now, which allowed him to breathe easier.

“Coffee?”

He nodded. “Please.”

His father gave him a small smile. He walked further in the kitchen.

“What?”

He shook his head as he grabbed a mug from the mug-tree and poured him a cup of black coffee. “Nothing. You’re just…a coffee drinker now.”

“Huh?”

“Milk?”

“I’ll do it. Thank you.” He said, grabbing the mug from his father’s strong hand.

Getting busy prepping his coffee to the state he liked, he watched as his father picked up his own mug again.

“I’ve been drinking coffee for a while now. Since high school.”

He nodded. “I know, son.” He sounded wistful.

Jaejoong’s heart leaped in his throat and he felt anger and fear tensing his muscles. Did his sister say something?

“What’s going on?” He asked cautiously, forgetting his coffee.

“Nothing. It’s just…I am glad you came back home for summer.”

“Of course,” he said, frowning. “Where else could I have gone.”

“You could have stayed at school.”

“Never an option.”

He grinned. “You say that now, but you did go away from university.”

“Dad.”

“Which, as you know, your mother and I support. Very much so.”

“Thanks,” he said, and sipped his coffee. 

He remembered the fear he harbored his senior year. The anxiety about telling his parents he wanted to go away for university had left him on edge and tense all the time. His sisters had stayed close by and his parents had expected him to do the same, too. But the moment he told them what he wanted, they had never opposed his wishes. Maybe it was because they knew of what he had gone through and how desperately he wanted to be away from Orange Grove. 

He was glad his parents didn’t know about the Nathen situation. 

“I’ll always come back for summer. I mean,” he shrugged, “I’ll probably come back after I graduate and spend the rest of my life here, like the girls.”

His father laughed.

“What?”

“Nothing.” And his father gave him that paternal look he’d give his kids sometimes.

“I am just glad you’re back for summer, and…” his eyes ran over his son. “You look….happier.”

“Huh?” He was having trouble catching his breath. “I…I am happy. I’ve been having  a good summer.”

“That’s good.”

It wasn’t a secret he was going through a heartbreak. One he chose.

“Yeah.”

His dad finished his coffee and put the mug in the sink. “It’s hard sometimes to accept that your mother and I are no longer parents to children anymore. I just wanted to tell you we’re proud of you and the young man we’ve noticed you turning into. This summer has really allowed us to see the man you’re turning into. We like it. Keep it up.”

Ahh, so that’s where the nostalgic looks and weird comments were coming from.

His chest warmed up and his chest swelled with love for his dad and his mom and his sisters. He was so thankful for his parents and family. He was so blessed.

“Thanks, poppa.” He felt choked up, as if he wanted to cry. And he did want to cry.

He didn’t dare say anything or look at his father. He simply sipped his coffee. His dad didn’t say anything anymore, either.

His father finished washing his mug and squeezed Jaejoong’s shoulder as he walked out of the kitchen.

And as he stood in his childhood kitchen alone, feeling light like a kite, and filled with love for his parents, an image of Yunho popped in his head. Listening to his dad tell him he was proud of him made him want to run to his phone and text Yunho, right here and right now. Not the J-gang, not Bryan, though he definitely planned on doing that, but the person he wanted was Yunho. He knew that, while his parents were proud of him and the young man he was turning into, he didn’t like how much of a coward he was turning out to be.

He didn’t like it, not even a tiny bit.

He was tired of his self identity being so tightly connected to his anger at Nathen. 

He wanted to be free. 

He liked Yunho. A lot. And he was the one holding himself back. He was creating his own nightmare, like Lilia said. 

He wouldn’t do it anymore.

Reaching in his jean-pocket and he grabbed his phone. Without thinking, because he knew he would talk himself out of it, he texted Yunho and hope that Yunho was still the guy he knew: forgiving, kind, and still  in love with him.

—

“Hi,” Jaejoong said in a stiff murmur, walking from behind a sitting Yunho to gingerly sit on the edge of his seat. He raised his eyes to meet Yunho’s gaze and attempted a smile.

Jaejoong blanched. He was so nervous.

Looking equally as uncertain, Yunho uttered a “Hi,” and punctuated the nanosecond of silence afterward with a lift of his chin.

Jaejoong knew he couldn’t mess this up. Not now. Not after everything that they’ve been through. That he had put Yunho through.

Yunho was so forgiving, and the fact he agreed to see him after he had ed up his life didn’t help him feel lighter. 

Placing his hands on the table between them, fingers locked together, trying to diffuse the awkward silence between them, Jaejoong said, “We’re finally not at a McDonald’s.” He chuckled dryly and wished he had said something else. Jokes were not his style.

Yunho looked at him with a straight face without saying anything and Jaejoong started to bluster. Yunho hitched the corner of his lips into a smile, “You’re fine. I guess.”

“Right,” Jaejoong said,  a warm, happy feeling started to creep in, filling his chest as he watched Yunho relaxed in his presence.

. He really liked this guy. And this guy still liked him, too. At least he hoped so.

Yunho drummed his fingers, grabbing Jaejoong’s attention. 

He looked up into Jaejoong’s eyes and said, voice flat, “I….A lot has happened in these past few days.”

Jaejoong nodded. “Right,” he muttered, dropping his gaze. Jaejoong knew he was currently the color of beets from the burning tip of his ears to the nape of his neck.

“And I am sorry.” 

“Huh?” His head snapped up, and he stared at Yunho in confusion. 

Yunho nodded and rubbed his lips together. “I want you to know I didn’t—”

“I know!” Jaejoong rapidly interrupted. “I…Yunho, I never—I am sorry.”

“Thanks,” Yunho said, stretching his lips into a pained smile. “I just wanted you to know that.”

“I know,” Jaejoong quickly said. “I...That’s not why I am here.”

Yunho arched an eyebrow. “If it’s about Nathen” he paused, swallowed and grinded his teeth, the muscle in his cheeks twitched. “We’re not friends,” he said, voice rough. He drummed his fingers twice before he looked at Jaejoong, his dark eyes luminous. 

“I know.” 

Looking at Yunho, Jaejoong felt at that moment as if everything had finally stopped spinning and had dropped into their proper place. He knew what to do. He felt free, not impeded by the expectation of the world and his fear of society’s judgment. This felt right. Being here with Yunho felt right.

This was simple: he liked Yunh—a lot–and he was no longer ashamed or scared of his feelings. Like Lilia had said, he was only going to be hurting himself, and Yunho, too.

Yunho has never put up a front. He had admitted the role he played in high school, and he had set out to better himself. Jaejoong wanted to show him how he had changed, too. Holding on to all this anger wouldn’t help him. It would only darken his world.

He wanted to let go and be free.

He could stop punishing them both.

Thinking about how much he liked the guy sitting across from him, his heart stopped maranthoning and began beating at its regular pace.

And he blurted it out without thinking: “I like you.”

Yunho blinked at him, his eyelashes mingling together in that showy way, and painfully pulled apart. It made Jaejoong smile, because it made him recall their first encounter a few months ago. Back then, he never thought he would be spending his summer night at a Dan’s with Jung Yunho and bursting with love for him. 

This handsome guy sitting across from him, who was equally as sweet, giving, and nerdy, also liked him and wanted him, too.

Jaejoong wanted to kiss him. Right then and there.

“I am sorry,” he said in disbelief and utter and complete shock taking over his chiseled face. 

Jaejoong nodded, feeling as cool as a cucumber. “Yeah,” he nodded. “What I said. I know that last time we met I…That’s not how I really feel, and if you—”

“Wait. Say it again. I didn’t hear you.” Yunho laughed, and the sound was light and bubbly. 

Barely able to hold himself back from smiling at the ostentatious display of Yunho’s smile and his beauty, Jaejoong stared at his linked fingers. “I know I ran away last time, but I’ve had time to think and—”

“You like me?”

“Yeah. From the beginning. But you knew that.”

Yunho nodded wistfully. “Yeah. But…why now?”

He inhaled sharply and lifted his shoulders, wordless. “Why now? Well, everyone knows, and I don’t have to hold back or deny my feelings or lie to...myself.”

“I thought we were pass…” he left the rest of his sentence unfinished.

“Yes,” Jaejoong quickly said, nodding. “I mean,” he sighed loudly, “I don’t know. It’s not that simple, you know. I have scars. Physical and mental ones. I needed time to think and work through it...all.” He looked at Yunho with hopeful eyes.

He just wanted Yunho to accept him. He was not ready then, but now he was. And he said as much: “I wasn’t ready then. I was scared. I am ready now. I am no longer scared.”

“You’re not?”

“Huh? What?” Jaejoong frowned, leaning forward.

Yunho leaned forward too, now smiling. “Did you work through it?”

“Yes! That’s what I am saying.”

“You’re no longer angry.”

“Not at you.” He nodded.

“Not at me?”

“Nathen.”

“Get in line,” Yunho said, laughing. 

“What are we going to do about him?”

Yunho’s smile got brighter. “He did post a picture without our permission, and he did so to spread false information and cause injury, so he is considered libel.”

Jaejoong blinked at him. “You reported him to the police?”

“If it needs to happen. But Nathen is a coward. That’s why he did what he did.” He shrugged. “Nathen doesn’t matter to me. He is not a part of my life. I’m ready to move on past him.”

“Right.”

Yunho slid his hand toward Jaejoong’s hands, and gently tapped the tip of his fingers against his. Electricity sizzled there, burning up his arm. Jaejoong grinned shyly.

“He did make me…mobilize me to…I came out to my parents.”

“What!” Jaejoong said, pulling back and making eye contact with Yunho.

Yunho laughed and nodded. Jaejoong laughed, too, it was contagious. 

“I did.” He nodded, sitting back and running his fingers through his hair.

“Wow.”

He nodded, his chest expanding from the deep breath he inhaled. “It was….It was everything I thought it would be.”

Jaejoong’s heart dropped. “It didn’t go well?”

“No. Well, they’re in shock—”

“I am sorry.”

“—and they do not really believe me, but why would I lie about that? I mean,” he inhaled again, shrugging, “I don’t know. I am….I am just so glad that I did this. I feel lighter.”

“I am happy you….”

“I am happy I did it. Don’t look like that. It was my choice to do it. It was time.”

“I know, but I feel like the choice was stolen from you.”

He shook his head. “It wasn't. I planned on doing it soon. I want to truly live in my truth moving forward.” He sagged against the table and clutched Jaejoongh’s hand. “I’m tired of acting like someone I am not around my parents, encouraging them to believe I am someone I am not. I want them to know me in my truth.”

“Yunho.”

“I should have done it much sooner. But, I did it, that’s all that matters, right?” And he flashed Jaejoong that cute, boyish grin that made his heart clamor and all the oxygen rushed out of his lungs. 

Jaejoong squeezed his fingers. “I am happy that you’re...satisfied.”

Yunho laughed. “I am not. Not really. I wanted—I wished I could have gotten what you got. But, I’ve always known who my family was. They’ll grow to accept it. I know I will not be cut off from the family. But, I am just glad I can finally be myself, you see. I am kind of glad Nathen did that.” He lifted his shoulders and rolled them. “Kinda,” he added for emphasis, and then grinned at Jaejoong’s mirthful expression. “He made my job so much easier.”

“Seeing the positive,” Jaejoong said, joining Yunho in laughter.

“I mean, this has been the best summer of my life.”

“Because of me?”

Yunho blushed, and him dropping his eyes in timidity made Jaejoong blush. “Being blunt is not me.”

“No. I like it.”

Jaejoong cleared his throat, dropping his gaze, his ears and cheeks heating up. “You would, I supposed. You’re very frank.”

“I’ve always been told I am.”

“That’s good.”

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “You…you don’t throw rocks and hide your hands. I like that I know where I stand with you.”

“And where is that?”

He felt like a fumbling idiot. He wondered if that’s how Yunho felt when he confessed a few days ago. 

He cleared his throat loudly and attempted to tug his hand free and looked away. 

Yunho cleared his throat, too, making Jaejoong chuckled. 

“You know,” Jaejoong finally said.

Yunho rewarded him with a tender smile. With his voice low and tender, Yunho said, “I know I’ve already told you this before, but I want to repeat it: I am so sorry for being what I was in high school. I was such a monster and I should have known better. Me being scared and in the closet is not an excuse. It’ll never be an excuse, and I’ve never seen it as an excuse.” As he talked, he trapped Jaejoong’s leg between his strong calves and gazed deeply into his eyes. Jaejoong felt and vulnerable. He could not hide behind his denial anymore. And he liked that he could not only feel and hear Yunho’s sincerity, he could also see it. His heart skipped a beat. “When I found out that the guy I had fallen in love with was you, I was mortified, but I saw it as a sign. A second chance.” He shrugged, grinning softly. 

Jaejoonh ignored the “fall in love with,” and instead asked, “A second chance?” His heart was beating loudly and irregularly. It was a paradox: while his head felt light, Jaejoong felt calmer than he had at once. Sitting across from a warm, welcoming, smiling Yunho felt perfect. It was as if this has always been the end game.

“Well, yeah. I mean, I’ve told you before, right?”

“What?” Jaejoong played along, chuckling lightly.

Yunho reached over and dropped a hot palm on his left knee. He gasped, his eyebrows jumping up. “What are you doing?” His voice hitched, he laughed. He felt like he was smiling too much, too hard, and too wide. His cheeks hurt. And Yunho looked as if he knew what he was doing to him did not make his state any better.

He was happy, Jaejoong contended—deliriously so.

Yunho could not maintain a straight face, nor hold Jaejoong’s gaze. He looked everywhere but his face, biting his bottom lip, the corner of his mouth lifted. Blowing a hot air bubble, he said, “I’ve always felt horrible about who I was in high school, so being able to apologize to you felt like a God sent.”

“Ooh.”

“Huh?”

Jaejoong’s cheeks burned. “No, aI just thought—”

Yunho laughed. “And I always thought you were cute, too.”

Jaejoong’s eyebrows swung up. “Ooh.”

“But nothing more.”

“Well, yeah, that’s obvious given our history,” Jaejoong joked, rolling his eyes.

“I...Please don’t joke like that. My heart really can’t take it.” He clutched his chest, sagging.

“You’re so dramatic,” Jaejoong said, laughing.

“Am I?” Yunho husked, drumming his fingers on the table top as he justled Jaejoong’s trapped leg. 

“Right now you are.”

“I am just nervous.”

“Little me makes you nervous?”

Yunho grinned. “Yeah,” he said tenderly. “Always.”

“Thanks?”

They laughed and they released the other’s hand. 

They smiled awkwardly at each other as the gravity of what they were starting to sink in.

“Want to get out of here?” Yunho asked

“Yeah,” Jaejoong rapidly said, nodding.

“No one’s at home. Want to come over?”

His stomach churned.

“I’m in my mom’s car.”

“How about I follow you home, you drop it off, and we can go over to mine. Together?”

“Alright; yeah, that sounds good. Really nice. Yeah?” He agreed, getting up, already missing the weight of Yunho’s fingers.

Walking away from the table side by side, Jaejoong was startled when he felt Yunho reaching for his hand.

He stared at him, blinking his question. He smiled peacefully and shrugged. “No?”

“No. Yes”

“Cool.”

They linked their fingers together. Jaejoong felt as if he was about to burst from his skin. Yunho squeezed his fingers and he squeezed his back.

“To new beginnings,” Yunho muttered close to his ears.

“Yeah,” Jaejoong said, as a tide of pride swelled and crashed through him. They walked into Orange Grove’s balmy summer.

This was only the beginning, but he could not wait to see where this would lead.