Author’s Note: This story is set in an alternate universe, in an imaginary town and country, and during an ambiguous time period.

It was for the best that he’d stopped interacting with Yunho. It didn't matter that he felt physically sick over the whole thing and was being weighed down with indecisiveness. He knew it was for the best.

while they were ahead, it's best they stopped now before everything went to .

And so, Jaejoong tried his best to no longer deliberate over Yunho. 

He allowed himself the afternoon to lament over that nasty feeling that filled him and weighed him down. He let the shame that entered him whenever he remembered the way Yunho had looked at him, the disappointment and hurt that marred his face, when he heard Jaejoong agreeing that it was best he stayed away from him. Though, Jaejoong still believed that was for the best. 

However, Jaejoong took strength in those miserable feelings; he knew, feeling as he did over someone like Yunho and with the history that they shared, he was indeed a decent person. He deserved to not hate himself. He deserved to not live in shame. He had done nothing wrong to Yunho. He was protecting himself, and there was nothing wrong with that.

Moving forward, he promised himself that he would focus on having the best summer he could with his friends. And so, the following weekend, Lilia made plans to travel an hour and a half to Green-Hedge, where they planned to spend the better part of their day at an underground cave filled with water, The Devil’s Den. There, Jaejong planned to go snorkeling.

It would be his first time since he had taken swimming classes and learned how to snorkel. It was one of the few things he promised he would do when he went off to university.  

He was beyond excited, and that took the edge of his mostly unresolved feelings for Yunho.

“Are you leaving now?” His mother asked when he walked into the kitchen.

He nodded. “Yes. Lilia is on her way.”

She smiled at him. “Be safe.”

“I will be.”

“Hmm.” She distractedly caressed the rim of her coffee mug. “When will you be back?”

“Late.”

“Late?”

“Mom, I am nineteen.”

She laughed and arched eyebrow. The look she leveled on him shouted and?

“I know,” she finally said with good humor. “That’s why I am allowing you to go to Devil’s Den.” She shuddered. “What a horrid name.”

He laughed. “The Devil’s Den. And it’s just a cave with water. Refreshing water.”

“I did my research.”

“Good. So you should know if you do not know how to swim, you’re not allowed in.”

She nodded. “And you took a class.”

“Yes, and I even got my lifeguard certification.”

“I know.”

She was part of the family’s group chat and they were the first people, other than him and the office issuing it, to see his certification after it was issued to him. 

Jiae’s loud entrance stopped his mother’s next statement. “I smell coffee.”

“Fresh pot,” his mother said.

“Good morning frat-boy.” 

“Huh?”

“New nickname.”

“I’m in university, like you, not in a fraternity.”
 

She was only a year and a half older than Jaejoong. They had almost been Irish twins. Out of his three sisters, Jiae lived to . Jaejoong felt as if she took the role of being an older sister too seriously.

She shrugged. She was dressed in neon pink biker shorts and an oversize size. She had white bluetooth earbuds in and a fine sheen of sweat on her forehead and cheeks, which were rosy. 

“Anyways, Lilia’s here. I am out.”

“How late?” his mother asked again.

“Most clubs ask that you’re over twenty-one.”

“You think I was born yesterday? There are plenty of over eighteen places.”

Jiae made this little noise like a snort. He glared at her. She simply poured creamer in her mug.

“Mom.” He pleaded.

“Stay safe.”

“Always.” He quickly gave her a kiss on the cheek and gave Jiae one last stink-eye. She shrugged flippantly. 

“Ta-ta,” she waved, bringing her mug up to .

———

“You’re late.” Was Jaejoong’s greeting to Lilia as he walked by her on the passenger side.

“Wow! Ungrateful.”

He jumped in the back and squeezed in next to Jianyu.

“Good morning to you too, Jaejoong,” was Jianyu's cheery greeting.

“Sup.” He quickly accepted the cup of ice-coffee from Lilia. Jouji simply nodded at him from the driver’s seat

“I’m late, sir Jaejoong, because we had to go buy you coffee and fill up the car’s tank.” Lilia turned around one more time to hand Jaejoong a straw for his drink.

“Me?”

“You’re welcome.” She sneered.

He sipped his drink. He smiled. “I can’t believe you still remember my order.”

She rolled her eyes and glared at him. “It’s only been a few months.”

“Feels like forever.”

“Like we weren’t in Korea together just a few weeks ago?”

He laughed. “I know. It’s nice to be back home.”

“The gang's back together for summer,” Jouji finally joined in.

“Thank you for the coffee.”

“I’ll send you the financial details in a bit,” Lilia said.

He chuckled. “Of course.”

It was amazing to be back home.

Coming back home for the summer really got things in perspective for Jaejoong. While he still felt like his old seventeen year old self, as the same person he was in high school, his friends were already embracing adulthood.

Lilia had moved out of her family home as soon as she graduated. She now lives with a friend she met at her current job and Jouji. The three shared the rent, partied together, and went to school full time, Lilia at the local college and Jouji at a vocational school for plumbing.

They were dealing with actual adult responsibilities, while he was still preoccupied with love and surviving university. He felt soft and spoiled in comparison.