Author’s Note: This story is set in an alternate universe, in an imaginary town and country, and during an ambiguous time period

“So weird to see Yunho there.”

He said nothing to Lilia’s comment.

“True,” was Jouji’s croaky response, sitting shotgun. They were taking turns. He was decidedly drunk.

Jaejoong wondered if he should have pressured Lilia a bit harder to be the driver for tonight. But he also didn’t mind sitting in the back and spazzing out. 

His interaction with Yunho looped in his head. The intensity of his smile, the smoldering heat of his touch, and his…

His confusion. He was confused and so angry. 

“It’s so unfair—”

“Definitely,” he muttered, his head rolling around. 

Lilia kept on talking. “—how his inside hasn’t matched with his outside yet.”

“I’ve seen his parents. I don’t think it ever will,” Jouji said. 

“It should, you know,” Lilia added, tutting and shaking her head. “Such good looks wasted.”

“Why are you admiring another man’s looks?”Jouji teased.

“I wouldn’t go near him, not even if he were the last man left on earth.”

“Jae, next time we see him, we need to trip him.”

Jaejoong kept his silence.

He was moody in a quiet way, and Lilia picked up on it. She hated how it was messing with the mood she was trying to be in.

“What crapped in your pants?” She demanded, stopping at a red light.

“The fact that you’re driving while drunk? Maybe.”

She rolled her eyes and glared at him. “Want to give me a breathalyzer?”

“Maybe,” he bit under his breath.

“I had one light drink, —not even the whole glass, just a tiny sip!—because I knew I would be driving.”

“I saw a chug.”

She laughed.

Jouji turned around, with a grin on his face, he said, “That was juice–punch.”

He continued staring out the window. 

“Jaejoong!” she hollered.

“Can y’all chill? I am really not trying to listen to you two argue.” Jouji pleaded. “Just kiss and make-up.”

“Jaejoong, you continue on with this annoying, pissy mood of yours and I will never invite you anywhere ever again.”

He wasn’t angry at her. He was upset with himself. And maybe Yunho for making him feel like this. So undecided. He was so freaking unhappy, it hurts and stung his throat. 

He swore he needed to use his brain sometimes, as in all the time.

His phone lit up with a text message. It was Lani.

Why do something he was only going to later regret, he wondered? Hating himself for being weak, and for taking his anger out on his friend. 

Sighing, he said, “I’m not angry.”

“You’re not? You sound and look extremely upset.”

“You are right. I’m sorry. I’m not.”

She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. 

“I’m sorry for acting like an . I'm a bad sport. I didn’t mean to. Thank you for inviting me out tonight. I had fun.” Kind of. 

She grinned and reached backward. He grabbed her hand and gave it a warm squeeze. “You are forgiven.”

Jouji gave them a few slow claps. 

“Thank you both for finally acting your age and not your shoe size,” he said grinning.

“Don’t worry, Jou, we’ve just been acting your shoe size.” She grinned at him.

He cackled. “I deserve that, I guess, but still, thank you!”

“Stupid,” Lilia muttered affectionately, chuckling and shaking her head. 

“I feel like I’m about to puke.”

“No!” Jaejoong and Lilia shouted in unison.

———

Jaejoong: Thank you for everything, Lani.

Lani:  Of course! Reach out if you need anything.

Jaejoong stared at his phone until the screen dimmed and it out—locking.

Jouji had said something that had remained with Jaejoong. Act his age. 

When it comes to Yunho, he had been acting like he was at the cusp of his teenagehood, not a young man who was about to turn twenty. 

He needed to do better.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Yunho…chasing after him. Why, Jaejoong wondered? Yunho had been acting so giddy in his presence. Why? And Jaejoong had liked that version of Yunho. It was not a foreign feeling. It was as if he had been talking to A.aime. Yunho, that Yunho had been exactly the kind of person he had thought A.aime was before he found out the truth.

Maybe there was still hope for Yunho.

Lani had said something similar, too, about acting his age. 

He needed to start focusing on the growth that he had made this year. The growth that, perhaps, Yunho has made, too. Maybe. 

Yunho reached out to him and showed growth. He had sincerely apologized and backed down when he said he needed space. He was, possibly, not the same coward. He had definitely shown that he was not the same guy he knew a year ago. 

Yunho had talked to him out in the open tonight, showing no fear that his friends might see them and report back to the others. He was hyper vigilant and had noticed that Nathen and the rest of them were not there. It was just Yunho. However, from the quick look he had of the crowd during the pool game, a lot of their former classmates and Yunho’s friends were there that night. Phones are pretty accessible in this day and age. If he was scared of Nathen seeing them together, he would have avoided him like the plague. 

Yunho has seeked him out on his free-will. He had made it clear he had no intention of getting revenge by outing him. Yunho had no reason to keep on apologizing and searching for him. 

There was only one reason why Yunho had gone up to him tonight, he thought; Yunho wanted to talk to him and interact with him. 

The real question now was: why?

And the ‘why’ was killing Yunho with curiosity. He needed to know why he had sought him out, even after he told him he wished him to stay away.

Did he wish him to stay away? 

Jaejoong wasn’t sure anymore about any of his decisions. 

And that was why, without consulting anyone, not even himself, he grabbed his phone and typed-out a brief message of apology. With his eyes closed, he pressed send. 

Jaejoong: Why did you come up to me tonight?

Sticking true to his texting style, in no less than a few seconds his phone buzzed with a reply from Yunho. It was as if Yunho had been waiting for him to write. 

Jerking up from his position on his bed, he sat Indian style on his bed. Biting the inside of his bottom lip, his heart thundering in his ears, he unlocked his phone and stilled his nears to read what he wrote. 

Yunho: No reason.

Jaejoong loved his swift replies, but he didn’t know how to be as concise as him.

Sitting there, he stared at his screen, feeling as if his heart was beating outside of his chest. He finally settled on a few strings of words.

Jaejoong: Are you sure?

Yunho: Yes. 

Jaejoong: You’re weird.

Yunho: Sorry.

Jaejoong: You’re weird.

Sitting there, Jaejoong wondered for the millionth time, what was he doing?

Jaejoong: Never mind. 

Yunho: I honestly don’t know why I did it.

Jaejoong: Sorry for texting.

Jaejoong stared at Yunho’s text, which he received as soon as he pressed send on his own text.

Yunho: I know you don’t want me around you, and I already said I would stay away.

Yunho: To be honest, I miss our friendship.

Jaejoong hated the way his heart fluttered when he read that string of text.

 He wondered how honest he should be.

Yunho: I want to make things right between us. I know you don’t want that.

Jaejoong did a double take

Jaejoong: Make things right, how? And why do you care, honestly? I really have no interest in outing you. 

Yunho: I know. I’m thankful and VERY grateful. I do plan on coming out.

Yunho: One day. Soon.

Jaejoong: That’s good. There are people out there that will support you.

Yunho: Will you? Dare I say, I miss what we had when we didn’t know when we were anonymous to each other. 

Biting his bottom lip, his fingers trembling and his face feeling especially warm, he thumbed:

Jaejoong: You already said that.

Yunho: Sorry. I’m shameless.

Jaejoong: A smiley face?

Yunho: Sorry.

Jaejoong: Really, you’re truly bizarre. But, even though it cannot be me, you’ll meet people, or see that you already have amazing people in your life who are willing to support you.

Yunho: Why can’t you be one of them? 

Jaejoong: You know why.

Yunho: But do you know why? 

His breath caught. He was flustered.

Jaejoong: You’re not going to antagonize me on my phone–paid by me.

Yunho: I’m sorry. I’ll drop it.

Jaejoong: Given how honest YOU are being, I’ll bring the same energy. I don’t DON’T want to be your friend. I don’t really know how I feel right now about the whole ‘friendship’ situation. It’s just, I don’t feel comfortable because of our past together. 

Yunho: I know. I underhand, honestly. But, I’m not asking you for more than friendship. Can’t we just continue on talking like we used to? I’m not being coy or playing cunning: I do miss our friendship. I have grown quite dependent on that friendship these past few months. I do understand if you hate me now, like I have been saying.

Yunho’s frank response had his heart pulsing

Before he could think or even write a bull response, Yunho sent another string of text.

Yunho: I really miss you. 

And another: 

Yunho: I miss talking to you. 

And another: 

Yunho: Can’t I go back to being your A.aime and you my JJKing?

His face heated up, Jaejoong quickly wrote:

Jaejoong: That last text takes the cake. You’re a walking embarrassment.

Yunho: No shame.

Jaejoong: I can see that clearly now.

Yunho:

What the hell was going on?

Why was this so hard?

Smacking his burning cheeks, Jaejoong smashed his burning face on his pillow.  

‘Your A.aime’ burned into his memory. 

His A.aime. The whole thing made him feel all bubbly, weightless, as if he would float away at any moment. 

What was this? This was dangerous. He didn’t want to smile like the fool that he decidedly was, but it was proving impossible. 

.

Lying on his back on his bed he wrote: 

Jaejoong: I don’t know. 

Rolling on his side, he waited for his response. He didn’t have to wait for too long.

Yunho: I understand, but I want you to know that I am different. I’m willing to work hard to prove that to you. I just want your friendship. Promise.

Frowning, Jaejoong quickly typed out: 

Jaejoong: You don’t have to promise, I know! 

Yunho: I didn’t mean it like that. Sorry.

Startled at where their conversation was suddenly heading, Jaejoong quickly wrote his response.

Jaejoong: I didn’t mean it like that, too. But, I mean, we can try. I guess. 

Before Yunho responded, Jaejoong quickly added: I can try. 

Yunho: Thank you.

Jaejoong: I don’t mind trying this conversation thing out. I can’t promise much. 

Yunho: I’ll take that. I truly think we can be good friends.

He laughed out loud against his will.

Jaejoong: You’re the only hopeful one?

Yunho: Aww. I’m determined.

Jaejoong: Determined?

Yunho: To get back in your good graces.

Jaejoong hated that he could hear Yunho saying that in his deep, smooth voice. His voice was beautiful and he hated that. He shivered at the thought. 

He replied with a simple question mark. 

Jaejoong: Funny of you to think I have one, you silly goose. 

The conversation started flowing between them as it used to when they were simply A.aime and JJKing. 

He hated to admit it, as he did most things that involved Yunho, but he missed this—texting him into the night.

He had missed these sleepless nights